Get your Tom + Katie tea towels ready to clean up the muck that has become Vanderpump Rules!
Recovering from Christmas and an ultimate cookie binge, the last thing I’m in the mood for is whining from Katie Maloney and Stassi Schroeder. But, alas, I am nothing if not a consummate professional, so I have wrenched myself from the sluggish glut of a living room filled with wrapping paper (how many calories does wading through wrapping paper burn?) to complete this recap. Happy holidays! Katie just blew her life savings on $18.00 custom tea towels, and her life now consists of hatefully glaring at Tom Schwartz while folding said towels into cardboard boxes, wrapping the whole thing with twine, and mailing it. In case you were wondering wtf: that’s her wedding invite.
It’s a real struggle for me to think of things that Kristen Doute and her former boss Lisa Vanderpump have in common. In fact, the only one I can think of is that they both have a strong love for animals. In fact, Kristen is now a doggie foster mom. Unfortunately, the good news ends there since Kristen’s dog Bowie is missing.
Kristen’s dog has been missing for about a day now and, as expected, she has been frantically searching for the dog all over the area and posting on social media.
A word of advice to every cast member of Vanderpump Rules: Stop with the day drinking, already! As we saw on this week’s installment of VPR, Stassi Schroeder would benefit greatly from a clear head when facing her imaginary rivals at surprise-not-surprise parties far and wide. And, according to Stassi’s commentary on last night’s episode – she agrees!
“Lesson 1: don’t agree to go up to ppl to ‘talk’ after 6 hours of drinking in the sun,” tweeted Stassi last night after witnessing her sloppy behavior on camera, adding, “Lesson 2: be fake so that I get a good edit.” So, which is it: drunk or fake? I’ll put my money on both!
It’s a cold day in L.A. before I take Scheana Marie‘s side about anything, but thanks to last night’s Vanderpump Rules that icy apocalypse has arrived.
Does anyone even understand what happened last night? It was essentially 30-year-old women playing drunken telephone as if bringing a stupid bridal party game to real life. Somehow, Stassi Schroeder took a situation that she was not a part of in any way, and through heresy, put her own special Stassi spin on it until it dildo-in-acid exploded on Scheana, soaking her in the bile of bad friendships and her own bad karma.
TGIF! The reality stars are having some fun on social media this week. NeNe Leakesand Kenya Moore had a good time together at NeNe’s popup boutique while Kyle Richards headed off on vacation with Mauricio and Luis D. Ortiz was his typical ray-of-sunshine self.
NeNe shared, “Yass for Miss Twirl @thekenyamoore laying down that credit card in #swaggboutique I love shoppers like Kenya who walk in wearing 1 thing and leave wearing #swagg booty pop black leggings I literally had to close the boutique down for Kenya! She bought every damn thang #boss #shegotit #mygirlie #mooremanor #respect #womensupportingwomen.”
Last night’s Vanderpump Rules celebrated Pride, but it was far from the jubilant affair it usually is in light of the Orlando nightclub shooting, which happened the day before.
I’m not sure how to write this recap for a couple reasons: 1) there was a lot of the usual f-ked up SUR drama surrounding Pride and the tragic events; and 2) Tom Sandoval made his ugly cry face but it seems wrong to make fun of it because he was crying about the Orlando tragedy. Conundrum. I also feel bad swooning over how glorious Peter looked. (Cause he did).
Kristen Doute has had more than her fair share of haters throughout her time on Vanderpump Rules, but I cannot help loving every scene she appears in. Kristen was made for reality TV – she is beyond sure of herself in every aspect, she says random shit without any sign of prior thought, and she has no shame when it comes to the mistakes she makes in front of the cameras. Kristen even managed to stay on a show about waitresses at a restaurant even though she got fired from said restaurant.
For the most part, I very rarely agree with anything she says, but I cannot help laughing. This chick is unintentionally hilarious and it seems like she has no boundaries when it comes to conversation topics. In a recent interview, Kristen defended slut-shaming Lala Kent (yeah not a good look for her), talked about Stassi Schroeder’s diet of Adderall and Diet Dr. Pepper (not the best anecdote to share considering their recently renewed friendship), and bragged about being a social media stalking expert (a claim I 100% believe).