Real Housewives Of Atlanta Recap: Drama Queens

So many confusing things about last night’s Real Housewives Of Atlanta. Like does Kenya Moore truly not see that she constantly provokes Porsha Williams? And is guilty of most of the same things she accuses Porsha of doing? Like does Sheree Whitfield realize that her messiness is as see through as Marlo Hampton‘s entire wardrobe? And also what is with Cynthia Bailey telling Matt Jordan that his issues with Kenya aren’t that big of a deal?! Cynthia, little tip – psychology 101 at the local community college, please!

It doesn’t matter that the very thought of latrines and paper plates nearly drove everyone to blows over dinner, Phaedra Parks has decided “roughing it” on a glamping trip is just what the group needs to work through their issues. And if not, she’ll put them on toilet digging duty or have them get lost in the woods. Unfortunately, Porsha has been avoiding Phaedra since dinner, over her possible allegiance to Kenya. So, Phaedra decides the thing to do is meet Kenya on mutual territory to discuss how an anger management conversation got so, well, angry.



Personally, I think it’s time for the return of Dr. Jeff, cause all these girls need some anger management! Group rate?

I love the Parent Trap and Troop Beverly Hills as much as the next girl, but Phaedra is not living in either one of those realities. Instead, she is living on Real Housewives Of Atlanta, where people think it is their reasonable right to interrogate others over dinner about the effectiveness of their mental health therapy, then chase them down the street screaming when when they aren’t given the answer they want to hear. Because the best way to fight crazy is with… crazy?

Kenya and Phaedra

Now I don’t know what’s up with Frick and Frack, but they don’t need the addition of Kenya, whose intent is surely to crack this friendship. Regardless of Porsha’s warning about ‘fake friends,’ Phaedra meets Kenya in a camping store to discuss why dinner turned into the ladies acting like “urban street fighters.” Dodging Kenya’s delusion, “matrix-style,” Phaedra is still on summer camp mode as she lectures Kenya on manners in public and while trying to solve disagreements. Like basically don’t chase somebody down the street.

Porsha at Anger Management

Meanwhile, Porsha plays her second-ever visit to her Anger Management counselor. She bemoans that Phaedra did not come to her defense, and even worse, Kandi Burruss is starting stuff with her out of nowhere and “piggybacking” onto problems she’s having with other women. Because of this, Porsha only wants to go on the glamping trip if she has a support system. Her enabling doctor classifies what happened over that fateful dinner as “sounds like bullying” and then encourages Porsha to attend the trip to practice what she’s learned.

Proving that not-so-great minds think alike, Cynthia meets Matt for a chat about his latest Moore Manor incident, and they are both wearing the same hat. Oh how fun. Twinning!

Cynthia talks to Matt Jordan

First of all, why is Kenya, a woman in her 40’s, sending her friend to talk to her boyfriend? And even worse: Cynthia TAKES NOTES on the conversation like this is some sort of diplomatic summit for middle schoolers. Instead of breaking windows at Moore Manor to get Kenya’s attention, Matt ought to grab a boombox and stand outside her window blasting love songs. Although that driveway is so treacherous he’d probably fall into the ravine never to be heard from again. #ThingsThatGoBumpInTheNight

I just have no words for this idiotic conversation between Cynthia and Matt. Cynthia encouraging Matt to ‘work through’ his issues with Kenya was totally foolish! Cynthia feels their issues can be boiled down to Kenya being a “drama queen” and Matt being a “drama king” and two dramas make a big ol’ mess. I don’t know what was in that notebook, but I can only imagine it was a draft for a “boyfriend contract.”

RELATED – Kenya Says She’s A Rich Bitch!

When Kenya visits Cynthia at Lake Bailey for the full report, Cynthia pulls out her notebook and remembers she told Matt that Kenya is “definitely” a drama queen. When Kenya presses for clarification, Cynthia sighs, “You’re… Kenya Moore,” as if that explains everything. And really it does.

Kenya and Cynthia fight over Matt

Kenya certainly proved Cynthia’s point by going off on a twirling rant about how Cynthia never takes her side and is flaky. Um… uhhhhh… yeah. Duh. And Kenya’s spirit animal being Krayonce, explains why she had her friend even talking to her “estranged boyfriend,” as Bravo is now titling Matt. Speaking of, that is just about the saddest thing I have ever seen on this show. Like, Kenya, you are spending your entire RHOA paycheck replacing the same damn garage window – time to let this man go, Kenya! You don’t need Cynthia to sit him down in a public park to figure out this relationship is going nowhere!

Cynthia tries to explain to Kenya, but she just starts running away and Cynthia is reduced to chasing her. Well Kenya certainly got a taste of her own medicine – last week she was trailing Porsha demanding she stay and talk things out; this time she’s begging Cynthia to leave her alone as she runs away with Cynthia hot on her stallion booty.

Shamea Morton is getting married and, even though Porsha is Shamea’s BFF of ten years, Kandi is the one throwing Shamea’s engagement party. It’s supposed to be a “white party” (does Bravo get a percentage every time someone throws a ‘white party?), but none of the Housewives got the memo. Maybe Johnnie, Kandi’s former party planner, sabotaged?

Sheree gets messy again

Sheree‘s new +1, Marlo, is in tow, and these two together can only mean trouble. The bad kind  of trouble you sense from a mile away, from the top of the Moore Manor driveway. Despite their issues, Kandi did invite Porsha, but Porsha skipped the party. When Shamea realizes Porsha isn’t there she actually starts crying.

Shamea makes some accusations about Phaedra

That’s when Sheree decides is the perfect time to mention that Porsha didn’t defend Shamea when Phaedra accused her of f–king every married man in Atlanta. Even though Porsha defended Phaedra against Shamea’s comments. A furious Shamea reveals that Phaedra is known as the “head queen,” and vows to “hit Porsha up” (over champagne) for an explanation.

Over at Shamea’s house, Porsha is looking worn out and rough, with a crusty askew part, and she doesn’t have much to say for herself about being a bad friend. Pulling a Bill Clinton, she “can’t recall” a lot of things. Like where was she when Phaedra made her comments, or where was she when Shamea was having her engagement party. Porsha whines that she didn’t want the party to become all about her drama with Kandi, but as Shamea pointed out, it did anyway when she didn’t show up.

Shamea confronts Porsha

Echoing Porsha’s warning to Phaedra about Kenya, Shamea warns Porsha not to trust Phaedra, who’s a “fake friend.” This is sad – this seems like a real friendship and it’s now going down the Bravo drain.

I wouldn’t want to get on a bus and head out into the woods with any of these women, but duty calls. Duty also called Marlo and Kandi’s new friend Hazel. Who?! Yes, exactly.

Duty also apparently sent out pre-glamping party invites to both Sheree and Kenya’s unfinished homes, except we only got to experience Southern Hospitality at Kenya’s. Chateau Sheree cannot be entered.

Kenya & Cynthia

While Kenya welcomes the ladies INSIDE with fresh flowers and more croissants than a continental buffet, Sheree has a plastic folding table outside like a little league concession stand. I’ve seen bake sales with more class than Miss I like Things Elegant and Sophisticated’s display. It was mini muffins straight from the supermarket cellophane.

At least Cynthia and Kenya are able to work out their disagreement over Matt before the trip. The same can’t be said about Phaedra and Porsha. Phaedra still has no idea if Porsha is even coming since they haven’t spoken.

Predictably only the so-called “rejects’ join Sheree at her porch side party. Marlo arrives and they’re reduced to sitting in her car with the AC running since it’s so hot. Without warning, out of nowhere, leaps Porsha with her sister Lauren, and surprise! She’s coming glamping!

Chateau Sheree Welcomes visitors

After her conversation with Shamea, Porsha is upset with Sheree’s “messiness.” She pulls her to one side of the porch for a talk. Porsha complains that Sheree’s messiness has gotten her in the middle of situations with two friends. That’s when she realizes Phaedra isn’t at Sheree’s because she’s over in enemy territory with her new friend Krack. Hey – better muffins and AC, I know where I’m waiting for my ride!

When Kandi arrives at Kenya’s with Hazel, Phaedra reveals that the plan is to spend the first night actually ‘roughing it’ in the woods and then, as a reward, they’ll be glamping the other nights. As a prequel to what’s to come, they’re forced to haul all their luggage to the top of Kenya’s driveway because it’s too steep and narrow for the bus to fit. After waiting and waiting in the hot sun, amid the shadows of the vacant Chateau Sheree, a restless Porsha decides they need to investigate if Phaedra has defected to the nearby enemy lair. As they wander down the wooded road, in what has all the makings of Friday The 13th, they spot the ghoulish bus lingering beside Kenya’s driveway.

Porsha defends herself again

Everyone was expecting Porsha to skip the trip, there were few joyful faces when she popped onto the bus unexpectedly! Even worse, because she brought Lauren. Porsha produces a “doctor’s note” to prove her ‘support’ was recommended by her therapist. See I don’t get why this is a problem? No one said boo about Marlo or Hazel’s presence? So it’s only Bring A Friend To Work Day if your name isn’t Porsha?

RELATED – NeNe Calls Phaedra & Porsha Fake Friends!

Instead Kenya and Kandi – again – start arguing with Porsha about her so-called “mental issues.” There’s a whole list of words Porsha is not allowed to use to describe her feelings: “attack,” “condescending” (which according to Kandi is “such bullshit”), or “made fun of”… Kenya dismisses Porsha’s reasons for being defensive and evasive over dinner, as more of her blaming other people for her bad behavior.

Kenya dismisses Porsha's excuses

Porsha offers the checkmate, though, when she declares that in all her anger management experience she recognizes that Kenya also has that anger inside. After Kandi and Kenya got on Porsha for “being defensive” for merely asking questions about her therapy, Kenya saltily snaps that Porsha should worry about herself, not Kenya.

This, from the woman who is so preoccupied with everything Porsha is doing, she’s chasing her down the street? Sounds like Kenya needs to take her own damn advice!


[Photo Credits: Bravo]