On last night’s Real Housewives Of Atlanta the women were still in Destin, FL. With everyone mostly getting along, NeNe Leakes had to invent shady games to try and provoke arguments. Even that didn’t really work!
I can’t say I mind the dynamic of RHOA this season. I know people are already complaining that it’s boring and dry. But, we all saw NeNe attempting to create issues with newbie Tanya Sam whom she actually brought onto the show as her friend. However, so far I’m enjoying the light shade and goofy camaraderie. It actually reminds of early seasons, before people were twirling up messes and getting dragged across reunion stages by their mostly real hair. I’m not blaming Kenya Moore, I just think that a group of women who conceivably know each other, have longtime roots in the area, and mostly get along provides a lot more authentic drama.
And, of course, when that fails, we’ll always have Marlo Hampton! After Shamari DeVoe was shaded for having out of date fashion (which she does!), Marlo sidles into her room one Florida morning to arrange an ambush makeover. Marlo has taken it upon herself, or maybe her turban of brains gave her the idea, to decide that Shamari needs an “update.” And Marlo is just the fashionista to do it.
Shamari is not receptive. However, Marlo is pushy so eventually she caves in. She lets Marlo wrap her in a giant Gucci scarf so it looks like Shamari is wearing a baby sling but forgot the baby. The whole thing is topped off with an enormous hat that eats Shamari’s head and flops around distractingly whenever she moves. The whole look says Fashion victim – which is what Shamari was, in fact!
Meanwhile, Porsha Williams has a plan to hide her pregnancy. And when Porsha has a plan you know it’s gonna be a disaster. She needs to borrow one of Marlo’s brain hats. Porsha, who is already snacking on gas station pickles, decides to dump out a bottle of Hennessy she brought and replace it with a mixture of Coca-Cola and Apple Juice so it will look like she’s drinking. She’s at least smart enough to recognize that if the women see her sipping on water all weekend, they’ll suspect she’s knocked up.
After Shamari debuts her Marlo Remix, the MarLOW Hamptoon Collection, NeNe announces that because they’re rained in for the day the new plan will be to play a game she devised called “Bitch Stole My Talent.” Because NeNE’s talent is being a genius, and Porsha, her co-hostess and creator, is a Genius Jr. Or maybe a Jeanious. Can’t they just go to the mall or something?
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The premise of this game is to pit Housewives against each other by preying on their talents. Marlo has to compete with Tanya for “Fashion Queen.” Eva Marcille has to face off against Cynthia Bailey for runway prowess. Kandi Burruss has to sing against Shamari. NeNe and Porsha are battling it out for the title of Hostess With The Mostess.
Everyone gets 15 minutes to prepare while Porsha and NeNe run around spying on the proceedings. I believe NeNe came up with this game as much as I believe Marlo is a self-made millionairess. But anyway, Kandi does vocal warm-ups; Shamari calls her voice coach and rolls her lips like a human vibrator.
Cynthia does “froggy style,’ or her version of twerking to limber up her hips. Marlo needs NeNe and Porsha to literally straight jacket her into her outfit which looks like swim gear of some sort with words all over it and a caplet. Not… how you say, cute?
In the fashion battle, Marlo goes first. Then, Tanya struts out in a chic white jumpsuit to take them on a “Fashion Journey.” She boasts of her high-low fashion sense like mixing Dior with Swagg Boutique sunglasses… As NeNe’s feathers of rage ruffle and flume at the insult of her business. Tanya strips off her jumpsuit to reveal a stunning black and white maillot which she covers with a full, sheer skirt. Topping it all off with a shade creating Dior blazer. All while in heels. To complete the message that she is stealing Marlo’s crown, Tanya started her debut by handing Marlo “a sucker”. Even NeNe, despite the rage simmering on her face, had do admit that Tanya was the clear winner.
Cynthia easily trumps Eva, the amateur, in the walkout. Then Cynthia intimates calling Tyra to let her know there is a new Top Model ready to smize. Finally, Shamari took everyone to church with a gospel song, while Kandi sputtered and whined like a Winnebago, shattered glass, then promptly lost. “Kandi’s a songwriter; Shamari’s an amazing singer,” explained NeNe. Kandi is a good sport though according to
Mama Joyce her it’s the numbers in your bank account which define talent.
Then half the girls got massages while the other half went to Arial Pilates. Porsha, meanwhile, retreats to her room for a nap. Cynthia senses that something is up… Porsha without a Hennessy in her hand is an alien creature. Marlo comes out and says it that Porsha is pregnant, because “Her stomach is looking big.”
Meanwhile, at Aerial Arts, Eva wore clown pants. Shamari had an epiphany that Marlo was shading her with the makeover attempt, and that is not OK. More like someone in production warned Shamari that she better do something a little more exciting than roll her eyes at Marlo’s suggestions. Kandi assures Shamari that unsolicited advice is just Marlo’s way, but Shamari is still bothered.
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After the massage, NeNe sneaks upstairs to question Porsha and finds her eating a salad in bed. She confronts her about the pregnancy suspicion and Porsha can’t really lie, so she kinda lies, but not really. Given her previous miscarriage, she doesn’t want to tell anyone until after she sees the doctor. So she pretends to NeNe that she’s not sure but isn’t drinking as a precaution. To keep up the ruse Porsha’s new plan is to bring her flask of fake Hennessy to dinner that night. NeNe is super excited and promises to help Porsha perpetuate her lie. Then she teaches Porsha that twerking is not that different from laboring.
That night at dinner they’re finally permitted to leave the compound. Everyone is confused about Porsha whipping out her own flask from her purse. The women still believe she’s hiding something because they saw her eating gas station pickles… Nothing says pregnancy like a craving for pickles in a bag! Eva thinks Porsha likes pickles in a bag cause she’s a hood girl. Porsha plays it off that she’s doing Keto. Then gives a very elegant toast about shade and reading, but ending as friends so everyone forgets the suspicious substances she’s imbibing at the table.
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Everyone especially forgets after Shamari comes for Marlo by mentioning that she is not the fashion goddess she fancies herself to be because Shamari actually asked Tanya for help!
I don’t know what happened. Suddenly Shamari was calling Marlo a bitch. Marlo was dropping “Yo mama’s” and insulting Shamari’s singing, “I was A-list when you was an alias,” Shamari yells as Marlo counters that she is self-made fabulous and known for her fashion. Shamari tries dismissing Marlo, but we all know that you need an exorcist wearing Walmart sweatsuits to do all that.
Eventually, like a miracle itself, they both just putter out and blink at each other. Tanya tries to bring some adulthood and maturity into things by explaining that people are not defined merely by the clothes on our backs.
NeNe lashes out that Tanya is a label whore who is constantly bragging about her attire, whereas SHE, an entrepreneur, is the one who is not defined by her wardrobe. Even though she has been bragging about her closet this entire trip and trying to one-up Tanya in the labels department. Also, Tanya owns a tech company, not some goofy generic boutique, so um, she’s an entrepreneur too.
Kandi suspects that NeNe is jealous of Tanya’s success (class, elegance, wardrobe and sophistication). And Tanya is shocked at the verbal lashing because up until this point she considered NeNe a friend. Alls fair in friendship and Housewives, though!
TELL US – DOES SHAMARI NEED A MAKEOVER? IS NENE BEING TOO HARD ON TANYA?
[Photo Credits: Bravo]