Last night’s Survivor was a tad boring, if I do say so myself. I can’t keep up with legitimate, semi-legitmate, and totally false alliances. Who knew I’d be wishing Colton Cumbiewas around to liven up this purely strategic mess? I take that back…I’m glad he’s gone, but the remainder of this season is going to drag. I usually have someone I am rooting for by this point, but…
The merged Tikiano is back at the beach after tribal council. Troyzan and Model Jay are sad to see Jonas go. Troyzan knows that the men’s former alliance has been upset by some of the guys’ loyalty to the Salani. After a discussion with Jay, the two men seem to be back to the boys versus girls mentality. The pair finds a message in a 7 Up bottle as tree-mail. From the cryptic letter, it seems the winner of the reward challenge will get their fill of the un-cola. #productplacement
The reward challenge involves each member on the chosen tribes to go down a super steep water slide and then head into the ocean to retrieve boxes that will ultimately be connected as a puzzle. The winning tribe will be whisked to a 7 Up oasis…only Jeff Probstcould make that sound so sexy. The winners will partake in barbecue, burgers, key lime pie, and, of course, all the 7 Up they can drink. To whet the teams pallets, each player is given a taste of the citrus beverage. It’s “school-yard pick” as to who is on which team. The first group is Jay Byars, Kat Edorsson, Troyzan, Alicia Rosa, and Chelsea Meissner versus everyone else…except Tarzan. He wasn’t picked.
On last night’s episode of Real Housewives of Orange County the ladies got to mudslinging, only this time it involved actual mud for a change! In other news, Tamra Barney is officially divorced and Vicki Gunvalson is officially the most insecure fifty-year-old I’ve ever encountered. Oh, and Alexis Bellino revealed her new nose, which we’ve already seen 10,000 times before, so that was no big whoo-hoo.
Things start out with the Queen of the OC and resident class act, Heather Dubrow taking her husband shopping. Apparently, this is What Not To Wear, the Dr. Dubrow edition. Sadly, Stacy London and Clinton Kelly did not appear with a bevy of secret footage and a red trash can. Hopefully they’re saving that for Vicki, but I digress.
Terry does need a make-over and hopefully David Austin, world’s greatest clothier in all the world will help him – for a cool $50k. “You’re gonna look mmmaaaavalous!;” Heather purs; prying Terry’s wallet from his shaking hands with a malicious glint in her eye. Terry will no longer embarrass his perfect wife at cocktail parties with his outmoded and pedestrian appearance. Oh no – there is a new Terry in town and this one has both black and white tie attire!
I must admit – it’s nice to see some old-school traditional HW action of spending ostentatious amounts of money and actually being able afford it. We hope… . If they declare bankruptcy next year, we’ll know they’ve been struck by the Teresa Giudice curse!
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Last night was the premiere of the first Dance Moms‘ spin-off, Dance Moms: Miami. We are introduced to Victor Smalley and Angel Armas, owners of Star Dance Studios in Miami, Florida. I am curious to see if they will be as horrible as Abby Lee from the original Dance Moms, but from an overview of the upcoming season, they seem to be reserving the insanity for the moms. Good call.
Victor and Angel are quick to point out that they would never put up with these crazy-a$$ mothers if it weren’t for their sweet and talented children. Victor is the good cop to Angels’ stricter bravado. Sammy Small and her mother Abby are new to the studio, but they aren’t new to Debi Epstein and her daughter Hannah. Sammy and Hannah danced together when they were younger, and Sammy, who has grand plans to be the next Hannah Montana, apparently wasn’t the nicest to Hannah. Abby thinks people are just jealous of her family’s wealth and talented children. Perhaps, although Abby’s husband doesn’t seem to keen on spending on his “wealth” on his daughters’ dancing.
Victor’s mother, Mayra Smalley, runs the studio and is challenged with corralling the moms. Victor and Angel have a “list” where they rate the dancers’ performances, based on their own opinions, not how well they did in competition according to judges’ scores. Debi is floored to see Hannah at the bottom. An adorable Lucas Triana, is on the verge of tears when he’s told his cuteness will only get him so far, and ends up next to last on the list. His mother Brigette, thinks her nine-year-old is winning multiple competitions should grant him a better place on the list. Oh, and she also touts herself as the resident dance mom b!tch. Good to know!
Kimmy Kopke is third on the list for her inability to memorize choreography, and new girl Sammy scores the second spot much to Debi’s eye-rolling and chagrin. The coveted top spot belongs to Jessi Kennedy. Her mother Susan is going to be a spitfire, mark my words. The troupe prepares for an upcoming competition, and Victor gives them a pep talk. Jessi scores a solo, and Lucas and Kimmy will have a duet where the young pair will be competing against twelve-year-old dancers. Hannah is saddened to learn that she will not have a solo this week.
The routine for the competition is “jazz funk.” Bring it! The moms are kicked out of the studio while Victor teaches dark “Miami-fusion” style choreography to the students. In the moms’ holding room, newbie mom Abby asks for the lowdown on Victor and Angel. Both Brigette and Kimmy’s mother Anicia Guttierrez can’t hide their smugness. Debi jumps in to talk about how strict this studio is compared to the one Sammy used to attend. Abby agrees that it must be, as Hannah seems to be dancing a bit better than the last time Abby saw her. Mee and yow. Brigette finds it hilarious as Abby and Debi rattle off their daughters’ impressive dance resumes.
Debi admits that she is far more competitive than her daughter. She cannot wait until Hannah is a superstar and shows up Sammy. Does Debi realize she’s jealous of a tween? Debi blames Victor for not giving Hannah a solo or a duet. Victor divas up to Debi after she accuses him of casting Sammy when she hasn’t paid her dues at the studio. He sashays away leaving Debi fuming. I already like this show so much better than the original! When Susan questions Debi about the altercation, she curtly replies she doesn’t want to talk about it.
We learn that Jessi is uber-competitive and wants to win at all costs. We also learn that Jessi’s grandmother was a ballerina in Colombia. A bit more history? Her mother Susan didn’t quite make it as far in the dance world as she would have liked. Shocking…her mother’s a famous dancer, and now her daughter lives to dance, admittedly to please Susan. Lifetime, you also may have a movie of the week with this one.
Last night’s 16 and Pregnant introduced us to Briana DeJesus, a Brooklyn teen who now resides with her mother and older sister in Orlando, Florida. She graduated a year early from high school and is looking forward to starting college in the fall. She and her former boyfriend, Devoin, decided to keep the baby, although the couple soon ended their relationship. Even harder? Her sister Brittany got pregnant at the same time and decided to have an abortion. Briana reveals to her friend that they pair didn’t use protection, because it was too awkward to talk about – you know what else is awkward…having everyone up in your business for nine months. Teens say the darndest things.
Both sisters seem almost envious of the others’ choice. Briana has no support from her baby’s father, but she feels like she is flaunting her pregnancy in front of her sister. Brittany claims she chose abortion after seeing how hard it was for her sister, and she promises to go out and have fun while Briana is stuck home with her baby. However, Brittany can’t change the choice she made, and she admits that it is hard for her to watch Briana’s pregnancy progress. Mother and daughters share a tearful moment.
Devoin hasn’t spoken to Briana in over a month, but she still holds out hope that he will be there for their daughter. Her mom agrees to allow him to spend the night a few times a week to help, but she has no intentions of turning into his personal hotel. Seeing as Devoin won’t return Briana’s calls or texts, she may not have anything to worry about. She discusses baby names with her mother, who quickly rules out Bliss, as it sounds too much like a stripper name. Briana is leaning towards the name Nova.
Briana, Brittany, and their friends have a fun time making t-shirts, with Briana decorating hers with stars and the word Nova. She texts Devoin about naming the baby. Briana has made up her mind about Nova, and Devoin thinks he should at least get a vote. She says she will let him choose the last name…but if Devoin wants Nova to have his last name, he’s really going to have to step up to the plate. Devoin is not keen on getting a job to assist with the baby. He feels like he’s being forced into finding work. Doesn’t Briana know how stressed out he is? Devoin is very indifferent to his ex-girlfriend’s tears. D-to-the-ouchebag!
Last night on Bethenny Ever After, Bethenny felt the pressures of being attacked by the media over the lost at sea scandal. To get her side of the story out there, she makes some talk show appearances. On the bright side, Bethenny and Jason are still connecting and getting along better than ever.
Things start out with a Skinnygirl product placement; Jason and Bethenny are sitting around having Skinnygirl Margies and talking tabloid rage. I want a job where I hang out and drink all day. And I get a lifetime supply of said cocktails. #livinthedream
Bethenny has discovered that the media is accusing her of faking the lost at sea debacle. She is highly incensed that people want to tear her down because she is successful, but I guess that’s the breaks when you become a celebrity. Particularly, one whose celebrity is based on exposing your real-ish life to television cameras.
Proving she doesn’t really want to leave the limelight, no matter how merciless the ‘bloids and the blogs are, Bethenny announces that she has shot a pilot for a talk show produced by Ellen.
Bethenny is going to pick out a bathroom for the new apartment. In the car on the way to the toilet shop, Dwayne, who is more than just a driver, but also a lifecoach now, counsels her on handling the haters. At the toilet shop, Bethenny tries to convince her poor helpless interior designer to pop a squat on the toilets, and then insists her designer is going to get sex with the way she’s dressed. Uhh… why so much crap, Bravo, why so much crap?
Nick shows up to drop off his food blog. He is adorable. So adorable. He looks great and he reads his falafel report aloud whilst being forced to imbibe a Skinnygirl margarita. Nick’s blog is hilarious. Nick is my favorite Skinnygirl accessory. I’m glad he’s able to make light of his harrowing tale of Bethenny forcing him to get threaded. Why must Bethenny constantly harass him? At least she gives him props on his awesome writing. Please, seek other employment Nick. Call Gawker.
Leave it to Bethenny to turn all topics of conversation into sex as she insists Julie admit she’s had a panty dropping cocktail of the Skinnygirl variety. Frankly, I think it’s only fitting that a Skinnygirl Panty Dropper hit the market. I mean Frankelzombies love her sex talk so it’d probably sell like Skweeze Couture and Ramona Pinot… Errrrr… oooohhh… those actually don’t sell much, do they?
It’s Therapy Time! Everybody is looking for a flaw–most specifically Bethenny–and everybody loves to rip apart the successful amongst us. Me included apparently, given this recap and the fact that Bethenny believes bloggers are out to disparage her.
So do we think yoga is working for Bethenny? Zen-not? She is really, really worked up and cursing like a sailor (pun intended!) over these accusations that lost at sea-gate was a ruse. Bethenny has a point that people love to tear you down for small things–that’s true–but she needs to calm the eff down and relax. I agree with Dr. Amador – why continue with all of this if you are so unhappy with the perceptions in the media? Why go farther by adding a talk show to the rotation? I love how much backpedaling Bravo is doing with the whole lost at sea thing. #damagecontrol
Bethenny admits she is a workaholic and says it comes from former feelings of depression, hopelessness, and struggle; believing nothing good would happen for her. Sad. Old Bethenny was consumed by anxiety about not building a happy life for herself. Good thing her looks didn’t go before she snagged Jason! Honestly though, I’m happy she married a man she loves, had a child, and has managed to become successful – so go enjoy it! She did work hard and it has paid off. So, why so much angst?
Back at home, Bethenny continues to be consumed by stress over negative press. Bethenny believes making money has caused people to become “rabid dogs.” She is especially confused by the constant attention, given that she is currently “flying under the radar.” Flying under the radar by being on TV, starring in a show about her life, and writing books about her life, and hawking products every five minutes? That kind of flying under the radar? That’s, like, so far under the radar, she’s practically invisible.
Bethenny wants to start some gossip of her own in retaliation, and she is furious about tabloid journalists being able to make up stories. And now she is going after them for it! For Forbes sake, of course. Here’s the thing; with every rumor there’s always a grain of truth… The lady doth protest too much!
I get that its stressful handling constant negative press about yourself. Hell, I get stressed out reading negative comments on Reality Tea. And it must suck–particularly hearing negative things from your own mother–to have your life be scrutinized. Later, Bethenny smashes a wall in the new apartment to get out her frustration and build a new closet. She bashes it in the name of lying bloggers or something. She sure has a thing about people lying lately, doesn’t she?
In order to combat haters, Bethenny is making the talk show rounds to get the truth out. Bethenny is upset that her credibility is attacked by these bloggers and the tow boat operator, who accused her of fabricating the emergency. First up is The Today Show.
Bethenny and Jason are have date night. Does Bethenny ever stop talking about herself? She is ranting on and on about the Forbes article being attacked for inflating numbers, and the retractions, and the this and the that. We get it – she’s upset. Do we need an entire hour (45 minutes) of television devoted to this? Jason is supportive of her vendetta and high fives her when he learns a retraction was issued by certain media outlets, although he does point out that that’s what happens when you’re in the public eye.
I have to admit, I love Bethenny and Jason together. They have a fun dynamic and they get each other’s humor. I think it is so cute that he is completely enamored with her and loves her just the way she is. She should learn to take a compliment–her hubby thinks she’s beautiful and sexy–not meat. They have a cute funny back-n-forth about her tank top being sexy and his beard looking like a crotch hair. Jason is planning Bethenny’s birthday in Mexico and he is treading lightly after last year’s meltdown of epic proportions, which likely goes into the Bravo Hall of Fame for most ridiculous meltdown (Don’t worry – Kelly B‘s still tops it!).
Bethenny reiterates why birthdays aren’t her thing and hopes for something low-key and relaxed. They agree on dinner, Mexico, and margaritas. Sounds perfect to me.
Bethenny and a smallish posse of Skinnygirlians will be going to LA for her Ellen appearance. Bryn will also be coming with mommy. Cute. There was packing drama and no one cares. Bethenny plays with Bryn while everyone else packs for her. Jason dips out after a brief good-bye so she calls him for a better good-bye, which makes Bethenny reconsider how incredibly insane her schedule is that she barely has time for the little important things. It was a nice moment of reflection.
In LA, Bethenny and Jackie prep for Ellen. Bethenny discovers that the mostly silent Dawa is actually very involved in Free Tibet protests. Wow! Dawa = way more interesting than anyone else on this show. Going over her schedule, Bethenny announces she wants to relax and go on vacation, whilst lying in bed eating as everyone else takes care of Bryn and works around her. Oh, to be rich. Why didn’t I win Mega Millions?
Bryn also wants a vacation and says “Mexico”. Bryn is ridiculous cute. Bethenny loves going on Ellen, whom she looks up to and respects. Bethenny explains that the dynamic has changed since shooting the pilot for the talk show and she feels things are different and exciting. She feels at home with the Ellen team and everyone passes Bryn back and forth and coos over her.
Bethenny and Ellen discuss Bryn‘s verbosity and I think we know she gets it from her mama. Bryn shows off her talking skills by saying “All da boats” and “I’m da baby” and Ellen counters that it’s not really sentences. Oh, please Ellen–she’s one–and that’s really advanced for a one-year-old! I like Bryn’s babytalk. Ellen is a ball buster, but it’s all in fun.
Once Ellen cameras are rolling–on stage, that is–Ellen quizzes Bethenny about being lost–maybe stranded–at sea. Ellen and Bethenny have a good rapport about the incident and they’re amusing together. Backstage, Jackie reassures Bethenny that the bit went well and was really funny. Bethenny and Ellen are now friends and she is thrilled to be a part of the Ellen experience. Hey, who wouldn’t be?
Next Week: Does Julie quit? Bethenny and Jason ponder working together? And Skinnygirl does a lingerie shoot.
THOUGHTS ON THE EPISODE? WAS BETHENNY OVER REACTING ABOUT THE NEGATIVE PRESS – OR WAS BRAVO DOING DAMAGE CONTROL? DO YOU BELIEVE SHE REALLY WAS LOST/STRANDED AT SEA?
I hope none of y’all missed last night’s educational and always classy episode of Basketball Wives. I learned, among other things, never to wear flip flops with a kitten heel, and to duck and cover if I ever find myself dining with Evelyn in a wine cellar.
We resume with the ladies arguing in a cabana. Kesha peaces out, and Suzie walks her out, but thinks better of leaving Kenya alone with Evelyn and Tami to spin more lies. Her word play is ridiculous. Kenya never SAID that Evelyn was loose, she just said she HEARD Evelyn was loose. Tami finds Kenya to be very untrustworthy if she can’t remember what she’s said. Evelyn is stewing quietly, and Kenya decides to cut her losses and leave. Evelyn then rants about Kenya’s elderly kitten heels and her future a$$ whooping.
Royce is meeting with JoJo Brim and Talia Coles to discuss a potential hip-hop fitness video. It sounds like a cool project, and if I weren’t so lazy, I would certainly exercise with a Royce DVD. Jenn and Suzie come over to Kesha’s for wine, and once again Kenya’s kitten heels are the main topic of conversation. Jenn hasn’t had any issues with Kenya, as they both talk about their ongoing divorces. Suzie is appalled her friend may like Kenya, much less think she’s “normal,” and Kesha warns Jenn that she’s being idolized by a cuckoo bird. Kesha also wants to call the other girl who was in the conversation when Kenya called Evelyn loose.
Over lunch, Evelyn fills inShaunie on the Kenya/Kesha debacle. Good gracious, this show is so scripted. Evelyn no longer cares about Kenya and Kesha’s problems with one another. She is mad as fire about being called a ho loose. She is looking forward to speaking to Kesha’s friend, who was present for Kenya’s loose lips. Evelyn’s ring is super ridiculous, by the way. Speaking of Kenya, she meets up with her “favorite girl” Jenn. Jenn totally relates…she’s her own favorite girl. Kenya is able to schmooze her way into Jenn’s good graces. It’s like Kenya is to Jenn what Jenn used to be to Evelyn, no?
Royce visits Tami to talk about her upcoming play. Tami is proud of her friend and having fun until Royce mentions Suzie. Royce hadn’t heard about the food stamps comment. Tami reveals how difficult it is working with Kenya, and Royce jokes that she brought this upon herself. Tami informs Royce that she will be joining Tami to listen to back-up choirs for Kenya. Royce is not on board, but she’s willing to do it for Tami. I do think their friendship is extremely genuine.
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Oh, this show. Why are these ladies so angry? They live in a mansion and get paid to party and spend eight hours a day doing their makeup. And yet, everything makes them so upset. On last night’s Bad Girls Club, the reactions to Spongebob Twin replacements Camillaand Christine covered a whole range of emotions until it culminated into yet another pointless physical attack. When will they realize psychological torture is far more effective?
In any case, you can’t feel too bad for the new girls. At eight seasons, they–like Top Chef contestants who cry at the mention of having to make a pound cake–should know what to expect. Both girls predictably acted confident and cocky in their intro talking heads, and appear to get along when they first meet each other for a drink, but that solidarity ends up being very short lived. Both girls walk into the house, cheery and excited, Christine clutching a bottle of whatever cheap champagne was on sale that day, and the rest of the girls remain firmly planted in bed.
It becomes obvious that Christine will be the odd bad girl out. She’s too drunk, too enthusiastic, and too eager to please. Now, the producers probably told the new girls to act that way to provoke the remaining tired, bitchy cast members, but Christine really took it to the next level. She really shows herself when, upon hearing Erica is from “Atlanta New York,” she says “I didn’t know there was an Atlanta in New York.” Erica huffily responds that she is from New York, but lives in Atlanta like we are all supposed to decode her ginger language, which apparently doesn’t use complete sentences.
The two new girls head out to the Blue Martini–this show’s version of Jersey Shore’s Karma–and Christine keeps drinking. This is where Camilla realizes that Christine can’t hold her booze and will probably not be a good ally in the house. The first test the bad girls have set up for the new girls is what they will do about the bed situation. There is only one bed left, previously shared by Gabi and Dani, and Erica says they are watching them to see if they will fight over the bed or if they will just share. And of course, they share. They get home from the bar and Camilla dumps Christine’s falling over drunk ass.
The next day, Christine, still dressed in her tight dress from the night before, calls home and announces she’s ready to leave. Well, that didn’t take long. She’s convinced to stay one more day and finds comfort with Amy, who tells her not to let anyone else in the house see her cry.
Over on the B-plot, Gia notices her special friend DJ Matt is being, in her words, a “Twitter ho.” Unlike a lot of these kinds of reality shows, they do let the girls use email, and apparently, read social media, but as Gia said, they just can’t use them while they are in the house. Interesting! Anyway, she decides she’s over Matt and wants some a new toy. She, Erica, and Amy go out to eat at some product-placed burger chain in a strip mall, and just so happen to run into producer, Jazz Lazer, who just happens to know Gia’s name! That’s such a coincidence.
It was a night of tears and tens on Dancing with the Stars. The theme of the night was ‘memorable years’ and there were plenty of tear-jerkering stories, paired with some beautiful dancing.
First up was Anna Trebunskaya and Jack Wagner. Bruno gushed and said they got the party started. All of the judges were impressed, landing them a respectable 24 points.
Maria Menounos and Derek Hough did the rumba to Material Girl. The judges gushed over it, calling it a little bit of bedroom and ballroom. Maria danced through that broken rib to earn a 27.
Gladys Knight says 1957 was special for her because it was her first tour and she was just 13. Gladys and Tristan danced their way through the fox trot and earned a 24. The judges gave her high praise for her flow and her grace.
Roshon Fegan and Chelsie Hightower danced a Michael Jackson tribute to the samba. Carrie Ann didn’t think it was their best dance since their transitions were a little clumsy. They wound up with a 25 for their efforts.
Gavin DeGraw and Karina Smirnoff impress with their sexy dance. Bruno shouts out “GAVIN YOU’VE GOT HIPS!” Carrie Ann declares that she has “Gavin fever”, but only enough to give them a 24.
Katherine Jenkinsand Mark Ballas earned the highest points of the night with their beautiful tribute to Katherine’s father who passed away from lung cancer. They waltzed their way to a 29. Carrie Anna was totally choked up and called it “magic”.
Sherri Shepherdand Val Chmerkovskiy dance a theatrical rumba together and earn a 24. Bruno says “mama can move” and was impressed with the way she held it together.
Next up was Melissa Gilbert, who broke her back in 2010 and wanted to celebrate with a peppy jive. Melissa and Maks Chmerkovskiy also earned a 24.
Rumba’ing their way to a 25, Jaleel White and Kym Johnson got some criticism for not being fluid enough.
William Levy chose 1995 as his most memorable year because he arrived in the United States after leaving Cuba. William and partner Cheryl Burke steamed up the dance floor with a sexy salsa. Len tells him he “conquered the salsa”.
Last up was Donald Driver, who dedicated his dance with Peta Murgatroyd to his friend who died of cancer in 2010. Their rumba earned a 26.
Who do you think will be sent on their way tonight? Here are the final tallies:
Katherine Jenkins & Mark Ballas – 29
Jaleel White & Kym Johnson – 25
William Levy & Cheryl Burke – 28
Gladys Knight & Tristan MacManus – 24
Jack Wagner & Anna Trebunskaya – 24
Sherri Shepherd & Val Chmerkovskiy – 24
Roshon Fegan & Chelsie Hightower – 25
Maria Menounos & Derek Hough – 27
Donald Driver & Peta Murgatroyd – 26
Melissa Gilbert & Maks Chmerkovskiy – 24
Gavin DeGraw & Karina Smirnoff – 24
TELL US – WHAT’D YOU THINK OF THE DANCES? THE COSTUMES? THE SCORES? THE SAD STORIES?
