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Real Housewives of New Jersey

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It's time for the spin cycle–Real Housewives of New Jersey edition!  On the heels of Melissa Gorga's blog about some chick she barely knew a bazillion years ago, now we're getting Teresa Giudice's version.  You have to love how Tre (or her Bravo blog ghostwriter) makes her look like an innocent bystander who just loves and supports her sister-in-law as she navigates this crazy world of reality fame!  If I was Andy Cohen, and this was my clubhouse, the drinking words would be "best friends!"

Of her take on Melissa's experience at her launch party, Teresa writes, "I was sorry that Melissa got into a fight with one of her best friends at the launch party. For the record, I didn't invite Jan or Penny. The party was open to any salon owners who called in and spoke with the Youthful 8 company reps. As soon as I found out Jan had RSVPed, I called Melissa to warn her and make sure she would be OK with it. If Melissa didn't want them to come, believe me, I would have uninvited them immediately!"  I believe that, don't you?

Teresa continues, "I don't really know Jan, I just know she was one of Melissa's best girlfriends, and they were in each other's wedding. I have no idea why Jan and Melissa would have a falling out, but like I said in my interview on the show, I have Melissa's back…When Jan and Melissa were talking, I was right there to make sure it didn't get out of hand. My brother was right there too, and he wasn't upset, shrugging it off as crazy talk, so I did too. My main concern was that Melissa knew I was there for her."  Really?  I don't believe Melissa as far as I could throw her, but it appeared to me that Teresa didn't want to leave because she didn't want anyone to say something she wasn't expecting…

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Indictment drama is not translating into new viewers for The Real Housewives of New Jersey, as the show's audience declined again this week!  Another 200,000 fans tuned out the show this Sunday, bringing it down to 2.2 million watchers.

Brody Jenner Keeping Up with the Kardashians continues to reel in a decent sized viewership again this week, seeing a small downward turn, but overall is holding steady this season with an average of more than 2.5 million.  This week the show pulled in 2.74 million fans who aren't as sick of the Kardashian-Jenners as they proclaim.

Those 200,000 RHONJ fans who jumped ship must've headed over to watch Hollywood Exes instead because the show saw a bump from 623,000 last week to 814,000 this week!  Not too shabby considering the big mistake of moving it to Sunday night. 

Lastly, more than 2 million of you tuned in to swoon over Kody Brown's lovely locks on Sister Wives this week.

Take a look at the full week-by-week numbers below!

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It seems Melissa Gorga changes her stories faster than she changes her lipgloss. I mean, one minute Jan is her BFF and they were in each other's weddings and the cheating allegation is the ultimate betrayal. And in the next minute, like in her recent blog, they were only friends for like a hot second 300 years ago. 

So that means one of two things: Melissa didn't have any real-real friends to stack her bridal party with or she's lying about the nature of her relationship with Jan! Whatever the case, like all things Real Housewives of New Jersey, it doesn't add up! 

According to our source Melissa is intent on continuing the "victim act" at all costs. "She just wants to blame Teresa for everything," our source tells us exclusively. "Melissa really needs a story line." What – you mean writing a marriage bible and staging a J. Faux pop star career isn't enough?! <gasp>

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I feel like Real Housewives of New Jersey's Teresa Giudice and Melissa Gorga should just give up on pretending they want a better relationship.  They don't.  These two should just throw in the towel, cut their losses, and remain civil for the sake of their children.  The sisters-in-law and their whole "keep your friends close and your enemies closer" mentality is wearing thin on this gal.

In her Bravo blog, Melissa addresses that awkward evening at Teresa's launch party with acquaintances Penny and Jan (the same random chick off the street that was a bridesmaid in Melissa's wedding).  Those women certainly aren't her friends!

Melissa begins, "Well, that was a bizarre and confusing night. I’m sure you are just as dizzy as I am. Teresa and I had already talked about the rumors and she told me to just 'ignore it.' So I was surprised when she called and suggested that her launch party would be the 'perfect time' to confront the people that have been spreading these lies about me."

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So you mean to tell us there's more footage of Teresa Giudice dropping thousands of dollars in cash on over-the-top bling?! Apparently! 

According to sources prosecutors have confidentially asked Bravo and Sirens Media to hand over hours of unedited and unaired Real Housewives of New Jersey footage chronicling the Giudice's behavior, which may be used as evidence in their upcoming fraud trial

“For every hour that airs, there are more than 20 hours of unedited footage,” a source reveals to NY Magazine.“They shoot for three months and end up using only the footage that fits into the story line they want to focus on.”

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Well last night was another riveting episode of Teresa Giudice's Countdown To Indictment. That's how I've decided to refer to Real Housewives of New Jersey from now on. In light of all the real-real life drama no one cares about this totally and utterly ridiculously shallow family feud which all stemmed from some people's obsessive desire to be famous. "Famous", s'cuse me; quotes are totally necessary. 

So anyway, indictment watch! Woo! Other than that Melissa Gorga is on the scene and she and new jazzy hair-do are showing up Teresa and her um… well, I dunno what you want to call the side-mullet, Star Trek voyager helmet she has plastered onto her head to visit Melissa with what totally looked like STORE BOUGHT cupcakes. I bet they were Shop-Rite and underneath the cupcake wrapper Teresa left a little note that read "payback, bitch!" 

Anyway, Teresa is visiting Melissa so they can sit down and offer each other fake support for their various ventures. Teresa's business is Milania Hair Care and Melissa all like 'Ooooohhh… wow. So special. Let's talk your hair. You need a hairspray intervention. It looks like a cheap Ken Doll's shellacked plastic. Wait – is that the point of Milania Hair Care that Milania is actually doing the hair?' 

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Aaaahhh… Real Housewives of New Jersey; same-old, same-old, right? Until somebody gets indicted for fraud

Yeppers, that happened - Teresa Giudice is likely pulling her own Orange Is the New Black (please watch that!) and headed to the federal penitentiary. One wonders what her boss thinks of the latest… When asked about Teresa's predicament, Andy Cohen claimed he was as in the dark as the rest us plebeians!

“I don’t have any more information than anyone at home does,” he revealed in an @askandy webseries. “So I don’t really have a take except that I’m thinking of them and the kids. I certainly hope it resolves itself in a happy way.”

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'The Real Housewives of New Jersey' stars Joe and Teresa Giudice have pleaded not guilty to federal fraud charges.

We know y'all have been dying to discuss the latest and greatest Teresa Giudice exploit, so here it is. Eat your hearts out. 

Teresa, whose defense strategy is 'Juicy did it! Y'all know I'm illiterate so I just signed where he told me to sign!', is attempting to walk away from her 39-count federal fraud indictment without doing any jail. You know, stranger things have happened… maybe. 

Earlier this week the Giudices entered Not Guilty pleas at their arraignment and the Real Housewives of New Jersey stars had a trial date set. However, according to sources before going before the judge, Teresa and Joe's defense teams attempted to reach a plea agreement with prosecutors and were rejected! 

Teresa wanted a plea deal that keeps her out of jail so she offered to do anything else BUT jail time and have Joe serve all of the time in jail. The prosecutor dismissed the deal outright," a source tells RadarOnline. 

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