The first part of the Real Housewives Of Orange County reunion was shockingly real as the ladies discussed broken marriages and motherhood. Shannon Beador finally stopped shrieking “WOOOOWWWWW! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! A VOW RENEWAL!” and quit convincing herself that David loves her. Which has always been the real joke. I mean, it’s been over for years – vow renewal and all – but Shannon finally accepted it and moved out. Addendum: David finally kicked her out.
I mean it’s not like anyone believed this happy re-united love story of David and Shannon, although she certainly thought they were this inspiration to us all, but it’s still sad to see Shannon processing everything. Clearly she never saw it coming, which is the saddest thing of all.
The other hot topic was whether Jesus ate Lydia McLaughlin‘s brain, thus making her poisoned by a fear of drag queens. OK, it wasn’t quite that dramatic unless you’re Meghan Edmonds.
Peggy Sulahian is just kind of just the worst, isn’t she? Maybe she’s a nice person, and she seemed OK at her Armenian anniversary party, but as soon as you take the Diko away from Peggy she turns into a judgmental, overbearing, clueless buzzkill intent to smother the fun out of any party with her nonsensical ramblings. Even a Viking send-off. I don’t want to be mean, but perhaps Bravo needs to issue ‘Funness’ qualifying exams.
There were men in fair isle sweaters serenading the ladies, then fighting over the amorphous blondes (Shannon Beador is convinced it’s her because Vikings “like a girl with a lil meat on her bones,” but would Shannon really touch whale blubber? I feel like it’s not very holistic…). But anyway, there were men doing all this for all of them, and in the middle of it all Tamra Judge and Vicki Gunvalson were hugging and kissing like it was 2010, and Vicki even apologized to Shannon – more on that in a bit – then in walked Peggy, wearing a blood red caftan, and out for blood! She ruined the whole thing. Again.
Poor Vicki her love tank’s connected to her heart valve, her heart valve’s connected to that part of her brain that says ‘PAY ATTENTION TO ME! ME! ME! ME!” So she was vomiting and having heart palpitations while Peggy Sulahian and Kelly Dodd fought over who was better at caring for Vicki’s sputtering love tank.
In her blog for this week’s episode, Peggy describes the most frightening experience to date, and she’s not referring to Shannon’s bed head after a seventeen hour plane ride or even that fermented shark blob that had half her co-stars gagging up a lung. Before delving into the terrifying, Peggy focuses on the positive…and the obvious (read: traveling to Iceland from the OC, generally). She begins, “Our trip to Iceland began with a long plane ride. We were greeted with cold weather and in anticipation of Orange County girls being unprepared for the obvious, Lydia planned a shopping trip to head off any problems. Girls and shopping is a classic combination which can bring out the best in every situation. As such, Vicki and Tamra started to reconnect. You could see they had a bond. They understood each other and hopefully, things will get better.” Why yes, it is a long flight. And no, none of you packed appropriately.
You can take the Real Housewives Of Orange County out of the OC, but you can’t take the OC out of the girls, right? Lydia McLaughlin tried when she hauled them all the way to Iceland on the other end of the earth but wound up arguing over the same trivial details anyway.
For all her complaining that she’s left out of the fun (what fun? I ask you) Lydia did put together a helluva a trip for these women. I guess she was trying to suck up and make them like her or something. They arrive in the land of eternal daylight of the shit-talking mind, and Tamra Judge worries that exposure to all this sun will add to her wrinkle collection. Like she might soon start looking (and acting!?) her age. Of course, they have plastic surgery for this, but still – the real Tamra is not her best side.
On the bus from the airport Kelly Dodd is the only person who gives a flying figaloon that they are in this beautiful country. As she quizzes the driver about local customs from the no puke zone at the front of the bus, the other women roll their eyes.
Last night on Real Housewives Of Orange County the little detective that can’t stop, Meghan Edmonds, decided it would be a great idea to host a party with a mystic named Michaela. You don’t need psychic powers to predict that this would go badly! Then to make matters worse they all left for Iceland – cause traveling to the ends of the earth with your enemies always turns out so swell!
What was Meghan hoping to find? Proof that Vicki Gunvalson never loved Tamra at all? Or perhaps a reading on Peggy Sulahian‘s cancer scans? Or maybe what’s really inside Tamra Judge‘s six-pack core? All she found was a big old mess of Shannon Beador shrieking about David being the most trustworthy man alive while the Mystic watched open-mouthed.