On last night’s episode of Keeping Up With the Kardashians, the girls each got the chance to show off their new McMansions. Kris Jenner and MJ got high off magic Gummi Bears and Bruce Jenner was a buzzkill. Surprise Surprise. Scott Disick got sloppy and became Scott circa Miami meltdown and Kourtney Kardashian may or may not have failed to take Khloe Kardashian to dinner before screwing her over.
Things begin with Khloe and Kourtney playing grab ass while mocking Kim Kardashian for her Vogue Cover. Really we should be mocking Anna Wintour for her poor lapse of judgment. Maybe she was high too? Kim has a case of sour grapes because her sisters didn’t drop their lives, worship her, kiss her feet, hands and ass and come to the newsstand at 5am to purchase one of the first copies of Kim’s bible cover. Khloe taunts Kim and tells her she already has her copy and reads it while she is on the john. #ToiletMaterial
In other news, Khloe has bought a new bachelorette pad and in true Kardashian fashion she is splashing the cash on renovations and interior designing… did someone just say $12,000 lamps? I mean even Khloe was skeptical about that one! Kourtney is taking her grandmother MJ on a tour of her new McMansion. MJ reveals that she beat Kim with her quickie marriage, apparently MJ married her high school sweetheart for 60 days before heading to splitsville… what’s that saying?? The apple doesn’t fall far from the serial divorcée tree?
Khloe and Kourtney decide to blow up Kim’s vogue cover in a bid to get back in her good graces. I mean how could that plan go wrong? Kim loves herself, so why wouldn’t she be over the moon with a gigantic blown up portrait? The girls hide in a Zsa Zsa Gabor inspired teepee, which was basically camouflage against Kris’s Zsa Zsa inspired tiles. Apparently one must hide before bestowing life size portraits? Anyway, Kim is happy to see herself… and peace, balance and harmony is restored to the terrifying trio. Sidenote, Kim looks more and more like a zombi-fied plastic robot in each of her head shot interviews.
Khloe and Kourtney are off to go shopping to decorate Khloe’s new McMansion. The girls arrive at Big Daddy’s Antiques – in one piece – the girls are snapping pictures of everything they like. Apparently this is how Kourtney likes to shop? Taking pictures but not purchasing? It explains why her house is empty. The only thing Khloe seems to be taken with is a cage of pigeons.. apparently birds are a new form of house art in L.A? Khloe is impressed with Kourtney’s interior designing skills. Apparently one trip the ‘Big Daddy’s Antiques’ is enough to sell Khloe.
MJ, Kris and Kim are out to lunch. Kris reveals that MJ has battled both breast and colon cancer and is now battling other health issues. The ladies talk about MJ’s deteriorating health. I feel like they should really be addressing Kris’s Dynasty inspired blouse sleeve?! #KrystalCarrigntonStyle It is sad to hear MJ is struggling with pain management and it is evident she is very frail.
Kris decides to visit a doctor about medicinal marijuana. Dr. Patel’s doctors office looks a little like a restaurant but Kris is happy to roll with it, she needs a storyline y’all! Dr. Patel elaborates on the advantages she has witnessed with medical marijuana, and she feels like MJ sounds like she’d benefit from trying it. After hearing about all the people that qualify for a pot prescription, Kris decides she might just go ahead and get one for herself. Apparently Kris has chronic neck problems. I personally think the doctor should have just written Kris with a prescription to stop sticking her head up Kim’s ass and hey presto! Her neck troubles would be all better. Unfortunately Dr. Patel instead issues Kris with a script for medical marijuana. That’s all this show needs.. a baked Kris.
Back at Khloe’s, Kourtney has issued Khloe with a bill for her services. Poor Khloe thought Kourtney was being helpful, evidently Kourtney is quite the entrepreneur. Khloe isn’t coughing up anything.. much less $25,000. I mean Kourtney must be kidding, she has never decorated anyone’s home before and she even has someone else decorate her home. I mean we all saw her last house, it looked liked the Mad Hatter’s tea party threw up inside her Valley Home. Is she really claiming she is qualified? I mean maybe she is qualified, to make a mess of someone else’s home that is!?
Kris is off to purchase some hash. In true Kris style, she decides to go a druggie shopping spree and buy some designer bongs, pipes and bags. Only Kris could find a leopard bong bag that doubles as a tote. Kris invites MJ over to try and see if she will try the drugs. Kim in not on board and feels like Kris is leading her beloved MJ down a bad path. Too late! Apparently MJ is one step ahead, and was prescribed magic marijuana gummi bears from her doctor. They decide to sample the goodies together. The pair are laughing about popcorn and burning incense. Bruce comes around and is a major #BruceBuzzkill MJ tells Buzzkill not to worry, the pot is not in the house, it’s in her belly. Kris and MJ find the whole ordeal hysterical. #AFamilyThatGetsHighTogetherStaysTogether ??
Kim, Khloe, Kourtney and Lord Disick head to Miami for the opening of their new DASH store. Khloe just hopes Kourtney gets off her interior designing high horse. The gang are staying at the Versace Mansion. Scott and Kourtney are so excited by their gigantic bed, I think they are a little too excited they don’t have to touch one another for the night. Kim is just excited she gets to sleep in Gianni Versace’s bed. I feel like the Kardashians invading the Versace palace should be some sort of fashion crime.. but then again plastering Kim all over Vogue should have been a fashion crime too? Maybe Anna Wintour had a Gummi bear moment too?
The girls are having their glam squad paint on their war paint and fix their hair. Kim thinks she is channeling Kim circa Superbowl, with her ponytail. Kim thinks it tightens her face, so much that she may or may not need an Advil. No Kim, you can’t fool us, it isn’t the ponytail tightening your face. It’s all your plastic surgery! Kourtney thinks Khloe’s curls look cheesy. Khloe thinks Kourtney has a d!ck shoved so far up her hoo-ha it makes her miserable. Kourtney concurs. At least they agree on something. Sidenote – Will someone please send Khloe to finishing school so she can learn to control that mouth!
The girls head to the DASH grand opening, and Scott is slowly heading off in to the tipsy pool. The group head to Sole restaurant and while everyone is ordering dinner, Scott is slurring, screaming and sloppy. Kourtney wants to get away from Scott. Scott wants more alcohol. Kim just wants to eat artichoke dip and take selfies. Khloe takes Scott off Kourtney’s hands because she knows how upset his drinking makes her. #Sisters
The gang head back to La La Land and Kim takes MJ on a tour of her mid construction mansion. MJ is pleased with the home but feels like Kim should invest in a bar. Poor MJ has just been ferried around from house tour to house tour, so of course the poor woman wants a drink!
Over at Kourtney’s, Khloe finally hears from Lamar. The conversation with Lamar prompts Kourtney to reach out and apologize to Khloe. She thanks Khloe for being supportive and helping her with Scott in Miami and for always taking the high road with Lamar. Kourt offers her services for free but alas Khloe has already hired someone. The two make up and whisper sweet nothings to each other so they can return to taunting Kim as a duo!
On next week’s episode, Khloe screams at Kris – Shock Horror. Kim releases Kris of all wedding duties and threatens to move out of Casa de Kris. We meet Khloe’s new boytoy French Montana and Lamar makes a surprise return!
TELL US – WHICH STORYLINE IS THE MOST ANNOYING THIS SEASON?
Recap Author: Gina P
Photo Credit: E!