Lisa Rinna knows many, many things: she knows Harry Hamlin is a pie-making, grey-haired demigod, she knows that her dog Lola has magical powers of mind control, she knows that shopping saves lives, she knows that if she stands before giant murals of rainbow-colored angel wings she can a least look like she’s good, and she knows that gold is her color. But what Lisa Rinna doesn’t know, and wants to find out, is if Dorit Kemlsey was doing coke in the bathroom. So these are the days of our Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills.
And just think – this is not even the plot of the real-life soap opera Eileen Davidson stars in!
As far as dinner parties from hell, or vacations from hell go, the ladies of RHOBH reign supreme. As they do in so many instances. Hong Kong is no exception. Right after Erika Girardi finishes preaching at Eileen with her Tammy Faye Baker eyes, and just as everyone is finally – finally – tucking into their soup course, Lipsa ever-so-brightly inquires if Dorit was serving cocaine at her dinner party months ago. See Lisa saw things. She saw things that bothered her, but she never got the chance to bring up. As mentioned above, Lisa knows things, like that a good hostess would never leave HER, of all people, at the table while the rest of party disappeared to freshen up. Lisa Vanderpump would never do that!
Porsha traveled with friends and her sister Lauren, maybe because she needs an anger management accountability partner again in case she beats-down one of her friends, to Jamaica where they experienced the beautiful beaches and other splendid scenery. It was a girls-only trip, by the way! Of course Porsha also showed off her classy swimsuit collection. Cause Go naked, y’all!
You can see photos and videos of Porsha’s vacation below.
It was a big night of commitment for our Schwartzy, the little commitment-phobe that couldn’t. In front of some of his family, and all of his friends, he said “I Do” to Katie Maloney, thus establishing himself Mr. Three-Headed-She Beast. Stassi Schroeder cried tears of pure vodka-poisoned joy that her two best friends were officially, legally soulmates, and then she made Katie swear on her eyeshadow collection that Stassi would always be a part of them. Like a stye?
It was actually a sweet ceremony. Courtesy of Tom, who drank the tequila-aid and suddenly found himself overjoyed to be standing at an altar next to Katie’s drapes of a wedding gown. Oof – that dress: a pair of nude pantyhose someone bedazzled; full body spanks that got Pinterested and sold on Etsy. It isn’t easy being country-cutsey-woodsy-glammy-chic on a budget!
After conquering LA with her Cargo collection, Cynthia is ready to take on Atlanta – America’s fashion mecca. Let’s be honest though, the real person Cynthia needs to impress is Sheree Whitfield. THE elegant and sophisticated fashion pioneer behind the infamous and influential She By Sheree. Big leagues!
Kairo has modeling dreams so as a favor to build his portfolio Cynthia asked him to walk in her show. Kairo dead-eye shuffles like he’s auditioning for The Walking Dead and is carrying his former human life in that mock-croc backpack. Sheree is the only one impressed, and she’s the only one unimpressed that Kairo’s only compensation is a measly bag. Even though most of the models aren’t even getting that.
So wait – Phaedra Parks isn’t divorced after all?! Not according to an Atlanta judge who decided to reverse her divorce from Apollo Nida based on technicalities.
As always with Real Housewives Of Atlanta, the details are eternally confusing. Last year Phaedra’sdissolution of marriage was signed off by a judge, but despite the fact that he’s in prison and engaged to another woman, Apollo contested the divorce by saying he never saw nor signed papers, and that his name was intentionally spelled incorrectly. It’s listed as “Apollo Nita” on the legal documents.
You guys, Jenelle Evans just wants to tell you the real story. From her perspective. Which is 100% percent accurate and totally truthful. Which is why she has written a book entitled Read Between The Lines. Basically the theme is how nothing is ever Jenelle’s fault.
Ah, reunions. Nowhere will you see more delusion and ugly dresses than at a Vanderpump Rules reunion though. Obviously, I can’t wait. Here to tell us the season five reunion will be the worstest ever is Ariana Madix, who is usually a good judge of things, so I believe her.
The reunion took 10 hours. “It went by in a flash,” insists Ariana. “I think for the most part, I really think I got everything out at the reunion that I needed to say.”
Well last night’s Real Housewives Of Beverly Hillswas really something! Erika Jayne went from having no feelings she lets out, to melting into a puddle of icky goo. Don’t even get me started on Lisa Rinna. She needs to play Freeze Tag with her own lips. But we learned a very important thing: if you do not abide by the Buddha’s preach for peace and goodwill, you’re going to get served a severed friendship, surrounded by unfounded accusations.
When I say last night was not a good look for Erika, I mean that literally. She has a pretty cry face, but good lord, her sobbing and swearing at Eileen Davidson with 10 feet of pancake makeup and and Tammy Faye Baker eyes was frightening, Wicked Witch Of The West style. Honey those glams you pay need to tone down the fabulous.