Here’s what I have to say about this season of Real Housewives Of Atlanta: I think I’m gonna like it here. This season things are progressing – storylines are moving. We are no longer subjected to the same tired fake feuds and the men are messier than the Housewives. Is that Bravo’s version of feminism?
Last night we met Kim Fields, and I am so happy she did not appear during Kenya Moore and Sheree Whitfield arguing over who is the most broke. Let’s be honest: it’s a tie! Like, I wouldn’t bet a half-finished glass of Franzia on the these two getting their houses finished in a timely manner. They oughtta both get some luxury RVs and plop them on their respective properties. Or pool their resources to construct a Chatfaux SheMoore Messor.
Last night Real Housewives Of Atlanta returned to us and brought with it Sheree Whitfield! (Which means I get to bust out my trusty #SheByShebroke hashtag again. YESSSSS.) And like two cats in an alley fighting over the remaining sardine of a storyline, Kenya Moore and Sheree are going at it, clawing at each other over who is more delusional and broke.
There is no greater irony than Kenya throwing Sheree’s delusional behavior in her face. Need I remind you all about Krayonce’s Rent-A-Boyfriends 1, 2, and 3, the charade of Life Twirls On, her fake booty, mystery African princes, Walter, and eviction from the home she so-called ‘owned’… But oh, how I adore that Kenya has met her match in shade, delusion, and sheer desperation to GO. THERE. in Sheree! These two are going to be an explosion of delight this season. And I am here for it – popcorn ready. To quote Kenya, “Nom, nom, nom…”
Season 7 was supposed to be about moving on, moving forward, and finally leaving the past behind, but instead it often felt as if we were experiencing Deja-View. As in didn’t we already cover Kenya Moore vs. Phaedra Parks arguing over Whoregate and Apollo Nida?
Of course not everything was the same – speaking of Apollo – in the middle of the season he self-surrendered to federal prison in Lexington, KY to begin serving an 8-year fraud sentence.
We can always count on the ladies of Real Housewives Of Atlanta to keep it 100! And to prove it they celebrated their 100th episode by spilling-all to Andy Cohen. “The Atlanta women are funny! We’re honest and real, and we never bite our tongues,” describes Kim Zolciak of the pride that comes with RHOA.
All of the Housewives – past and present – feel the success of the show and also its magic was that it showcased affluent African-American women. I have to ask, other than Kandi Burruss: Who are these affluent Housewives again? Certainly they’re not referring to SheBySheBroke?! (“A fashion show with no fashions?! How dreadful!”). And then they dish on bad hair (NeNe Leakes is voted the worst), bad fashions (no declarative winner) and worst fight (again, no declarative winner).
I was hoping Sheree and Lisa Wu-Hartwell would be appearing but they didn’t! My favorite part was seeing the ladies’ audition tapes – first of all how freaking different does NeNe look? But how freaking the same is her ego – large and in charge of everything!
So – part 3 of the Real Housewives Of Atlanta reunion, did anyone ask themselves: What the hell did I just watch? I hope it wasn’t just me.
Honestly I have no idea what was even going on except NeNe Leakes was reenacting Sybil with multiple personalities – she was ragey, and laughing, and cagey, yelling, crying, being open, being sympathetic – Lord I need Dr. Jeff to sit next to me on a sofa and stroke my hand. Help me, Dr. Jeff, help me! #ThisAintPhaedra
But first Peter Thomas gets his moment in the sun. He’s been waiting; a peach sitting ripening in the sun until it turned rotten and fell to the earth, but finally someone noticed it – its pit poking through the wrinkled, moldy skin. Kenya Moore and NeNe are yelling about whether or not NeNe flirted with Peter, so finally someone decided to ask Peter, who was inevitably siting right there. Peter denied it, but managed to turned it into a diatribe about how Kenya deserves a million apologies for being wrongly judged by these women because they believed she was flirting with Apollo.
This is the story all about how, Real Housewives Of Atlanta got turned upside down. And I’d like to take a minute – just sit right there – to tell you how I became the princess of an African who isn’t really there.
In Hotlanta born and raised, married to money, living in debt was where I spent most of my days. Fillin’ out maxin out AmEx all cool and starting gossip outside The Bailey School. When a couple of unmarrieds who were up to no good started making trouble in my Housewives hood. I got in one little affair with an African, the bitches got loud and said I’m stealing your crown.
I yelled and threatened day after day, to drag her MISS- WHO-S-A title down in shame. So I packed my Firkin and sent us all on plane. Buzzin’ on moscato and throwing’ out shade, I snapped a pic on my iPhone, and said, “I might as well tweet it, but the friendships still fake.’
NeNe Leakes has 99 problems… and they’re all her fault! Her problems include: wigs, friendships, successes, rejection of Claudia Jordan, saying what she said because she said it… NeNe’s refrain throughout the Real Housewives Of Atlanta reunion, was “You’re right, I’m wrong.” Probably. No, it’s not NeNe who has a million problems – it’s RHOA… This was supposed to be the SEASON 7 reunion, but almost everything discussed was a SEASON 6 issue. Dejaview!
The only things different are Apollo is incarcerated and Claudia is lapping up everyone’s storyline dregs like she’s been through the dessert on a stallion booty with no name and it’s been good to get into the shade. In Atlanta no one can remember your name unless you try extra hard with the reads and the complaints!
Let’s talk outfits: Porsha Williams‘ was the worst – it looked like a cheap shower curtain. And that train! That girl and her issues with trains. #UndergroundRailroad.
Season 7 of The Real Housewives Of Atlanta has come to an end – now we just have to get through the reunion. Can we? Yes, we can… with vodka. As they say: Life Twirls On… and so does the drama!
NeNe Leakes is in NYC for her debut in Broadway’s Cinderella. She’s got Michael Jackson’s sequined underwear on her head as a hat. Is it better or worse than the wig she’s got on underneath? With rehearsals ending, NeNe walks on the Broadway stage for the first time and is spellbound.
NeNe tosses her sequined-granny panties in the air and spins – not twirls – because she made it after all – away from the little town of Athens, away from the stripper pole, away from Wigs-N-Cigs and Krayonce, and onto the Great White Way where it is ALL. About. NeNe. The fans, the name in lights, the billboards on Times Square – all about NeNe. Those other people standing on stage with her? Mere extras in the giant production of life that is NeNe Leakes: The Impressive Adventures of Success As Told By Success Herself: Blooperella! NeNe admits she’s nervous.
NeNe does recognize she can’t run off stage if things don’t go her way, right?