Our first look at the Vanderpump Rules reunion is here. Bravo promises that everything from “scandalous hookups” and “cheating accusations” to “wild wedding festivities” will be argued about ad nauseam covered at the Season 5 reunion, which Andy Cohen said was “intense.”
Look below for pictures and a breakdown of the three-part reunion. Yes, three parts, because apparently season five was a hit with viewers. <blank stare> I personally thought that this was the worst season yet, but Bravo claims that this season of Vanderpump Rules is “on track to deliver its highest rated season ever” with a reported average of 2.4 million viewers.
The countdown is finally over! We Vanderpump Rules watchers have finally arrived at the inevitable nuptials of two people so solely unhappy together it’s almost not funny. So, yes, last night was the debut of Katie Maloney‘s wedding gown and it was even worse than Scheana Marie‘s. But the biggest shock was that Tom 2 actually seemed happy to be getting married. That’s a change!
Tom and Katie spent $51,000 on a wedding in someone’s backyard next to the train tracks, yet Tom couldn’t afford to fly his family out to attend. Only his mom, Kim, the object of Jax Taylor‘s wanton obsession, has made it. Thus far anyway. I guess Jax imagines that Kim is a woman who knows how to make a turkey sandwich?
Anyway, call me confused but wouldn’t you factor ‘flying family to wedding’ into your budget above $10,000 worth of flowers, or a $4,000 Tacky Tuesday rehearsal dinner? Was Tom 2 too afraid of Katie’s wrath or something… Likely he actually fears Katie’s combined forces with Stassi Schroeder, the official plus one of his wedding and entire life. Yes, after all her maneuvering Stassi has finally secured the spot of Maid Of Honor. Unofficially so as not to hurt Kristen Doute‘s feelings, but honestly where else would one place their Celestial Wife in the order of things?
Last night’s Vanderpump Rules traveled through the few remaining days before Tom Schwartz legally yoked himself to Tequila Katie. Actually, Tom has optimistically decided to eulogize Tequila Katie – maybe that explains why they spent $10,000 on flowers! Double-duty for a funeral?
Before everyone converges in the middle of nowhere “where no one can hear you squeal, boy,” (name that movie!) Tom 1 and Jax Taylor must take care of some risky business in the big city. They must summon their courage with a tiny trumpet and drink raw eggs for manliness. They’re doing this for Tom 2. As he relinquishes his bank account, his soul, and what’s left of the d–k he can only partially find, that only partially works, Tom 1 and Jax will be his everlasting strength.
A new roundup of reality TV stars social media pics to kick off your weekend!
Above: Ken Todd and Lisa Vanderpump celebrate the opening of their very pink dog rescue center Vanderpump Dogs. “Thank you to all of you who have come out to support us this week for the opening of Vanderpump Dogs Rescue Center! We are thrilled to be open!” shared Lisa. “Come visit, shop, and adopt a puppy! Follow @vanderpumpdogs for updates! #adopt #vanderpups”
I have to admit that I was skeptical of the Vanderpump Rules/ Summer House crossover when the Wirkus Twins made a not-so-subtle visit to go have lunch with Stassi Schroeder at SUR. It felt way too forced to me, but that episode with Kyle Cooke and Stassi’s turtleneck bathing suit in the hot tub got me hooked. And ever since I’ve been living for Stephen McGee’s commentary on all the Summer House antics. Needless to say, I was pumped to listen to Stassi interviewing Stephen on her podcast.
In my dream world, Bravo would air a mini series with the Vanderpump Rules cast and the (relevant) Summer House cast members going on vacation together, but for now, I am more than satisfied with Stassi and Stephen’s talk about the reunion episodes, pot stirring, and the relationships on both shows.
The New Orleans trip resurrected this season of Vanderpump Rules. The whole thing was such a hot mess that I don’t even know where to begin. Luckily for me, I don’t have to since Jax Taylor and Tom Schwartz just opened up about the latest antics that went down this season. Plus, these two really have a way with words.
Jax and Tom recapped (what little they remember about) the bachelor party in New Orleans; they shared their opinions on James Kennedy’s girlfriend; they reflected on Scheana Marie’s divorce (spoiler alert: they both saw it coming); and of course they both addressed the criticisms about their own relationships.
Well the wedding of Tom Schwartz and Katie Maloney is going along full-force like the tornado in the Wizard Of Oz. Except instead of being transported to the land of yellow brick roads and ruby slippers, Tom 2 is being chased by the Wicked Witch of the West and her flying monkeys. Oh love in the wilds of Vanderpump Rules.
Am I the only person LOVING Tequila Tom?! For all my hatred of Tequila Katie, Tequila Tom needs to stick around a little more! He has bottled the worms of his rage up for too long. Let those suckers crawl OUT.
Peter Madrigal said it when he compared his failed relationship to Stassi Schroeder as like oil and water. “It may look OK when you shake it up…” but in reality it is two disparate things that simply do not stay together in the long term. And that is Tom and Katie. They are the fling that never ends – although it should’ve 200 drunken fights ago. And at this point it doesn’t even look good together anymore. No, anymore it looks like a torn, shredded dress and a slept-in smokey eye.