Real Housewives of Dallas Season 2

Real Housewives of Dallas Recap: Falling apart like cheap pantyhose

It’s part two of The Real Housewives of Dallas Season 2 Reunion, and it’s time to say farewell to the group of dildo wielding, vagina doctor attending, dog food eating housewives. At the time of writing this article, there is no confirmation of a season 3, but like LeeAnne Locken, we’ll pitch our tent in the land of hope. It was a blast writing this recap and hearing from so many of you. I hope you’ll keep up with me on my reality TV podcast, the link is at the bottom of this recap. On with the show!

Back at the studio, LeeAnne is furious that Rich can’t be there to defend her, the way Mark Deuber can defend his wife, Cary Deuber. The sit down resumes and everyone is in place, including the good Doctor. We are shown a video package to transition to a “Deuber Family Life” discussion. Andy Cohen tells Mark that he was perceived as a control freak. True. Squeezed in next to Cary, the Doc admits that he is. Cary clarifies that Mark doesn’t control her; instead, she makes more excuses for his [bad] behavior, chalking it up to “finding a balance”. Ok. In other news, Mark lets it be known, that he does like his young daughter, Zuri. His defense for the [bad] behavior is that we didn’t see it last season and he wouldn’t make a 180 in his behavior overnight. Even LeeAnne admits she called D’Andra Simmons concerned for their marriage. Cary says they’re both assholes and Andy drives home that they are perfect for one another.

Real Housewives Of Dallas’ Brandi Redmond Has Learned A Lot From Season Two…Plans To Love LeeAnne Locken “From A Distance”

Real Housewives of Dallas, y’all. I need some kind of conspiracy theorist’s chart riddled with news clippings, string, and photographs to keep up with all the alliance hopping…or at the very least a decent Pinterest inspired bullet journal to follow all of the craziness. Season two created a conundrum for me. As annoying as I found most all of the cast in some ways, they were all likable in other ways, save for Kameron Westcott’s forced valley girl dialect. LeeAnne Locken was the clear villain last year, but she showed true moments of vulnerability when paired with her best friend, newbie D’Andra Simmons…until she kept threatening people’s life with her JUST HANDS. Sheesh.

Brandi Redmond and Stephanie Hollman’s reconciliation was a moment of realness, the likes of which Bravo viewers haven’t seen since the early seasons of RHOC–you know, when the franchise was less about drama and more about real life. Being the new franchise on the block, Dallas delivered a bit more reality and a bit less manufactured shock factor. Unfortunately, their reality was all shock factor, and Brandi hopes she’s learned from it, at least a little.

Real Housewives of Dallas Recap: The Trial of LeeAnne Locken

The ladies of The Real Housewives of Dallas have assembled for a well-deserved two-part reunion. The set is Texafied with a fireplace, cow skin run and lots of random horns all over the place. Cary Deuber prepares herself to “mind dump” everything in her head. The two camps gather before the face off on the couches. Brandi Redmond claims that’s she ready to beat a bitch up. She went from mean girl to downright vicious. Host, Andy Cohen greets the ladies. We learn that Mama Dee Simmons has prepped daughter, D’Andra Simmons with recorded questions (??). Stephanie Hollman plans to move into her new house around January. Brandi takes the first jab, explaining that she’s not pregnant, but instead pre-menopausal, possibly even going through the change before ex-pal LeeAnne Locken.

The fun begins. First up, a reunion staple, the “look at how much fun we’re having” package, full of pool swans, worm shots, hot dog costumes and tickling dildos. Andy takes this time to ask Kameron Westcott about her dog food line – it’s doing well. Onto the second package, covering the split of Steph-andi and LeeAnne parading around as Stephanie 2 Face. Brandi once again admits that she was pissed at her on again, off again, now on again friend. Stephanie clarifies that her Bravo blog said it was about Brandi’s husband arriving at a party drunk that was the “slow-moving car crash”, not her marriage. (Haven’t these two had this conversation before this moment?) Again, Brandi says she felt jealous and unimportant and chose not to communicate. Stephanie takes ownership for taking on Brandi so heavily in her life and pulling away. As far as LeeAnne’s costume goes, Steph felt bullied and attacked in her own home. Confused, LeeAnne says that when the trailer dropped she called her costume “amazing”, but she’s “pretty sure” that was just the hot dog one. LeeAnne is quick to call her out about the condescending confessionals, calling Stephanie “mean”, “ugly” and “rude”. Kameron is happy to ask her if she thinks a flesh-eating bacteria is funny – which Stephanie is also quick to regret.

D'Andra Simmons

Season two of Real Housewives of Dallas flew by in a whirlwind of funnel cakes, death threats, pink dog food and constant eye rolls and insults regarding class and zip codes. Looking back, I’m not really sure how I feel about it all, but newcomer D’Andra Simmons does. In her latest blog, she addresses her ride or die loyalty to Just Hands while calling out the “brunch bashers” for their bad behavior.

She begins, “We have come to an end of the season, and I have to say, I am a little melancholy. Luckily we still have a drama filled reunion, but it feels so strange that I won’t be rushing home from work or an event staring at the TV screen at 9PM CST watching The Real Housewives of Dallas with everyone and reacting to the Twitter feed. It has been a crazy fun-filled and rewarding ride. I started this season not knowing what to expect from this journey. It was rough at times, but in the end I am truly glad I decided to take this plunge. My year ended with so many blessings and new opportunities, even in the midst of so much tension. My friendship with LeeAnne Locken has remained strong, although, I never questioned it from the get-go. I found my place among a group of ladies that are still trying to find themselves, and I never lost my identity. I stayed true to who I am. Love me or hate me, I am always the same person, whether that is on camera or in private. My mom and I faced our conflicts head on, and I was able to prove to her that I am ready and able to take over the family business. I now have a company of my own and a bright future full of promise that is truly mine to create. My bestie is finally engaged, and I am excited to help her plan her wedding and a few parties in between. Unfortunately, it looks like our guest list may be shrinking!” Um, you think?

Real Housewives of Dallas Recap: Cirque du Slit Throat

The season two finale of The Real Housewives of Dallas is upon us. The ladies have appeared to come full circle, resulting three versus three, with little hope of resolution. Cary Deuber successfully played her way into the “middle” all season, and now has a tight alliance Brandi Redmond and Stephanie Hollman. Brandi turned on LeeAnne Locken real quick and the war rages on – onto the third season, we hope.  If you haven’t already, tell your friends to watch this show. They’ve earned another season. On with the show:

LeeAnne and D’Andra Simmons are engagement party planning. There is a theme and a surprise! I’m friends with LeeAnne its carnival-themed! It’s going to be more Cirque du Soleil than county fair. Keeping it classy people! Expect an eatable cotton candy wall and a “lounge pocket”, whatever that is. D’Andra is all too excited to plan a follow-up engagement brunch for the day after. Even Mama Dee Simmons approves of LeeAnne and Rich, but she’s got a date the night of the party, so don’t expect to see her. Speaking of moms, we find out that LeeAnne’s mama is coming. We’re told she and LeeAnne are estranged and LeeAnne is hoping for a resolution.

Real Housewives Of Dallas’ Brandi Redmond:

Well what do you know–a housewife is expressing remorse over her actions! Is there a blue moon tonight? Did a pig just fly by my window? Brandi Redmond feels downright horrible for insinuating her friend and Real Housewives of Dallas cohort was shagging Dr. Dueber when she was a nanny for her now-stepchildren. Following? I’m sure LeeAnne Locken will end up as somewhat culpable, but at least she’ll own it, right?

In her blog, Brandi apologizes for her White Party accusations against Cary Dueber and hopes to explain some of what viewers may have missed in the glass throwing mayhem and subsequent pink kibble craziness. She begins, “Thank you all again for watching and keeping up with all our shenanigans. First, as I write this, my eyes are overwhelmingly pouring with tears. I am truly sorry for the pain, heartache, and embarrassment I’ve caused the Deuber family. I love and respect the family as my friends and their practice. I have never done something so low and hurtful in my life. Not only am I disappointed in myself, but I can’t imagine how people must feel that are constantly on the move to bring others down. It’s exhausting, and my soul is beyond empty for that darkness I created. I know time heals all things, and my prayers are for healing the Deuber family and myself so that I never let anyone down that I love and care about.” Sounds pretty sincere, I’d say!

Real Housewives of Dallas: The Nanny and the Confessor

It’s sad to know that next week will be the season finale of The Real Housewives of Dallas. This show has been an escape since August. It has been a strong season filled with drama, laughs and dick jokes. This week proves once again that the cast has all equally pulled their weight. New girls, Kameron Westcott and D’Andra Simmons have also made a name for themselves. D’Andra hasn’t been the catalyst for any drama, yet is still arguably coming across the best this season. Never boring, D’Andra keeps it real and hasn’t shied away from an opinion yet. Kameron has committed to not being taken seriously, and it works. We’ve laughed (and sometimes rolled our eyes) through all of her moments and got to see what pink dog food looks like. We know you were wondering…

This episode picks up with Stephanie Hollman patiently teaching her son the alphabet with a Tutor. She’s happy to see that his confidence is growing and feels good about his progress. Later, we learn that her husband Travis also suffered from dyslexia growing up. And now he’s a multi-millionaire. Stephanie smiles as she realizes that her son is going to be just fine.

rhod-2

LeeAnne Locken is coming for Cary Deuber, even though no one sent for her! And with The Real Housewives Of Dallas finale just around the corner, Cary is in full damage control mode about the allegations Brandi Redmond and LeeAnne are making about her husband, Mark. Cary defends her role as the “babysitter” for Mark’s children with his ex-wife, as well as accusations that she and Mark had an affair before divorced from their former spouses.

Cary describes telling Mark about LeeAnne gossiping about his, um, alleged social activities at The Roundup – and her own gossip about LeeAnne’s fiance, Rich. “I was dreading telling Mark about the negative things that were said about him and Rich — both of them. I was disappointed in myself for sinking to LeeAnne’s level to take a swing at a spouse; while I was ashamed to admit to Mark what I said, I was relieved to have it off my chest with the group and with Mark. What stung even worse, though, was having to tell my husband that the same hateful rumors about him were STILL being spread by the same Two-Faced Texan who had promised to turn over a new leaf last year.”