Last night on the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills everybody got pampered and relaxed and got along swimmingly. Oh, wait – wrong show! The ladies continued their trip back in time to Beverly Hills High with Kyle playing the real-life all grown up Brenda Walsh, and Kim as her sidekick, and poor Brandi the victim of all their immaturity. I give Brandi credit – she stood her ground while retaining her dignity and did not bend to the almighty queens of bitchery.

Things start off with a little cooking lesson. Lisa has decided she can bear no more of Adrienne’s inadequacies in the kitchen and simply must teach her to roast a chicken. After everyone puts on their surgical gloves, they begin washing the chicken with dish soap – for anti-bacterial purposes. Then they stuff things up his bum after removing his guts. I guess Lisa was practicing for her treatment of Brandi later on! Adrienne is absolutely hopeless in the kitchen – hence the reason she has a chef – can’t find the salt and pepper or any of her three fridges, and just isn’t having fun. Was anyone else surprised they were stuffing a chicken’s butt with all their jewelry on?


Kyle and Dana are having a playdate at Taylor’s. It was nice to see Dana dressed like a real mom! The activity is finger painting – not to be confused with finger pointing which was the activity at Dana’s playdate last episode. Talk turns to Brandi – Taylor wants to know if Brandi apologized. Nope! And Kyle is upset about Brandi’s accusations about Kim and about threatening to kill her at game night. Taylor explains that Brandi to her she felt excluded. Everyone wants to know what is up with Brandi putting herself down all the time; Taylor claims Brandi told her she wants to beat others to the punch and her ex is insulting her parenting. Kyle suddenly is empathetic.

Lisa visits her mega-rich friend Mohammed and his sort of mute, creepy Fem-Bot girlfriend, who also happens to be Pandora‘s age! Mohammed wants to throw an engagement party for his goddaughter Pandora. Except Lisa didn’t know he was Pandy’s godfather. Oh well, as long as Pandora is in his will! Mohammed gives Lisa a tour of where he wants the Arabian Night’s Themed Party to occur, including showing her the hook-up room. Mohammad is quite the Hugh Heffner wannabe!

In order to unwind after her traumatic chicken ordeal, Adrienne decides to invite the ladies over for a spa day at her own personal, custom-built spa. She even has a spray tan booth and a laser facial machine. Can I visit? I swear you won’t even know I’m there! Adrienne hopes the afternoon will help the ladies mend fences, particularly with her on hand to mediate. Um… isn’t the key word in spa relaxing? I don’t see that happening! Can we talk about the gold dust cupcakes? Yes, please!

This is the best party – ever! The food spread was amazing. I so need to make Adrienne be my friend. Kim is late, as expected, and Kyle actually seems surprised she showed. Kyle immediately starts hovering over Kim and they sneak out for a little trampolining. Was anyone else praying a flasher moment didn’t happen with those robes? Yikes!

Brandi is the last to arrive, sporting her camel-toe jumpsuit. Kim has decided to ignore Brandi because she doesn’t care about her in the least. Kim is upset about Brandi’s dirty mouth and decides to practice “selective acknowledgement,” a common adolescent tactic usually directed at parents. Kyle is giggling and egging Kim’s spitefulness on the entire time. These girls really are stuck in high school!

Camille graciously thanks Adrienne for the party and decides to hang out by the food table to avoid the cray-cray. She is also trying to gain weight. Camille, little tip: don’t mention that at a party full of catty, insecure (or is it insignificant) bitches! Camille decides to hop in the spraytan booth. The ladies are utterly fascinated or something because they can’t keep their heads out of the booth during Camille’s session. If they wanted to see ol’Cammie naked, just find The Naked Detective online. Actually that scene was cute and really fun. I love seeing the girls laugh and enjoy each other. Camille seems to really have a sense of humor about things.

Camille talks to Lisa about how things are going on the home front. She is hiring a new therapist for her children to provide unbiased counseling. Camille explains that her son, Jude is home with her now and much happier. Camille seems to be handling things well and focusing on her children.

Adrienne consults with Brandi about apologizing to Kyle. Kim is standing firm that she doesn’t want anything to do with Brandi, but Kyle is willing to at least hear her out. Kim doesn’t want to “feed a piranha,” referring to Brandi. It goes back and forth with Lisa interjecting with her two-cents. Did Lisa get any spa treatments because she seemed to spend an awful lot of time gossiping? Kyle lets Adrienne know, she wants Brandi to apologize to Kim before she talks to her.

Is anyone else confused by the ridiculous of this logic? I mean Brandi was involved in an argument which had three participants: Kim, Kyle, and herself. Why is everything Brandi’s fault? I understand she is the new girl on the block, but Kyle and Kim are exonerated from any blame for their behavior?

Adrienne attempts to play mediator by encouraging Brandi to be the bigger person and apologize to Kim also. Brandi believes Adrienne may not have a totally accurate picture of what actually happened during the game night. Brandi has no interest in begging and pleading with the Mean Girls clique to keep the peace. Brandi is right in demanding that other ladies accept some responsibility for what’s happened. Eventually she agrees to apologize to Kyle, but doesn’t feel comfortable talking to Kim yet as they barely know each other and their first meeting didn’t go so well. Also, Brandi points out that she doesn’t think Kim is ready acknowledge she may have a lil problem.

When Adrienne comes to tell HBIC, Kyle the good news, Kyle agrees to hear what Brandi has to say, but Kim is really upset Kyle would even bother. Kim feels the fight was caused by her protecting Kyle and that makes her a traitor.

Taylor has a talk with Brandi and I have to say, despite her foul mouth, Brandi is definitely the more mature one here. She is just trying to enjoy the day, stay out of the dramz, and take advantage of the free spa treatments. On second thought maybe I don’t want to go to any of Adrienne’s parties. Brandi reveals she understands why Camille is pretty much afraid to say anything about anyone.

Kyle comes over to talk to Brandi and is totes standing there like: ‘yeah, I’m here to collect my sorries. Now beg!” Except Brandi sort of calmly explains they both behaved badly, and both their triggers were pushed, and Kyle owes her an apology too. Adrienne hightails it to the wine – that’s my girl! Kyle doesn’t seem to care about Brandi’s adult perspective – she’s just upset about the meth comment. Why are they all pretending they don’t know what meth is? C’mon have they been living under a rock for 10 years?!

Brandi is upset about the things Kyle said about her children and about feeling unwelcome because Kim said she didn’t want her on her team. Kyle’s defense is that she wasn’t actually attacking Brandi’s kids, just the way Brandi parents in this isolated incident. And since she is impervious to any error and would never, EVER let her kids do anything wrong, Brandi is a bad mother. #sarcasm.

Adrienne is oddly defending Kyle’s stance. Brandi feels no one understands that she is a single mother. Ummm… actually Kyle was single mother once and Farrah is per-fekt. Eventually Brandi apologizes, sort of, to get them all away from her, and starts crying. This is exactly what they did to Kim last year – clustered around, getting in her face, making statements and demanding answers. Maybe they should get jobs with the CIA? – I think they might be a pretty good interrogation team. I sometimes wonder if Kyle remembers TV cameras are capturing her behavior.

Kyle reports to Kim in true mean girl fashion, that Brandi started crying but she wasn’t falling for her act! I think Brandi views herself as a fun, nonchalant, silly person and it is conveyed as arrogant and flippant to the other women who do not understand her humor and were already on edge over the whole Cedric-affiliation thing.

Taylor stays behind to console Brandi. Taylor firmly believes Brandi should at least apologize to Kim for the meth comment, which Brandi doesn’t necessarily believe was out of line. And Taylor shoots her a ‘shhht shut-it – I’m warning you look’. Can we just say it already: KIM EITHER CURRENTLY HAS SOME SORT OF SUBSTANCE ABUSE ISSUE OR SHE HAS IN THE PAST. Or perhaps she has a mental health concern that for some reason everyone is too embarrassed to discuss honestly.

After having a final cry with a worn out looking Adrienne who tries to remind Brandi to consider both sides of the situation, Brandi just hobble-tails it out of there. Poor Brandi – it’s like her own personal Escape From Witch Mountain! Or maybe Witch Manner!

Listen B, you’re obviously a smart girl. Read between the line here – Kim has a problem and everyone knows it, but it’s one of those things no one is willing to address or discuss so you just pretend everything is hunky-dory and placate Kim and Kyle and no body gets hurt.

And we break up the melodrama with a little eye candy! Mauricio in a swimsuit. ZOMG! Who paused and rewound the diving board scene? Oh, was that just me?

After another party from hell, Kim is the only person who seems relaxed, as she claims she doesn’t let people who don’t matter affect her. Which is why she was upset that Kyle spoke to Brandi – because Brandi doesn’t matter and Kyle does so Kyle upsets Kim. Lisa and Kyle exchange looks like “whhhhaaaa?” A flabbergasted Lisa points out Kim was the one crying at one point. Kyle finally admits the Sisters Richards were not totally innocent in the events, after all, they did insult Brandi too. Kim is shocked – she seems to have a very different memory of the evening from everyone else…

Adrienne tries to salvage Brandi’s reputation again by explaining she has no filter and is a tough girl. Lisa doesn’t think that’s acceptable and notes that with all the crying Brandi does she doesn’t appear so tough to her. Kyle echos that she thinks its an act. Kimpersonations return, this time with a reenactment of Brandi’s one-legged attack hop during Game Night. I cannot believe how rude these ladies are being to their hostess – again – who is trying to her detriment to appease everyone.

After they leave, Adrienne chugs a bottle of Chardonnay and hops under her laser facial machine to wish it all away. That was the least relaxing spa I’ve ever encountered!

Next Week: Pandora’s wild engagement party and we meet Kim’s new man! And Russell and Taylor threaten to sue Lisa for slanderous gossip. Oh lordy.

Watch What Happens Live: Beverly Hills Newbies Brandi and Dana are the guests. Brandi’s cameltoe is called out; she apparently had no idea and looks distraught. She just can’t win with Bravo!

Brandi reveals that Mohammed tried to kiss her once. Lisa is not going to like that! Pam still believes Brandi should have apologized to Kim for the meth comments. Really? Andy asks about Dana’s poor hostessing skills with the bad food during game night – apparently the party wasn’t supposed to last nearly as long.

Kyle calls in to talk about her bad behavior towards Brandi and apologizes again. Brandi still seems pissed and clarifies there are many more bumps in the road! Kyle claims she is not herself when she is with Kim and gets nervous. Odd. Brandi informs Kyle is lucky her sister wasn’t there – because Kyle might be dead. These Glanvilles really love the death threats!

Dana reveals her son actually only understands Thai but he only speaks like 10 words. Andy gets a call from someone wanting to know about Brandi’s divorce and Brandi accidentally drops the F-bomb!!! The game is “Rapid Fire-ing Squad”: Then Brandi drops the C-word on the show! This girl needs some duct tape!

The ladies play a round of Summer’s Eve: Hot or Hot Mess and Andy puts on the 25K sunglasses and he looks pretty hot! I wouldn’t let those things travel! Did Brandi call Dana out on not really being as rich as she pretends to be? Oh, Brandi – loose lips sink ships! Or in the case of reality TV, they get you more screen time!

The Poll Question: Should Brandi have apologized to Kim? And most of the viewers vote no!