Last night the ladies of Real Housewives of Atlanta continued to terrorize Tokyo. But not their tour guide Aya. The only thing which upsets her is poor time management. Calling someone out of their name, insulting their parenting, waist size, wardrobe budget, identity, and relationship status does not phase Aya.But, being 15 minutes late brings out the AI-YA! in her. She will drive that bus away while you’re chasing it down in 6″ heels!
The episode starts in the sushi restaurant with NeNe Leakes screaming at Tanya Sam that she does “not give a f–k!” about Tanya and her fiancé Paul. All very kind words from someone who is supposed to be Tanya’s friend.
Tanya is upset because NeNe suggested she and Paul Judge might not get married over her fortune at the temple. She feels NeNe is belittling her relationship. NeNe continues screaming that she was shading everyone’s fortunes. The verbal abuse causes Tanya to burst into tears.
Obviously everyone rushes to defend NeNe while making fun of Tanya for having human emotions and a life beyond this culture of ‘shade’ which dominates Real Housewives Of Atlanta.
Then in true faux victim status, NeNe storms out of lunch. She gets into a cab back to the hotel because she is done for the day. And when NeNe is done – everything is DONE. The rest of the women barely noticed. Instead, they were distracted by a nearby MCDONALD’S and the promise of ‘American food.’ After one day in Japan…
Next time Eva Marcille does a bachelorette party she should just take everyone to Chuckee Cheese. They can scream, yell, throw things, and eat pizza dipped in ranch to their heart’s content! Marlo Hampton can wear a designer tracksuit.
Does no one get that Tanya is just upset that her so-called friend literally berated her over lunch for explaining that her feelings were hurt? Of course, NeNe’s excuse is that she’s upset about Gregg. Which is valid – to a point.
As they’re stuffing their faces with McDonald’s on the bus, Aya informs them that NeNe has abandoned them. Marlo blames a still sniffling Tanya for upsetting NeNe. Tanya tries to explain that she’s an actual human being, not a BravoBot.
Eva jumps in to defend NeNe. Then, she changes the subject to the fun night she has planned in Tokyo’s red light district. Everyone wants to know what to wear, of course, because this group cares about little else. Eva tells Shamari DeVoe that no sneakers are allowed.
This leads to a HUGE eruption with Marlo over how Eva has no room to talk about anyone’s style considering how low-rent she looks. To prove this isn’t true Eva yanks off her shoe and makes everyone look at the $1,2000 price tag on the bottom. OK, not quite, but practically! Then she and Marlo go round and round and round, getting nastier and more personal until Eva wipes the bus floor with straggling ends of Marlo’s corner store wig. No one can believe this is Eva of the Secret Shade, dismantling Marlo one Rent the Runway garment at a time.
Truthfully without her arsenal of designer duds, to bolster her sense of confidences, Marlo’s defenses were way, way down. I mean, this is a woman who went to prison for slashing people’s faces! In her usual Gucci armor, you know Marlo would’ve ripped off her own stiletto and used it to stab Eva’s $1,200 flats into a pleather Payless pulp.
Speaking of, I could not find this mysterious “Knowlton brand” Eva was ranting about, but I was clearly not the only person Googling “$1,200 flip flops” last night as flip flops came up immediately after I typed in “$1200…” But seriously I’m with Marlo: Zara all the way. And $1,2000 flip flops is the new $25,000 sunglasses. Both are tacky.
By the time they reach the hotel everyone has rejoined forces for the larger cause of making sure NeNe is OK. However, NeNe is not accepting visitors who did not abandon their lunches to chase her down a Tokyo street. So NeNe dismisses her minions to weave her a wig made from the threads of all their most expensive garments. You know Eva would repurpose the puffball from her $1,200 flip-flops if NeNe requested it!
Before leaving to go out, Cynthia Bailey and Marlo finally manage to break into the impenetrable fort of Lenethia, who is acting as if nothing is amiss while her hairdresser curls her hair. They all complain about Tanya taking things too personally and not being empathetic to NeNe’s situation with Gregg.
Meanwhile, Tanya and Eva get together for a pre-game cocktail where Eva explains that Tanya needs to coat her body in Fendi leather as armor and learn to shrug off all this nonsense. Admitting to hurt feelings is a weakness in this group, but being able to drop a “your mama” jab over dinner is considered mounting an offense. Tanya, being classy, is rightfully confused.
At least Marlo finally got her luggage back. Otherwise, she would shrink and melt into goop from being devoid of her personality, aka her labels. Eva snarks that unlike Marlo she doesn’t have to depend on false idols to bolster herself. She is secure in her post-baby body and herself – with or without designer shoes. But that sure didn’t stop her from bragging about them in her fight with Marlo!
Still reeling from their argument, Tanya tentatively tried to build a rapport with NeNe on the way to karaoke. Of course, she was brushed aside and iced out. The only thing to do is have more drinks!
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And after all the hijinks of the day, Porsha Williams is (understandably) too tired to party, so she stays home. NeNe does not think this is acceptable. Only NeNe is allowed to have excuses. The rest of the women end up at a low-rent karaoke bar belting out Xscape hits and downing cheap mixed drinks. And low and behold they had a blast and got along! Even though Kandi Burrus was disappointed that the red light district wasn’t the walking orgy she hoped for. For inspiration for her sex show, of course.
The next morning everything takes a turn for the worse. Eva texts Tanya that her grandfather is being taken off life support. She wants to fly to LA to be with her family. All of the women rally again, this time to immediately comfort Eva. It was so great and nice and beautiful. Even Marlo put their differences aside for Eva’s grandfather, Mr. Clyrette Lestine in his time of need. “I asked my grandmother to pray for him because she’s a lot closer to God than me,” she explained, in a move that made Eva get weepy. Eva decides to stay in Japan to celebrate life.
A couple of hours later, the ladies are due on the bus for their afternoon at a geisha school. Aya, the tour guide, is standing at attention, crossing their names off, giving them a stamp and assigning them a bathroom buddy, while monitoring the time. At 11:15, with almost all in attendance, she orders the bus to pull away from the curb.
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At 11:17 in full kimono regalia, NeNe waltzes out searching for the bus. Aya does not care that NeNe is a big time star cashing TRUMP CHECKS and being a fashion trendsetter. Andy Cohen needs to learn a thing from Aya about how to deal with Housewives antics!
Knowing NeNe’s wrath will be brutal and hateful, Cynthia panics. She calls and begs NeNe to wait outside while the bus turns around.
Marlo also offers to call her an Uber! But too late – NeNe does not give a f–k. Any bus that does not wait for her is not a bus she has tiiiiiime and energy for in her busy life of being a rich bitch. The entire ride the women were paralyzed and emotionally isolated in their panic and apprehension. As Porsha explains, NeNe being quiet and calm means she’s going to vent her rage by murdering one of them over dinner.
Aya is the only person who understands that when you make an appointment, you kind of have to be reasonably on time! A geisha waits for no stragglers, so the performance started without them. After Marlo shouts in the entryway that someone’s feet stink, a geisha bouncer ushers over. He lectures them to not be so noisy, please. They are suitably shamed by the quiet politeness, and the excellent lace fronts of the wigs, and only then allowed entry into the geisha training academy. Isn’t it nice to see the Real Housewives Of Atlanta embracing other cultures and learning a thing or two about wigs (we hope!)?
RELATED: Real Housewives of Atlanta: Gregg Leakes Apologizes To Nene Leakes Over Instagram For His Poor Behavior
Speaking of fronts – Real Housewives Of Atlanta does not care about breaking the fourth wall this episode. Several times we see a producer attempting to wrangle NeNe while she snaps and barks at him, like a diva. We’ve heard rumors that NeNe is impossible to work with and that is why previous producers campaigned to get her fired.
However, Markus is used to the abuse, apparently. He ignores her while he summons the film crew to capture a dejected NeNe attempting to call Gregg while sprawled on her bed in ill-fitting pajamas. Undoubtedly from Swagg!
The only person not worried about NeNe is Gregg. He blocked her, then unblocked her to complain that while she’s on vacation he’s home running her errands! So NeNe blocked him back.
Over at the geisha school, the women compete in geisha olympics, aka competing against a geisha in various geisha tasks, but not tasks that involve decorum, elegance, or class. The winner of each round gets some bath products, while the loser gets a saki shot. Kandi’s breasts distracted the fan-thrower – a very old man! – so she won her challenge. In fact, everyone won but Eva. Even Porsha. But let’s be honest. The geisha let these ladies succeed because they didn’t want them drunk on saki and being more disrespectful.
Afterward, it’s off to Kandi’s version of a torture chamber: a vegetarian bento lunch. Vegetarian and the Real Housewives Of Atlanta go together like Zara and Marlo. Kandi is tried of sushi; Cynthia is tired of taking off her shoes… These ladies are basically tired of having to try to respect another culture. They can’t even respect each other in America. So, it’s completely unsurprising that the restaurant serves them beer in a wine glass and warns them not to touch anything.
RELATED: Real Housewives of Atlanta: NeNe Leakes On Making Amends With Phaedra Parks & Icy Relationship With Porsha Williams
NeNe agrees to get over her huffiness and meet the group for lunch. She is late. Again, but manages to eat a few nori while complaining about Gregg.
The best part was that as they were leaving the restaurant Marlo’s fortune cookie bump-it smacks the doorframe. It almost falls off, practically taking the rest of her got2be-glued wig with it, which made Aya snicker. Also, Shamari is not on this trip for anything but the food (and the karaoke). As Aya ushered them out of the restaurant with “Time to go!” like a kindergarten teacher directing traffic, Shamari picked up her remaining food and continued eating as walked out the door.
Kandi, meanwhile, spent all of lunch looking around for another McDonald’s. Can she get fries with her umami?
As they’re re-boarding the bus, Tanya pulls NeNe aside to try to explain why she got so emotional. Tanya hopes that they can work things out. She wants to put any lingering differences aside for the sake of giving Eva a good time.
Except Tanya ended up burning a bridge with NeNe for life by trying to have an adult conversation focused on conflict resolution. And maturity summons NayNay out of her coma and back to the land of the living. Just what everyone needs!
TELL US – WAS NENE TOO HARD ON TANYA, OR WAS TANYA OVER-SENSITIVE?
[Photo Credits: Bravo]