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rhony-recap-luann

Last night on Real Housewives of New York, BookGate got "street", and thankfully no one was injured. And some other stuff happened. Finally. 

We pickup where things left off at LuAnn de Lessep's BBQ. This season class with the countess means taking a backseat to drama and serving dessert while massive fighting occurs. And hats off (or should I say heads – heads bearing wigs) to LuAnn because in the midst of the melee she let them eat cakes. Yes, ladies, please this fighting is so gauche – literally where Heather Thomson is concerned – let's enjoy a nice tart instead. I've long been a fan of the mighty ego of LuAnn and this season she has truly reached her stride, she's let go of some of the pretense and she's more relaxed.

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dance moms aldc

Last night's Dance Moms had my waterworks in full effect as Abby Lee Miller struggled with her mother's failing health. It's heartbreaking. As the episode begins, Melissa starts the water works with Abby after sharing that she'd been visiting with Mrs. Miller in hospice. Abby knows that her mother wouldn't want her moping around the nursing home, so instead she heads to the studio. The pyramid isn't going to reveal itself! 

Nia is on the bottom for not being on the group routine. That's fair. Holly is furious. Kendall follows for her second place finish, and she can't even look up from the floor. Kalani is third from the bottom for minor technical issues. Kira is confused. Her daughter was part of the highest scoring duet. Clearly the girls' performance in the competitions has nothing to do with their spot on the pyramid. MacKenzie is third overall for balancing dance and her budding musical career. Chloe is second for her winning duet with Kalani. Kira's point has just been proven. Maddie is on the top for shining regardless of dancing a solo. Abby proclaims her the star of the group dance that she wasn't present to see. Abby wants to dedicate this week's competition to her mother. Both Maddie and Chloe get solos. MacKenzie won't be in the group number since she needs to focus on her music video, but Nia will be dancing with her peers…maybe. Holly wonders if Abby is taking on too much in order to escape her feelings about her mom. Why yes. Yes she is. 

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southern charm kathryn thomas craig

So I'm writing this (obviously) before the big Southern Charm announcement on Watch What Happens Live, but I'm going to predict that Thomas Ravenel is now a dad. I heard this weekend from a friend of a friend of a friend of Kathryn Dennis that the pair welcomed a baby last week. Kevin Bacon has nothing on the degrees of separation in a Southern town!  I'm going to keep this prediction in my recap just to see…

Last night's episode begins with Craig Conover and Cameran Eubanks getting up early (separately) the morning after the Carolina Day party. After all, unlike their counterparts, they have jobs. Craig knows he needs to buckle down and focus on becoming a successful attorney. After coming home at a decent hour from the soiree, Cameran is ready for the day. She is walking South of Broad with her broker Eve and sharing the gossip from the fete. Eve gushes "T-Rav, oh my Lord!" and admits she spent some time with "that rascal" about fifteen years ago. This confirms Cameran's assumption that T-Rav gets older and older, but he always goes after the young ladies. The women tour his next-door neighbor's home for a potential sale. Is it just me, or is it weird that Cameran didn't know where T-Rav lived? The ladies head next door to call on T-Rav, but he's not home…however, there is a half finished lead crystal old fashioned of scotch on his window sill. Sounds about right.

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married to medicine heavenly kimes and husband damon

Last night was the season premiere of Married To Medicine and things kicked off with a bang! Dr. Heavenly Kimes, dentist, not doctor, definitely brought her a-game in the drama department and wants it known she is not to be trifled with. 

But let's begin with last season's drama! Mariah Huq and Quad Webb-Lunceford are not friends. There are varying accounts of why said friendship broke up, but one account is clearly rooted in the same deep-seated delusion that allows one to think lime green eyeshadow smeared up to your eyebrows looks hot. Yaaaaaas, I'm talking about Mariah!

While Quad is worrying about how to thwart Dr. Gregory's babymaking attempts now that she's quit her job to flounce around in lingerie, design dog clothes, and do photo shoots with designers to prove her divatude, Gregory has baby fever. Quad worries that since they've only been married a year she's not ready. Gregory points out that she's on the "backend of 30" and he is 13-years-older so no time like the present to ditch the condoms and get at it! 

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rhoa-recap-porsha-singing

Last night was the pre-finale episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta. Which means we are almost to the epic reunion. You know you're salivating! 

Porsha Stewart is all about spreading her wings and flying post-divorce, except she's not worried about a little thing called a j-o-b. Her priorities are recording a song instead of showing up to rehearsal for the part she was hired to play in Kandi Burruss' musical. Yep, ol Poryonce (per Don Juan) is skipping play practice to go warble some songs she probably bought from Kandi (and pretended to write!) in the recording studio. Look Porsha isn't the worst singer, but she's certainly no Mariah and she should be honing her skills with seasoned veterans on Kandi's stage – instead she's violating her contract, insulting her employer, and making a mockery of a paying job. She'll probably still want top billing too! 

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Jenelle Evans Gets Ultrasound

On last night's episode of Teen Mom 2 relationships changed, promises were made and marriages may have broken. 

Jenelle Evans is on the pregnancy wagon again. After 16 seconds of dating, 14 seconds of them spent trying to get pregnant, she has finally conceived the spawn of Nathan Griffith: Instagram underwear model, timeshare hawker, and DUI accomplisher and now BIBLE reader. Nathan is dressed like Ned Flanders and staring listlessly at the Bible when Jenelle shoves a positive pregnancy test in his face. He labors over the screen for some time trying to figure out what it says before it dawns on him – he's gonna be a daddy. Again. 

"Are you happy?" Jenelle monotones, expressionless. Nathan is overjoyed – he just has to get through the next nine months and 18 years of paychecks are his! He picks Jenelle up (barely) and spins her around, dollar signs flash in his eyes. To celebrate he dyes his hair platinum blonde. 

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rhony-recap-amanda

Last night on Real Housewives of New York the ladies took their petty drama and their over-exposed lady parts to the Hamptons. Oh! Oh! And LuAnn de Lesseps appeared. I missed her. Awwww…. Lu – welcome back, weekend mama! 

Aviva Drescher has a tagalong no one likes. Because the only tagalongs anyone likes come in a Girl Scout's Cookie box. The other problem of course is that no one likes Aviva and that Amanda cannot hold her liquor or her tongue (seriously there were Brandi Glanville levels of slurring every time that woman spoke last night. I don't know what was droopier her boobs or her articulation!).

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dance moms holly melissa

I want to feel sorry for Abby Lee Miller because I know she's going through a very rough time on this season's Dance Moms due to her mother's failing health, but I can't help but feel she'd be just as hateful and horrible if her life was all raindrops on roses and whiskers on stuffed dogs. Abby is trying to keep her mind off of things by focusing on a photo shoot for MacKenzie and auditioning dancers for upcoming music video. This should be rich. 

In the pyramid, Maddie is on the bottom, followed by MacKenzie, Kendall, Chloe, and Nia. Maddie looks like she may vomit until Abby reveals that they are all on the same level for doing such a great job. Kalani is on the top of the pyramid for being the overall high scoring soloist. Abby reminds the girls and their mothers that she will be introducing her new team to the studio at some point soon. She then delves into the fact that her mom is dying, and Melissa interrupts to share how much she loves Mrs. Miller. Maddie and Chloe are in tears as Abby hugs them and reminds them how much she loves children. Maddie and Chloe have grown up with Mrs. Miller, and I can't believe this damn show has me crying in the first five minutes. I've hit a new low. 

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