If last week’s premiere of Love & Hip Hop Hollywood was any indication, this season could prove to be as entertaining as its Atlanta counterpart! Sure, Ray J is no Stevie J, but Princess can fight with the best of them, Omarion is endearing, Soulja Boy is sure to be as ridiculously juvenile as last year, and can we just talk about the fact that Moniece is responsible for a Rich Dollaz crossover? Let’s not forget Miles and Milan’s love that Miles doesn’t feel comfortable sharing with friends and family…only with hundreds of thousands of VH1 viewers! Keep up the momentum, folks!
Last night’s episode begins with a swagalicious Soulja who is in a good place with on-and-off girlfriend Nia. Like every other woman on this show, she’s quick to complain about her beau’s infidelities, but even quicker to forgive. Lil’ Fizz is working hard on a mix tape, and he’s excited to catch up with Soulja. Fizz brags about embracing the single life, and Soulja can relate (sorry, Nia). Nis is his ride-or-die chick, but when he’s on the road, he’s on the road. Soulja claims Nia is fully aware of his road chicks (is she?), and she knows she’s the only girl in his heart. Speaking of players (of the reformed variety), Rich is head over heels for Moniece. While their relationship is fairly new, both are hoping for home run. For Rich, that means, he’s planned a sexy date. For Moniece, that means she wants Rich to move to the West Coast and meet her son and spend time with her family and reverse his vasectomy (or did she say get a vasectomy? Either way…whoa). Sexy talk! After dropping those bombs, Moniece turns on the charm to get their romantic dinner back on track.
Caroline Manzo is hosting Lauren’s shower at Casa de Smothers because no Manzo ever, like ever, leaves that house. Seriously it is the black hole of adulthood. Their family motto is probably “We Fail To Launch Here!”
Eversince Lauren first got a salami-scented whiff of Vito wafting from across Albie’s dorm room, Caroline has been buying vintage tea cups on Etsy. For whatever reason they’re hot glue gunning tea cups to saucers and hanging them from chandeliers and floating them across the pool in parasols to create a tea party theme. 110 people are attending. Dina Manzo was invited, but is in California. Sadly, the grinning face of Greggy Bennett will not be appearing. Or so we’re led to believe…
Last night’s Don’t Be Tardy was a plethora of lessons on family, vocabulary, and just how insane Tracey the chef may actually be. Kim Zolciak-Biermann doesn’t want her children to ever leave home. She’s distraught at Ariana’s plotting to fly the coop as soon as possible–who will watch KJ, Kash, and the twins? Kroy spends the episode basking in Tracey’s praise and chugging the champagne of beers. It’s like Norman Rockwell threw up all over this family.
Ariana is a built-in baby-sitter for her younger siblings, while Kim, Kroy and Tracey joke around in the kitchen. Ariana gripes that sister Brielle uses the youngest kids for nothing but selfie props. Tracey is in love with Kroy in a heterosexualhomophobic just like you love your favorite neighbor way. She thinks he’s just the best guy, and she wishes her girlfriend of ten years could be more like him. Kim questions Tracey about her relationship with Brooklyn, and Tracey admits they argues a lot. Brooklyn isn’t passive and go-with-the-flow like the perfect Kroy, and Tracey spends too much time playing games on her phone to make an effort. It’s not Tracey’s fault she was couldn’t pay attention at the euthanasia party for Brooklyn’s cat…she was crushing candy!
Someone’s gotten a bit of a haircut! Sister Wives returned last night with a vengeance. Kody Brown excites with his fresh trim–it’s so subtle that only one as obsessed with his mane as I am might notice the glorious new style, but it’s fresh.
Leading up to the new season, the participation of Merihas been questioned, but I think last night’s premiere solidifies that she’s pretty much here to stay…although we didn’t see much of Christine. Janelle looks amazing, but I am waiting for her exodus. Go girl. As for Robyn? She’s already relishing her role as Kody’s real wife, although it’s purely on paper. That said, I made my friend Trey watch with me, and asked his thoughts after the episode ended. “Girl, if we had to take a shot every time that guy with bad hair and the denim suit said ‘paperwork,’ we’d both be dead.” And he’d be right.
On last night’s Little Women: LA, the ladies’ friendships with Briana Manson came to a head over her relationship with Matt. Elena Gant and Preston share some “big” news. And Tonya Banks recruits the ladies for spots in her new workout video for little people.
Elena is brushing up on her US history in order to pass her immigration test, since being married to Preston these past four years only guarantees her a green card and endless access to his dwindling bank account. Preston agrees to help quiz Elena on her facts if she strips every time she gets an answer wrong. Elena agrees to the game, first piling on a parka or two. Since she thinks the governor of her state is Justin Bieber and one important thing Abraham Lincoln did was “feed the slaves,” she’s going to be butt naked in a few short minutes, I presume. #SlyFoxPreston It is sweet to see some true bonding between Elena and Preston, but before we take in too much of a tender moment, Preston suggests the reality TV Marriage Kiss of Death: a vow renewal! Oh no. Elena wants her family to be there since they weren’t able to be at their first wedding.
“I’m on a boat, and it’s going fast and, I’ve got a nautical themed penis folded afghan…I’m the king of the world on a boat like Lee (oh! Ha!), if you’re on the shore, then you’re sure not me…oh!” Yes, I am a huge Lonely Island fan. Of course, I am also a Below Deckfanatic, and the show has yet to disappoint me so far this season. I just hope I don’t run out of ship-themed intros!
As last night’s episode begins, the Eros crew has five hours before the new charter guests arrive. True to form, Raquel “Rocky” Dakota Bartlow is bawling on the phone to her dad about how mean Kate Chastain is as a boss. Her dad quickly reminds her that she has a job to do and her boss is there to make sure she does it properly. Amy Johnson sympathizes with Rocky as she was Kate’s punching bag last season. Amy promises to help alleviate any of the tension as long as Rocky is willing to work with her to make sure things get done. Rocky is no quitter, so she dries her tears, makes weird faces at the camera, and sets her sights on doing anything but what is asked of her. Sounds about right…
Can we stop talking about cancer? Obviously it’s terrible, but does an entire season of Real Housewives really need to be devoted to questioning it, discussing it, and arguing over who is the expert on it. Especially when ME-ME-ME-Meghan, the person most vociferously insisting she’s the so-called expert can’t even figure out how to make MINUTE RICE!! (This same person then brags that a meal containing Minute Rice is healthy. Oh honey… have you learned nothing from Vicki: cancer loves processed food!).
Hasta la vista, Atlanta. It’s time to say hello to Hollywood. Last night was the premiere of Love & Hip Hop Hollywood. In case you missed it, Soulja Boy hasn’t gotten any smarter (nor have the ladies who love him), Hazel E isn’t making better decisions, and Ray-J is every bit as whiny as you remember if…if not more. The episode begins with Teairra Mari, Moniece, and Apryl Jones are lounging on the beach, with Moniece revealing she’s in a relationship with a new man who shall remain nameless–for the time being at least. Teairra has washed her hands of her relationship with Ray-J, and the women revel in the gossip of Princess’ recent arrest in New Orleans on the heels of an altercation with Ray. Apryl, sporting a new nose ring, interjects to say she’s planning a post-baby party, but she’s invited her new friend Princess. Teairra promises that she’ll behave if Princess can do the same. Apryl hopes she’s able to be the bigger person.
Across town, Hazel has ditched her obsession with Berg and is back in the studio with producer Milan. She’s mourning the recent loss of her grandfather and was surprised that former friend Teairra reached out to her after his funeral. Milan has been seeing someone for a while, and he’s ready to get married and start a family. It’s a conversation he needs to have with his love, although he’s not sure how it will be received. He is apparently the antithesis of every other dude on this show.