DISCLAIMER: the Teen Mom 3 reunion was taped on November 3, 2012. Yes. MTV is giving us footage that's over a year old to "update" us on the season.
The reunion kicks off with Katie Yeager and Joey Maes. Surprise – they are back together! You see, every time Joey's new girlfriend nagged him, it reminded him of Katie. And Joey eventually came to realize that Katie's the only nagger for him. Isn't that sweet?
Katie reveals that Joey was with Brigette for a month before he came back to her. Everything that went wrong is still Joey's fault, of course, but Katie says she's trying to move on, adding, "The only way we're going to forgive and trust is if we move on."
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Katie goes on to say that she grew up begging for an asshole's approval – meaning from her father – and she's finally come to realize she needs to raise the bar when it comes to the men in her life. "I don't need some asshole's approval," she says. "I just need mine and my daughter's."
Joey joins Katie on stage. Dr. Drew brings up the couple's ongoing money issues. And the fact that Katie never seems satisfied. "I live in Wyoming and I work in an underground coal mine. As far as Wyoming goes, that's one of the best jobs you can get," shares Joey. "So, if I don't make enough money now, "I'll never be able to support her."
Katie's mom, Lucy and Joey haven't seen each other since their fight over Molli – until now. She's not happy about Katie taking Joey back. Joey says to Lucy, "If it's that big of a deal that we're together, then I don't want to work things out with you. If you want to drop the bullsh-t, then I do."
Katie preaches about family loving each other no matter what, adding, "Let go of your petty pride." Lucy informs Katie that she's not as perfect as she thinks she is. #AMEN Then Katie offends Lucy when she says her mom doesn't know what it means to start fresh. Lucy reminds Katie that she was left to raise three kids on her own when Katie's father went to prison. Realizing she's losing the battle, Katie adds, "I'm talking about forgiveness, Mom, not starting over."
Lucy's opinion doesn't change: Katie and Joey need to work on their issues before they can be a couple again. It's not fair to Molli. But Dr. Drew assures Lucy that Katie and Joey are "working it out" and "better". And he knows this how? From a thirty minute conversation? To Katie and Joey, he adds, "Stick to the rules – fight fair and no abuse – and we'll see." Wow.
REAL TIME: Katie and Joey are not together. They share custody of Molli.
Next up is Briana DeJesus and Devoin Austin. Briana's Mom, Roxane and Briana's sister, Brittany make an appearance as well. Somebody has to give Princess Bri her reward stickers and take care of Nova. Briana giggles her way through a chat about safe sex and sneaking around with Jacob. She oozes maturity, no? We learn Bri and Jacob were "together" and "hooking up" for seven months.
Dr. Drew points out that Roxane coached Briana to push Devoin away – just like she pushed Briana's own dad away. Briana recalls mom telling her, "I did it, you can do it too. It's what's best."
Devoin joins Briana on stage. Dr. Drew asks him why he hasn't stepped up, as promised, since Nova's birthday party. Devoin claims (and I believe him) that Briana's making it impossible. He reminds us that Bri won't let him see Nova anywhere but her house, which is difficult when she's always ready with an excuse for why it's not a good time.
Then Briana loses her mind because Devoin wanted to buy Nova a pair of shoes once. Or something. "She don't need f–king shoes," she yells. "She don't! Don't buy her f–king Jordans and bullsh-t. Get her clothes. Get her food. Do something! You don't do sh-t! Sh-t! You're an asshole!"
Briana yells over Devoin when he tries to talk. "Is this the Briana show or can I talk?" he snarks. "You don't need to talk," she says. "I'm tired of you talking. Go! Leave! You're a deadbeat. You don't do sh-t." So, despite Briana's attempt to kick Devoin off stage, Dr. Drew tells him to stay.
Briana points out that Devoin doesn't know how to take care of Nova. He reminds her that she, too, didn't know what to do with a baby at first, as shown on her episode of 16 and Pregnant. From here, the crazy DeJesuses go all Jerry Springer on Devoin, with Brittany and Roxane storming out from backstage. Brittany calls Devoin a bitch and dares him to come at her. Mom chases after Devoin – as he's being dragged off stage by security – with her high heel. Briana stays true to herself and sits on the couch.
Brittany, Roxane, and Briana are sitting with Dr. Drew when we return. We learn absolutely nothing new or important. It's more of the same old, same old with these three bitter witches. Dr. Drew asks Briana if just maybe, a teeny tiny bit, possibly are they setting Devoin up to fail. She smirks. Next Dr. Drew talks to Devoin on his own. Same old, same old here too. He's all talk, no action. He promises to settle paternity, pay child support, and seek joint custody.
REAL TIME: No change. Devoin's in and out of jail. Bri's immature and bitter.
Alex blames her anger on Matt never making an effort. "It has to do with the fact that I stuck by him through getting locked up three times and going to rehab twice," she says. "Even when he OD'd I was right next to him in the hospital. It just didn't even matter." Alex adds that Matt never came to a single visitation appointment.
Matt joins Alex on stage. We learn Matt started using heroin when he was 14 and he started dating Alex when he was 16. So, Alex knew Matt was a drug addict from day one, but she believed he was trying to get clean. Matt says he loves Arabella but knows he needs to take care of himself before he can take care of her. Alex adds that she expects Matt to be clean for at least three months before she'll allow him to see Arabella. Matt insists he's "clean clean" right now, and he does, in fact, pass a drug test.
Next Dr. Drew welcomes Alex's mom Wendy to the stage. "Both parties need accountability for where they're at right now in their lives," she says about Matt and Alex. "And making sure their child has the best role models possible."
Dr. Drew brings up the explosive fight in the street between Matt and Alex. He tells Wendy that she should have called the cops. He also thinks Matt crossed the line, but he doesn't call out Alex for her actions. Typical Dr. Drew.
In the end, Dr. Drew tells Alex to hold onto hope, and he wishes Matt luck with his sobriety.
REAL TIME: Alex had Matt stripped of his parental rights over the summer, but he recently fought back. “Basically I went to court and was granted partial physical custody with supervised visitation," Matt shares. "I go back in a month to get more than that." Alex is single. Matt is engaged to someone else.
The ridiculously long Teen Mom 3 reunion ends with Mackenzie Douthit and Josh McKee, who is channeling his inner Vanilla Ice circa 1991 with that hairdo. Once again, a reminder that this Dr. Drew special was taped well over a year ago, so Mack and Josh aren't married yet.
Mackenzie reveals that things were much worse between her and Josh than we saw on Teen Mom 3. She admits she cheated. "Josh wasn't giving me the attention I wanted and the other guys were," she admits. "I never thought that would happen." Then, after they broke up, Josh had a one night stand.
Mackenzie says she dated another guy for two weeks, then realized Josh was the only guy she ever wants to be a father figure to Gannon.
Fast forward to the reunion – Mackenzie says she and Josh haven't ever been better. Josh agrees after he joins Mackenzie on stage. "What makes a person is knowing they did wrong and then bettering themselves," he says. "Our relationship isn't going to be a bed of roses. There are always going to be fight – but it's how we handle them."
Dr. Drew points out that Josh just managed more words than he muttered all season. We learn that Josh was suffering from a traumatic brain injury and pain pill addiction while filming. Josh plans to give up the rodeo and go to school for criminal justice. Mackenzie wants to be a cosmetologist.
Mackenzie's mom, Angie comes to the stage. After a nonsensical talk about abstinence vs. birth control, Mackenzie assures us there won't be any babies anytime soon. #OOPS Angie says, "I just want both of them to go to college and finish what they say they're going to do," adding, "I'd love to see them get married and raise Gannon together."
REAL TIME: Josh and Mackenzie are married – and Mackenzie is six months pregnant.
TELL US – YOUR THOUGHTS ON THE REUNION? WILL THESE GIRLS GET A SECOND SEASON?
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