Real Housewives of Dallas Recap: The Trial of LeeAnne Locken

The ladies of The Real Housewives of Dallas have assembled for a well-deserved two-part reunion. The set is Texafied with a fireplace, cow skin run and lots of random horns all over the place. Cary Deuber prepares herself to “mind dump” everything in her head. The two camps gather before the face off on the couches. Brandi Redmond claims that’s she ready to beat a bitch up. She went from mean girl to downright vicious. Host, Andy Cohen greets the ladies. We learn that Mama Dee Simmons has prepped daughter, D’Andra Simmons with recorded questions (??). Stephanie Hollman plans to move into her new house around January. Brandi takes the first jab, explaining that she’s not pregnant, but instead pre-menopausal, possibly even going through the change before ex-pal LeeAnne Locken.

The fun begins. First up, a reunion staple, the “look at how much fun we’re having” package, full of pool swans, worm shots, hot dog costumes and tickling dildos. Andy takes this time to ask Kameron Westcott about her dog food line – it’s doing well. Onto the second package, covering the split of Steph-andi and LeeAnne parading around as Stephanie 2 Face. Brandi once again admits that she was pissed at her on again, off again, now on again friend. Stephanie clarifies that her Bravo blog said it was about Brandi’s husband arriving at a party drunk that was the “slow-moving car crash”, not her marriage. (Haven’t these two had this conversation before this moment?) Again, Brandi says she felt jealous and unimportant and chose not to communicate. Stephanie takes ownership for taking on Brandi so heavily in her life and pulling away. As far as LeeAnne’s costume goes, Steph felt bullied and attacked in her own home. Confused, LeeAnne says that when the trailer dropped she called her costume “amazing”, but she’s “pretty sure” that was just the hot dog one. LeeAnne is quick to call her out about the condescending confessionals, calling Stephanie “mean”, “ugly” and “rude”. Kameron is happy to ask her if she thinks a flesh-eating bacteria is funny – which Stephanie is also quick to regret.

When asked about her take on 2 Face, D’Andra says she was pissed at LeeAnne and that Stephanie should have thrown her out of the party immediately. LeeAnne, a problem solver claims the costume was only to get a conversation going and that they both have said negative things against one another. She goes on to credit her PTSD from her childhood to reacting differently than “normal people”. Brandi asks if LeeAnne diagnosed herself. Nope. Oddly, instead of asking Team Brandi, Andy asks D’Andra what she thinks of LeeAnne’s PTSD defense. D’Andra diplomatically says a lot of people have PTSD but they don’t carry it around and pull it out when convenient. Steph-andi feels it’s only an excuse. LeeAnne says it’s not an excuse and once again, owns it and apologizes for it.

Real Housewives of Dallas Recap: The Trial of LeeAnne Locken

Cary doesn’t feel LeeAnne changes her behavior despite the apologies. Brandi references Season 1 when her brother was suffering from PTSD. LeeAnne says she only volunteered Rich as someone who suffered from it, not herself. Brandi finds this quite convenient. With fire in her eyes, LeeAnne tells Brandi to “be careful” and throws a glass. Brandi asks if it’s a threat and LeeAnne claims its “inappropriate” to talk down to people with PTSD. This strikes a nerve in Brandi, it’s personal – she asks, “who are you?” and LeeAnne replies, “Someone who cares about people who have PTSD”.

Switching gears, Kameron verifies that she really is a real person (and not a blonde alien). She explains that it’s easier to live in a bubble, preferably pink. This prompts her nemesis, Brandi, to resurrect her desire to put the dog food mogul in a pageant. Kameron is quick to fire back that it’s okay for Brandi to judge her, but God forbid she judge her in return. True. Andy looks at Kameron in awe, puzzled and completely confused as she explains that while dogs may be colorblind, the women who buy the food are not. Oh, and before adding in the brown kibble, the dog’s poo was bright pink, which Kameron had no problem with.

Real Housewives of Dallas Recap: The Trial of LeeAnne Locken

Onto the next package, ‘Kameron and Brandi’s Dildo Fueled Feud’. This is so ridiculous, that even the two ladies laughed through the video playback. Kameron questions how she comes across judgy. [Kameron we love you, but really?] Brandi pulls out her likely rehearsed one-liner, “we obviously have a lot of issues Big Bird”. Kameron spits back, “If I’m Big Bird you’re Oscar the Grouch that lives in a trash can” and being called Big Bird is offensive. Who knew? The zip codes make a return to the conversation, and Kameron clarifies that it’s how you act, NOT where you live. Similar to Sesame Street, the word of the day “bullying” is dropped once again, this time by Kameron. Today’s lesson, you should never bully someone with a sex toy. See Housewives in educational programming.

Kameron clarifies that as far as Brandi and Stephanie’s nonexistent place in Dallas society goes, it’s because they’re not from Dallas. Brandi can’t handle this, detailing that she and her husband own businesses, land, a residency, and horses in Dallas proper. LeeAnne jumps in, spelling out that she’s referring to the Dallas social scene. Kameron claims she only brought up Brandi and Stephanie’s status “like one time”. [Again, we love you Kameron, but really, only once?] Stephanie jumps to Brandi’s defense saying that Kameron even tweeted Brandi about it. LeeAnne takes this opportunity to call out Stephanie’s husband Travis Hollman for attacking her on Twitter to which Cary says Rich called her a “terrorist”. “I’m a terrorist,” she said turning to Stephanie. Not to be outdone, LeeAnne tells Cary that her husband Mark Deuber has tweeted nasty things about her. Immediately, Cary denies it – but whoops NVM, he has tweeted things about her fake ring and boobs, but it was funny. NBD. At the end of the day, Kameron says she’d be okay with Brandi if she just respected her boundaries. In a twist of events, we learn that the dildo didn’t make it to the closed set, but left in Brandi’s hotel room. Kameron finds this sweet. [It’s moments like this that will make us miss this gem of a show]

Next up, we look at D’Andra’s video package. Everyone loves Jeremy, while Andy loves Business Powerhouse, Mama Dee. In the continued spirit of learning more about D’Andra, we’re told she has two trusts, with Dee controlling one. Oh, and if you were wondering about everyone’s favorite Verizon Employee, Keatin is doing well. D’Andra says that she was so hard on him because this was the second time he had moved to Dallas.

Real Housewives of Dallas Recap: The Trial of LeeAnne Locken

We move onto LeeAnne’s therapy moments video. Andy asks, by a show of hands, who thinks the anger management has helped the reformed carney. Only 2 shoot up – LeeAnne and D’AndraKameron says she can’t vote because she didn’t know LeeAnne last year. Fair or shady? Pleading a guilty once again, LeeAnne says getting in Cary’s face was not justified. As for that police report with her attacking someone with sandpaper, it doesn’t exist. Stephanie maintains that there’s something there. LeeAnne references Cary and Mark saying they would kill one another if they had a gun in the house. Stephanie is concerned for her safety, to which LeeAnne assures her, she’s safe. When it comes the infamous “they’re just hands” comments, not to worry, according to LeeAnne, those hands can also bake a pie.

At this point in the reunion, it switches over to a group therapy session, meets mediation. Andy asks the ladies if they feel safe around LeeAnneBrandi says she was scared to drive LeeAnne to surgery and wreck her husband’s car (so dramatic) because LeeAnne was screaming. Side Note: If this were true, don’t you think they’d show this footage? They’ve shown everything else. Next, Andy then grills LeeAnne about the three people she’s threatened to hurt. She owns her threats on Season 1 Marie Reyes’ life. Stephanie doesn’t miss a moment to paint LeeAnne in an even worse light by saying that she’s scared because LeeAnne says these things when she’s no longer mic’d. She references the Marie situation and the moment behind closed doors at Dr. True’s office, eluding that she makes threats when she doesn’t think anyone is watching. Andy then asks LeeAnne if she believes the therapy helped her. LeeAnne credits the therapy with helping open her eyes to old childhood habits. D’Andra believes that LeeAnne flips out when things don’t go as planned and her vernacular is what gets her in so much trouble.

Real Housewives of Dallas Recap: The Trial of LeeAnne Locken

LeeAnne gets a break from the hot seat for a moment for Andy to ask who has had their boobs done. A reunion staple. For those interested, Kameron was the only natural one in the group. This transitions the conversation back to LeeAnne, this time about her breast augmentation. Andy turns to Cary to ask her the differences between Dr. True and real plastic surgeons. Before she can answer, LeeAnne interjects that she never asked Cary for her opinion. Cary did say that she text LeeAnne post-op and sent her flowers but was continuously hated on. Downplaying all the drama, Cary says she’s a medical professional who wants the best for everyone. She also refutes ever saying Brandi’s Doc killed people on the operating table. Brandi vouches for Cary saying that she said that statement could apply to ANY of the doctors on her list, she just took it as the specific doctor that she was going to. Really? Brandi’s past commentary says otherwise. Meanwhile, LeeAnne looks ready to explode and call B.S.

Real Housewives of Dallas Recap: The Trial of LeeAnne Locken

Back to the “hands” comments behind closed doors, LeeAnne doesn’t recall. She says she took medication but was not yet hooked up to the IV. Later, she said she felted baited by BrandiStephanie and Brandi agree that D’AndraKameron and LeeAnne blamed Brandi for provoking her. Andy then reveals the production reviewed the tape, and Brandi did not say anything to bait LeeAnne’s response, to which she says she was just spiraling out of control. No one’s really sure what medication she was on. Brandi hatefully glares at LeeAnne and says her being medicated is an excuse. Cary asks LeeAnne what’s her end game. LeeAnne twists it saying that the end game for them must be to get her thrown off the show. Do these ladies realize that LeeAnne is 96.7% of the content on this show?  Cary turns it back on LeeAnne, telling her she felt she was trying to push HER out by telling Stephanie and Brandi not to be friends with her. Speaking very clearly, LeeAnne says she NEVER told Brandi not to be friends with her. Brandi says she was advised that both she and Stephanie were told to “make a choice”.

Kameron, who is riding hard for LeeAnne, explains how she was never asked not to be friends with Cary. When asked what she thought of the “just hands” video, Cary claims to have been genuinely scared. D’Andra just can’t understand what was soooo bad that LeeAnne did. LeeAnne takes the opportunity to point out that she never made a physical advance and that she’s only hurt people with her words. They’re just hands wordsStephanie reminds everyone of the glass throwing incident, to which LeeAnne writes off. Brandi is not buying it – calling it a pattern, which apparently is a word Travis Hollman uses. Brandi continues to go in on LeeAnne, telling her that her word means nothing because her nasty behavior will keep happening. Ouch. Kameron jumps in, saying it was “downright nasty” that Brandi chased her with a dildo. Ultimately, LeeAnne owns it all. Again. For the millionth time.

Real Housewives of Dallas Recap: The Trial of LeeAnne Locken

As things quiet down, Andy passively asks if they want to bring out Cary’s husband MarkLeeAnne perks up, saying it’s a closed set and their husbands are all in town and not invited. Andy tells her that he’s going to be a guest. After being attacked and questioned, she walks out, calling it a one-sided situation. Not cool Bravo. Cary believes that her husband deserves to be there and then make sure everyone agrees with her. The problem lies that no one told them of this “guest”. Cary loses her cool, ranting that she wishes it was told to HER that her husband would be trashed all season. Cut to: LeeAnne roaming a parking lot in a gown. It really has been the “shame LeeAnne Locken hour”. She can handle herself, but it’s exhausting that she has to defend herself like she’s before a Federal Judge and Jury. Slam to: To be continued…


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Photo Credit: Bravo TV