So last night on Real Housewives of Orange County we watched Tamra Barney get engaged to Eddie Judge on the most amazingly romantic trip to Bora Bora. It was a beautiful proposal and a lovely vacation – and congrats to the happy couple. Dang, I’d date Eddie for a vacation like that.

There’s been a lot of gossip that this trip was originally planned for Gretchen Rossi and Slave Smiley because he was going to surprise her with a proposal in the hopes of getting a spinoff, of course! Unfortunately – according to legend – Gretchen found out about Slave’s plan and flipped her shizz so Bravo offered up the trip to Eddie instead. And it’s a good thing that Gretchen refused to go, because while Eddie has a job, Slave doesn’t and we all know there’s no way in hell he could afford the Four Seasons and first class airfare to Bora Bora.

Now I’m not saying Eddie wasn’t planning to propose already  – he probably was – but who would pass up a 5-star vacation to Bora Bora? Not anyone with sense, that’s for sure. Tamra is obviously beside herself that anyone would ever think such a thing and even went so far to get into a twitter snipe fest with former Real Housewives of New York star Alex McCord over the accusation. You know there may be no truth to it, but as Aviva Drescher reminded us last night where there’s smoke, there’s usually fire – and there’s been a lot of smoke surrounding this story.


Adding gasoline to the already sparking flames was Gretchen getting into a huge and I mean HUGE blow-up with Slave about the possibility of him proposing. After Gretchen’s treatment of Alexis Bellino over the last few episodes I’ve lost a lot of respect for her and started thinking of her as just another desperate famewhore (which she totally is), but seeing her school Slave and stand up for herself – without mincing words or preening for the cameras –bumped her up a couple notches in my book.

So anyway, last night began with something I’d really like to block out. A close up of Brooks Ayers white trash trailer park teeth. Talk about holler rat! Vicki Gunvalson has hauled his desperately in need of attention chompers into a cosmetic dentistry office, whipped out her black card and whispered money is no object, just please make him presentable so people don’t give me yet another reason to dump him. There’s no price too outrageous for a full love tank!

But the fact that Vicki likely ponied up for the dental treatments is yet another reason for her to dump him.  Hopefully he sent a slew of affirming thank you cards and texts.  Vicki claims she accepts Brooks as is and loves him, and while appearance isn’t everything, it’s a little embarrassing to have a boyfriend with missing front teeth.

Brooks – I don’t think were in Mississippi anymore! In OC people have teeth – even if they’re only veneers.

Speaking of not being in Mississippi, Eddie and Tamra are getting together for dinner. She fills in him on the trip to Costa Mexico – mainly the Alexis Intervention, which she pretends was all Heather Dubrow’s idea and she was just an unwitting bystander. Um… we remember the dinner where you two planned it together and Eddie probably remembers too since he was there!

Eddie drops the bomb that although Tamra has just touched down on US soil, he’s whisking her away on yet another tropical vacation! She’s like ‘Australia? I thought that was next summer?’ And he’s like no – surprise – it’s Bora Bora! Pack your bags baby.

Tamra is in disbelief and realizes that Eddie is planning to pop the question, but she doesn’t want to tell anyone just yet in case he doesn’t.

Tamra gives us a whole spiel about how Eddie encourages her to travel and try new things that she never thought she could experience and after two failed marriages she knows a good one when she sees one. Let’s hope!

Alexis is hard at work newscastering. The Fox5 producer gives her a lecture on getting her act together and being professional – and I have to say she LOOKED a lot more professional than normal. No boobsplosions this time. Using all the tips she learned from her coach, Alexis dives right in and frankly – nailed it. Drive that bus, Lex – just not on a road I happen to be travelling on!

Heather has decided to have a party to celebrate the official changing of her name from Paige Kent to Dubrow. Is Heather’s only role this season to throw parties? Bravo is forcing her to go to some cake place that wants the publicity and agreed to provide the cake for free, but you can tell Heather hates it, doesn’t approve, and resents that she has to deal with these so-called amateurs. Everybody knows when you want a decent cake you copter it in to LA and get one from a bakery to the stars.

So the cake lady and Heather are just not communicating. This woman seems to think she’s designing a cake for Alexis and another one of her sparkle encrusted tacky-ass fetes and not for the ever-so-classy authority on class, the nouveau Mrs. Dubrow.  Heather finally conveys that she does not want glitter explosions or a fountain of fake diamonds, but some subtle faux sparkle along with a monogrammed HD will do. Oh, and it must be square – like a princess cut diamond.

Speaking of princess cut diamonds….

So Tamra and Eddie leave for Bora Bora, in the car Tamra laments that Vicki has grown so very distant from her and it is making her bitter. Luckily she has Gretchen to fill the void and that makes her giddy. I think sensing a ring in Eddie’s pocket is also making her giddy.

Tamra  – and the collective viewership – basically spend the entire vacation just waiting, waiting, waiting for Eddie to drop to one knee and ask her to marry him. First there is the champagne and first class seats on the airplane. Nope – no proposal.  Then there is the breathtaking hut and the gift of a coconut bra – which Tamra straps on and announces feel just like her old boobs. She even hops in to the ocean wearing it, but nope – no proposal.

Then there was the beachside dinner for two, with candlelight, champagne, waiters, and delicious gourmet food. Oh – and Tamra is wearing a white dress! Eddie launches into this whole talk about merging families and being together, and realizing that while he wants to be with her, a ring and marriage is just an extra and he’s happy where they’re at. Tamra had been practicing her “proposal” face, but instead she got to use her “I’m pissed – where’s my ring, douchebag?” face and she all but stomped back to the beach hut.

The next morning there are rose petals strewn all over the hut and still no proposal.

After realizing that I’m not actually watching The Bachelor, but RHOC, I am snapped back into reality as we watch Tamra and Eddie attempt snorkeling – with crass comments. Which would never happen on The Bachelor. Tamra isn’t into all that water stuff cause it messes up her make-up and hair – and nothing is trashier than your extensions floating to the top of the water, but she’s willing to try it for Eddie.

They go underwater and see some amazing fish. Tamra’s boobs don’t keep her buoyant, they pick clams – and STILL NO PROPOSAL!  Tamra has all but expected it’s not coming, when the next day Eddie wants her to help him open the clams and there in the very last one was the ring.

Eddie finally pops the question and Tamra, overcome with emotion, says yes. I have to say, regardless of who this vacation was planned for or how much involvement Bravo had that was a really, authentic and beautiful moment. The emotions seemed genuine and I am very happy for Tamra and Eddie.  I look forward to the wedding spinoff in your future.  Also, I don’t care what anyone says – I like your ring, Tamra.

And in a not so happy situation, Gretchen is having some major Slave issues. Apparently she saw a text on his phone from Newport Jewelers and it concerned a ring. The one he wanted a fake stone for or the one that used to belong to Jo de la Rosa when he had a job and a black card? Details, smetails!

Gretch calls her dad to see if he has any such knowledge of an impending proposal, and you know what he does, although he plays coy and says that although he thinks Slave is planning to propose, there doesn’t seem to be a concrete plan in action.

Gretchen is furious. She has made it more than clear that she will not be accepting any such ring until somebody has his financials squared away. Can’t Vicki help Slave with this? Isn’t she a financial planner?

Gretchen comes home where Slave is doing his usual – nothing – and she confronts him – while he’s sitting in front of her special Gretchen Christine pink laptop. I have to say it was kinda awesome; Gretchen just came in, curling irons blazing, and she got all up in his face and accused him of being ridiculous, short-sighted, and completely delusional. She is shocked that he is consulting Heather about a ring and asking her father for permission when none of the things she asked him to get squared away – namely his debts and legal messes – are resolved.

Gretchen basically told him he was out of touch with reality and needs to get his act together before they get married because she is sick of it. She accuses him of being lazy and procrastinating– and all but calls Slade out on mooching off of her and not paying his child support to Grayson.

Gretchen reminds him that she wants children and she does NOT want to be the talk of America for having children with a man who is already a deadbeat – and is unemployed. Slave says he’s working three jobs (Where?!) doing his comedy and assisting her. Which is not the answer Gretchen wants. She doesn’t want his assistance and reminds him that he has zero stake in her companies and if they break up he will have nothing. Whoa Gretch!

WHOA! Surprisingly, Slave tells her his motivation for proposing was because he just wanted her to know she meant way more to him than just a girlfriend and he wanted her to know that. Gretchen softens and explains that this is why they need therapy, because if he had just told her that they wouldn’t be having this fight on national television.

Truthfully they needed to have that fight – they needed to have it out and lay all their cards on the table. Hopefully it motivated Slade to really get his act together. Although, I have to say it would have been SO hilarious if he proposed in Bora Bora and Gretchen said no. Now that would have been like The Bachelor!


 Next Week: Heather starts acting like a real Real Housewife when she has a ton of drama with Sarah Winchester at her re-naming party.  She’s working hard for that S8 contract – and hopefully she’ll get one while Sarah will not!

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