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i-dream-of-nene-bridemaids

Last night on I Dream Of NeNe, "bridemaid" drama continued between Marlo Hampton and Diana Gowins, except Diana got the memo loud and clear that she better shape up and get on Team Worship NeNe Leakes! The ladies also traveled to Cancun for NeNe's bachelorette party. Of course no one behaved accordingly. 

Things started out fine. In the van from the airport everyone was joking around pretending to smoke twizzlers and then deep throat them. Marlo excelled in that arena. Once they arrived they discovered a soccer team was sharing their resort which was fine for some of the ladies, namely Dawn

The jollies continued as the ladies participated in the nipslip olympics. First was some sort of pseudo surf waves which caused Jennifer Williams (I forgot how lovely she is) and Diana to lose precious small bits of bikini coverage over and over again. Thank you for blurry modesty bars. From the sidelines the other ladies cheered and snickered. Diana is really working overtime to prove she isn't the "president" but merely a humble servant. And she's fun too!

Did anyone think NeNe installed some sort of zapper in Diana and whenever she didn't follow the rules NeNe shocked her? She had a personality 180 this episode… 

CLICK THE CONTINUE READING BUTTON FOR THE REST!

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Then it's time to swim with the dolphins. NeNe refused to participate in this event as well, instead sitting on the sidelines beside Cynthia Bailey – who seems to be her first in command this episode – critiquing and offering directions. 'Amuse me servant girls,' she bellows flipping her Clorox hat (thanks Bryan!) around. Apparently NeNe is on her period and dolphins will eat her box or something.

NeNe demands Marlo swim, but Marlo can't swim. Especially when her lifejacket isn't made by Gucci. No matter cause she's rocking Chanel earrings in the ocean. I was afraid they'd fall out. Marlo gets so scared of drowning she clings to Diana for dear life. Diana's side-eye says she's not going to let this incident drown quietly. 

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That evening the ladies are relaxing in NeNe's suite when an unexpected delivery arrives. A massive painting of NeNe and servile no. 2, Diana! Everyone is speechless. When Diana enters the room she claims she has no idea where it came from. Then Marlo - or should I say Marlo's booty in the shortest hot pants known to man – come into the room and she's playing coy but sneaky about where the painting came from. Seriously – WHO sent that?! It had to be Marlo, right… 

The night continues when Diana has planned a blue party that's supposed to represent calm energy. NeNe is allowed to wear plaid but everyone else wears a blue goddess gown. Everyone except Marlo who wore a blue floral cocktail dress. Laura Govan tried to warn her… Diana was xanax calm about the discovery that Marlo violated dress code. 

On the beach everyone sits around NeNe to continually tell her how amazing she is and how much she changed their lives. So apparently NeNe is Oprah now? And  her ego is as big as her size 41 LouboTAWNS. 

OK – in a way it was sweet that NeNe's friends love her that much, but seriously wasn't that a bit over the top. I mean is she the president?! I'm also pretty sure they cut out the part where Marlo cried about how thankful she was that NeNe allowed her to extend her 15 minutes and helped get her on TV. 

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After the all hail NeNe fest, Cynthia speaks up about how terrible, atrocious, and non-team player Marlo is for not wearing the Diana (aka NeNe) approved garment. Marlo starts to cry about how she never had parents to tell her she was special so she had to find sugar daddies and designer clothes instead has to do her own thing to demonstrate her special. I think that's the theme of the Mariah Carey movie. *Sparkle* NeNe rolls her eyes. I feel like she has a book where she records all the bridemaid infractions. 

The next morning, Cynthia meets NeNe in her room and she's rocking a veil with a baseball hat that says "bride". NeNe wants her "maids" to understand that maid follows bride and this is allllll about her. And she was wearing the plaid schmatta last night to prove it! Then poor Dawn comes over with lips that some people in the Housewives franchise pay good money for. Taylor Armstrong… Except Dawn got bitten by a flying ant and had an allergic reaction. Or maybe she hooked up with a soccer player and got some serious VD. 

Over brunch, Marlo claims everyone was attacking her last night because she was trying to get her special on. Cynthia is like… um NO. You weren't following the rules. NeNe nods approvingly. I see Cyn is back to being her gate keeper. Marlo decides to apologize so she won't be fired from this spinoff wedding. Nothing makes a girl feel more special than a reality TV camera. 

Then it's time for bridemaid gown fittings! Since the wedding is a scant week away, NeNe flew her seamstress to Cancun for last minute fittings cause the dress designer was afraid the girls would lose weight. NeNe thinks of all her 99 problems, super-skinny bridemaids isn't one of them. Not with the way these girls are putting away the free drinks at the Bravo open bar!

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True to form at the fitting Lexis is puking drunk wasted and passes out on the seamstresses bed, puts hideous Alexis Hoe-ture sleeves on her dress and then pukes in the toilet while a calm Jen holds her hair back. Then NeNe starts to cry at the site of Diana in her gown.  Was she crying because Diana behaved so well and showed these girls they better act like NeNe is a goddess?

Meanwhile Marlo is still not following directions – she apparently didn't read the bridemaid contract Cynthia typed up. Marlo is taking her role as "fashion director" of the wedding very seriously and overruling NeNe on precious decisions about white silk. NeNe has the dangerous warning in her eyes. Marlo oughtta call Kim Zolciak and ask what happens when NeNe gets that look. 

Meanwhile back in ATL Gregg Leakes has opened a luxury barber shop. And if by luxury I mean marble-look formica floors and bare walls. What exactly was luxury about that stripmall dump? Is he taking business advice from Peter? He's also getting a fitting for his tux which includes having his junk groped by the tailor's ruler – apparently the most action he's had well, in years. And next week will be Gregg's bachelor party, except he's not allowed to leave town. 

[Photo Credits: BravoTV.com]

TELL US – IS MARLO GOING TO BE FIRED FROM THE WEDDING? WHO SENT NENE THE PAINTING OF DIANA?

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