Last night the ladies of Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills went on a journey! First they hitched a ride on Yolanda Foster‘s journey and they traveled to the center of Lymes, past the lemon groves and through the gardens of delusion and deceit, landing themselves at Cipriani. Afterwards they spent 24 hours on a plane hurtling through the night skies to a faraway land where they slept with the sharks, but alas my favorite part was Lisa Vanderpump putting on Kyle Ricahrds‘ signature kaftan and looking so damn good she put Kyle to unholy shame!
After 14 months living deprived of earthly comforts like concealer, Yolanda has finally rejoined the living. Is it me or every time Yolanda provides a ‘fact’ about her ‘journey’ the math inflates? I see someone studied Econ at the Federal Reserve!
Last night was the beginning of the Vanderpump Rules reunion. Lisa Vanderpump is dressed like a “school marm” but it’s really quite ridiculous and hideous. Lala Kent got her makeup done at the circus, from the elephants who can paint – it’s pink, sparkly and reminds me of Tammy Faye Baker.
BTW: When is Kristen Doute gonna admit to getting her boobs done? She’s got them out every 15 seconds just waiting for someone [ANDY COHEN] to notice and comment, but alas the satisfaction is not being given.
The major topics up for discussion are James Kennedy‘s drunken excesses and the mysteriously unexplained reasons Jax Taylor despises him. Kristen’s apology tour, and lastly Scheana Marie being the worst wife in the world. Apparently she’s just not educated on addiction – which is why she never bothered to you know CALL A THERAPIST or Google NA meetings!
Do Jenelle’s lips really look good, or is it just that they look good compared to Farrah’s? Now if she could learn to keep them closed, that would be a real improvement! Speaking of improvement, or lack thereof, Jenelle hasn’t learned much from her previous encounters with the law and we find out she has been arrested AGAIN. This time for assault against Nathan’s new girlfriend Jessi, who looks like an older (tamer?) version of Jenelle. According to Jenelle, “the judge is gonna be like, ‘this is stupid.’” DUDE, all she did was throw water at the girl and the glass slipped! Likely story.
Last night was part one of the Real Housewives Of Atlanta reunion. Phaedra Parks was most certainly on the hot seat. That must explain why her gown was bathed in golden embers! When Phaedra wasn’t being bathed in the fruits of her shade, Kenya Moore was being read for the filth by everyone – even Andy Cohen! And I have to say YES, Bravo, YES! Finally and thank you. It was time.
So it begins with the drama that never ends, it just goes on and on my friends… between Phaedra and Kenya. Phaedra is deemed the shadiest of them all, but some people aren’t appreciative of such witticisms. Like Kenya “Oatmeal Pie Face” Moore. She complains that Phaedra was “attacking” her looks, therefore putting down all women and their respective chocolate-ness.
After Ashley Darby’s husband Michael broke up the last night of their girls’ trip, lines have been drawn among the Real Housewives of Potomac ladies. Karen Hugerthrew the biggest most pointless fit of all, so it looks like she’ll be the one Ashley has to squash the beef with first. That is, until Karen sends her own protrusion-in-his-pants representative, hubby Raymond, to do her dirty work.
But first, Gizelle Bryant is at the “Skincare Chemist” – whatever that might be! – to discuss starting a makeup line. She says being a light skinned black woman doesn’t mean she can’t address the skincare needs of all African American women. Natasha, the specialist, suggests offering at least seven shades. Gizelle is well versed in shade, and can throw seven of them together in her sleep. In order to launch the line, she will need to gather a focus group, develop a name (Caramel Cutie? Just Buy It?), and brand her product. Gizelle ponders the idea of using the ladies as her focus group. Yes! Let’s go ahead and release the seven shades of hell all over that.
The trip to Savannah was anything but relaxing for the ladies, who had to endure an entire weekend of Monie Cashette arguing with Minnie. Now back in Atlanta, everyone realizes they need to make positive changes in their lives. For Amanda that means moving out with her boyfriend Jordan, who finally got a job (in a tire shop!). Amanda is afraid to tell AndreaSalinas that, for the first time in their lives, she wants some space.
The ladies of Little Women: LA are Cancun-bound for Briana Renee’s bachelorette party! As with all things when it comes to this group: it’s a mess. Not a little mess. A BIG MESS.
Since Jasmine Sorge planned Briana’s party, the rest of ladies are left to decide whether they actually want to go. Christy McGinity Gibel is on board, if only to luggage shop by climbing in the suitcases…thereby masterminding her getaway plan if the trip explodes in her face. She fills her mom in on Tonya Banks and Terra Jole‘s feelings on the bachelorette party: i.e. they don’t want to go. Buttttttt…cameras are there. So, who thinks they’ll be there? Yeah, me too. #ContractProblems
What the hell, VH1? Were you trying to start a total riot among the Mob Wives on last night’s reunion? Before the final sit-down can begin, the producers decide to show unseen footage from the last six seasons in order to rile up all the women.
Karen Gravano is so enraged that I can barely make out a single word coming out of her mouth due to all the bleeping. Carla Facciolo finds Drita D’avanzo’s outtakes to be “sad lies,” and Renee Graziano questions whether she appears as angry on on-screen as Drita. Yes, she does. Drita opines about how the show was supposed to be about a great group of friends and women empowering women. Um, she knew this was going to be aired on VH1, right?
The set is staged as if the women are back at the warehouse meeting that Big Ang called earlier this season. Karen and Renee are first to be seated and they remember their initial animosity in the early seasons. I think it has something to do with rats and mobsters, but I can’t be sure. At least they’re cool now though, right?