So where do we begin with this mess of a show that is Real Housewives of Beverly Hills? It was just a blur of white noise. Splits Richards decided there hadn't been enough drama as of late so she decided to host her annual White Party. I mean screw P Diddy and Cannes, this is THE event of the season. Bust out your white swim suit cover-ups, get ready to twirl your hair round your head like a helicopter (one of these days Kyle is going to take off!), and then go threaten to sue your friends! Open bar on the left.
In other happenings,Kim Richards got a nose job. I mean, what else has she got to do? Kim's nose job – not big news in the real BH, I imagine, but in the RHOBH it's cause for celebration. And why not? Kim has never entertained anyone not even us on this show so perhaps it's time for her to do some party hosting. Isn't that what these broads do with their spare time when they're not hiring lawyers because their girlfriends talk shit about them?
So anyway, Kim's having a re-done nose party (I hope she got a ton of cards that said: 'Congratulations on your re-done nose!'). She has this sweet little coffee bar set up and she's rocking a Mrs. Roper mumu as she swans around the pool. It was all very seventies. I've noticed a lot of what Splits and Kim do is circa seventies (hello… THE White Party, y'all!).
Speaking of Splits, she shows up towing along two adorable little girls and one orangey blob in a scarecrow wig. Yeah, Faye Resnick was there, but by the blessed gods of Bravo she barely spoke and stayed mainly off camera. Perhaps they wanted to keep the party focused on decent plastic surgery.
Let's get started with the stupidity, shall we? Chelsea's friend comes by to visit, and Chelsea whines that her IUD fell out the other day when she was going to the bathroom. TMI. Her friend inquires as to whether Chelsea saw her doctor, but Chelsea didn't have time…Adam came over to see her for the first time in ages. Not shockingly, they pair ends up getting it on…sans condom, of course. Don't worry, y'all. She won't get pregnant because he pulled out before finishing. TMITMITMITMI!!!! I wonder how she thinks Aubree came to be…Her friend urges her to make better choices, and Chelsea whines that she doesn't have her normal "giddy for Adam" feelings. That's definitely something to be proud of as you await your period, moron!
At least Kailyn is making better choices, right? Oh wait…no. She gets upset that Jo's girlfriend is over at his house when she drops off Isaac, and she and Jo get into a physical altercation that ends with her filing for a temporary order of protection from abuse. Violence is not the answer, but I will never understand her double standard of allowing Javi around Isaac after one date while Jo's serious girlfriend is a problem. Kailyn's friend Mark (who is totally in love with her) comes over to hear her story. Mark tries to give her some sound advice, but she won't listen. I can't believe the language she uses in front of her son. Kailyn explains that she'll have temporary full custody until their hearing in two weeks. Mark just seems totally befuddled at his friend's behavior.
Here's a 'would you rather' scenario, courtesy of Shahs of Sunset. Would you rather see Mike Shouhed in the buff or be styled by Reza Farahan? Of course, that may not be the most difficult of decisions…
Two of the stars of the Bravo hit are focusing on clothing this week…one is hellbent on taking it off while the other fancies himself a designer. I don't doubt you can guess who is doing what, right? Mike is excited to bare it all for Playgirl, and he is revealing that he's not the only one who is thrilled with the news. Meanwhile, Reza is teaming up with a family member to market a new clothing line.
Love & Hip Hop returned last night with a vengeance. Apparently the cast had a lot of fights to make up for after being off the air for a week. Almost every story line incorporated a screaming match, if not a physical altercation. Keeping it classy as always, VH1!
The episode begins as Erica Mena and Rich Dollaz are celebrating her success in the recording studio. She is ready to start on the video, and Rich teases her for being demanding. He wants the pair to sign a contract. Rich isn't going to ask for any favors just because Erica is his girlfriend. She wants to be cautious with her career.
Lore'l is working on her music, and Winter Amos comes to see her at the studio. Winter wants to help her friend reach her potential. She wants to know why Lore'l hasn't already become the next big thing. Lore'l has broken Business 101, and she's being managed by one of her good friends. Winter thinks this is a huge issue, and she plants the seed in Lore'l's head to look for better management.
Oh sweet Jesus is there really more back and forth between Brandi Glanville and Adrienne Maloof? Yes – of course! While that mess is still ongoing it seems Brandi is willing to put one acrimonious feud behind her!
And one person who is totally in agreement with that idea is friend (and support system) Yolanda Foster! “I made Brandi promise me this week that once her book tour is over she will never say her name again,” Yolanda shared with Perez Hilton. “At some point you need to move on. There’s children involved, so hopefully she can keep her word.”
Yolanda, you and me both. If I ever have to hear LeAnn Rimes' name again, I may turn to drinking and tweeting!
The short recap: Lilly annoys. Asa mouths wow and Mike smiles pretty. Mean girls Asa and Reza attack GG and MJ. Asa mouths wow and Mike smiles pretty. Reza pouts when he doesn't get enough attention. Asa mouths wow and Mike smiles pretty. I pretend Lilly's hair and boobs form an alliance to take down Asa and Reza.