Recaps

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It's Prom Night on Dancing with the Stars, which means big hair, cheesy back stories, and Sean Lowe dressed as Huckleberry Finn. Oh boy. This is going to be a very long two hours. Host Tom Bergeron says, "This is no April Fool's joke – it's really prom night," and waste of space Brooke Burke-Charvet adds, "And yes, I really wore my hair like this." Nobody cares, Brooke.
 
To go along with the theme, a prom king and prom queen will be crowned on tonight's results show. The winning male star and female star, which will be decided by Twitter, will each receive two bonus points to add to their original scores. I fully expect Zendaya and Sean to take those honors. We shall see. 
 
Aly Raisman and Mark Ballas
 
Viennese Waltz: The combination of counting music and pretending to be hot for Mark Ballas proves to be too much for Aly to handle this week. She thinks all of the pressure is going to make her head explode. Well, at least she'd be somewhat interesting, then. While Aly and Mark's dance seems to be technically okay, Aly's movements always come across as cold and forced to me.
 
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I'm officially done with Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Officially over and done with it. Let's do this quick and dirty and rundown who was a bitch, who was the bigger bitch, and who turned me into a raving lunatic bitch about attack gladiator style. You know her name is Kim "The Rambling Rose" Richards!

Even Lisa Vanderpump was annoying me because she kept stooping to certain people's levels and getting bitchy and bickery with them. I want Lisa to be the bigger person and I'm sure this season has gotten to her and all the nonsense as taken its toll, but hopefully she hasn't gotten too big for her britches as the fan favorite. I don't want to start hating her next season. Just stay away from those Bitchards – they bring out the worst in everyone! 

Things resume with the Richards sisters launching some sort of verbal bouncy-seat, finger pointing, hair swishing assault on the eternally composed Yolanda Foster. Good lord when those two start swinging their hair like Sweet Valley High rejects I secretly hope they lasso each other and end up in a spinning tornado floating off into space. I'm not sure why the powers that be at Bravo haven't made this happen. The ratings would be huge. 

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Last week's episode of Big Rich Atlanta ended with Kahdijiha Rowe being arrested for her part in Cupcake Drama. Back at home, Kahdijiha discusses the experience with her mother, Sharlinda Parker.  
 
Sharlinda looks completely spent; however, Kahdijiha seems to be perfectly fine. Her emotions are 100% in check. Sharlinda begs for a reaction from Kahdijiha, saying, "Stop sitting there and being all hardcore!" Kahdijiha explains her state of mind. "Ashlee Wilson-Hawn is not one to fight fair," she says. "I will never let anything this girl can conjure up mess up what you and I have going on, and that's why I don't feel sad." Kahdijiha adds that she's only angry and focused on repairing her family's image.
 
Meanwhile, Virginia Kolb runs into Katie Davidson at the country club. Poor Virginia. Katie fake apologizes for Donald Mitchell's drunken antics at her Harvest Party. On her couch, Virginia admits that she actually likes Katie and hopes to clear the air. Harvin Eadon points out, "If Katie were a good friend, she'd keep her little pet Donald in check." Yes! Exactly! 
 
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Last night we were treated to two marriage themed episodes of Teen Mom.  So as to not cause our readers to overdose on all things Jenelle Evans, Kailyn Lowry, Chelsea Houska, and Leah Messer Sims Calvert, we're splitting up the recaps.  It's just our way of letting our wonderful readers recoup from one hour of the train wreck to the next.  All in all, it was a night of proposals, weddings, and tears made in MTV heaven. 

Jenelle and Gary are back in full romance mode, and her roommate questions whether Jenelle truly loves Gary or if she just hates being alone.  Jenelle assures her that she isn't with Gary just because he's in the military and will make good money.  He's good with Jace, and she just doesn't have the energy to look for another relationship.  Jenelle admits that they both pick fights on purpose because they love the drama.  All of those are wonderful reasons to stay with someone, right?  Her roommate begs Jenelle not to accept any marriage proposals from Gary because the two clearly aren't ready to get married.  Jenelle can't make any promises.

Speaking of marriage, Leah and Gary really want to get a loan on their dream house, and they are considering getting married at the courthouse before their actual planned wedding ceremony.  She informs her mom of their plan, and her mom is fine with their plan.  Her mom wants her to tell Corey beforehand, but she's excited when Leah asks her to be a witness.  After chatting with her mom, Leah shares her early wedding plans with her sister.

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rhoc-recap

Last night was the season premiere of Real Housewives of Orange County. WOO HOO! And the more things change the more things stay the same, eh?

So Vicki Gunvalson has a new mantra – she's renovating, renovating, renovating! Renovating herself, her house, her attitude, her entire face! After seven long seasons she's grown weary of being called Miss Piggy and she's grown weary of being the butt of a zillion jokes. She tossed Brooks Ayers to the curb with a sack full of Hallmark cards and hightailed it Dr. Niccole's office where she got a nose job, some fat injections, and a chin implant. Chinplat 2.0! It's pretty hard to tell what she's going to look like as she's in the settling in phases, which means she looks a little shiny and wonky and lopsided, but um… I'll withhold judgment for now. 

I will not withhold judgment over Vicki's eyelashes. What were those things? Pipe cleaners? Spider legs? They were the worse false lashes I've ever seen. They must be from the Gretchen Christine Bootay Collection. 

Vicki shares that Briana and her husband Ryan have moved in and any day now Vicki will become a grandmother. To prepare for all the changes she has her assistant over to play some kind of drinking game that involves moving furniture while chugging wine. Every time you bang the sofa into the wall you drink or something. ahahahahah! New nose, new living room, same old wino! 

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I wish I could reach through your computer screen and pass you a tissue, because I know y'all are super upset that this season of Love & Hip Hop has drawn to a close.  Not surprisingly, the finale was all about two couples, with everyone else just showing up for a few quick minutes.  Perhaps VH1 should remember that less is more when it comes to casting…we can't get involved with eighteen different story lines!

Of course, last night starts off with everyone's favorite (hahaha!) plot.  Joe Budden has returned to New York, and he feels that his relationship with Tahiry Jose is unresolved.  Once home, Kaylin reveals that she's been nervous to hear about her boyfriend's vacay with his ex.  Joe shares that his feelings for Tahiry are beyond his control, and Kaylin wants to call it quits on her relationship with Joe…except that she doesn't have anywhere else to go.  When she asks their status as a couple, I think (I had to rewind three times) Joe said "Let us pray," but I can't be sure.

Also back in NYC is Tahiry, and she's meeting up with Rashidah Ali to rehash her stories from the Dominican Republic.  Forget about Tahiry's charity work or reconciliation with her father, Tahiry only wants to chat about Joe.  Rashidah is floored to learn that her friend may still be in love with Joe, and she's concerned that the two are moving in the wrong direction.  During the next commercial break Subway treats us to Tahiry waxing poetic about her charity work in the DR.  So, her conversation didn't make the actual show, but I guess this is better than nothing!

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Bravo's set up of Married to Medicine: Dr Jackie Walters and Dr. Simone Whitmore each juggle life as a wife, mother, friend, and OB-GYN while the doctor's wives, Mariah Huq, Quad Wedd-Lunceford, Toya Bush-Harris, and Kari Wells, show us that sacrifices must be made when you're married to medicine. 
 
Last week, Kari, Toya, and Quad's drama ruined Mariah's birthday party. Now, Mariah hosts a Doctors on the Dock party, and she hopes that the other ladies are able to act like proper doctor's wives in the presence of their doctor husbands. The party starts well. Then, Quad shows up, and she proves that she doesn't have a refined bone in her body. Mariah's little pet is out of control.
 
Quad arrives late, which the other wives find to be tacky, and then she greets everyone but Toya. Quad says Toya can "catch fire and go to hell" and turns her attention to Kari. Acting innocent, Quad asks Kari if she or her husband were ever married to other people, and Kari admits that she met Duncan while he was still married to his first wife. DUN-DUN-DUUUUN!!!
 
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rhoa-recap-finale

Last night was the season finale of Real Housewives of Atlanta. I would say it was a little sweet and a little classy, but it wasn't. It was mostly a lotta ratchet. 

See Kenya Moore threw the big end of the season party. And at Kenya's party she wants things her way – or the highway. Well, parking lot at least. Kenya decided her Atlanta "coming out" event would be an Iconic Black Women In Film gala. She assigned all the ladies of RHOA a character because there was to be some sort of performance associated with the role. The only performing I saw was a low-budget runway show in which they all waltzed up on stage did a couple hip pops and sat back down on a folding chair in the audience. Apparently that's how Krayonce defines a play though cause she was two shades of bent out of bootyshape about Porsha Stewart coming in the wrong costume. 

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