Stop the presses, y'all. Tyler ran 4.2 miles. That's all you need to know about this week's episode of Big Rich Texas. Trust me. The rest pales in comparison to Tyler's awesomeness. Nevertheless, the rest…
Leslie Birkland enters the scene, shoos away her real child (Mommy, I just ran 4.2 miles! No time, Tyler. I just found out your fake sister is a slut, but you already knew that, didn't you.) to talk to Kalyn Braun. Leslie says, "Well, Kalyn, the party was all about you being a slut." Leslie continues and it goes something like this, Boonie Blossman, whose shirts states she's a doctor, educated me about UTIs… in front of everyone… and you, my dear Godaughter, have some complication from being sexually active.
Leslie asks Kalyn, "Do you know to go pee after sex?" Kalyn sees no way to escape the madness, so she fake cries. "Boo hoo hoo, I'm being judged for no reason." Leslie assures Kalyn that she just wants to help her. Leslie tells Kalyn that she is to call her every time she has sex, so she can remind her to pee. That Leslie. She sure does go above and beyond the call of Godmother duty.
Last night on Real Housewives of Miami, things took a turn for the dour. Lets just say there were a lot of tears and too few drunken antics, but sometimes a little Housewives Xanax is needed after all the insanity!
Things begin with Joanna Krupa getting her charity on and thankfully she's not exposing her pubes to raise awareness this time. This time, she's competing in a charity volleyball game. Joanna + bikini = $$. Karent Sierra and Lisa Hochstein are cheering her on – and curiously absent is Romain Zago.
A somber Joanna fills them in on the grim reality post boobnight bitchslap. Although Romain and Joanna are still technically living together they barely speak and he works overtime to avoid her.
Joanna takes to the court and is surprisingly good. For some odd reason I was expecting it to be a gobsmackingly appalling performance. And after the match Romain arrives to show his better late than never version of support. They decide to go have a chat because I mean who doesn't want to have a personal and heartfelt conversation about their relationship in public, at a sporting event?
Oh,Real Housewives of Atlanta is not disappointing this season, is it? These ladies decided to bring their A-game, shake things up, and screw with the conventional norms. Behold, NeNe Leakes has suddenly undergone some sort of an Oprah/Iyanla reinvention and is above petty drama and all about peace, love, and miniature people friendships.
And Cynthia Bailey is now in your face, cutting claws, and getting catty. And who else is switching things up? Why Kandi Burruss! Apparently love brings out her sassy side.
In addition to all this fuckery we are also forced to contend with Kenya Moore. And Kenya Moore is certifiable. I mean girl, really – you thought reality TV was the best outlet for your mental instability? Or perhaps lady is just really, really trying to score some Academy Award winning acting gigs…
Well it finally happened! Royce Reed is officially dunzo with Basketball Wives. Amid rumors that she along with Jennifer Williamshad been fired from the show after the tumultuous season 4, Royce confirmed yesterday that she is, in fact, leaving the show.
Royce announced the news on twitter where she explained to fans she won't be returning next season.
Ashley and J.P. will be following in the footsteps of the original Bachelorette couple Trista and Ryan Sutter. Not only are they getting married, but they're doing so in a two hour televised ABC special. Is that part of their contract? #rhetoricalquestions Also, we have some spoilers, so if you don't want to skip ahead 9+ episode's of Sean's Bachelor season and make your own betting pools, consider yourself forewarned.
I never thought I'd be Team Silex about anything, and I mean ANYTHING. However, when you have to choose between somewhat creepy Silex and uber-creepy Dourtney, what else can you do but side with former Real Housewives of New YorkstarsAlex McCord and Simon van Kempen? Of course, I'm talking about a feud that started out on VH1's Couples Therapy, so perhaps that is where I first went astray. I am addicted to this insanity, and I'm not proud of it.
Joining Silex in the therapy sessions, at least up until a week or so ago, was everyone's favorite May-December romantics 52-year-old "actor" Doug Hutchison and his 18-year-old wife Courtney Stodden. I don't have to tell y'all that she was sixteen when the pair married and seventeen when Couples Therapy filmed. Due to child labor laws, Courtney wasn't allowed to film as much as the grown-ups and couldn't stay in a bedroom with her hubby.
If you've been tuning into the train wreck (and I know you secretly have!), you know that Courtney's parade of bikini tops as shirts, Lucite stripper platforms, and belts that she tried to pass off as skirts had the other couples up in arms. Her wardrobe was deemed a major distraction, and Dr. Jenn imposed a strict dress code. Courtney was forced to wear things that covered her belly and didn't flash her bits. The passive aggressive Courtney adhered to this dress code for one day, although she clearly shopped for her conservative clothing at Hoochies 'R Us. From that point, things continued to go down hill for Dourtney. No amount of gum smacking, eye rolling, or hair twirling could save them!
The Kardashian sister trio is complete again. Khloe Kardashian-Odom finally joined her sisters, Kim and Kourtney, over in London this weekend (after finishing up her X Factor duties). Khloe arrived just in time for the official launch of the Kardashian Kollection for Dorothy Perkins at the Westfield Shopping Centre.
London LOVES the Kardashians, y'all. Like LOVES them. Loves them so much they caused a stampede at the mall this weekend! If you take a peek in the gallery (second page) below you'll see shots of the sea of madness! Police had to talk to the crowd and worked hard to keep things under control. There were a few reports of injuries and girls fainting. The shopping center let people camp overnight before the line opened up at 7 a.m. Media outlets report that "when the number of fans reached 10,000, the situation became chaotic."
That is crazy. Overnight camping for a meet and greet / clothing line launch? I think someone lied and told them it was a Twilight premiere.