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Real Housewives Of New York Recap: There’s No Place Like Home

The Real Housewives Of New York are back in the city and on the other side of that diarrhea situation – but that doesn’t mean the sh*t is done exploding. This week finds everyone recovering from the hellish adventure they just shared together in Cartegena, mainly by throwing parties and showing off renovations. Housewives style!

The first event is Ramona Singer’s big reveal in the Hamptons. Her home is officially renovated and de-Mario’d, courtesy of Ramona’s maven-like bargain hunting. It does look gorgeous, and Ramona basks in her new digs as Dorinda Medley, Luann de Lesseps, and  Sonja Morgan come over to ooh and ahh. “I did everything online!” chirps Ramona as Luann channels her former Countess, side-eyeing the simplicity (i.e. non decorator-approved) of the home. “This is the reveal?” she wonders. “Revealing.” At least Ramona did Jill Zarin a solid and promoted her rugs on air!

Joao Franco & Kasey Cohen

Oh to have Hannah Ferrier‘s life on Below Deck Mediterranean: lounging around worrying over boy drama, smoking, folding some napkins before hopping on boats to party with guests, and then the audacity of being called a gold digger because she expects her men to have big, bulging … savings accounts. Oh Hannah, put down the cancer sticks and get a reality check!

Hannah and Conrad Empson are fighting over money. Specifically: this little Euro spent on Hannah’s wine, that little Euro spent on expensive wine and dinner Hannah chose, and several piggy little Euros went to more of Hannah’s expensive boozy tastes; so one huffy cougar is blowing Conrad’s meager savings right away!

Teen Mom 2 Reunion Recap – Behind The Screams

Drama’s for Nerds part 31 (because that’s what it feels like). This episode of Teen Mom 2 we get all the behind the scenes reunion footage of our Ladies of Class (aka Briana and Kail) screaming at each other. We are teased with numerous fights, lose Chelsea DeBoer midway through, and watch Briana’s unmentionables get blurred, which seems unnecessary since she’s showed it all to the world on Snapchat.

Vicki GUnvalson is called out for breaking Girl Code

Just when I thought there was going to be a season of everyone getting along on Real Housewives Of Orange County, enter two new girls and the fatuous ego of one Vicki Gunvalson who will not understand human relationships no matter how many zillions of times it makes her Housewives reunions a living hell.

The so-called Three Amigas are banned back from Mexico worse for the wear, but they’re cemented by friendship bracelets (we saw how well those worked out the last time!) and added a dance to their lineup that’s essentially a hokeypokey with hip thrust – perfect for these three in denial cheeseballs. Tamra Judge is especially bad off. She went from a hot glam’ma to a deflated scooter-wielding spring break failure. It’s like a Tina Fey movie where the uncool girl who never got to do spring break goes back as a chaperone in her 40’s. At least Tamra has Vicki to push her around to all the hot docs in OC. Vicki was everyone’s mama this episode, wasn’t she? Like getting that slap in the face that Gina Kirchenwallerhallerdingdong is the same age as Briana – and just as opinionated about Vicki’s boondoggles! Youngins today – no respect for their elders…

The Real Housewives of Potomac Recap:

The season finale of the Real Housewives of Potomac left me with several questions: Where do Karen Huger and her husband Ray actually live? Will Ashley Darby ever poke enough holes in her husband’s condoms to get pregnant? Where was Monique Samuels all night?  Did the producers throw this disjointed episode together last minute?

We pick up back in Great Falls where Robyn Dixon is dressed in full beard and delivering a pizza to Karen’s house while Gizelle Bryant and Ashley look on, laughing hysterically. Robyn gives the bell three tries before putting the half eaten pizza on the welcome mat and running back to the getaway car. Robyn admits that if someone rang her doorbell and she wasn’t expecting anyone, she wouldn’t answer either, so she’s not really surprised no one came to the door.

90 Day Fiancé Before The 90 Days Recap: And So It Begins

Last night, we witnessed the birth of three new relationships plus the continuation of two previous train wrecks already in progress. Ah, our beloved 90 Day Fiancé Before The 90 Days is back! And holy Bahtman, is it back with a bang. It’s still the same mix of May-December couples we’ve grown used to cringing at on many seasons of 90 Day Fiancé past, coupled with a few new twists. Some old faces, and a few new. The Danielles and Nicoles of yesteryear have been replaced (and dare we say, potentially out-crazied?) by the Angelas and Rickys of today. And the potential for frauding, stalking, and white binders is at an all-time high.

I forced my husband to watch last night’s premiere and, like most semi-sane humans, he repeatedly asked aloud, “What is WRONG with these people?!?” I didn’t have the heart to tell him that what’s wrong with them is precisely what makes this show so right. But we all know the secret sauce of delusion is necessary for some good old fashioned 90 Day drama, and this season looks to be dripping in it.

Real Housewives Of New York Recap: Ship Happens

Now sit right back and you’ll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful ship – that started out as Housewives fun and ended up as sh*t. The Bethenny! The Countess too! The Dorinda – and her kniiiiiife. The Ramonacoaster, The Carole/Sonja/Tinsley train…here on CLUSTERF**K ISLE!

Last night’s episode was iconic before it even aired. The Real Housewives Of New York nightmare on the high seas will forever live on in Bravo history and virtually needs no introduction. So, let’s just dive right in (ha). It’s the morning after the multi-argument dinner from hell, and everyone convenes for breakfast for a nice relaxing boat ride, and Dorinda Medley is still loaded for bear. Although everyone else is worn out from the drama, Dorinda snaps at Luann de Lesseps when she snaps at everyone about her Countess title being a valid “stage name.”

Below Deck Mediterranean Recap: I Ain’t Saying Eur(o) Goldigger

The ship pretty much hit the fan on last night’s Below Deck Mediterranean. I think y’all would agree that A YACHT happened. So sorry. The show started where last week’s episode ended. The chief stewardess and the bosun were in hot water with the captain.

Following Hannah Ferrier’s banishment to her cabin, Captain Sandy Yawn shrieks for Conrad Empson so she can lay into him about indirectly overworking Brooke Laughton. Sandy gave Hannah explicit instructions to return to the yacht after one quick Diet Coke. Given they were gone three hours, that must have been a massive Polar Pop of the D.C. (with that amazing pellet ice, obviously).