Sophia Barney

Real Housewives Of Orange County Reunion Part 3: Moral Compasses

1 years

Finally we have reached the end of the line with Real Housewives Of Orange County. It has been a long and confusing season of many Housewives I do not particularly like. Tamra Judge, I am looking at you. Furthermore I am so thankful I will no longer have to type Brauwnyn Windham-Burke‘s exhausting name, as exhausting as the woman herself, every week. Ugh.

Among the many revelations from part 3 of the reunion, we learned that skanky behavior has always been a cornerstone of the show’s foundation and Andy Cohen will not have you argue it any other way. Boobs out, girls!

We open with Vicki Gunvalson accusing Braunwyn of violating the show’s moral compass, causing Vicki to lose 2 clients. I’m sorry, so dating cancer scamming Brooks Ayers meets Vici’s clients “moral compass”? Andy reminds Vicki that she has flashed her tits at the dinner table, given fake blow jobs (in addition to plenty of low blows) and participated in the Naked Wasted episode with Gretchen Rossi, so why the revisionist history??

Real Housewives of Orange County,Recaps

Real Housewives Of Orange County Reunion Part 2 Recap: Free Range Rage

1 years

OK, so once again rolling in super tardy with a recap. This time for part 2 of the Real Housewives Of Orange County reunion. Sorry Vicki Gunvalson – I respect Christmas more than I respect you!

Legit question, though: Vicki wasn’t even a ‘Housewife’ this season, yet she is the star of this reunion? There she is, sitting in the supremo spot next to Andy Cohen, and at this point 3/4 of the reunion has been dedicated to dissecting Vicki’s antics and her fights on the show.

Part 2 was all about Vicki’s failed friendship with Kelly Dodd, and once again they promised to bury the hatchet ~~in each other’s backs~~. First, though, they rehash the train rumor, the cocaine allegation, the throw mama down the stairs off a train tale, the broken hand in a bar con-woman catfight… You know, all the classics!

Real Housewives of Orange County,Recaps

Real Housewives Of Orange County Reunion Part 1 Recap: Dumpster Fire

1 years

Wow – last night’s Real Housewives Of Orange County reunion was vicious on a level I haven’t seen since the heyday of Real Housewives Of New Jersey!

Vicki Gunvalson had a full-fledged meltdown, was stripped bare, and we were left with the skeletal remains of her original face. It continues in Part 2! Vicki’s entire identity is wrapped up in RHOC so when threatened with that loss, her true self came skulking out with a vengeance. Think Golom chasing the golden ring. I gotta say – I sort of love it. Part 1 of this trilogy, it was the Tres Amigas vs Kelly Dodd, with a little bit of Emily and Gina by their side. And it looks like Part 2 goes even darker.

First of all for the outfits, everyone looked awful. I actually thought Vicki and Emily Simpson, in their velvet dresses looked the best, but Emily’s makeup looked like she let Shane apply it as part of some trust therapy session. Emily and Shane are the new David and Shannon Beador. ‘Studying for the bar’ is Shane’s version of an affair, being that he’s Mormon and all. He’s so checked out of that marriage he might as well be in Italy frolicking naked in the forrest with his new girlfriend. Don’t forget the sock!

Real Housewives of Orange County,Recaps

Real Housewives Of Orange County Finale Recap: Burning Woman

1 years

Last night was the season finale of Real Housewives Of Orange County and with all the chaos, the only thing I could think about was that Gina Kirschenheiter is actually MOVING her word art collection. Like it’s priceless art. Frankly I’m surprised she wasn’t selling it to Sothebys. But seriously you guys, just like her marriage and her ex-man, that stuff is garbage!

Gina decided to reconcile with Matt, and she is glowing like a teenager with a crush as she tells Emily Simpson that he’s truly changed. Gina believes this is a second chance at their marriage. They’ve sold their Coto home and are moving some place new and fresh, and Gina doesn’t even worry about what Matt’s doing in LA.

Well, just like Gina cut the dead ends off her hair, she needs to cut off Matt! Emily knows this, but she tries to be supportive. We can see in others what we can’t see in ourselves, right!

Real Housewives of Orange County,Recaps

Real Housewives Of Orange County Recap: Three Pigs In A Beach Towel

1 years

If you crammed any more drama, hijinks, meltdowns, and hysterias (and medical issues!) into this episode of Real Housewives Of Orange County I think it would explode a la Kelly Dodd after 2 cocktails and exposure to a snarky meme. Things would just come flying out, every which way, and the only thing that would be left standing amid the rubble would be Tamra Judge and the two giant inflatable jugs she has strapped to her chest as a bullet-proof vest/getaway life raft.

I literally can’t even begin to dissect all the switching animosities and loyalties, but all I have to say is Tamra is masterful at manipulating these women in a tizzy of stupidity. And Kyle Richards thinks Lisa Vanderpump plays chess…

Real Housewives of Orange County,Recaps

Real Housewives Of Orange County Recap: Mi Amigas In Miami

1 years

You guys I’m sorry – I am having Thanksgiving fever and 15 houseguests, and I just cannot get it together with the Real Housewives Of Orange County nonsense today.

Tamra Judge and Kelly Dodd are like your mother and your mother-in-law at the same holiday dinner. They’re not gonna speak or look at each other. But, they are going to viciously jab from all corners until it all comes bubbling to the surface over the way to make gravy or something.

Braunwyn Windham-Burke invited all the women to Miami so they can understand her better. Apparently, we’re now defining our personalities by cities, so Braunwyn is a Miami person. In Miami, she liked having sex with her husband, clubbed constantly, and wore skanky clothes to the grocery store. Whereas in Orange County, Braunwyn has to hide her wild side? I don’t get it… How was Braunwyn doing all this partying in between 52 pregnancies, nursing 19 babies, and also well, ostensibly, parenting? We don’t ever get a clear answer about why they left Miami, just like we don’t get a clear answer about why this is the sad-sack trip RHOC got this season. I blame Tamra because I blame her for everything.

Real Housewives of Orange County,Recaps

Real Housewives Of Orange County Recap: Boob Bacchanalia

1 years

Well, if there’s one thing a Housewives show doesn’t need more celebration of it’s boobs, although I think Real Housewives Of Orange County gave us the first itineration of celebrating boobs that weren’t just used for sex appeal… that is until Braunwyn Windham-Burke whipped hers out at her No More Nursing fiesta.

The theme of this party made absolutely no sense. It was a boobs bacchanalia with strippers, a nipple cake, and dildos on the wall, but Brauwnyn called it a “weaning party” meant to celebrate the end of nursing after 18 years.

Braunwyn’s entire life is reliving the youth she never got to experience, which is ironic only in that Dr. Deb‘s desperation to capture a thwarted youth is the sole reason why Braunwyn resents and hates her mother. So maybe Braunwyn will go on to have an illustrious career as a plastic surgeon specializing in mommy makeover boob jobs? I just can’t with this exhausting woman and her constant need to show off as the hot, fun mom. Enough already!

Real Housewives of Orange County,Recaps

Real Housewives Of Orange County Recap: Mommy Issues

1 years

Real Housewives Of Orange County is all about mommy issues this season, isn’t it? From the women having them with their own mothers (Kelly Dodd and Braunwyn Windham-Burke) to having them with their own children (Tamra Judge and Shannon Beador), to being questionable mothers themselves (almost everyone).

Last night Shannon and Braunwyn tried to navigate sending children to college, Tamra sent Ryan Vieth to counseling, and all that was like blah, blah, blah… yada, yada, yada because the truly horrific, scarring, awfulness was the true exposure of just what a terrible person Tamra is. So much so that I actually feel bad for Racist Ryan.

Tamra has just returned from this truly life-altering and earth-shattering vacation in Scottsdale, AZ where she learned a pivotal message about being the leader of the mean girls: you can never turn your back – not even for a day. Not even for a hike with your husband. In Tamra’s absence, she’s gotten a slew of angry text messages from Kelly, and Shannon is basically giving her the silent treatment.

Real Housewives of Orange County,Recaps

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Sophia Barney