Well, that didn’t take long, did it? Yesterday we reported that Real Housewives of New Jersey’sJoe Giudice calls his wife a less than flattering name on the upcoming episode…while he’s on the phone with a woman he refers to as “baby” no less! While most women would be humiliated to have their husband say such a nasty thing to them–in private OR on national television, Teresa Giudice is doing what she does best. Denial, baby!
Not that any of us should be at all shocked, right? Appearing on The Couch talk show, Teresa addresses the public’s perceived issues of her relationship with Juicy Joe. She explains, “There’s no trouble in our marriage, Joe and I are happily married. You can’t listen to everything that’s out there.” Even if it comes from your own husband’s mouth and it’s caught on film? You don’t even listen then?
Last night’s episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey was a pleasant reminder of what this show used to be. You know, when people got along, had fun, and didn’t take every side-eye so seriously they were declaring it a nuclear state of emergency. I mean there was a time when the ladies of RHONJ didn’t spend countless episodes dissecting and cataloging every tabloid edition published in the last year to decipher just how much one said RHONJ hates another said RHONJ.
Oh, yes… that show once existed and I think last night proved it could exist again. Here is my two step plan to eradicating the petty, hateful, and mundane drama on this show: 1) take everyone out of Jersey and give them more to worry about than spray tanning and meatballs 2) Pay them only $1 per season until they agree to get along, act civilized, and go hang out at Chateau kvetching about Danielle Staub. See – not so hard, right?
So the whole gang embarked on a cross-country trek to Napa where the Blk.-meisters were to meet with Vivendi winery for a distribution deal. As Hurricane Irene is raging on the horizon, the packing commences. Everyone feigns concern about leaving their small children at home while they cavort around in the great wild west. Except for Caroline Manzo – she’s bringing her small children with her.
A lot less of Melissa Gorga was ‘on display’ last night as she and husbandJoe Gorga attended the Self Magazine “Rocks The Summer” event at Kiss & Fly in NYC.
Melissa was dressed in an almost-conservative knee length strapless dress as she posed on the red carpet with her angel from God. Joe looks like he’s going to bust out of that shirt! He’s obviously still pumping iron on a daily basis.
All the talk of Teresa Giudice getting a spinoff seems to be unnecessary as the entire plot of Real Housewives of New Jersey revolves around her. For once I don’t believe Teresa is delusional – I mean, everybody is always talking about her, amirite?
Teresa‘s latest Bravo blog addresses former friend turned stalker/nemesis Caroline Manzo‘s crazy comments about Teresa’s marriage and the passive aggressive comments she believes Kathy Wakile made about her cookbook. Hang on, you’re in for a loooong RHONJ post!
“You’d think by now I’d be used to everyone on the show talking about me non-stop every single episode, but I’ll admit I was shocked by Caroline’s comment about my marriage,” Teresa begins.
“Not because I don’t expect her to say nasty things about me and to constantly judge of me — that’s what she does. To quote Audriana‘s favorite movie right now, The Little Mermaid: ‘It’s what she lives for.’ (Caroline does remind me of Ursula, come to think of it…) What shocked me is her hypocrisy.”
On last night’s episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey (brought to us by the Bravo Home Shopping Network) the ladies brought home the bacon while the menfolk sat around the kitchen table gossiping and snarking like old biddies. I applaud the progressive feminist nature of these industrious girls. Except for the one whose husband said he owned her. Yeah, that one needs to take a women’s studies class, stat!
So things begin with Teresa Giudice – or is Joodichee? Our favorite Jersian wordsmith has apparently, once again, forgotten how to pronounce her ever-shifting last name. Teresa’s newest venture is branding herself – I think she should start with having a consistent pronunciation of her own name, but that’s just my suggestion. “Branding” means adding Fabellini to her ever-expanding product repertoire. I swear Teresa makes up these words, Fabulicious, Fabellini, etc because she can’t actually pronounce any real words!
Teresa is in the car with Joe Goodouchée and they are headed to a vineyard, she thinks. Despite the fact that she is now in the wine making business, madame Giuhoochie has no idea where wine comes from or where one goes to taste wine.
Teresa Giudice has done insulted reality show royalty. The woman who just can’t seem to to be on good terms with anyone recently slammed Bethenny Frankel‘s infamous Skinnygirl cocktails!
On tonight’s episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey, Teresa compares her Fabellini to Bethenny‘s Skinnygirl empire. “My thing is I don’t like anything that tastes diet-y,” she explains. “For instance, Skinnygirl tastes diet-y. I don’t like that.”
Teresa seconded the claim on her Fabulicious website, writing: “I’m so so so proud of it. And it tastes delicious!!! And Fabellini is low calorie–less than 1/2 the calories of other ‘skinny’ drinks.”
The National Geographic Channel (thank goodness they stopped trying to make “Nat Geo” stick) is introducing a new series that promises to be equal parts The Godfather, Jersey Shore, and The Sopranos. The show, American Gypsies, sounds like it will be entirely amazing, given that it’s produced by none other than everyone favorite martial arts underdog, Daniel-sanRalph Macchio. When does it start??
Ralph tells the Huffington Post, “This is a fascinating subculture that exists right here in New York. I was astounded by some of the customs and what I would call unorthodox choices and traditions, but [they were] kind of relatable in a way with me being from a Greek-Italian-American family. They have strong beliefs and family comes first — this story needed to be told.”