We kick things off with the twins arriving today! This brings the Biermann family total to lucky number 19! Er, I mean, 8. Kim and Kroy are heading to the hospital and saying goodbye to everyone as if they’re going for pizza and will be back in an hour. Brielle was like “Later, I’m taking a nap”. I’m assuming this milestone has become uneventful since Kim has literally been to this rodeo 37 times before.
We are then treated to a montage of pictures that are essentially selfies, selfies and more selfies. I mean, who kisses your husband and takes a selfie at the same time? With your eyes open? Totally normal. Not weird at all. Just when I start to think the entire show will be Kim narrating over selfies, we get a glance at their dream house finally finished. Slowly my mind starts drifting off thinking how much are the property taxes, hell, even the monthly electric bill – and we see that it’s 17,000 square feet of pure of Kim Zolciak. She’s done Julia Sugarbaker proud. Exhibit A: The candy cane room, an ode to a red-striped couch. Um, OK.
Does anyone else just love watching bachelorette parties on reality TV shows? I know I do, especially when they involve Las Vegas, and this episode ofLittle Women: LA did not let me down!
“What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas!”… Unless you’re on a reality TV show and the whole thing is being filmed for millions of people to watch. Terra Jole, Tonya Banks, Traci Harrison, Briana Mason, Christy McGinty, and Elena Gant arrive at their hotel. I guess Traci and Christy decided to have a joint bachelorette party after all. Elena tells us that they are going to party it up tonight, because the boys will be arriving the following day.
The girls have a brief discussion about how much attention they received in the lobby for being little people. Apparently, there was a lot of staring. Most of the girls laugh it off, but it really bothers Traci. They try to decide on plans for the day and evening. Some want to go to the pool, some want to go to the club, and Christy wants to go skydiving. In their bedroom, Christy tells Elena and Briana how she hopes to see some glimpses of the “old Traci” this weekend, who was a little more wild and fun, back in the day.
Their reality show LeAnn & Eddie premieres tomorrow on VH1, but the network released an advance screening. The show is a so-called inside glimpse into the little known world of LeEddie. “Everyone thinks they know us,” Eddie saucily tells us, “but there’s two sides to every story.” I wonder how long it took Sir Genius to come up with that one?!
The premiere, titled “Fifty Million Ways To Leave Your Lover,” confronts allegations that the couple is headed for a $50 million dollar divorce because Eddie is cheating and LeAnn is crazy. They don’t expect us to believe that. But, um… too bad – cause we do! Because they are really trying to use this show to put on an act about how happy, in love, and honest they are.
Last night on Real Housewives of New York we celebrated the contrast between good and evil as if that isn’t the perpetual theme of these shows.
Carole Radziwill is turning 50 and wants to celebrate with an over-the-top party in the theme of Good vs. Evil, or basically Ramona and Aviva vs. Carole. Carole enlists her bestie Heather Thomson to plan it but her list of demands is staggering. Things Carole wants for her birthday party: butterflies, chandeliers from her house hung up at the restaurant, headless mannequins, a snake charmer, shiny red apples, a psychic (are we sure she doesn’t mean a psychiatrist?), fire breathing dragons with angels on their wings, 30 dozen white rose petals, the 12 horsemen of the apocalypse, three french hens, and a partridge in a pear tree. Oh and 6 well behaved Housewives, but we all know that ain’t gonna happen!
Heather decides to just be in charge of the booze and hires a party planner stat.
Lizzie Rovsek tried to have an elegant dinner party for her classy TV friends, except she didn’t have any classy TV friends to invite so she just stuck with her co-stars. Lizzie decorated her parent’s beach house with a beautiful table setting and hired fire dancers to perform. Her husband Christian made a lovely toast, the food looked delicious, and the drinks stiff. But it was the company… oh it’s that bad company that gets you in trouble every time!
Before we get to another one of Bravo’s dinner parties from hell, lets backtrack. A Few Days Before…
Last night on Ladies of London the women got a lesson in etiquette and then promptly forgot everything they learned. The divide between Caprice Bourret and Caroline Stanbury widened. And Noelle Reno continued to stir the pot. It’s what she does best.
We begin at Slades Farm, Annabelle Neilson’s home. She has checked herself out of the hospital and is recovering from her accident. Caroline arrives with gifts: DVD’s and a huge TV. Where was Caroline when I was sick? Annabelle is doing well, all things considered. She asks what’s going on, namely with the Caprice situation. Caroline tells her how Noelle and Marissa are planning a baby shower/going away party for Caprice. She’s still irked by it. Annabelle advises her to take the high road. Caroline doesn’t think she can, but Annabelle urges her to do it.
Last night it was V-Day for Mimi Faust and Nikko on Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta, and of course, by “V” I mean Vivid! The pair’s sex tape was released, and Mimi is beside herself as to how this will effect her daughter later in life. At least her acting is getting better!
Mimi takes Eva to Stevie J.’s so she can figure out her next move. Poor Eva doesn’t have much going for her in the parent department, but she sure is a cutie pie, and she’s good at remembering her lines! Mimi reiterates once again that she’ll be able to provide for her daughter’s future, and while it may not be the best way, it’s HER way. Stevie gives the same speech about how he’s being the best dad he can be while jumping with Eva on a jump castle. I guess jump castles trump child support…
Joseline Hernandez is channeling her energy into a boob-fueled shopping spree. She is still planning a getaway where she can whoop it up with K. Michelle. What happened to her new show? Joseline calls K. Michelle to complain about her marital woes, and K invites her to New York to forget her worries for a while. K. Michelle reminds her that New York would be a great place to make more connections for her music, but Joseline is more focused on meeting men for pleasure…not business. Don’t call it a crossover. It’s a girls’ weekend! Woo hoo!
It’s go time! In Game of Crowns’preview special, we were introduced to the cast of middle-aged, um, beauty queens who are in contention for this season’s Mrs. America pageant. Here’s the formula for this show: Toddlers and Tiaras, plus 40 years, minus any Trace of Youthful Innocence, plus Plastic Surgery = Game of Crowns! Let’s get started.
We open at Shelley Carbone’s Connecticut house, where she’s practicing saying the word, “prestigious” in the mirror while wearing a crown and sash. Fellow former competitor Vanassa Sebastian arrives, blinking and smiling as much as her frozen facial features allow. She reminds us that she is a certified nurse anesthetist and puts people to sleep for a living. Vanassa asks the viewers, “What other Mrs. America contestant can say that they pass gas for a living?” Groan.