Last night on Real Housewives of New Jersey there was actually a sweet storyline. Jaime Laurita got married and it was really, really beautiful. Although everyone mostly got along, there was some trouble over a tabloid article Teresa Giudicedid. Melissa Gorga also gave us a demo of her new song, which, aaaaaaahhhh… I wish I could un-hear. Ok, I admit – it was a fun dance song…
Also, Caroline Manzo has been referring to herself in third person a lot, which has me worried. Nonetheless, I think I’m going to refer to Caroline Manzo as Caroline Manzo at all times. Caroline Manzo probably doesn’t like when people do that to Caroline Manzo.
Things begin with Jacqueline Laurita and Chris discovering an oh so conveniently placed copy of In Touch Weekly which also oh so conveniently has a photo of Teresa, Gabriella (I think) and a puppy on the cover. I wonder if room service is doling these mags out – you know, leaving it in front of the door like they do USA Today and The Wall Street Journal. Frankly, it’s not a bad idea – I love tabloids.
Well, well, well… Alexis Bellino and Gretchen Rossi have officially broken the Blomb Squad (that’s dumb and blonde). Last night on the Real Housewives of Orange County the rain continued to pour in the jungle as Alexis found herself in the middle of an onslaught. And poor Gretchen got cast aside as Lex’s resident BFF after Alexis determined that she too was involved in the attacks. Oh, the politics of being a Housewife.
We continue where left off with the face-off round the dinner table. The rain makes me think that all of Costa Mexico is crying on Alexis‘ behalf. Alexis remindsTamra Barney that though she may believe she’s perfect, being a mean hateful bitch makes her flawed too. Alexis suggests Tammie Sue work on her own issues before pointing fingers her way. Like Alexis or not, she has a good point.
Alexis snipes that just because Tamra got her implants taken out doesn’t mean she’s real. Touche. And Vicki Gunvalson pipes up to remind us that all of them are fake as designers imposters perfume and that all these ladies are materialistic – that’s why they’re rocking LV and Chanel in the jungle. Alexis accuses Tamra of badmouthing her which is why Terry thought she was fake – Tamra denies it. Sadly, it was actually Gretchen who was badmouthing Alexis behind her back to Terry.
Well, girls and boys… it finally happened. After months of build-up, Bravo unleashed the New New York and we finally caught a glimpse of Real Housewives of New York without Jill Zaaaaaaaaarin. For those of you who never thought you’d live to see the day – rejoice – but sadly it seems Pinot Singer has hopped right on up into the bitter, negative, biddy role that Jill so recently vacated. Dangit, Pinot!
Last night we were treated to some delightful new blood, and while Sonja Morgan was in good spirits and ready to move on and make new friends but keep the old, LuAnn de Lesseps, Countess no more and Pinot were still circling each other like round the UES rosie with the same old axe to grind. Sonja said the only thing worse than stale brioche at a party is stale guests… well meet your stale guests. Are people still eating brioche?
Things open with LuAnn and newbieAviva Drescher pretending they’re long lost friends and doing lunch. Let’s just call it what it is – they’ve met each other a total of two times and Bravo is forcing them to interact as buddies to stack the odds. The only interesting thing that came out of this to-do was the revelation that Aviva’s ex-husband Harry has quite the active social life - so active that he’s dated and most likely boinked LuAnn and Sonja.
Finally, The Bachelorette puts the viewer’s need for travel porn above Emily Maynard’s need to keep her daughter Ricki close to home. We’re off to Bermuda! I hope beautiful sandy beaches mean beautiful shirtless men.
The first date card goes to Doug Clerget. It reads, “Let our senses lead the way.” Doug remembers there’s a rose on the one-on-one dates. The guys talk about how much it would suck to come all the way to Bermuda only to have to go right back home. They’re right, that would suck, but probably not as much as a lifetime with Emily.
I know, I know, America’s sweetheart, search for true love, and all that jazz. Let’s just agree to compare notes come mid-July. This season is going to be a smashing success of a love story just to spite me, isn’t it?
Let’s talk about hypocrites… we see a lot of those on reality TV. Something we also see a lot of is impending nervous breakdowns – and it seems to me we’re witnessing a scary combination of the two in Caroline Manzo. Last night’s episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey was supposed to be about gay rights with the celebration of Jaime Laurita‘s wedding and Rosie Pierri accepting her own sexuality – sadly it was eclipsed by Caroline vs. Teresa Giudice with Caroline serving up more pettiness and more spite. This show was also about sibling relationships – and so many of these reality sibs actually have some pretty abysmal ones.
Things begin with Teresa and Gia having a chat about Teresa’s never peaceable relationship with Joe Gorga. Teresa is poking at Gia to open up with her while Gia is poking at an eggo waffle – I don’t remember that recipe being in any of T’s cookbooks! I kid, I kid.
Teresa wants to know if Gia thinks she is working hard enough on her relationship with Non-Juicy Joe and if she should do anything differently. Teresa taking advice from a ten-year-old says everything. LOL. In all actuality I thought it was a very sweet and age-appropriate conversation. I appreciated that Teresa wanted Gia to know they are working on things, but I also think Gia is exposed to a leetle too much family drama.
Last night we were treated to a double dose of Sister Wives. First off, Kody and Meri tackle their fertility issues, and then the Brown clan celebrates Valentine’s Day polygamist style. Throw in some drama about financing four new homes, and TLC’s bringing the tame drama! I’m not complaining…I’d take tame over crazy any day of the week!
Kody and his wives are trying to find homes in closer proximity with one another. Right now, the wives are all spread out over Las Vegas, and the children (all the children!) aren’t really functioning as a family. The wives meet with a realtor and lender hoping to be able to purchase four houses on the same street. Currently everything on the street is under construction. Basically, two of the wives, if approved for financing, can move into two homes within the next month. However, the other wives will have to wait until their houses are actually built. Kody and his wives reminisce about their perfect home in Utah, but hopefully they will have four perfect homes in Nevada…sometime. The lender admits that it isn’t unusual for her to work with polygamists. However, it’s tricky having five borrowers trying to buy four homes at one time. Kody, his hair, and his spouses vow (0nce again! haha!) to get all the necessary paperwork together for the loan officer.
So, let’s talk about Keeping Up With Kardashians… Is anybody watching that? I must confess I tuned in and saw, well, all the episodes of this season. Not because I was forced, but because I was curious. Albeit morbidly so. Which is sort of like eating an entire Chipotle burrito just to see if I can do it. Never a good idea, but it never stops me.
First of all, the editing in this show is so bad and non-sequential, but they don’t seem to care and they don’t bother trying to hide it. They also bilk a storyline for all it’s worth; going overboard to berate you with a point. And most annoyingly, each show has a little moralistic message attached to the end like some sort of totally trashy and lowbrow Aesop’s Fables with spray tans, false eyelashes, and a lot of too tight pants.
Yeah, so about those Kardashians. Is Kris Jennerpsychotic? Bruce Jenner seems to think so! Their marital drama – which may be fabricated, but is likely not – is kinda dominating this season so far. In fact Bruce is getting some major airtime for once. He’s working hard for his share of that $40M.
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For me, last night’s anticipation was palpable. I mean, for serious! We finally are going to get to see Kim Zolciak sans wig! I can hardly contain myself. So, dear readers, sit back and enjoy the recap for Don’t Be Tardy for the Wedding…it’s less than 48 hours in TV world until we meet Mrs. Kroy Biermann!
We begin, of course, with Kim telling precious K.J. about all the stress and craziness that surround her wedding plans. I love that she informs him that her wig has yet to be cut and that dudes in Atlanta do in fact wear heels…especially if their name is Derek J. Construction is in full swing for the nuptial scenario, and Kim and Kroy meet with security. Kim is concerned about the people who have RSVP’ed to her wedding that she didn’t actually invite…aka perfect strangers (Balkie joke? Nah). She takes security on a tour of their home and informs them of who is allowed to be in the house…and it’s basically just family. Kroy wants guns and dogs. Armed security and Shepherds? Check.