RHOA Recap

Kim & NeNe

All them elephants eh? Well I guess Real Housewives Of Atlanta has turned into a circus, and the elephants are running things!

Sometimes I’m astounded by just how much crap RHOA is filled with. Like Porsha Williams – suddenly it’s her life-long dream to be an actress? I thought that was NeNe Leakes‘ dream? Anyway, now Porsha is doing a play, but it ain’t no Broadway, it’s some local theater but at least she gets to work with the greats like Vivica A Fox.

Real Housewives of Atlanta recap

I was actually really pleased by last night’s Real Housewives Of Atlanta. In addition to the usual drama and bickering, all the ladies came together to film a PSA produced by Kenya Moore about domestic violence. It was thoughtful, emotional, and really prescient – so here’s to RHOA setting a good example for once! Of course we also had to squeeze in some necessary nonsense.

It’s been THREE long weeks since we’ve checked in on our peaches. They went to San Fran, that ended in disaster, and now the disasters have been toted back to Atlanta in borrowed and fake Birkins and trudged on by Jimmy Choos.

Sheree Whitfield calls her soul mate Tyrone

Last night’s Real Housewives Of Atlanta was all about love. Sweet, blessed, shady, soul mate from another realm love. Lord these ladies need a therapist. Call Dr. Jeff back in!

It was another NeNe Leakes-free episode because apparently she is in LA and Bravo cameras are only permitted there if they’re filming Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (which premieres tomorrow night). What are our thoughts on NeNe getting to participate like every other episode? Like, she misses half the practices but she still gets to play in the all-star games? Hmm. Well, I guess she did start the team!

First up, Sheree Whitfield meets Porsha Williams at an extremely expensive housing fixtures store run by Prince William’s long-lost brother. Sheree pretends she’s buying $8,000 doors for the “spa” she is installing in her basement, but we all know that’s some BS. When life gives you plumbing leaks, make a sauna! Porsha, to her credit, played along nicely that Sheree could actually afford any of this stuff since she was there for the gossip about Sheree’s bae and the mess that happened in San Fran when Cynthia Bailey fled the winery

Question Marc in Kenya's fake wedding

On last night’s Real Housewives Of Atlanta most of the ladies shocked me by putting on their big girl panties and behaving like actual adults. It was like visiting the Twilight Zone with the elegant, sophisticated ladies of Sheree Whitfield‘s dreams.

Porsha Williams finally learned the meaning of the word “accountability” and Cynthia Bailey realized if there’s one thing she discovered in her disastrous co-dependency with NeNe Leakes it’s to honor the friend contracts of her heart. Also, Marlo Hampton may have the best wardrobe, but she and her cat eye glasses are as messy as a litter box and need to be dumped!

You know what I despise about Housewives, how they’ll be in a gorgeous restaurant, all dressed up, then ruin it before the food even arrives! NeNe thinks Porsha deserves to be punished for what she did to NeNe Kandi Burruss. And that punishment is THE DOOR IS CLOSED.

NeNe Leakes

What is it with these ladies on Real Housewives Of Atlanta? NeNe Leakes‘ husband Gregg is having serious health problems, and Kenya Moore‘s grandmother – who raised her! – just died, yet they’re all OK, let’s ditch everything to go party in San Francisco because Sheree Whitfield‘s life coach decided she needs some ME TIME. So, let Sheree take that ME without YOU time – y’all have other things going on!

So Sheree’s ‘doctor’s note’ means she decided to become a life coach herself and stage a rejuvenation from drama bonding trip. Remember how well that worked for Phaedra Parks?! Excuse me, but didn’t NeNe and Kenya actually hate Sheree like 15 minutes ago? Also, why San Francisco? Is there some secret prisoner’s girlfriend seminar happening?

Kim Zolciak Returns To RHOA

Last night, NeNe Leakes hosted a party with a theme that sounded more like a choose your own adventure book. It was girls and gays wearing white who should never forget while eating seafood. We’re not sure what they’re not supposed to forget since NeNe never made that clear. My guess: they’re supposed to remember that NeNe Leakes is the queen of Real Housewives Of Atlanta.

The strangest thing was, this party happened the day after Gregg was released from the hospital for something having to do with an irregular heartbeat, and instead of researching pacemakers, NeNe was researching topless male waiters and choosing themes from the Sheree Whitfield Collection Of Castoff Party Flops. Also, this was after NeNe was late to Gregg’s surgery so she could attend Sheree’s 70’s-70 party.

Sheree Whitfield party planner drama

I’ll tell you what is about the most disappointing thing that could ever happen on a Real Housewives Of Atlanta episode – that I did not get to experience Sheree Whitfield Vs. Party Planner: The Resurrection. I was all excited for a revival of the infamous “Who gon’ check me boo?” moment (like basically my favorite real Housewives moment ever), and instead I got a lackluster mini-fit of Sheree tearing off her mic and acting like a normal person under stress. Let’s just call this what it is – unacceptable!

See, I depend on Sheree to act like, well, Sheree. Sheree of yore, that is. Like “Budget, what’s that?!” This new evolved, life-coached Sheree, who is essentially your average busy-body after an extra pumpkin spice latte and behaves strangely mature-ish (for her), is a real snooze.

Kenya Wedding Veil

Where was NeNe Leakes on last night’s Real Housewives Of Atlanta? Doesn’t really matter because it turns out the real drama is how the show is driving Kenya Moores 10 second marriage to ruin. The Bravo curse strikes again? Immediately.

Meanwhile, Cynthia Bailey is stranded at the lake all by herself with no one but the leaves to talk to. If it sounds like the start of a bad – very bad – horror movie where a desperate, lonely woman turns to the wrong kind of guy, you’re right! After a relaxing bath, Cynthia finds herself on a date where she is blindfolded and wandering the dark and creepy hallways of a chicken farm while getting her photo taken by Malcolm X’s long-lost twin, Evan.