Tamra Barney

Vicki Gunvalson

On last night’s Real Housewives Of Orange County, enemy factions were forced to come face-to-face for the second coming, actually THIRD coming, of Jim Edmond‘s reproductive prowess. By that I mean that Meghan Edmonds hosted a Sip and See, and decided the theme would be World War III by Bravo: Bitter-er, Blonder, Boozier.

First, though, there had to be a re-connection between Shannon “Poncho” Beador and Kelly “Rejuvenated” Dodd. Yeah, that turned into an everlasting friendship!

Vicki Gunvalson lives in a world in which no one but her equally delusional imaginary friend exists. Vicki’s slip was showing and it certainly was not virginal white as she menacingly promised to make Tamra Judge and Shannon suffer for turning their backs on her, like this is that 90’s Tori Spelling Lifetime movie A Friend To Die For where the unpopular girl takes revenge on the bully cheerleaders. Ugh – if Shannon and Tamra are your aspirational friends, oh dear than you, Vicki, are more screwed up than Brooks led us to believe you were!

Tamra & Eddie Renew Vows In Aruba

While Tamra Judge has been vacationing in Aruba, her daughter Sidney hopped on Facebook to blast Tamra’s mothering and lashed out at the Real Housewives Of Orange County star for putting reality TV before their family. 

Sidney has since deleted the excoriating post (thank you Jesus it’s logged for all posterity on the internet!), however before it was removed Tamra rampaged through the comment thread to defend herself and act like Saint Holier Than Thou Of The Jesus Barbies. You can read Sidney’s full statement here

Tamra Judge & Family In Aruba

Tamra Judge is escaping the drama of Real Housewives Of Orange County for a little R&R in Aruba with her hubby Eddie and her two youngest children Spencer and Sophia

Lucky Tamra is staying at the Ritz where she has been pretending to live Heather Dubrow‘s life enjoying the beach, the view, the luxury, and the mother-daughter bonding time with Sophia. Tamra also indulged in some deep-fried Oreos good to know the Ritz serves county fair food! 

Peggy Grabs Meghan's Lips

Last night on Real Housewives Of Orange County newbie Peggy Sulahian demonstrated that she doesn’t have to be your mother to be your muva! If you left your manners in the car when you came to her event, Peggy will surely get out the bar of scented soap you sell in your pop-up boutique to wash your mouth out. Peggy certainly taught Meghan Edmonds that children should be seen and not heard! Exactly Meg, just stand there and look all ‘I’ve never had a baby and look at my chessboard inspired dress, cause I’m like smart! And on quest for TRUTH! Justice!”

But first there’s Tamra Judge, who got judged by a parrot that called her “old” as she walked into a restaurant to meet a baby looking like an escapee from a biker bar. How could anyone even see Aspen underneath the giant bow that ate the baby’s face!? I hope that’s not catching…

Vicki & Kelly on RHOC

On last night’s Real Housewives Of Orange County, Kelly Dodd underwent a Real Housewives rite of passage and rejuvenated her vagina right on TV! It is a place many a’Housewives have gone before and lived to tell about it… which I guess is a blessing, right?! Also, Vicki Gunvalson‘s devotion to proving she did not fake cancer continued with her cozying up to newbie Peggy Sulahian by promising to be the best darn girlfriend Peggy ever did have.

Shannon Beador is dressing like Carnie Wilson now, but she will not mediate Housewives disputes with cheesecakes. Instead she will go to Tamra Judge‘s house and sip water laced with Pure Calm pills. Tamra promises they create an ethereal zen, like being inside the mind of Dr. Moon as he practices transcendentalism. Despite her avid non-toxicism, the cotillion queen in Shannon admits a cocktail would work better. 

Watch What Happens Live With Andy Cohen - Season 14

Real Housewives Of Orange County has no ‘quiet women’ – especially not Lydia McLaughlin who ‘secretly’ invited/not-invited Kelly Dodd to dinner at The Hysterical Shrieking Insane Quiet Woman with Shannon Beador and Tamra Judge. And surprise-not-surprise: Kelly showed up, provoking a dieting-not-dieting Shannon to fling her plate, flip Kelly off, and get flipping thrown out

Shannon and Tamra didn’t know Lydia had been scheming-not-scheming by inviting Kelly until the episode aired, and now they’re calling out her “pot stirring” antics. For some reason Meghan Edmonds is involving herself, because that’s what Meghanny Drew, Girl Detective does – she gets to the bottom of drama! 

Shannon flips Kelly Off

Last night’s Real Housewives Of Orange County was like getting food poisoning at a BBQ thrown by a person you cannot stand, but whose party you have to attend because they’re related to your significant other. Basically it was like all of Shannon Beador‘s Thanksgivings – saddled to David and his dour mother who possibly put Ex-Lax in the cranberries she pretended to make from scratch. But it wasn’t just the food that was poisoned last night – there were all sorts of hellish encounters, and no one’s saintly patience was tested more than Shannon’s! Oh Shannon – can we take you nowhere without an incident or scene? Recounting your Housewives history, the answer, thankfully, is NO!

There is probably no one who loves a Real Housewives “dinner from hell” more than I do. In fact, I quit throwing dinner parties because mine are never terrible enough. It’s probably because I don’t have enough psychic friends, or frenemies who despise each other, or friends going through terrible personal dramas they want to talk about on TV, but refuse to let anyone else discuss. No one has ever thrown a plate full of steak at me either. Maybe I should just give up dinner altogether. I should also probably avoid my friends’ children’s birthday parties because they’re just the usual kids running around and eating too much cake. No middle-aged women argue, storm off, or have histrionic meltdowns over semantics. 

Shannon & Tamra fight with Lydia

Shannon Beador is on a rampage and she is savagely ripping the meat from the bones of Real Housewives Of Orange County. Any housewife who dares try to get in Shannon’s way better come prepared with white gloves to treat her fragile ego, and proper cutlery to carve though the drama. Shannon has bared her soul, her heart, and now her midriff on this show and she has worked too hard recapturing David to watch it all get flushed down the toilet sitting in her relationship corner, dammit!

And yes, there’s a toilet in Shannon’s relationship corner according to her Feng Shui expert! I think that’s Vicki Gunvalson‘s fault though. After all, Vicki put Shannon’s relationship in the crapper with her lies about David. Now all Shannon’s relationships are draining away (even the relationships she hasn’t formed yet). Shannon’s relationship with vodka seems in tact, though.