Jax, Kristen, and Brittany

Wedding Bells continue to ring on Vanderpump Rules (hopefully not next season, though!) and Kristen Doute predicts the next couple to walk down the aisle with be Jax Taylor and Brittany Cartwright. Errrmmmm…

“I know that Brittany is the best thing that has ever happened to Jax. Brittany just knows how to handle him,” gushed Kristen. “There is no way Jax could be with anyone else.” Does she mean sexually?


Continuing to extol Brittany’s virtues as ‘The Jax Whisperer’ – what a skill! – Kristen explains, “She knows how to be sweet and kind and sort of subdue him when he’s having the Jax panic attack and a temper tantrum. But she also puts her foot down, and she’s very stern. I just think it’s a really good balance.”

Apparently, Jax’s dream isn’t to sleep with hot models, but to marry Brittany. So she can baby him. I have no words. “He wants the wife and the mom, take care of him, take care of the household,” says Kristen. “Jax wants to lay on the couch, he wants 25 sandwiches, he wants the dog bathed, the house cleaned, and to make out with his girlfriend. That’s all he wants in life.”

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Jax, himself, recently admitted he’s had a change of heart about marriage since Brittany, so I suppose our Kentucky Fried Biscuit is down with that plan.

According to Kristen, she also sees spawn in Jax and Brittany’s future. YES. (Actually NO NO NO NO NO!). “I actually think that Jax would make an excellent father, and I think it would really put him in his place. I think it would humble him. And I pray to God he only has girls. Karma at its finest.” Well, being a good father means, you know, getting OFF the couch!

“I hope it’s years from now,” Kristen clarified, “like many years, when Jax is like 50 or something.” Which…isn’t that far off, right?

As for getting wifed up herself, Kristen is also waiting for Brittany to take care of her while she lies on the couch! JUST KIDDING!

Kristen and her boyfriend, Carter, have checked out engagement rings. “Part of me feels like there’s this marriage bug going around because you go to a wedding — or at least I go to a wedding — and love is in the air, and you feel it,” Kristen admitted to Bravo. “But then you have someone like Stassi, who’s as single as can be. So, then is everyone going to start breaking up? Do we all follow suit?”

Ummmm… yes, group think, right into middle-age there, Kristen.

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Tonight on Vanderpump Rules, Scheana again finds herself the victim of Katie’s bridezilla rage over Lala Kent.

Scheana and Kristen throw a surprise party for Shay and Carter, but the real surprise is Scheana getting attacked by Katie and Stassi. Luckily, Ariana steps in to defend Scheana. Meanwhile, Jax is a guest on Stassi’s podcast and she asks him if he’s a sociopath (#TakesOneToKnowOne). All this has Brittany questioning her relationship and turning to Lisa for advice.


[Photo Credit: Bravo]

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