On last night’s Real Housewives Of Atlanta we got intimate with Shamari DeVoe. Porsha Williams met Dennis McKinley‘s mom, and it went… like a dumpster fire.
If only Kandi Burrus would listen to an expert – her daughter Riley Burruss – she might not be visiting Dr. Jackie Walters to inquire about how to bring more Tucker Tots into the universe.
Since Kandi had fibroids and a high-risk pregnancy with Ace, she and Todd Tucker are considering a surrogate (or two!) to make babies out of their two remaining embryos. Until they learn surrogates – the good ones who aren’t hanging in the hood – cost $100k per uterine rental, and Todd might not even get to rub their bellies. At least Todd realizes he better get to work at the OLG instead of just sampling fried chicken and cocktails while talking about work.
It’s the middle of the day so what’s a hardworking couple to do but meet for cocktails and cigars?! Eva Marcille considers it a grown up decision that at least her cigar isn’t laced with weed like it would’ve been in L.A. Also she’s stopping at one cocktail because she has to pick up the kids from school. The newborn is in school? Eva and her fiancé Michael Sterling need to discuss wedding plans, but Eva isn’t actually interested. She hired a wedding planner, and also plans to just rely on the advice of NeNe Leakes, who is like a big sister to her. Actually it seems like Eva wants NeNe to be her celebrity wedding planner. And NeNe’s ego is more than obliged to be considered a paragon of marital virtue. Is Eva just ignoring that little mid-marital mini-divorce she had from Gregg?
Porsha meets Dennis’s mom Gina. After trying to bribe her with a Louis Vuitton wallet as a birthday gift, Gina comes in with the money shot to ask if they’re moving way too quickly towards the altar and making sure a prenup is in the same box as the ring. Porsha chokes on her wine as Dennis mumbles about how it was love at first sight. Or love at first booty call… And after leaving the restaurant you know Mama Gina was calling Mama Joyce for advice on how to get rid of an unwanted future child-in-law…
Cynthia Bailey‘s exciting storyline this season is that she and Mike Hill have a couples hashtag. Cynthia + Mike = #CHill. Coma is more fitting, but at least Cynthia’s consistent!
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Shamari and Ronnie DeVoe‘s twins are turning one. Shamari wants a royal-themed birthday party in blue and gold. Party planning on Real Housewives Of Atlanta always makes me mourn for Phaedra Parks. Anyway, Shamari brings Ronnie’s mom with her to the party planner and winds up royally f–ked when she mentions that she and Ron once had an open marriage.
For many years Mama DeVoe didn’t like or trust Shamari and believed she was a gold digger.
She was! Ron’s mom was so adamant about weeding Shamari out of her son’s life that she passive-aggressively sent Christmas cards addressed only to him. Dang – Mama Joyce is looking weak by default here! In reality, Shamari was a legend hunter and thought she could tame a legendary beast!
Mama DeVoe started respecting Shamari when she stood by Ron after infidelity… or so Ron’s mom thought! Instead of being the submissive wife, Shamari used it as an opportunity to explore being “bi-curious” and pursue a relationship with a woman she was interested in. “When you open up the doors you let the devil in,” Mama DeVoe lectures sternly. Shamari declares, “He ain’t in here no more.” Oh rly…?
At least Shamari is open (see what I did there) about the mistakes she’s made and the steps she and Ron have taken to make things better. Now Ron and Shamari are sharing their lessons with the masses by hosting marital seminars together. Then Shamari spends $900 on two cakes to smother her cheap past with some decadent sugar coating.
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For the first time ever Cynthia is breaking the serenity of Lake Bailey by inviting ALL the women – at one time – to a Fourth of July potluck she calls a “BaileyQue.” All the ladies are invited to bring a +1 to up the drama ante.
To commemorate the momentous event, Cynthia gets 5 Red, White, & Blue balloons at the Dollar Store. According to rumors spread by Eva, this is also where Cynthia bought Will Jones last season and paid him to be her date. Meanwhile, Eva is making NeNe cry tears of egotistical joy by asking her to be in her wedding to provide love, light, and laughter. Marlo Hampton is suspicious of this move because this IS NeNe we’re talking about – although she is much softer this season – and also Eva has been ultra shady as of late.
NeNe invited her friend Tanya Sam, who is a frequent “baller” at Swagg and also shares the exact same birthday as NeNe. That’s where their similarities end because Tanya is also a tech mogul, and NeNe is the mogul of awful wigs. Tanya arrives at the party being one of the only people who actually cooked her own dish … and then she has the gall to also be carrying the same bag as Marlo! I liked Tanya so far, too bad she never became a full-time Housewife. She seems classy and confident, without being desperate. Ahem, Shamari.
Eva arrives with a literal trough of guacamole as if to make up for the fact that no one likes her. She also took pictures of her preparing the food just in case anyone questions the validity of her Publix-free food. Really, Eva? And Marlo is “extra”? I mean, obviously Marlo is the definition of extra, but Eva is extra too!
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Porsha violates the +1 rule by bringing a now pregnant Shamea Morton along with her sister Lauren. In the car, Porsha warns Shamea that Eva still has some unfinished business with her – but you can’t come for a pregnant lady. Unless you’re coming with pickles! Predictably Eva is not thrilled to see Shamea, but Shamea returns the favor by completely ignoring her. Porsha was too busy examining the hot dog spread provided by Dennis to even notice the tension. “He’s so amaaaaaazing!” she gushes. “He’s brought all of his wonderful weenies to the party!” Oh heavens. I wonder if Dennis had his sidepiece make all them footlongs?
Cynthia confuses a BailyQue with a Bridal Shower and makes everyone play a cheesy game called Pass The Peach. A question is drawn from a box. Then if you’re holding the peach, you either have to answer or pass it to the person you think fulfills the answer. No one addresses the first question about who needs a makeover in the group. Marlo is more than happy to call out Eva as the “biggest Liar” to answer the second question. This gets Eva all fired up – especially when Marlo also calls her basic. “How I lie I have no idea, but where I DO lie is on my bed, comfortably next to my man,” smarts Eva. “Where do you lie, Marlo? Next to who?” I think Eva means “whom” not “who.”
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Then, of course, Kandi, who loves to pile on the extra shade like it’s too much bean dip on a plate, points out that Eva is being extra shady towards everyone – especially Shamea who she keeps trying to feed said bean dip. Eva doesn’t even get done defending herself to Shamea when Cynthia brings up that she’s heard Eva was telling everyone that she paid Will to date her. Eva denies/not denies that she said it, and that peach is spinning in circles. “I don’t know if Eva is a liar, but it seems like she’s getting a little caught up. It’s looking a littlllllllllle … stupid,” observes NeNe.
Everyone is naming freak numbers when Cynthia asks if anyone has been in an open relationship. I’m sure that question was purely coincidental! [wink, wink] Shamari doesn’t just raise her hand, but leaps up, both hands held high. Now THAT is confronting shade and rumors head on! Take note, Eva!
Shamari is willing to share all about the terms and agreements of her open relationship with The Legend, whose rule was that she couldn’t be with another man. This has all the women giving the side-eye. Because Ron was still allowed to be with other women. Shamari reveals that she slept with about 2 women during that time, while Ronnie “probably slept with about 10.” Shamari also claims she stopped the open relationship when she realized she wanted Ronnie alone. The question is did he stop HIS open legs policy?! Also, something tells me Shamari isn’t as cool with this as she’s letting on…
RELATED: Real Housewives Of Atlanta Stars NeNe Leakes, Cynthia Bailey, & Eva Marcille Share First Impressions Of Shamari DeVoe
Kandi, surprisingly, is completely against open relationships. She likes to keep her men on a tight leash!
TELL US – IS SHAMARI’S MARRIAGE AS PERFECT AS SHE LETS ON? IS EVA A LIAR? IS TANYA A GOOD ADDITION TO REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ATLANTA?
[Photo Credits: Bravo]