Between Charrisse Jackson-Jordan’s notice of divorce by mail and Robyn Dixon’s refusal to believe that playing house with her husband/not husband might not be the healthiest thing for a marriage/not marriage, the ladies of Potomac don’t even have time to talk about etiquette anymore – they are too busy just trying to pick up the pieces of their broken hearts and bank accounts.
Now enter Ashley Darby, who spent so much time judging everyone else’s relationship, forgot how messed up her own marriage was at home. Tonight we pull back the curtain to reveal that Oz himself isn’t an almighty, powerful ruler to be feared, but rather an insecure, over-aged Aussie who doesn’t understand what the general American public likes to eat when they dine out.
Shiva Safai may be 33 years younger than Mohamed but that doesn’t mean she’s immature. Shiva moved to L.A. at 19; her brothers soon followed, so she’s spent the ensuing years mothering them and desperately steering them out of the arms of overly-sexy hoochies. It’s a constant battle. Her brother Shayan especially has difficulty meeting a lady of appropriate means, so Shiva volunteers to fix him up with a girl who isn’t too sexy – someone more like herself: caring, maternal, gold digging, perfect.
Before anyone can get their panties in a Berkshires twist, we begin in NY with Bethenny Frankel and Fredrik Eklund discussing the sale of her current apartment – and prepping us, yet again, for their imminent spinoff. When Fredrik suggests that Bethenny remove the clutter from her home, she sees Skinnygirl Red, barking that she DOES NOT DO CLUTTER! And really, what is he talking about with this imaginary clutter issue? Homegirl is about as spartan as they come with her style. They can agree on a price though – as long as Fredrik agrees with Bethenny.
Well that just happened! The 34th Season of Survivor just came to a close, living up to its “Game Changers” title right up until the end. We entered the night with six players remaining in the game and ended with just one…the Sole Survivor…which was announced live in front of a studio audience in Los Angeles. But wow was it an explosive (or implosive, for some) Finale Episode!
I’m here to discuss and process what we just saw, so sit back and get ready to take a deep dive into the Finale and the pretty well-ran (for a change) Live Reunion Show that followed. Spoilers aplenty after the break, so proceed with caution!
CLICK THE CONTINUE READING BUTTON FOR MORE, AND THIS IS YOUR LAST *SPOILER* WARNING!
There are so many boating metaphors we can use when it comes to Below Deck Mediterranean but I’m going to skip those for now and draw on an analogy of sorts to describe this episode: above deck on the Sirocco, everything looks perfect and pretty but just below water, trouble is lurking. I’m not just talking about the rising tension (both sexual and otherwise) between the crew, I’m also talking about the yacht itself, which is experiencing problem after problem (after problem). First, the Sirocco was drifting too close to the rocky shoreline, putting to boat in harm’s way, along with everyone on it.This episode, it’s the anchor chain that has twisted to the point of no return.
But before we tackle the anchor problem, we still have to fix the original issue in progress, which is the yacht drifting into the rocks. The wind has picked up and Captain Sandy Yawn can’t deny that they are getting closer and closer to the rocky shoreline, which makes for great scenery, but would be really bad to get too close to (which is kind of how I view Chef Adam Glick).
Remember a certain video Kim Kardashian leaked back in the day to launch her dubious career? Well apparently, Christy McGinity Gibel made one of those videos too! Except with way less skin, no sex, and a decidedly lower market value. So when Terra Jole decides to bizarrely out this old footage of Christy on this week’s Little Women: LA, Christy is offended – and rightly so, especially when Terra vaguely presents it as some sort of threat if Christy doesn’t sign her book release. Meanwhile, Tonya Banks is not having the best luck, as her dog is stolen, which, on top of the massive meltdownJasmine Sorge recently had on her, does not make for a great week in Little Boss’s world.
With Penny turning two, Terra and Joe Gnoffo are planning a big party. At home, they prep decorations as Tonya pops in to tell them her dog, Angel, is gone. She cries foul! Someone’s stolen her, says Tonya. But enough on that, as there’s party drama to discuss – drama between Tonya and Jasmine, that is. Tonya still doesn’t know what to do to make things right after Jasmine screamed in her face at her post-launch party. She apologized, so shouldn’t that be enough? As for Briana Renee’s beef with Tonya not including her in the fashion show, nobody cares.
Finally an episode of Southern Charm with some kick! Not only did it leave me craving some curry and a caftan, it finally centered around the dynamic we all want to watch. Whether you love or hate the drama constantly swirling around Thomas Ravenel and Kathryn Dennis, it makes for good television…and I feel a lot less guilty saying that now that they are less of a train wreck!
After her quick visit to Pork City, population two, Chelsea jokes with Cameran Eubanksthat Austen Kroll knocked the cobwebs off her hooha with their recent tryst. And here I was thinking Charleston had gotten yet another barbecue joint! As the girls gossip, Thomas takes daughter Kensie on a driving tour of Charleston pointing out all of the Ravenel rich history while omitting his prison stint, of course. While he’s droning on about the family name, his ex Kathryn is reaching out to his best friend–and her nemesis–to make amends. For the pot-stirring Whitney Sudler-Smith, that’s a voicemail worth its weight in dollar signs!
Are y’all feeling Southern Charm Savannah yet? I’m still on the fence. The people I enjoy aren’t really entertaining enough to carry a reality show (which is why they are slightly relatable), and the ones with the drama are grating AF on my nerves. Is it just me? Last night’s episode only solidified that aspect of the Bravo spinoff, that’s for sure!
If I ever meet Ashley Borders, remind me not to get in an argument with her. Sheesh! Poor Hannah Pearson attempts to express her opinion over her disdain for strip golf but ends up basically apologizing to Ashley for getting kicked out of youth group in eighth grade. Are you following? Me either. Ashley turns on the water works and blames Ashley for condemning her. Girls are always so mean to her–this is why she plays golf with boys!