On last night’s Real Housewives Of Atlanta a couple’s trip turned into a girl’s trip which means people squabbling over petty things like its their job. Oh wait, on this show it is!
Porsha Williams is newly pregnant and realizes she has to work to support this baby! At the Original Hot Dog Factory, that is. She is living the dream – working side by side with her hot dog of a man, Dennis McKinley, while carrying his bun in her oven. This little pork party is broken up by Dennis’s mother “Mama G” who has all eyes on Porsha. Especially her work ethic!
Porsha thought she was coming to visit Dennis at work for a “fake 30 minute shift” to show off how sexy she could make a fast food apron look. She rolled in all glammed up with freshly done hair, but found herself doing 8 hours of food prep. Then she got grilled by Mama G. Dennis’s mother suspects something is up and wants to know how progress on the prenup is coming. Awkward!
Meanwhile, NeNe Leakes couples’ trip is falling apart. Cynthia Bailey‘s man can’t come. And Kandi Burruss will also be flying solo because Todd has a birthday boys trip planned. Then Porsha calls to say Dennis hurt his leg playing basketball with Eva Marcille‘s fiancé Michael Sterling, and unlike the Real Housewives Of Orange County he can’t party in an ankle boot!
NeNe is angry by all the cancellations. All she wants to do is play truth or dare, and dare Gregg to suck on her titties in front of everybody! Gregg just wants to scrub the marble countertop in hopes that he can cleanse his brain of all the bad RHOA trips of the past.
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Shamari DeVoe, however, has plans to make this trip her debut into their society. Starting with proving to everyone that she does not need a makeover by having a stylist dress her for the trip. They both go ga-ga see-through black mesh pants from the Phaedra Parks OverEXPOSED collection.
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Ronnie DeVoe, who is way too involved and has his nose way too into everyone’s business, is also a fan of the pants. He sniffs the crotch, says he can already smell Shamari’s butt in them (yuck!). Then he tells Shamari she needs to get a handle on whatever drama is going down with Porsha. The drama that Shamari has decided is there because Porsha didn’t go out of her way to greet them at the Boobs and Where’s The Bourbon Party.
With all the men having better things to do, Gregg’s couples trip turns into another girl’s trip. So he gets to stay home alone. Dropping NeNe off at Kandi’s, Gregg leaves the women with a food for thought that they should use this trip to learn something new about each other, and if these women have two faces, “learn something new about each side.” Amen Gregg, amen!
Porsha has bigger things to worry about than making Shamari feel loved, accepted, and Decatur bonded though. Like how she’ll hide her pregnancy! She realizes that not drinking will be a sure sign to all the mothers in the group. When Tanya Sam offers her a mimosa, Porsha pretends she’s on an alcohol cleanse.
Eva has apparently forgotten all about motherhood. She just returned from a “surprise” bachelorette party in Miami to literally take a car to Kandi’s to board the bus back to Florida for a girl’s trip. Lady looks rough, exhausted, and dehydrated like the crispy chars in the bottom of a fryer at the end of a Hot Dog Factory shift.
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On the bus, NeNe whips out a glass jar full of truths and dares. In her hungover haze, Eva is dared to call Michael and pretend to have phone sex over speakerphone. She needs some Bedroom Kandi because she suggests “me on top of your um, facial region.” Michael is like that sounds dangerous – I don’t want to end up like Dennis! Kandi is dared to show everyone her boobs, but decides to show Eva up in the fake simulation department by calling Todd. He’s so used to kinkiness he isn’t turned on. Plus he just thinks she’s drunk.
Then Porsha draws a truth. NeNe wonders if Dennis has dated anyone on this bus, or someone on the bus knows his exes. All eyes are back on Kandi like she’s doing verbal fellatio on Todd again! Kandi says that as recently as 6 months ago Dennis was dating her friend’s friend. Also Porsha was spotted on a date with another man. However, Porsha swears they’ve been super monogamous – although she can’t remember for how long. Was it 6 months, 2 months, since yesterday? Who cares. This is a non-storyline to me as they’re obviously happy and now engaged.
When they finally roll up to the Air B&B, NeNe has devised an evil plan to thwart any fighting over rooms. Everyone draws a number, there is a name associated with that number and you have to assign a room to that person. The caveat is that one of the rooms has BUNKBEDS! There are a lot of pass the petty games this season are there not?
Marlo Hampton is not happy about this. She sulks like a petulant child Porsha needs to babysit to get mommyhood practice. Then Marlo winds up with a room she decides has “no character – just like Eva.” Eva is confused about what she did to deserve Marlo’s wrath though. “I’m not exactly sure why Marlo thinks it’s OK to try me, but boo boo, I’m not a free sample,” Eva warns.
Marlo is also NOT liking Tanya. Clearly, she is jealous of Tanya’s fabulous clothes and doesn’t like being shown up in the fashion department. So, of course, Marlo draws Tanya and assigns her to the bunk beds. Tanya is a good sport though. Either because she genuinely doesn’t care (which is probably why she wound up a ‘friend,’ unfortunately) or because she is saving her crazy for a more worthy cause.
By the time the women sit down for dinner, they’re all grouchy with each other and start carping about nonsense. Like why no one was invited to Eva’s bachelorette party? Even NeNe who is going to be in Eva’s wedding! Eva claims it was a surprise, but Porsha (who is extra-cranky) announces that she was invited months ago! Cynthia and Marlo, playing good Leakes Soldiers, wonder why if Eva really considers NeNe like a big sister, she wouldn’t think to text her about Miami, or that her friends wouldn’t know to reach out to NeNe. Wait – you mean Eva is embellishing her friendship with NeNe?! Nooooooo…
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Then because she is obviously ready for the second course of shade and supper. Porsha asks if anyone else has drama to discuss, which is cue for Shamari to complain that at the Boobs party Porsha was giving out free hugs — until she got to Shamari! Pregnant Porsha has no issues putting extra people back in their place. She snaps that she was not feeling Shamari after hearing she was blaming Porsha for the makeover drama from the BaileyQue. “Shamari, are you even playing the same game as me? If I wanted to shade you honey, you would know.” Unlike when Eva throws shade, apparently! That’s right – Porsha is a pro-level Housewife Shamari, you are rookie barely warming the bench with your tacky little see-thru pants.
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In the end everyone – even Kandi! – exonerates Porsha by rightfully calling out Eva as the one who passed Shamari the dreaded makeover peach. Once again Eva cries amnesia. She needs like hypnosis or something to recall her shade! Or maybe she’s over-tired trying to juggle partying and parenthood? Shamari is furious that someone wearing “hippie rags and a poncho” has the nerve to shade her fashions. Then she claimed she didn’t even realize she was shading her like it’s so obvious that Shamari’s clothes are a mess. But at least Shamari and Porsha made amends. Shamari finally got her longed for hug of recognition!
Shamari does need a makeover though. Like that black lace thing she is wearing in the new interview look where you can see her flesh-colored bra underneath! Thankfully Marlo is more than willing to point out to Shamari that her style is a complete and utter tragic mess!
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TELL US – WAS EVA WRONG FOR NOT INVITING NENE TO THE BACHELORETTE PARTY? DOES SHAMARI NEED A MAKEOVER?
[Photo Credits: Bravo]