Recaps

The Real Housewives of Potomac Recap – Petty Is As Petty Does

Have there ever been more frivolous fights on The Real Housewives of Potomac than the ones we witnessed tonight? Okay, season 1 had its moments, but the ladies were new to reality TV and could be forgiven for rookie mistakes. But several scenes tonight top my list of stupid stuff to fight about.

Gizelle Bryant and Robyn Dixon are on a mission to deliver a message to Karen Huger. I’m not sure exactly what their message is other than Robyn wants to say “Liar, liar, pants on fire”, and Gizelle wants to see Karen embarrassed. I’m getting Déjà vu from last year when the Green-Eyed Bandits crashed in to OZ while Ashley Darby was working and Robyn came at her, finger in face, screaming that Ashley needed to stop talking about Juan.

90 Day Fiance Happily Ever After Recap: The Blame Game

Last night we saw the dimmest minuscule smidgeon of a brain cell fire in Nicole’s head. Why? Because she finally got a half-clue about Azan not being the stand up guy she thought he was for the past 3 years. You know – the guy who’s all too happy to sit on his unemployed buttocks all day, renewing his gym membership and going out to midnight coffee bars on Nicole’s Starbucks paycheck? Well, maybe not just on Nicole’s paycheck…because it seems Azan has other fish on his hook. And they might not demand as many french fries or shoulder sniffs as Nicole?

At the beginning of the show, Nicole gets a call mid-interview that alerts her about voicemails leaked online that sound very much like Azan telling someone he wants to kiss them, that “the kiss was good” and “I know you want it.” <dry heave> It’s unmistakably him, except he sounds breathy and gross in some sort of attempt at sexytimes talk. Much like Annie’s “boom boom” sex speech, we can never un-hear this. KILL ME.

Southern Charm Recap:

A lot happened last night on Southern Charm. Beers were brewed, confrontations were had, splints were worn, and T-Rav is still looking at Kathryn Dennis in a way he’ll never look at what’s-her-name. However, none of that matters. The only thing I picked up from last night’s episode was that Kathryn and Shep Rose have had a pattern of hooking up since Kensie’s birth. WHAT?? I thought this was a manufactured storyline, but hearing their admission, I’m here for it. Sure, there is no potential for anything long-term, but girl, you do you.

As always, the episode begins as the charmers are prepping for their day. Austen Kroll is picked up by Craig Conover who has a bionic hand thanks to his butter knife situation from a few weeks ago. The duo heads to Greenville (my hometown, sorry, but I love this stuff!) to get ready for the tasting of Austen’s new beer. Austen shares with Craig that Victoria isn’t ready to party with Chelsea Meissner after Naomie Olindo’s Hilton Head Island Instagram story. Yes, we’re still talking about it, and yes, I’m confused as to why so much breath has been wasted on it. Victoria still feels threatened…by her friend…who introduced her to Austen….when said friend was dating him first. Weird how that works, right?

Real Housewives Of New York Recap: Faux Weddings And A Funeral

It was a night of joy and pain on the Real Housewives of New York, with the ladies visiting a prison boot camp, Luann de Lesseps returning from rehab, and Bethenny Frankel reuniting with long time enemy, Jill Zarin, after the tragic passing of her husband, Bobby. The laughs and tears were intense, and I’ll openly admit that I shared both as a viewer. In fact, I might have cried so hard my left contact popped out (theoretically…) because the tenderness in last night’s opening 12 minutes was truly a thing of beauty.

We begin on the day of Bobby’s funeral. Ramona Singer and Dorinda Medley are on the way there, with Ramona explaining that she visited Bobby as soon as she found out he was sick again. Dorinda feels like losing Bobby is a loss for the world; she loved him. When Bethenny heard from Sonja Morgan that Bobby had passed away, she chartered a private plane from Aspen to come be by Jill’s side. Nothing – not even a long-standing reality TV feud – could stand in the way of this moment.

Hannah Ferrier & Horrible Charter Guests

Last night’s Below Deck Mediterranean was a Las Vegas all you can eat buffet from guests who treated Adam Glick like a short-order cook instead of a professionally trained chef! (Have I ever felt bad for Adam before? Did he deserve it after last season’s blatant disregard of guests’ wants?)

Anyway, the whole thing made me glad my puny microwave is the only automatic chef in my house!

I get it. These people, led by “Honey (the name of a stripper whose act is ‘baby spice’), are hungry and they are hungry in a very specific way, like for TOASTED buns and French fries with their steak dinner (that’s pomme frittes to you, mister!), and I understand they become hangry if their food isn’t perfecto, but they needed to drop anchor on their overly-entitled gullets. 

Teen Mom 2 and Teen Mom Young And Pregnant Recaps:

It’s already the season finale for our newest Teen Moms of Teen Mom: Young and Pregnant! You blink and they grow so fast! We definitely hope to see another season from this group!

Round One

Jade Cline: Jade goes out with her friends. She considers herself single. After eating they go out to dance.

Lexi Tatman: Lexi and her mom talk about the upcoming trip to Arizona. Her mom asks if this is a trip to look for housing (there are two instapots on the counter, I think I want one so that makes me jealous). Lexi insists that it is just a trip and her mom hints that she might go south one day and wants to prepare herself before they move.

Ashley Jones: Ashley is prepping for her surprise party for Bar. Bar’s mom was going to babysit, but suddenly she can’t and Ashley hopes that doesn’t mean she’s planning to come to the party.

The Real Housewives of Potomac Recap: Give Until It Hurts

How is it that nearly the entire cast of The Real Housewives of Potomac imploded over something as nice as three charity events? Before tonight I really didn’t think it could happen. But giant egos and old vendettas came together in a perfect convergence zone, and the fallout will last the rest of the season. Tonight was all about charities but nothing about giving.

It’s date night for Karen Huger and her husband, Ray. He has been busy handling all the tax problems and Karen is occupying her time with her new perfume line and her charity, O Huger, which is named after Ray’s mom, Odessa. The foundation is to support the Alzheimer’s Association and not only does Odessa suffer from it, but Karen’s mother does as well. Both her parents are in bad health, but Karen has told her mother she’s not ready to let her mom pass just yet. In a moment of lucidity, her mom tells Karen she’s proud of her, and I can’t help but get emotional too. Good grief, Karen, we’re only five minutes in, let’s move on to something happy before we’re all a mess.

90 Day Fiance Happily Ever After Recap: Boiling Point

No one learned jack squat on last night’s 90 Day Fiance Happily Ever After, but that’s the cost of catfishing for spouses online doing business, I guess. We were schooled on a few things, however, such as how ridiculously clueless Nicole’s parents actually think she is, why David was too busy purchasing a wife to make time for his children, and just how many drinks it takes before Pedro starts (almost) throwing punches at The Family Chantel. Basically, this show is the education we never knew we needed. So, let’s toss aside the formalities and head right to dimwit school!

Nicole & Azan

Nicole emerges into daylight – which could really be the entire arc of today’s story for her – to meet with her stepdad and mother, Robbalee. May is happy to see other humans who will actually interact with her, and Nicole’s stepdad is happy to have the opportunity to lay the smack down. He can’t believe how much money Nicole has funneled to Azan in the past few years. “She’s making a bad mistake,” says Captain Obvious. “She’s very ignorant.” Um, yep. Thanks in advance for the title of Nicole’s forthcoming unauthorized biography.