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Real Housewives of Beverly Hills season premiere recap

Last night, Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills came back bigger, sparklier, and more expensive than ever. Yes. Just the way I like it – everyone Botoxed to the hilt, in full makeup, and kicking around snarky comments with their $1,000 shoes. If you can’t play the Beverly Hills game, go retire to your divorce condo until you’re ready to barely bat your false eyelashes again (“barely” only because you can’t move your face).

So Lisa Vanderpump is neither forgiving nor forgetful. Lisa likes her people like she likes her dogs: loyal, fluffy, and willing to wear a sequined rosette that says “I belong To Lisa Vanderpump (who makes my life fabulous)!” Have you met Harrison? What about Kyle Richards?

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Andy Cohen defends Brandi Glanville over #RHOBH reunion

Lyme Disease, Housen-Mousen, Owning It, Oh my! You know what that means? Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills is back.

Tonight marks the season 7 premiere of Bravo’s wealthiest and most over-the-top Housewives, and I could not be more excited. Especially after the dark, dreary, and twisted turn last season took, courtesy of one lady, and her lemons, her Lymes, and her lack of love!

To prepare for what’s to come let’s revisit all the highs and lows from season 6!

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Kenya Moore and Matt Jordan

Another day, another alleged fake relationship for Kenya Moore!

In an excoriating Instagram post, Kenya‘s ex-boyfriend Matt Jordan compares himself to “Walter” (the original fake Kenya boyfriend) and accuses her of lying about him for a Real Housewives Of Atlanta storyline – for which he claims she never compensated him for as promised!

Good lord – are there any decent relationships in and around Atlanta?

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James

It’s a topsy-turvy world out there in SUR and last night’s Vanderpump Rules dove into its favorite subjects – cheating and Lisa Vanderpump‘s fabulosity!

Is there anything more confusing than a woman who is not only willing to have sex with James Kennedy, but do the sex in essentially a cot in the corner of his dorm room? Oh yes, there IS something more confusing – that this woman is willing to admit this sex on national television! The bright lights of LVP‘s sparkles reflected by Bravo cameras can cause a girl to lose her mind!

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Mike Shay and Scheana Marie Shay

Mike Shay has friends in high places (sarcasm alert) who are putting his soon to be ex-wife Scheana Marie on blast.

After Scheana and Shay got married on Vanderpump Rules, their relationship completely deteriorated. Mike has battled Scheana‘s narcissism, shrine to forever bridezilla, his sobriety, and her unorthodox use of tampons. Following a second? third? honeymoon, he reportedly cleaned out their checking account and fled the moment his wife turned her back to serve a crispy chicken salad.

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LOS ANGELES, CA - DECEMBER 02: Reality TV Personality Kim Richards attends the premiere party for Bravo Networks'

Kim Richards has finally gotten a handle on her sobriety and is “so happy” with her new alcohol-free life – “Honest!”

After publicly relapsing on Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills, Kim was arrested twice and had numerous rehab stints, but she promises that now she’s truly sober and guess what?! Her life is better than ever!

But the more things change, the more they stay the same, because in between family-time and sober success, Kim still managed to continue her drama with Lisa Rinna.

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Phaedra & Porsha DNC

Last night’s Real Housewives Of Atlanta blew things up – pun intended! – from imploding relationships, to actual bomb threats, and in between, a political message.

Phaedra Parks is headed to the DNC, accompanied by Porsha Williams. Porsha explains that politics is in her blood because her grandfather was legendary civil rights leader Hosea Williams. Are we sure they’re related? I mean, Porsha thought the underground railroad was Atlanta’s mysterious subway which transported people to a safe-haven called The Mall Of America.

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Sheree and Kairo on RHOA

Tonight’s episode of Real Housewives Of Atlanta is all about surprises – the good, the bad, and the ugly! After learning that her son Kairo was arrested and went to jail, Sheree Whitfield turns to Bob for support.

Meanwhile Kenya Moore continues to have issues with Matt, but after meeting his family their relationship has higher stakes than ever!

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