Tom Sandoval

23rd Annual Veterans Holiday Celebration -

Is it just me, or is Kristen Doute actually sounding more and more…sane lately? Maybe it’s the therapy. Maybe it’s the blessed lack of James Kennedy in her life. But whatever it is, Kristen seems to be making sense these days when it comes to her take on the cast of Vanderpump Rules, and where she hopes to fit within it.

In her blog this week, Kristen reacts to Jax including James on the Hawaii trip after he’d initially banned him from going. “I’ve seen a lot of growth in Jax lately and I attribute a lot of that to him dating Brittany [Cartwright]. Whether or not I could go to Hawaii, I know Jax didn’t want James on his birthday trip. Jax should have been allowed a veto if [Tom] Sandoval was, but Jax also knew throwing a fit about it wasn’t going to get him anywhere. It’s not that he gave in, he just knew it wasn’t worth being an issue and letting it bother him.”

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Ariana Madix

Last night on Vanderpump Rules there were boobs, butts, and bad friends galore. You know, the usual! 

It’s official I cannot stand Scheana Marie! Her ‘Nu-Stassi‘ routine is pathetic; she’s a totally disloyal, whiny, shit-stirring, biatch who needs to stop taking makeup tips from My Little Pony. Lord with those false eyelashes – you could practically fly with those things! In fact maybe that’s an idea – fly, fly away, Scheana. Take Kristen Doute with you. 

Tom 2 and Katie Maloney are celebrating their engagement, which included burned taquitos sexytimes. Stassi Schroeder sent Katie a phony text congratulating her and whining that she wasn’t a part of it. Poor Stassi – she ditched all her friends but now is sad they don’t like her anymore. Poor Little Bitch Girl Problems!  

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Vanderpump Rules stars Kristen Doute and Scheana Marie

Kristen Doute and Scheana Marie were Andy Cohen‘s guests on Watch What Happens Live following tonight’s rather gross episode of Vanderpump Rules. Seriously, if this show gets any raunchier, it is going to have to move to Cinemax After Dark with Scheana’s Femme Fatales. 

Andy asks Kristen if she wants to say anything about Lala Kent‘s “less than” comments about James Kennedy‘s penis. “I think Lala would go for anything with a man situation, regardless of shape, size, or color.”

Next topic, Jax Taylor, who poops (this week) and lies (every week) on camera. Andy wonders if he’s passive aggressively trying to get Brittany Cartwright to regret moving in with him. “I know a couple of the episodes have bothered her,” says  Scheana. “I do not keep my mouth shut <understatement of the century> so I give her a head’s up on everything.”

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Tom 2 and Katie Maloney's surprise proposal

It’s been a long time comin’ for Tom Schwartz and Katie Maloney, but this week’s Vanderpump Rules finally served up the proposal Tom and Katie have been dancing around for four seasons. “Well well well. I did it. I sealed the deal. Put a ring on it. Great advice from Beyoncé by the way,” jokes Tom. 

Noting he had to “Schwartzify” his proposal setup, which included a fake proposal before the real deal went down, Tom explains, “Key elements to the proposal were surprise, not just for Katie but for everyone present, the perfect ring, great friends and a little quirk with the decoy proposal. The ring was really my anchor though. My ace in the hole. Even if I would have completely botched the proposal, the ring was so perfect that I couldn’t have failed.”

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Katie Maloney and Tom 2 get engaged

Last night on Vanderpump Rules, Tom Schwartz finally took the ring OFF the string and placed it on Katie Maloney‘s finger. Don’t worry – he’ll still be forever tied down to Tom 1

In cold hard realities, the “A” Tom 1 drunkenly tattooed on his ass stands for Adulting. Tom 1 spent 15 drunken minutes getting inked, but now wants his 15 minutes back. Ariana Madix escorts him to Dat Tat Off, the world’s most professional tattoo removal parlor, which is coincidentally managed by Kristen Doute‘s Machiavellian friend, who happens to be wearing black and white stripes. Tom 1 – forever imprisoned by Kristen somehow! Tom went there in the hopes of getting a ‘friend-ish’ discount. 

If they were a movie, it would be called, She’s [He’s] Just Not That Over You (The Tom and Kristen forever dysfunction story). True to form, Kristen’s friend is eager to view the self-inflicted damage Ariana caused Tom to enact. 

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Tom 1 freaks out, Tom 2 eats Pad Thai

On Vanderpump Rules there was bacon, and asses, and giant shrieky man-tantrums. Also Kristen Doute tried to pretend she had matured. 

I have a major bone to pick with this show. Let’s call it a reality check shall we, since this is supposed to be a reality show and all. Why are they still trying to make Kristen happen? Honestly – would any ‘real’ friend expect you to go on a birthday vacation with your crazy ex-girlfriend? NO!

Once Kristen and James Kennedy split, Kristen lost her place on this show – we’re now just seeing a regurgitated storyline of everyone fake-forgiving Kristen and unconvincingly acting as if they want to be her friend so Bravo can justify the antics she may cause. It’s super-phony. James is the new crazy-ass – let’s embrace that and hook Stassi Schroeder and Kristen up with a little Pump Rules Scorned Spinoff instead. Because Kristen pretending she wants forgiveness and has really changed; she’s too bad an actress to convince anyone of that. And furthermore her hitting the club for Jax Taylor to teach her how to avoid players while she makes creepy-Hunchback of Notre Dame faces was cringeworthy. Likewise I am tired of watching Tom 1 and Ariana Madix freakout, whine, and tantrum over Kristen. 

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Jax Taylor tattoo

Another year… another questionable tattoo for Jax Taylor.

The bad news is, it’s another name. Actually, it’s TWO names this time.

The goods news is, it is not nearly insane as Stassi Schroeder‘s name, when Jax and Stassi weren’t even together at the time, as Carmen Dickman‘s name, when Jax and Carmen had only been together for a minute, or as the creepiest of all, a face that looked like a Stassi-Carmen hybrid. So whose names did the Vanderpump Rules star get tattooed on his body this time?

Star Magazine's Scene Stealers

Birthday girl Ariana Madix was all about unicorns and rainbows and sparkly wands this week on Vanderpump Rules. Except when she was crying, or trying to get her boyfriend to codependently take care of her, or casually not inviting certain members of the SUR staff to her hipster bouncy house party!

Reflecting on her “epic” birthday party, Ariana divulges a surprise move Tom Sandoval undertook to make her special day even more special. “Tom surprised me at my party by flying in my best friend Whitney of 10 years who had never been to LA to visit before. She and my friend Meredith hid inside a two-person horse costume and after doing an adorable little performance, Tom and Meredith unveiled that Whitney was in the head of the costume. My friend Lindsay Hand also surprised me by flying in. I was surrounded by so many people who mean everything to me and I got to do flips on a bungee trampoline with sno-cones at the same time!”

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