Real Housewives Of Atlanta Recap: Bush Whacked!

On last night’s episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta, the ladies promised and swore to turn over a new leaf after their moving experience in the South African orphanage, but alas their epiphany was brief and insincere.

After seeing the heartbreaking poverty of the children of the orphanage, the ladies sit down to dinner at their five-star resort to reflect on how privileged their lives are. They have “beautiful homes, beautiful fashions, a lotta labels,” Phaedra points out. Phaedra’s speech about appreciation was tailor made for Marlo, I see. Bespoke, if you will. Too bad Marlo was focusing on something being wrong with her plate instead of contemplating the day. Everyone promises to put future petty squabbles into perspective and approach situations in a more adult manner. Kandi is the first to speak up with a a ‘yeah right!’


Everyone seems to be getting along, bonding, and genuinely having fun together for the first time as they head to the Xhosa cultural museum. There they learn the tribe gives women very little autonomy. Then they meet a Help artist or herbalist. No touching the medicine, ladies! This man seems to have a fixation on marriage. After he explains that he will throw the bones of their ancestors to determine the future, Phaedra gets super unnerved and doesn’t want to participate. At Phunerals by Phaedra, they embalm their dead not carry them in their purses. Psyche! The bones are actually shells, but Phaedra is still out.

The medicine man tells Sheree she is old and will never marry again. Poor Spinsteree is visibly shaken and NeNe sweetly offers to go next to take the pressure off her. NeNe is told she is not happy and her husband is a good man. Not what she wants to hear. The medicine man also tells Cynthia she will get married, even though she already is. Perhaps he was hinting that Peter is the wrong man! I thought the ladies were a little insensitive and could have worked a little harder to keep their judgement in check. I guess the truth hurts!

NeLo has decided to invite all the ladies over to their humble abode for a little goodwill bonding. Marlo has all her self worth worldly goods displayed. She brought 29 pair of shoes and a zillion purses, all of them arranged as if this were a museum. Poor Marlo.

Over dinner, in their PJs (which was cute) talk turns to the only thing these ladies have in common: sex! Marlo shows off the tricks to her trade, with some gag inducing demos of how she got all those shoes and bags. Poor Kandi turned into her test dummy! The ladies are all laughing and joking, talking sex tips and dirty secrets and I miss this aspect of RHOA. NeNe, who still maintains that her freak number is 1, got a little lesson on a high art known as “tea bagging.”

Cynthia shatters the mood by bringing up the bonding going on and Kandi points out that everyone is weirded out by Marlo‘s overt and desperate labelwhoring. And that is how Cynthia Bailey ruined a perfectly good cocktail hour!

NeNe lets Marlo know she likes her superficiality. Kandi comments NeNe used to complain about Kim‘s label obsession. An argument starts to erupt and Marlo unleashes her baptist preacher self on the group and directs them to be quiet. Um… who is this woman and where on earth did she come from!? She goes from awwww… hell, to hell fire and brimstone in a hot a minute. I can’t keep up. The Lord deliver her from the evil of cheap shoes, I suppose.

Cynthia calls it – they were one step away from weaves and Louis flying across the room. Things end on a something note, I can’t figure out what, with The Smalls featuring Cynthia retreating under the guise of needing their beauty rest. Get out while you still can, ladies!

The next day, NeNe discovers her bosom buddy is holed up in bed sans make up and Chanel! Whatever can be wrong? Apparently Marlo has been vomiting and having diarrhea all night. NeNe helpfully points out if Marlo dies, she’ll take very good care of her clothes. NeNe thinks Marlo should see a doctor, but Marlo dosen’t want any crazy African ones. NeNe decides she’s probably as good as an African MD so she’ll stay and take care of her ailing friend.

As the other ladies trickle in and Cynthia waltzes in–Grateful Dead flag sarong blazing–Marlo announces her decision to stay in bed and rest while NeNe finds an American doctor somewhere. After being patient and concerned about her friend’s health, once she has audience NeNe pulls on gloves and starts putting on a show about how much she hates germs. Phaedra suggests that perhaps the herbalist put a curse on Ms. Marlo. Boy, Cynthia’s skirt – she is here and she doesn’t care who knows it! Who knew she was a secret Phish fan!

On the safari, the women are far too concerned with discussing Marlo to pay attention to Julian or the bush. Poor Julian! Away from NeNe the real Cynthia comes out and she is fun and lively. Kandi and Cynthia break down Marlo’s constant need to wear her money on her sleeve and how they just don’t care about shopping all day given that they have real careers. Interesting that Sheree does the same thing but no one has issues with her. Kim is brought up and Kandi reveals she just can’t see Kim in an orphanage holding an African baby – or on the trip at all for that matter! Kim and safari are two concepts that don’t mix!

Everyone is having a great time when there is a rumbling from afar. It’s NeNe joining the group just in time for lunch in the wilds. Gosh, that buffet in the bush set up is amazing. NeNe’s true motivation was her concern that The Smalls were corrupting Cynthia and she had to make sure her girl towed the line. No one is particularly excited to see Nurse Leakes as she totters across the bush in her ridiculous shoes, complaining about the outdoors interfering with her good time and demanding someone fan the food for her. Ugh.

Kandi asks NeNe if Marlo ever annoys her and that’s when the trouble begins anew. Kandi is honest in admitting the ladies discussed Marlo on the safari, which is apparently shocking to NeNe (like she never talks about anyone?). NeNe immediately decides all the Smalls are Haters and jealous of Marlo’s clothes and her desire to be Michelle Obama or Beyonce!! Keep trying, Marlo – you’ve got a ways to go!

Cynthia suddenly says she appreciates Marlo‘s fashion, which raises the antennas of the Smalls as they all recall a few minutes back when Cynthia was busting on Marlo with the best of them. Kandi mentions that for someone who has her own mind, as soon as NeNe enters the picture Cynthia has NeNe’s mind. I personally think Cynthia just hates drama and tries to smooth everything over in all situations.

NeNe decides if she is captain of the Tall ship, Kim is captain of the Small ship, which ruffles some serious feathers. And that is how NeNe Leakes ruined a perfectly good lunch! Thanks, Boo! Then the ladies see a BABY ELEPHANT! OMG. Baby elephant!! Oh my gosh… NeNe is freaking out over seeing her kin the enormous elephants, and begs the driver to flee quickly. Oh, NeNe – ridiculous!

After a day of talking about Kim, the Smalls decide to give her a call! Sheree asks Kim if she would have come on the trip if KJ weren’t a factor? Kim says she would have. Sheree then tells Kim that Kandi thought she wouldn’t because of certain people (fair enough point). Kandi disputes that she said that; then Sheree adds that Kandi actually said she couldn’t see Kim in an orphanage holding a little black baby. Kandi is furious, claiming Cynthia said that. Roll the tape! Both Kandi and Cynthia actually said Africa, but semantics aside, I agree with Kandi – I couldn’t see Kim on this trip and I don’t think either lady meant it offensively.

Kandi confronts Sheree and defends her perspective about how she can’t see Kim on the trip. Phaedra is annoyed Sheree even brought it up when everyone is getting along. Back home, Kim is highly incensed by Kandi’s supposed comment and would have gone regardless of NeNe. And a fracture amongst the Smalls has emerged!

Over dinner, after getting dressed in traditional South African clothes and make-up, Kandi addresses the elephant in the room that she would rather leave in the bush and asks Cynthia to confirm that she never made the comment about Kim holding little black babies. Cynthia agrees, which annoys Sheree. Sheree claims she was just doing the right thing by telling a friend when another was talking behind her back. NeNe snickers about the Smalls reporting back to their “boss.” I think Sheree is just trying to stir up drama to stay relevant on this show.

Kandi takes issue with NeNe calling Kim their boss. NeNe turns it around as the Smalls making hurtful comments about how she controls the Talls. To prove her point she makes each Tall confirm they are their own person. As Marlo is reaffirming that her clothes make her the independent person she is, Kandi calls her out on being obnoxious about her label obsessing. None of the other ladies back her up, despite agreeing that they all notice Marlo’s desperate to impress designer labels and crazee behavior. Marlo compares her expensive clothes to Kandi’s musical accomplishments, claiming she takes pride in what she is about. Sigh.

Phaedra is right, getting along and putting the pettiness aside is, “Too much like right with these wrong girls.” And that is how Kandi Burruss ruined a perfectly good dinner!

Next week: To make up for an absence of Kim and Kroy, we get a whole episode dedicated to their fairy tale romance. Gag me. And the ladies return home to much drama!

Watch What Happens Live: The guests are Sheree and Jackée Harry! And Jackée is in top fabulous form. Sheree’s shoes are a-maz-ing. I wonder if she “borrowed” them from Neiman Marcus? Shockingly, Jackée introduced Whitney Houston to both Bobbi Brown and Eddie Murphy! Jackée gets around with the menz, she explains!

The Honeybadger recap is HIGH-larious! Jackée clearly knows a different Sheree than we do as she calls her sweet, elegant, and nice! I just need to say it: I LOVE Jackée Harris! I have since the Sister Sister days and I will forever be using the word Jackéasted!

Sheree claims Kandi did make the comment about Kim and black babies, saying Bravo did not see the whole conversation. Sheree has not apologized and stands by her decision to tell Kim! She also claims Bravo made them call Kim during the trip!

Jackée is up first for Plead the Fifth. She pleads on admitting the most illegal thing she’s ever done and she wants to give Halle Berry a stern talking to for her addiction to crazy men with big, um, egos! Andy accidentally spills the drinking game word! Sheree reveals that Chateau Fakee is still under construction! Um… riiiight.

Sheree is up next for Plead The Fifth. Sheree seems afraid of Marlo but thinks she can hold her own against her. She pleads on the ATL Housewife with the worst fashion sense, but Jackée is not afraid to say it’s NeNe!

The game is Safari or Omari? Don’t ask Jackée how she knows! The ladies win some stellar Mazel sunglasses. Kandi Tweeted that Sheree is lying in regards to her comment about Kim and says Andy needs to show it at the reunion. Sheree now claims Kandi merely agreed with Cynthia‘s statement. These ladies are awful concerned about setting the record straight – maybe NeNe is right and Kim is their “boss.”

Poll Question: Whose side are you on NOW? The Smalls or the Talls. Jackée is on Team Talls. And the people have spoken – they are STILL on team Small!