Here we go, day one of the Celebrity Big Brother antics and the teasers are showing Speidi (Heidi and Spencer Pratt) up to their normal camera-stealing, attention-loving, drama-craving tricks. Oh, wait… Am I meant to be neutral and unbiased? Oops.
So we left yesterday with beige tracksuit-wearing Stacy Francis being sent to the garden, whilst the All-Stars returned to the house to meet up with the remainder of the Newbies. The house is abuzz with the news that Ray J and Stacy have a history (although unknown as yet what that is), and if she doesn’t have enough reasons to justify her tears and bird-giving, Spencer and Heidi enter the garden to tell Stacy to sit on the specific ‘edited out’ chair and other ‘comforting’ pearls of wisdom (must be neutral…must be neutral…think happy thoughts…).
What is up with Dorit Kemsley? I mean, she gives good TV since we’re all going to be talking about her, but, err, uhh… she is not a good look for Lisa Vanderpump, and I don’t think this is what Lisa was going for when she got Dorit cast. So, Peek-K looked up Erika Girardi‘s skirt, and after grilling my husband relentlessly about the possibility of PK’s view, I’ve decided I agree with Erika that it’s probably not possible that PK got full-vajaynejayne throughout dinner as he claimed. Erika, though, is pissed that Dorit told everyone about it, then handled it by handing her some “full coverage” underwear. Of all the insults – to assume ERIKA JAYNE wears full coverage?! As if! When completely sheer = granny panties, you know you’ve gone to the Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory for aging trophy wives with celebrity ambitions.
So Christmas is over, New Year’s resolutions are still in those baby stages of not being broken, and it is that time of year where you guys send over your finest (?!) celebrities to put in the CelebrityBig Brother mixing pot for thirty days to simmer, annoy, and show us Brits how to do Reality TV.
I have had the pleasure of watching Big Brother for many years (although I’ve still not forgiven you for the offense-to-the-ears intrusion that was Perez Hilton), and we seem to have more and more input from our friends on your side of the ocean, so I thought it only fair I keep you updated on the activities on our side.
It’s a royal circus this week as the Ladies Of London celebrate the queen’s birthday – by getting tipsy and arguing in the street! Just as her highness would wish. Long live the drama! When Juliet Angus takes Caroline Fleming and Caroline Stanbury on a pub crawl through the East End, they decide to call each other out on important issues like who eats fruit and why. Across town, Sophie Stanbury gets her groove back on a tipsy outing with Marissa Hermer, who feigns shock at this “new Sophie” on the prowl. Marissa also takes issue with some of the ladies giving her the side eye over leaving baby Sadie at home just weeks after a difficult delivery.
But before that mess begins, Marissa and Sadie visit Caroline F for a stroll and a coffee. Marissa, who reminds us she’s still not allowed to have sex postpartum, is ready to party (within reason). She and Caroline discuss Caroline’s sister, who Marissa is very close with – and who’s also moved back to Denmark. They move to the topic of Caroline S, who’s “not herself” lately, according to word on the street. The street that Marissa lives on, at least.
Last night’s Vanderpump Rules featured dueling birthday trips – one made no attempt to be classy and the other pretended to be something they’re not.
First up, Ariana Madixgrabbed the Toms and Jax Taylor for an RV trek around Sonoma Wine Country, which ground to a halt at a NASCAR track for wieners and wienies. The wienie being Tom 1 who whined and cried – in front of Ariana’s brother no less – that Ariana doesn’t find his man bun and overall short-alls attractive enough to f–k. The poor Toms – it seems they have something in common, in that their ladies would rather do anything but them.
Teen Mom 2 fans, we are back with a new season, new drama and more interaction with the long suffering Teen Mom 2 producers. These Teen Moms have been busy since the reunion: Kailyn Lowry is on the verge of divorce from Javi Marroquin, Chelsea Houska is on the verge of marriage to Cole DeBoer, Jenelle Evans is on the verge of jail time and well, Leah Messer is on the verge of a nervous breakdown if she doesn’t find her damn keys.
Kail and Javi have some major unresolved issues happening right now in their marriage. So Kail copes with her issues by jumping out of a plane, which seems like a reasonable response to a crumbling marriage. If throwing yourself out of a plane is symbolism for what’s going on in her relationship, message received loud and clear.
For some odd reason Cynthia Bailey decides to have a ‘Starting Over’ party in the office of a boob doctor and have her implants checked for an expiration date. The ladies of Real Housewives have done a lot of weird things in a plastic surgeon’s office, and they’ve had a lot weird versions of starting over/Tru-Renwal parties, but this one was by far the strangest. The whole cast showed up, dressed to the nines, to cram into a little exam room, screech over Cynthia’s boobs, and then watch the doctor diagnose them unevenly hard, but still usable. Not a very dignified way to start over.
Dorit told everyone that PK not only had seen the Girardi family jewels, but appraised them for value at length. I think Dorit believed the reveal that Erika ‘forgot’ how to use her lady-like manners while wearing a white micro-cocktail dress was supposed to make Erika look bad. Honestly, though, Dorit’s non-stop complaining and over-analyzing, combined with Peek-K’s stalkerish staring, over what was essentially a wardrobe faux pas in poor taste, made Extra-Cheesey Dorit look worse.
As Erika herself surmised, the entire situation was, quite frankly, fishy. Like, why was Dorit so intent on telling everyone? What Eileen Davidson dubs ‘The Crotch Chronicles’ (or “SnatchChat”) becomes what Peek-K saw up Erika’s skirt. According to Dorit: everything.