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dance moms holly melissa

I want to feel sorry for Abby Lee Miller because I know she's going through a very rough time on this season's Dance Moms due to her mother's failing health, but I can't help but feel she'd be just as hateful and horrible if her life was all raindrops on roses and whiskers on stuffed dogs. Abby is trying to keep her mind off of things by focusing on a photo shoot for MacKenzie and auditioning dancers for upcoming music video. This should be rich. 

In the pyramid, Maddie is on the bottom, followed by MacKenzie, Kendall, Chloe, and Nia. Maddie looks like she may vomit until Abby reveals that they are all on the same level for doing such a great job. Kalani is on the top of the pyramid for being the overall high scoring soloist. Abby reminds the girls and their mothers that she will be introducing her new team to the studio at some point soon. She then delves into the fact that her mom is dying, and Melissa interrupts to share how much she loves Mrs. Miller. Maddie and Chloe are in tears as Abby hugs them and reminds them how much she loves children. Maddie and Chloe have grown up with Mrs. Miller, and I can't believe this damn show has me crying in the first five minutes. I've hit a new low. 

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RHOBH S3 Reunion Kyle, Joyce, Michael, Mauricio

Last night was the final-final episode of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Thank the heavens above – it's over. That was like RHONJ bad, right? 

Of course we have to begin by rehashing the same regurgitated storyline about Kyle Richards, Lisa Vanderpump, and the cheating tabloids that never were. It's like Kyle forced Bravo to put in her contract that this matter must be discussed – at length – once per episode. 

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southern charm

Happy Carolina Day, y'all! I hope you all celebrate appropriately come June 28th! On last night's Southern Charm, J.D.'s party was the culmination of Kathryn Dennis making her way through all the guys on this show save for the one guy who truly liked her from the start. Poor Craig Conover. He never had a chance!  Too young and too poor…not to mention the fact he's from Delaware. A tragic combination all around!

As the episode begins, Kathryn has made good on her promise from last week of cooking breakfast for Thomas Ravenel, and the pair discuss what dress she should get to accentuate her "beautiful physique" for J.D.'s fete. She wonders if the new couple should be worried about the opposition they will face at the upcoming party. T-Rav loves the potential in his new lass. She's smart and funny and really, really young.

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rhoa-recap-nene

On this beautiful-ish Monday morning, I'm a bit sluggish. Perhaps I was lulled into a stupor by Cynthia Bailey's passive non-action on last night's rather tepid and boring episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta? The wine was not able to keep me – or the episode – afloat. But alas, there were some bright spots. 

We're still in Mexico where NeNe Leakes is telling Peter Thomas that he's like a bitch, no wait he's not really a bitch he just wants to be one of the bitches, but not an actual bitch, he's just in bitches' bizness. So he's a bitch but she didn't mean to call him a bitch she was just pointing out that he was acting like a bitch. If you're confused, you are not alone.

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Chelsea Houska Graduates Teen Mom 2

Last night on Teen Mom 2, some girls celebrated happily wedded bliss (again) and other girls headed towards happily unwedded unbliss (again) and some girls cried all the way home from jail (again). 

Let's start and end with a positive! To start, Chelsea Houska finally accomplished something other than dumping Adam Lind. Which speaking of positives: he was NOT presents on last night's episode. Go, MTV! Anyway, Chelsea graduated with her 600 hour aesthetics certificate and is on her way to getting her very first job. "I know I had Aubree young, but I've still accomplished what I wanted," Chelsea says. Good for her. 

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rhony-recap-carole-aviva

Last night on Real Housewives of New York the fallout over Aviva Drescher's accusations against Carole Radziwill's writing career continued. I know you readers wish us to be non-biased and blithe, but I can't do that here – I am squarely on Carole's side in this one. 

We pick up where left off in another one of Aviva's garishly painted rooms where she and Carole are arguing over whether or not they are psycho or writing their own books. According to Aviva, henceforth known as "Avicious," the "word on the street" is that Carole didn't write hers. 'Word on the street,' like the machinations Aviva creates in her mind while walking down the street? Word on the street is also that Carole's fiction book was a flop in need of serious re-writes. Word on the street is also that it takes a village to write a book. Again, that's only the word on Avicious street. 

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dance moms holly leslie melissa jill

This is the season that doesn't end…yes, it goes on and on, my friend! Last night was yet another episode of Dance Moms in what is proving to be the most drawn out season in the history of the world. And I thought last season was long! 

Abby Lee Miller is thrilled that her team is eleven for eleven this season, and she rocks the boat by including both Kalani and Peyton. She announces that she has finally replaced Brooke, Paige, and Kelly. Kalani's mom will be the new Kelly, while Kalani is the hybrid of the Hyland girls. Leslie goes crazy. Why is Peyton even here? She follows the rules! She's been trained by Abby since she started walking! What kind of witch would bring in her daughter only to make her an outcast? That's a rhetorical question, right? 

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Kim Richards RHOBH S4 Reunion

Reunions… so draining! There is rarely any fresh drama, there is a lot of preening about how certain slights are the worst slights ever-ever, while other people's feelings just cannot compare. And it's just a lot of back-n-forth nonsense. Even Andy Cohen was visibly annoyed last night. Clearly he has reached the same point the rest of us have with the Richards sisters, meaning just stop whining! Go do your splits and rambles on another show. 

We're on week two of the "epic" Real Housewives of Beverly Hills reunion and that means we're in the tippy-tippity of the homestretch. This week is all about Rambles Richards having a meltdown. 

Before that Andy calls Brandi Glanville out on doing something to her cheeks. She denies all the fillers and claims her cheeks are real. She makes Kim touch them. Kim tentatively reaches a trembly hand out and pokes gently, before laughing nervously about how it feels like skin. Like her werepuppy. I feel like this is the first human contact Kim has had since the late-90's. Andy side-eyes Brandi. 

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