The Real Housewives Of Atlanta reunion was going so well until Kim Zolciak showed up. I mean, people with feuds as old as their suddenly rejuvenated (and impregnated) ovaries were having civil discussions about those times they accused each other of being prostitutes to one-eyed Africans (do neither Porsha Williams nor Kenya Moore STILL not understand that ‘one-eyed’ referred to the African’s “D” – not that he’s an actual cyclops. Now you know KandiBurruss secretly wrote a “For The D” rap about that…). Then of course with all that peace, love, and Leave Will Alone, Kim Showed up.
Now that girl… Kim looked like she was wearing a Jessica Rabbit Halloween costume. And what on earth is Kroy Biermann doing with his life? He needs a Tabatha take over, because he’s apparently so depressed about being released from the NFL that he’s lost all purpose in life. It’s like the dude followed-up on a Craigslist post seeking personal assistant and wound up working for this crazy person who expects him to just follow around carrying her Solo cups and making sure all her outfits match said Solo cups – outfits he also has to pry her into using tweezers.
The first part of the Real Housewives Of Atlanta was pretty tame by comparison to what we’ve come to expect. I mean the only things that happened were a pregnancy announcement, blackmail revelation, and your mama jokes. Low-key, right?!
The most important thing about any reunion are obviously the outfits. Apparently if you are a Real Housewives Of Atlanta star the reunion is your equivalent of the Academy Awards. But all the stylists are busy and the only gowns left are the ones no one wants to wear.
What we really must discuss is Porsha Williams‘s crown. Umm… She’s elevated from Princess of THOTlandia (where one’s crowing achievement is twerking in hot pants) to Queen of Delusion. Although she claims to be the Goddess of Good Thoughts or something – good thoughts except when she’s calling Kandi Burruss “Victim Victoria,” Goddess Of Never Letting Go.
Out of the blue Sheree is incredibly pressed about Porsha Williams supposedly warning Shamea Morton that none of the women can be trusted – including Sheree. Poor Sheree – she’s been carrying everyone’s bones while having Porsha’s back, and is repaid by Porsha dismissing their friendship. Now Sheree has a bone to pick with Porsha – except she’s passive aggressively avoiding her by hiding in her basement staring at the abyss of Moore Manor.
Why would Shamea, Porsha’s so-called BFF, be sharing her text message with Desperee?! Hmmm… We never get an answer to that by the way.
I never suspected Kenya had faked her marriage, but like NeNe Leakes alluded I always assumed Kenya was much more in love with Marc than he is with her. Just based purely on how Kenya describes him and their relationship gives me the willies actually! And seeing Marc, mingling around last night, something seemed … off. It wasn’t just camera jitters or nerves about what the women (and show) may have in store for him, it was an animosity. Dude, you married a woman on a TV show, you knew what you were getting into!
NeNe is officially in a twitter war (and every other kind of war) with Kim Zolciak and Brielle Biermann. It’s gone beyond nasty into libel territory and Orkin definitely needs to exterminate this mess. It’s actually making me think less of two women, whom I’ve never managed to muster a decent opinion of in the first place. This is the magic of Bravo: nasty people behaving more badly. You can read all the details here.
The ladies are bailing on their crumbling moldy villa, which probably wouldn’t have bothered Kenya Moore of Moore Manor as she is apparently used to mildew, but the rest of these high society creatures, who’ve seen neither hide nor slithery legs of water bugs and vermin, cannot cope and defect to a five star hotel. They rejoice as if they’ve escaped prison.
You would think after Kim Zolciak sent everyone – cast, crew, employee at the convenience store near NeNe’s house – a video supposedly showing roaches in NeNe’s bathroom, NeNe would be on a full-scale rampage. Instead she is calm and collected when she joins the ladies for brunch the next morning. It is everyone else who’s saltier than the hairy balls olives NeNe was scared to eat!
Last night the Real Housewives Of Atlanta were in Barcelona where the most exciting sight they saw were the roaches (errrr… “water bugs”) in NeNe Leakes bathroom. Hey, I guess it beats some lame sightseeing tour, right?! This was Cynthia Bailey‘s fault – they were supposed to be visiting a church but their wonderful hostess hauled them all the way there only to discover it was closed. So they had to make their own entertainment, and that is never a good thing.
So, Barcelona: beautiful weather, gorgeous phallic buildings, stunning culture… yet all the same drama. You can take the girls out of Atlanta, but you can’t take the Atlanta out of the girls. From the moment the women land on Spanish soil, there is bickering and shadiness.