Oh Real Housewives Of Atlanta – for all their ‘hate is real’ when it comes right down to it these ladies know how to have a good time! And laughter is the best medicine, as they say.
NeNe Leakes put on her lace football jersey and strategized about how she could re-unifiy this group, so she invited Cynthia Bailey and Porsha Williams for drinks to help them make amends. But the Hail Mary pass came when she sneak-invited Kenya Moore by telling Cynthia to “bring her girl.”
NeNe didn’t tell Porsha until she was seated at the bar, drink in hand, expecting a good old-fashioned keke about how NeNe should stop wearing denim short-shorts and Cynthia should watch those RHOA flashback scenes with woe because her fashions have gone as downhill as her finances!
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The bar is waaaay out in the ‘burbs where NeNe and Porsha live in Chateau Eviction and Foreclosure On The Hill. NeNe pours PoorTaste a glass of champs and says, “By the way, Kenya is coming too!” Porsha’s face! Girl, careful, careful – your face might freeze that way and then you’ll never catch another rich sugar daddy! It will be Tarjay for life for you!
When Cynthia and Kenya get there, the ladies are in good spirits. Kenya who came for sport wearing her shady boots, purchased from the nearby outlets on discount. Yes, she complains that the bar is sooooo far out then hits Porsha with some jabs, before NeNe takes over to have yet another powwoww with Cynthia.
NeNe feels hurt that if Cynthia valued their friendship, why didn’t she come to her with problems? She looooooved Cynthia – more than Peter does! It went round and round like a dog chasing its tail – or a twirling Miss WHO-S-A on bathsalts chasing her scepter’s shadow.
Cynthia must love being begged and sucked-up to (or Peter forgot to put the SIM card in on the Real Cynthia Doll Mind Control Mechanism because he was too busy gettin’ drunk in the club with Who Knows When He’s Gonna Strike, Boo-Pollo), because she was all let’s be besties. Call me! Lunch?! Then she kissed NeNe on the cheek over and over and over again. Maybe she was trying lick off that terrible blush? Or she’s really bad at working the Krayonce Manipulation Machine.
NeNe promises she’ll do lunch with Cynthia again… in two years. It’s gonna take her a while to forgive. Maybe that’s why Cynthia was so happy – another two seasons worth of storylines?
NeNe leaves the table to scrub her face while Cynthia and Porsha bicker back and forth about which one of them is the least relevant. Kenya keeps butting in until Porsha shrieks that she’s a “rude bitch.” When Krayonce is the mediator, you’re in the type of trouble even Oprah can’t fix – but Porsha: you’re the rude one! Put the cocktail in your mouth and shut yourself up!
That’s when it’s time for Krayoncervention! In this segment of the show, NeNe attempts to get Kenya and Porsha to work through their issues like grown women. Doesn’t that require grown women first? Since Kenya is on this whole campaign where she cosplays as a good person who has been the maligned and mistreated victim of smear campaigns, she fake apologizes and fake accepts responsibility while Porsha sits there, statue-still, afraid of what may come next. Kenya has been spending her off-months watching Once Upon A Time for some tips in how to play the evil game better.
Kenya strolls over to Porsha and offers her a hug. It went better than the last time these two touched but it was all so… insincere. Kenya didn’t mean a single thing she said, so sashay away and go shop at the outlets. The Kenya Moore Redemption Tour needs to go on the underground railroad and stop running. I’m over how fake and shady it is – we all know, like zombie, she’s just waiting to strike to eat your brain.
Enough of them, Kandi Burruss has lunch at her aunt’s house with Mama Joyce. Kandi’s aunts put out the good china: red solo cups and paper plates with plastic silverware. Apparently everyone likes to be prepared in case Mama Joyce starts to have an exorcist moment! Let’s hope the tablecloth doubles as a straightjacket.
Of course, Kandi thinks it’s best to tell her mama that Todd’s mother Sharon threatened to hit her because she’s upset Joyce called her a prostitute. Joyce refuses to apologize – she also refuses to give Kandi a key to the house Kandi just bought her because she doesn’t have a key to Kandi and Todd’s place. Given that Kandi is Joyce’s LANDLORD she deserves the key – we all know Joyce isn’t gonna pay for repairs if something goes wrong.
What Kandi should tell her mother is this: If you don’t apologize to Sharon you can forget that house I bought and move back to place with no bathrooms that your man tore up.
Later Kandi tells Todd about her conversation with Joyce and plays the ignorant card by pretending she didn’t repeat Sharon’s threats to stir up trouble. Kandi is working all of my nerves this season – she knew what she was doing when she told Joyce what Sharon said – Kandi also knew Sharon was tipsy and RIGHTFULLY upset when she said those things!
Even worse, Kandi wants to bring Mama Joyce on the A Mother’s Love tour to help sell tickets. If Kandi thinks people are going to come to see Joyce, she’s more delusional than we all thought.
Todd immediately calls her out on what she did and says he’s not interested in spending time with Mama Joyce over the holidays – or any other time – until the nonsense stops. Todd expects Kandi to try and have an adult conversation with her mother and set some ground rules, but Kandi can’t even have an adult conversation with her husband! Poor Todd – he should just write a new play: My Immature Wife & Her Crazy-Ass Mother’s Obsession With Money: The Todd Tucker Story. Coming soon to Lifetime!
I’m over Kandi – she gets no sympathy from me as she squanders this good man who is trying to make a life with her and build a future while she hides behind her mama’s skirt and cries.
Speaking of good men, Apollo does not fit that category. Phaedra Parks has no idea where he is, what he’s doing, or when he’ll pop up, but at least it gives her good practice as a single parent. Phaedra tried to give him an opportunity to build a crime-free life, but he wasted them all and blamed her for having too high of expectations for him. On the positive: Ayden and Dylan are so ridiculously cute I can’t take it!
Claudia Jordan‘s mother and grandmother visiting. Before they arrive she goes with Cynthia to get a makeover from Derek J. <side eye>. Cynthia is dressed like a munchkin from Wizard Of Oz. Derek J curls Claudia’s hair and they talk about Demetria McKinney‘s fantasy romance with Roger Bobb – did she imagine the whole thing?!
Also, NeNe’s WIG made another appearance – I’m officially calling it “Clorox Bowl”. Did Cynthia bring NeNe to a makeover with Derek J too? #UltimateRevenge
Claudia’s mom and grandma are polar opposites, one conservative; one a very vivacious 91! Naturally Claudia decides to take them to a drag show to discuss why she’s still single and probably won’t get married before she has kids. Claudia’s mom doesn’t care – she just wants grandbabies. Hey, I hear Roger Bobb may be single depending on the week, who you ask, or what you look like – just don’t expect the man to even offer you a Lifesaver!
Claudia tells us again about how she struggled through a tough childhood being bi-racial and never heard “I love you” from her mother. Isn’t that already Kenya’s storyline? Is Claudia gonna get a fake booty, a fake man, and a scandalous flirtation with someone else’s husband next? Been there, done that – bring something else to the table. I don’t think anyone has been stalked on this show yet? Well, unless you count Roger Bobb…
TELL US – WAS KENYA SINCERE WHEN SHE MADE UP WITH PORSHA? SHOULD NENE AND CYNTHIA GET OVER THEMSELVES AND BE FRIENDS AGAIN?
[Photo Credits: Bravo]