Basketball Wives Finale Recap: Finally!

Finally, it’s the freakin’ finale of Basketball Wives.  I don’t know about y’all, but this season has been incredibly exhausting, and the Tahiti trip has almost made me lose my cool!

We resume the same place we do almost every week, with Evelyn Lozada mouthing off after Jenn Williams escaped into her bungalow.  Kenya Bell and Tami Roman are listening to her rants about how fake Jenn is, but I can’t take my attention off her hula hoop sized earrings.  Shaunie O’Neal sneaks away to speak with Jenn, but I love that she’s more concerned about Jenn airing the group’s dirty laundry on blogs and twitter instead of Evelyn’s erratic and violent behavior.  Why should everything be about appeasing crazy?  And I’m not a Jenn fan…I think she should let it go, and I think she is extremely and purposefully pretentious, but geez, Shaunie!  She isn’t doing anything worse than Evelyn is!


Jenn wants to know why Shaunie isn’t calling out Evelyn on her twitter tirades.  Shaunie wants the pair to get together and have a conversation before it gets to the point of no return.  Really?  I think it was there several episodes ago.  Evelyn is crying and mad that someone who was such a good friend to her can “hurt her” so badly.  Jenn tries to convince Shaunie that she’s not the only one mean tweeting (mweating?), but Shaunie glosses over anything negative about Evelyn and implores Jenn just to have a discussion with her former friend.  Jenn feels like there is no need to keep rehashing the past as she is way over their friendship.  She tells Shaunie that she believes Evelyn just wants an audience.  Kenya is the voice of reason, telling Evelyn she just needs to learn how to ignore Jenn.  Shaunie revels in her role as “mediator.”  Let’s call a spade a spade.  Shaunie is just trying to save face for this train wreck.

Shaunie relays her conversation with Jenn to Evelyn.  I just realized that Suzie Ketcham has been absent from this mix.  Fortunately for viewers, but unfortunately for poor Suz, she was bitten by an ant on her eyelid and has felt under the weather.  She recovers just in time for a dinner/gossip session with Ev, Tami, and Shaunie.  Evelyn’s version of the story to Suzie is much calmer than the actual scenario.  Basically, according to Evelyn, she approached Jenn, and Jenn walked away.  The group begins to laugh again that Kenya hasn’t figured out the fishy situation.  Thanks again, ladies, for reminding the world how hateful you each are.

It’s the ladies’ last full day in Tahiti, and Tami is over this vacation.  Apparently Tahiti is over her as well, as a bird takes the opportunity to poop on her head.  You go, bird!  Jenn decides to face the awkwardness head on, so she joins the women on the beach.  She is met with a total freeze out from the women.  I thought that Tami, Shaunie, and Suzie wanted things to get easier.  What in the hell is up with these women’s earrings?  I can’t get past them…it’s so distracting.  I mean, I like some big jewelry, but there is no need to wear a flipping basketball hoop dangling from your earlobe.  But I digress, per the usual.

Jenn asks if Evelyn would like to talk, and Evelyn tells her that she is the root of all the pair’s problems.  Evelyn accuses her of doing an interview with Sister2Sister after the Nia fallout.  Jenn says that wasn’t an interview, it was a conversation.  Tami interjects that she is biffles with the owner of Sister2Sister, and she has the transcripts of the discussion interview.  Oh, Tami, when will you learn?  Evelyn drags an uncomfortable looking Suzie into the conversation.  I love an Al Reynolds flashback.  Jenn doesn’t care about Evelyn’s vajayjay, she’s only concerned about her own.  Evelyn reminds her of the time she bleeped a bleep without a condom.  Really?  Tami jumps in that she’s offended by Jenn’s behavior and that Jenn brought all of this on herself.  Really Tami?  How is that glass house working out for you?  Evelyn ends the conversation by telling Jenn she’s a non-mutha effin factor and then excuses her from the beach.  Tough girl!  Shaunie, Tami, and Suzie sit in silence.  Shame on you all.  Back at the bungalow, Jenn gives Kenya the run-down on the beach chat and heads back to Miami.  She may have beaten Kesha Nichols‘ record for shortest stay in Tahiti.  Kenya joins her.  Suzie witnesses their exit from the pool.

At the women’s last supper, Suzie relays that Jenn and Kenya checked out and headed home. Shaunie is in shock that they would leave.  Evelyn now knows that Jenn really doesn’t want to mend their friendship.  Had she wanted to reconcile, she would have stuck around to apologize.  I am sure she really wanted to do that, Ev, after you called her a NMF factor and dismissed her like a servant.  Evelyn has brought gifts for her dearest friends…and Suzie.  It’s personalized make-up from her own line (of course it is), and Evelyn is chomping at the bit for each “lady” to read their note from her aloud.  Tami takes the opportunity to make a dig at Jenn’s make-up line.  Classy girls!

Back in Miami, Royce Reed is finally getting some air time.  She meets Tami for lunch to get her side of the story on Kesha-gate.  Royce is confused.  Tami is pissed that Kesha talked to Royce about the situation, but it’s perfectly okay for Tami to talk about it to Royce.  Can’t Kesha understand that Tami said all that in anger, so she should just let it go?  What a flippin’ hypocrite.  Now Royce is a bad friend according to Tami.  Tami can’t believe that Royce can’t see Kesha’s part in the whole Tahiti debacle.  Kesha was coughing a lot, Royce…perhaps you overlooked that!

The three mean girls and Suzie head to dinner to celebrate the season’s end.  They discuss the changes over the season, and Evelyn admits that she is no longer considering getting pregnant with Chad OchocincoTami has decided to move back to L.A. (please Shed Media, tell me she won’t be on BBW: LA!), so she can focus more on her daughters’ careers.  She reveals that Royce wasn’t a good friend to her in light of the incident with Kesha because she’s not being very neutral.  Shaunie reminds Evelyn that her friendship with Jenn is donezo as well.

Speaking of Shaunie, she is in panic mode to revamp her image in light of this past season.  She tells the camera she is drama-free, and she’s happy to be back home in L.A.  Shaunie feels the need to seek counsel from her pastor.  I can’t even…if this were at all sincere or authentic, it wouldn’t happen on camera, Shaunie.  She doesn’t understand why her friends can’t have grown up discussions to resolve their issues.  I’ve seen Shaunie’s “grown-up talks” and they always seem to stir the pot.  She reveals to her pastor that she’s ready to give up on the show.  Oh please.  She doesn’t want people to think she’s “a ghetto hot mess.”  Um…Her pastor does put her priorities in the order they should be, but it’s not what Shaunie wants to hear.  And thankfully, we are able to bid farewell to this group of hot messes…until next week’s reunion!

On the reunion, Kenya takes on Evelyn, while Kesha confronts Tami.  Cue Jenn and more drama.