Last night’s Real Housewives of New Jersey focused on the important things in life: Rosie’s jaunty cap collection, the remix of “On Display,” and friends doing everything in their power to maintain a strong bond through mutual respect, listening, and give-and-take. Oh wait, maybe not that last thing…
Caroline Manzo? More like Caroline Done-zo! She is way over Teresa Giudice’s behavior. I mean she only wanted to return some swimsuits in the least set-up and manipulated scene ever and she ends up in the midst of World War Tre? Uh uh. No way. Caroline is fed up…and you don’t want to see Caroline fed up because fed up Caroline looks like Caroline always looks scary. The Manzo brood,Greg Bennett, and Uncle Chris Laurita are drinking some sucky read wine in the yard. Laurenis worried about Jacqueline after hearing stories of tabloid-gate twenty-twelve. Chris regales the children with stories of a Jacqueline once so loony, she threw all her ex-husband’s belongings into their front yard. Basically, he opines, she is now throwing all of Teresa’s metaphorical crap onto their manicured lawn. Chris wonders why women can’t handle fights with a quick discussion and then forgive and forget like he and his fellow brawn practice. Oh yeah, emotionally emoted emotions.
Last night was the season finale of Sister Wives. There were college visits, big decisions, and a lot of running around the desert. When you think about it, that would be the best way to best capture the flowiness of Kody’s mane, which, let’s face it, is the true star of this show.
Logan is graduating from high school, and he has narrowed his college search down to Southern Utah University and UNLV. Mariah wants him to go to SUU, but Madison hopes he’ll stick close by as he’s her best friend. Logan reveals that while his dad, moms, and siblings want him to stick around to be close to the family, but Logan isn’t planning on sticking around till he’s forty to see his brothers and sisters grow up. Can you blame him? His mom Janelle thinks he’ll have more ties to his religion if he goes to SUU. Logan isn’t dead set on whether he’ll be a polygamist. He sounds JUST LIKE Kody when he talks.
Oh Real Housewives of Orange County – it’s almost time for us to part ways, but not before some magnificent drama. Oh, yes last night’s episode. Oh it was a silly bit of fun. Princess Thespian of All Times Heather Dubrow had a re-naming party which is not at all like a wedding, except it took the same precedence as a wedding in her mind.
And because it was the all-important end of the season cast party when Bravo makes everyone put on their mankiest fur coats and truck out to some godforsaken themed event, everyone was there. Like even the ones that aren’t really there, if you catch my drift.
But before we get to that little shin-dig, we have to wade through the rest of this episode. Things start out with Tamra Barney meeting Heather andGretchen Rossi for drinks cause she has a very special announcement. Tammie Sue is gettin’ married for the very third time.
Oh, Tammie – I love your optimism. This ones really gonna work isn’t it? This is like a Lifetime movie. Did I mention that I am totally obsessed in a big huge way with Lifetime – cause I am. And before you ask – yes, I watched Blue Lagoon.
Thankfully, Teen Mom wasn’t nearly as depressing this week. Last week’s premiere of Teen Mom was a train wreck. This week, instead of weeping like a fool, I sat completely dumbfounded. These girls have come so far yet have gone nowhere. How is that possible? I spent the bulk of the hour resisting the urge to bang my own head against a wall.
At least the super adorable and maturing (someone has to, right?) toddlers bring a new aspect to the show. Too bad we can’t just watch them and skip their parents. Let’s pitch ‘Dr. Drew’s Daycare’ to MTV.
Once upon a time there was a woman named Pinot Singer who thought she knew a lot about everything and thought no one could see through her. Pinot believed her life was like one of those double-sided mirrors where from one side it looked like a window and from the other side it looked like a mirror. She assumed she could clearly see people and they could see only goodness through her eyes.
Pinot believed she reflected goodness, honesty, truthfulness, and pleasant goodwill. Pinot was wrong. Pinot is delusional, but delusion is a powerful drug – more powerful than pinot grigio, that’s for sure!
Last night on Real Housewives of New Yorkthe ladies assembled for a mid-day brunch, everyone but Pinot and LuAnn de Lesseps. Thank goodness. I’m not sure what time it was, but there they all were; this gaggle of desperate famewhores (and Carole Radziwill) all dressed up as if they were going to a nightclub when it was 1 in the afternoon, outside, in a dowtown restaurant.
This week on The Bachelorette, Emily Maynard and her minions are in Croatia. The previews suggest that Ryan Bowers is the punching bag of the week. Also, we should expect lots of kissing and some drama at the rose ceremony. Could it be? Really for real – the most shocking rose ceremony ever?!?
According to Jef Holm, Croatia is the perfect place to fall in love. I beg to differ. I met my (now) husband at Wal-Mart 16 years ago, and he’s been wooing me ever since. Croatia vs. Wal-Mart – really, it’s no contest. The always-classy Wal-Mart wins, right? If Emily insists on making it complicated, we might as well see what Croatia has to offer.
Emily surprises the guys by hand delivering the first date card. It goes to Travis Pope and reads, “Let’s look for love beyond the walls.” Travis was engaged once before. He says, “When it didn’t work out, it was the lowest point in my life.” Lower than befriending an ostrich egg and naming it Shelly? Wow. That must have been really low.
Last night on Real Housewives of New Jersey there was a knockdown, drag-out war of words. It would appear that this is the beginning of the bitter end for former besties Teresa Giudice and Jacqueline Laurita. I hate a reality TV friendship divorce – I feel like I need to have a funeral for Jacqueresa. Next week I’m so wearing black while tuning in.
Some other stuff happened like Lauren Manzo continued to complain about being fat and drinking egg whites while her parents made snippy comments about how she is fat.
So I guess Teresa and Joe Giudice are so broke they’re selling fake stories – or photos – to the tabloids (or volunteering to let the tabloids run stories about them depending on whom you ask and what week), yet they’re building a brand new carport and a garage with an inlaw apartment. Teresa wants her parents to live there. Apparently Teresa has also installed a new closet. I’m sure she cleaned out all of Italy’s marble reserve and all of JoAnn Fabrics fake gold leaf for the accents.
I’m holding onto the knowledge that Barbara, Jenelle Evan’s always amusing mom, will be back on my TV soon enough on Teen Mom 2. As long as I have Barbara in my life, I think I’ll be able to cope without Teen Mom. If Teen Mom 2 ever is canceled, I’m going to need therapy to learn how to go on with my life. Take a deep breath, grab the tissues, and let’s start the beginning of the end.