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Don’t Be Tardy

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Yesterday it was reported that Kim Zolciak is knocked up with baby number 5. Lord help us… 

The Don't Be Tardy star has apparently been hiding the pregnancy because she's probably brokering some big announcement with a tabloid. Hot on the heels of the news, The Daily Mail captured Kim allegedly smoking while sporting a noticeable baby bump during a recent vacation with her family. 

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Kim Zolciak and Kandi Burruss are battling it out in court over the rights for 'Don't Be Tardy'.

Kandi, who sympathizes with all of us in declaring the song a national embarrassment, wants it permanently removed from the airways. But Kim, who doesn't exactly have a job (except makin' babies!), is fighting to keep it on iTunes claiming she has already "over-paid" Kandi for her services and that Kandi isn't even the real songwriter. We know that's a lie!

At the true root of the argument, however, is the friendship betrayal between the Real Housewives of Atlanta stars. Kim filed a Motion To Dismiss the suit claiming among other things that Kandi was using the lawsuit for publicity and fame. Well Kandi is striking back! 

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Last night on Don't Be Tardy, the Biermann family celebrated Christmas and argued about traditions. See, Kim Zolciak's traditions include dropping thousands upon thousands on tacky Christmas decorations like she lives in the White House where as Kroy Biermann's traditions include embracing the true meaning of Christmas: family and quality time.

Eventually in a Bravo-tized version of The Christmas Carol, Wigenezer Scrooge realizes Christmas isn't about Cartier and $4000 diamond-studded Christmas trees with a LV logo, but about the people you love the most! 

Things begin with Kim trying to convince us she's a young woman of 35 by getting Thermage, a laser face lift. At first I thought Kim must be getting vaginal rejuvenation because her skirt slit was so high she was borderline in need of a black modesty bar to hide the ladybits. I was wrong though – apparently one just wears really revealing clothing to the dermatologist!

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Kim Zolciak has been all kinds of talking about having a baby girl with husband Kroy Biermann, but is she pregnant already?

Apparently the Don't Be Tardy star is expecting her fifth child and trying to keep things quiet until she gets a magazine cover announcing it. 

"Kim and Kroy are so excited to be pregnant again,” a close friend tells Life & Style. “She’s been trying to keep it quiet — she didn’t realize she’s showing as much as she is.”

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So last night's episode of Don't Be Tardy was all about growing up. And sadly Kim Zolciak doesn't wanna grow up! 

Things begin with a sullen Brielle watching KJ. Brielle decides to entertain him by putting him to work sweatshop labor style as her manicurist. Sadly, KJ's fine motor skills haven't totally refined yet and he gets nail polish all over his face. Hey toddler – go play with some toxic chemicals! Babysitting By Bravo. 

Brielle is grounded from her cell phone, TV, and computer since her grades were bad. And unfortunately it's report card day  and Brielle has failed math and science. She has a 90% in Spanish though which is good since Kim has hired Spanish-speaking nannies and the only thing Kim knows how to say is Tequila and Taco. 

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Welcome to the scripted reality television land of Wigs N Cigs where a 40-something 35-year-old woman has never heard of an IUD and can't get along with her parents to save her life. If you were confused for a second; nope that's not Brielle's storyline – it's Kim Zolciak's!

On last night's installment of Don't Be Tardy, Bravo seemed to prove that the only reason Kim got a second spinoff was to exploit the legal/custodial drama happening with her parents because other than that this show has ZERO going on except for completely fabricated and ridiculous plots. 

So Kim and Kroy Biermann take a walk in the woods and decide they are ready for a third child. I mean what else does Kim have to do; she doesn't work and she has two nannies for her other two kids so she can basically sit around and be prego, ensuring her investments will grow and grow. I believe they call that an "installment plan"? Ask, conceive and receive! 

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Bravo is busy rolling out a ton of new shows and heavily promoting some old favorites. They've recently had some trouble in the Real Housewives of Atlanta spinoff department though!

Kim Zolciak and Kandi Burruss are arguing off-screen over legal issues, and they are also fighting it out to save their spinoffs from being canned next season. Bravo, who apparently loves them some Kandi (probably because she is on the hugely successful RHOA), moved The Kandi Factory to Sunday nights in an effort to boost viewership

Last week the move worked and TKF received a bump in ratings.There was also a fist fight…  Unfortunately it's only temporary! Bravo Ratings says that this week's showing didn't even rank in cable's Top 100 shows. Even worse, this Sunday's episode garnered only 596,000 viewers, down 32% from last week and "rated lower than three of the four occasions it aired on Tuesdays." Ouch. I think we can expect that one won't be renewed! This weekend is the season finale. 

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Let's all give thanks… Don't Be Tardy style. And what does that entail? Purchasing a pre-packed, pre-sliced turkey from a designer clothing store. More on this later.

On last night's episode Kim Zolciak's daughters were forced to deal with the Sins of the Wig, whose own parents have turned against her in the media over her alleged famewhoring. It was actually sad. 

Things begin with Kim and her girls making something called "slutty brownies". They actually sound amazing. Brielle and Arianna want to make brownies from scratch, Kim argues for boxed mix especially in light of the fact that she doesn't even have sugar in her pantry. 

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