Last night’s premiere episode of Real Housewives Of Atlanta was alllll about Apollo Nida. And let’s just get one thing out of the way first: Apollo looks fiiiiiine with that full beard! (I know – there is something wrong with me. I admit that).
It’s sentencing day for Apollo but Phaedra Parks is nowhere to be found. She strapped on her beehive and fled to Augustus, GA with their sons, Ayden and Dylan. Phaedra tells her mother she doesn’t want her sons exposed to the situation and there are paparazzi outside their house. In reality Phaedra is pissed – whole ‘nother level pissed – and rightfully so!
Over at Phaedra’s house, the remodel is looking fabulous, and the paparazzi are… invisible! Only Apollo, that beard, making some eggs when his brother shows up. His brother?! Wha… never would have expected a goofy white kid to be the brother of Apollo. Apollo admits that what he did was wrong, but not that wrong – I mean it can be fixed! Apparently he has been sipping from the Teresa Giudice denial juice, comes in two sparkling flavors: Whaddyagonnado? and At The End Of The Day…
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Apollo is irate that Phaedra has abandoned him on this very important day. I see his point: Phae, we know you feel betrayed, we know you feel heartbroken and disgusted, we know you feel fooled (all valid points) but have a heart. After all he’s your huzzzzzzzzband! And we all know, from the previous two seasons, at least you can get a huzzzzzzzzzband!
And taking a break from huzzzzzbands – invisible, incarcerated, and otherwise – let’s check in with Kenya Moore. Ah, Kenya – in the interview segment there is a giant sea creature eating her shoulder, and potentially half of her face (is it related to Kim Richards‘ dog?!). That thing is rivaling only her booty in disproportion!
Kenya is in the throes of depression over being “attacked” at the RHOA reunion. She feels the women ganged up on her for no reason simply because Porsha Williams is dumb. Ummm… well, errrr… Look: Kenya courts the krazy, she is always trying to stir up trouble and now she’s disappointed that she has no friends? Girl – stop sharing Delusi-juice with Apollo. Own the fact that you are a Maleficent-like villainess (Kenyeficent?!) – we love you for it – and deep down, we know you looooove being dastardly or else you’d stop doing it! Ergo, Kenya’s newfound victim act is as believable as one of her boyfriends! Now twirl, bitches! Twirl on command!
I should mention that Kenya does have one friend: Cynthia Bailey. Cynthia has escaped the clutches of NeNe Leakes and has defected to Kamp Krayonce. She’s empowered now! She’s come alive! Her entire life is better – her marriage, her fibroids, her business – since losing NeNe as a friend. “I’m free to be me!” Cynthia crows.
Did NeNe have Cynthia locked in a tower, and she had to drop down her weave for Kenyeficient to climb up and rescue her? Cynthia is a grown woman (albeit one passing out FRIEND CONTRACTS), now act like it! NeNe never held you captive and forced you to be her friend. You wanted to be Team NeNe cause she was popular! Ergo, Cynthia’s victim act is as believable as Peter being a successful businessman!
Speaking of which, Peter is now a wonderful husband third wheel with NeNe gone, so Cynthia is going into business with Peter in his new venture Sports One. Kiss that checking account bye-bye, booboo!
And now we check in with Porsha. Who is wearing a thong and a push-up bra to show-off her new titties, Dumb & Dumber. Kandi Burruss visits her on set where she is doing photos for Naked Hair. Kandi thinks Kenya and Porsha should talk about the reunion fight. Porsha is like uhhhh… “No and I won’t apologize. Bye Ashy!” Porsha has been too busy working to worry about what Krayonce is doing – and she’s been commenting on the Underground Railroad!
Kandi and Todd are settling into married life and Todd’s daughter will be moving in. Kandi is ready to buy her a Range Rover with gold sparkle rims and throw her a housewarming party like this is an episode of MTV’s My Super Sweet 16, then redecorate the in-law apartment, but Todd wants her to get a job and drive a used Honda. Todd doesn’t believe in spoiling kids and mentions how Riley practically has her own wing of the house, complete with two huge flat screens. Kandi admits she over-compensates.
Kandi and Todd want to start trying for a baby, but Todd wants to wait until his daughter is settled in – and are on the same page with parenting-styles. I imagine he also wants a court order stating Mama Joyce will not be babysitting. I would…
NeNe is in Las Vegas rehearsing for Zumanity, where she will be presiding over an orgy wearing the ponytail weave Cynthia used to escape their friendship tower. NeNe is uncertain about these threesomes and foursomes and fivesomes, the former stripper has become a prude in her retirement and talking about sex makes her squeamish. Still a job is a job, and she understands that it’s important to have showbiz opportunities to wave in the face of her loser co-stars. She is working – what are they doing?! Whining about how she ruined their lives and don’t love her enough. PLONK!
Now back to Apollo, he receives 8 years and Phaedra was not in court. She was instead talking to her mother Pastor Regina Bell about how hurt she is by all of this and that she has no idea what to do. Apollo gets dinner with his mom and brother, and points out that he never imagined he would be away from his kids like his mother was, but now he has made the same mistake. Look – I feel sorry for any parent in this situation, but in this case Apollo you did the crime! You should have thought of your kids while you were defrauding people. Be a man and set the example for your sons now about how to change your life and grow from a situation so you can be there for them in the future. Make the best of the time you have, and accept your consequences.
It turns out Phaedra never even called or texted Apollo after sentencing. Nor did she write a letter to the judge on his behalf testifying about what a good father he is. COLD.
Apollo goes over to Kandi and Todd’s for some support. Kandi and Todd are on different sides of the equation when it comes to the Parks-Nida marriage, Kandi understands why Phaedra is pissed – because of all the problems their marriage had before Apollo got indicted (ahem… cheating! Kenya!), but she still thinks Phaedra should have reached out a bit more. Todd thinks Phaedra should be ride or die for her man. I think Kandi and Todd have too many people involved in their marriage – first Joyce, now Phaedra and Apollo. Get other people out of your mix!
Todd and Kandi plan to visit Apollo in prison, but Phaedra isn’t sure what to do – she hasn’t even thought of the realities of explaining to her 4 and 1-year-old about their father going to prison or taking her sons to visit him there. Phaedra has a lot to consider, but at least she’s considering her children first – unlike Apollo. Kandi checks in with Phaedra, and her beehive both ensconced in a penthouse. I feel bad for Phaedra – I do – I feel horrible for their sons – Apollo was a dirty dog of a husband through and through!
Finally, Phaedra goes home, where Apollo is waiting, bitter and furious, but bearded! If looks could kill, Phaedra and Apollo would have both combusted into fiery infernos of smoldering hatred and resentment. The tension is palpable and fury-ridden through the TV. I clutched my vodka soda for security.
At the end of the day, Apollo feels Phaedra abandoned him by disappearing during his sentencing, but she also set him up to fail by never giving him any control over their family finances, and always paying the bills, and keeping tight lock on their money. At the end of the day, he thinks Phaedra should have let him access the money he was earning. At the end of the day, he is pissed that since that he can’t work, Phaedra won’t give him money. At the end of the day, he’s pissed that Phaedra isn’t getting her assets seized – their house, her paychecks, her cars. At the end of the day, Apollo is pissed that he broke the law and ruined his life because of insecurity and wanting to live the high life. And he demands Phaedra be there for him when he gets out to give her money because at the and of the day, if she wouldn’t have been earning so much he wouldn’t have felt like he needed to get back into the criminal business.
And Phaedra, well she is furious that Apollo ruined her reputation, that she has been dragged into his legal messes, that she is now publicly shamed, and that their children are fatherless. She is furious that she believed he could change – that Jesus could work miracles – that their family wasn’t enough for him to change, that their sons and a good wife couldn’t take the crime out of the criminal. She says she paid his attorney fees. She says she has supported him, but now she has to support her sons, because she is all they have. And she’s right – for the next 8 years, she is all they have. I understand her feelings completely, but I feel like for her sons, she should have been more present at Apollo’s sentencing.
Look – I know many people want to believe Phaedra was involved in Apollo’s scheme, but let’s look at the realities: Phaedra is smart and successful, but she is not smart and successful enough to evade the Feds or pay off enough criminals and agents to avoid detection. The Feds investigate DEEP. They will get you because they want their money (look at Teresa!).
Apollo had several accomplices, all doing time, and no one turned Phaedra’s name in? Criminals wanting lesser sentences and restitution would. Phaedra’s name is not even listed on an investigation report (I’ve read them). I’m not saying Phaedra knew nothing, I’m not saying she didn’t turn a blind eye to where Apollo might be getting all this money, but Phaedra earns a good income from RHOA, and probably did not need his income to live a good life. They do not live super lavishly.
At the end of the day, Apollo wants divorce, and he is done. Phaedra walks away. This is the most emotional I’ve ever seen Phaedra. And at the end of the day, this is a terrible situation for all involved, but mostly those two beautiful boys. And at the end of the day, this season looks AMAZING!
TELL US – SHOULD PHAEDRA HAVE BEEN THERE FOR APOLLO? DID NENE RUIN CYNTHIA’S LIFE?
[Photo Credits: Bravo]