Last night in on Real Housewives of Orange County, Vicki took everything she learned from watching Oprah and Couples Therapy and put it to good use on Shannon Beador's imploding marriage and Tamra Barney's bad friend ways. The result… dare I say, was successful-ish. Vicki Gunvalson, Love Tank Whisperer? You know what they say: those who can't do, teach!
After Shannon holds up dinner for hours and hours with a crying whining meltdown on the beach (I hope she didn't get sand in her eyes), over her marital discord, she and David agree to try and get along on the trip if David would agree to switch to organic tequila. Of course, in secret, David called the authorities and started the process for a 5150 psychiatric hold for Shannon. Then he chugged his tequila – and suddenly all Brooks Ayers' words of Hallmark wisdom (seriously how many Lifetime Movies does this guy watch?!) made sense. Brooks toasted to forgetting the past because we know he wants errrryone to forget his and they all headed to Andeles, Vicki's Mecca.
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Vicki wants Shannon to dance on bars and pretend she's 25, not 45 because she thinks having fun will help her marital issues. Or maybe Vicki is just ready to whoop it up because this trip has been a downer. I mean she invited Shannon because the girl loves a cocktail, but instead Shannon is acting more buzzkill than Heather Dubrow! But Shannon rallies – several "weak" vodka sodas will do that to a girl.
Vicki explains that Shannon = Woo Hoo, but Heather = ZZZZZZZ. Basically: Drunk vs. Classy, aka Vicki vs. Heather. And this is how relationships breakdown to Vicki: be fun and do whatever I want = BFF for life. Try to act mature and responsible = ditching you in Mexico for some light up bows and bar dancing.
The next morning Vicki has arranged beach-side horseback riding and a special secret surprise lunch for Shannon and David – so they don't turn into Vicki and Donn II. Shannon is afraid the horse might slip and fall in the rocks – what if it gets into her vodka stash?! When Vicki drops on the Beadors that they are going to have spend time ALONE they both gasp for breath. And thus the torture begins…
Over drinks and snacks, Shannon and David have a real heart-to-heart about the state of their lives and marriage. Shannon is upset that David is a tequilaholic to deal with the drama of living with Dr. Moon and Shannon. David is not happy – at all – like so unhappy he's leaning towards divorce. He's tired of Shannon's constant complaining and nagging, tired of her focusing on the negative, tired of working so much because he's allowed her to spend so egregiously.
And finally, he is tired of Shannon being so unhappy with herself and looking for it in crystals, Dr. Moon, and vodka,
and reality TV, and most of all – relying on David for constant affirmations that he loves her and that he wants to spend time together. Maybe Shannon should be dating Dr. Hallmark, Brooks! Or, you know, get a real therapist.
Through her tears, Shannon begs for more chances and they decide it's time for them to forgive each other. David reminds her it will take time to heal, but they need to change the way the communicate and treat each other. And Shannon needs to lighten up, let the man be happy doing the things he enjoys, and stop demanding he hang out with her because that makes him want to isolate more.
Back in Cali, Heather and Terry take the kids out to dinner, which is a disaster. She claims they're sooo pro at eating in restaurants, but at least one of them is under the table (and dreaming of freedom). Interesting that Heather won't let Terry have onion rings, but she lets her kids eat french fries – like every. meal. Since Heather and Terry need to discuss important issues – how to deal with the guilt of adopting a pedigree dog – the nanny comes to pick up the kids.
Heather wants a purebred because rescues have issues, so she proposes they make a donation to a rescue organization and then adopt from a breeder. I don't know what Heather is so worried about – she can just get a dog nanny. Terry called her out on the guilt-free pedigree nonsense and Heather thought about stabbing him with a fork before she remembered there were cameras. Seriously she was so pissed you could read her fury through the Botox!
Heather and Terry get the new puppies. Two cute furry little pedigrees hand-delivered from the breeder to their little doggy playpens where they will ostensibly spend their entire lives so no dog hair gets on Heather's furniture. Heather says because of allergies they had to get hypoallergenic purebreds. Are we sure it's not because she's allergic to mess and wants dogs who don't shed?
Lizzie Rovsek is building her swimwear brand, Sun Kitten. She and her business manager do a sales pitch for a new chain of boutiques and it goes well. Lizzie explains her father gave her $100k to start her extracurricular business activity (because she's Gretchen Christine 2.0 apparently) but she is determined to make it succeed. I will say her stuff looks cute, well-made (unlike Plastic Shistine's plastic sak collection of rhinestone bedazzlement), and she seems to know her stuff. I'd buy!
In a meeting at Tamra and Eddie's gym and also a one-year anniversary party at CUT Fitness there is tension because Eddie put plank floors over a cushion and now all the floors are buckling, making classes hard to do. Ryan and Tamra want Eddie to admit he's an idiot and fix the floors, but Eddie is worried about money – especially since Ryan isn't doing much to increase membership. Of course Ryan is having issues with Eddie's authority. And no surprise so is Tamra!
Then Tamra and Eddie get an assessment for their robotbaby parenting – and they failed! 44% success rate – with Eddie being even worse than Tamra. Eddie announces that this means no babies, and Tamra can breast feed him instead. Can we just give it up for Eddie – he made me gag more than Brooks this episode. That is saying something!
Back in Mexico, a revitalized Shannon and David join Brooks and Vicki for a last-night dinner. David and Shannon are really hurt by Tamra discussing their marital issues with Heather since they don't get close to people often and really felt they were developing a friendship with the Judges. Brooks is not surprised given how Tamra turned everyone against him while pretending to accept his relationship with Vicki. Vicki admits that is how Tamra rolls – without thinking – and as a result of her gossiping and backstabbing their trust level will never be the same.
Back in the states, Vicki has traded her woo-hoos for work! work! work! Tamra visits her at the office and Vicki immediately confronts her about what happened with her gossiping about Shannon to Heather. I was impressed – Vicki behaving maturely?! Who knew?!
Tamra recounts the story of how her motives were pure – and she is shocked and disgusted that Heather would repeat something she confided without malice as gossip. Tamra tries to play the 'oh so innocent… I got duped by Miss Machavellian in Chanel.'
Vicki does not let her off the hook and calls her out for not confronting Heather about why she would repeat the story and for not being honest with Shannon and fessing up to her misdeed. Then she reminds Tamra that gossiping is stupid and that her mouth gets her in trouble. Tamra, sheepish like a child, bows her head with her new snazzy feathered 80's bangs (not a good look – they make her look older) and agrees.
Vicki demands Tamra call her next time she's about to be stupid. Vicki you better be prepared to get a Tamra-only line, because you're never getting off the phone with her. Oops I Did It Again can be the Tamra-only ringtone!
[Photo Credits: BravoTV]
TELL US – WHAT DO WE THINK OF THE NEW VICKI? WILL SHANNON AND DAVID EVER GET THEIR MARRIAGE ON TRACK?