Is it just me, or is Southern Charm not as charming as it once was? The premise was great when these folks were in their twenties, but mid-thirties frat boys just aren’t as entertaining. Don’t get me wrong, I still adore the show, but I’m nostalgic for the good old days of bar hopping and bed-hopping when it was funny…not semi-pathetic. Maybe I’m just in a mood…
The drama of last week’s episode seems all but forgotten (if only that were true!) as the Charmers prepare for their day. Craig Conover’s ADD interferes with cleaning up after his party, and Kathryn Dennis is getting a spray tan that will no doubt look completely natural. Speaking of natural, nothing looks more normal than Patricia Altschul’s butler Michael pulling her Bentley through the Mac Donald’s drive-thru. She’s craving a cheeseburger with no
ketchup tomato. She reveals that her guiltiest pleasures are Mickey D’s, Costco hot dogs, and Taco Bell tacos. In fact, Patricia prefers her fast food to the finest French cuisine. She nibbles on her number one in the backseat with a cloth napkin (not paper!) and glass of Cabernet while Michael toodles her around Charleston. What a life!
Also running for the border is Cameran Eubanks who delivers some Taco Bell to Shep Rose. He’s considering selling his house so he can build on a nearby lot. Cameran advises against such an undertaking, and as they chat she wisely refuses to take a seat. Shep loves to do the deed on his sofas—he doesn’t like to have sex the old fashioned way…in a bed. While Cameran cringes at this information, Shep details what she missed the previous night after leaving Craig’s party. Cameran isn’t surprised to learn that Kathryn got mad at Danni Baird just for sharing her feelings. Kathryn’s MO is pushing people away, and that is precisely why Cameran has always kept her at arm’s length.
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Downtown, Kathryn isn’t keeping her new disgraced politician beau Joe Abruzzo at arm’s length. She welcomes him into her over-priced rental and serves him dinner on her grandmother’s china. She has such fond memories of formal family suppers with elaborate place settings, freshly pressed linens, and home-cooked meals. While Kathryn can’t cook like her grandmother, she can certainly plate some take-out and pretend, and her new man is none the wiser…he’s too busy saving her from severing an artery when she tries to trim the stems on the hydrangeas he brought.
He also brought her a bottle of wine, which is a strange gift for someone in recovery, but he may need a drink with this meal. Kathryn shares that she wasn’t initially attracted to this guy, but he’s helpful and pulls out her chair, so he’s a keeper. She’s not used to such manners! They bond over their love of Olive Garden. I’m not saying he wants to be on a reality show, but if he does, he should have gone for Jersey Shore.
Shep, Craig, and Austen Kroll convene on Half Moon to stock up on sleeping bags and camping gear for their upcoming attempt at making Austen forget about Madison LeCroy. The guys are excited to be taking an RV to Tennessee, and Austen is even going to bring the only three cases of his beer that exist so he can drown his sorrows.
He may need to throw in a case of Bud Lite, as he’s going to need to reinforcements when he learns that his ex-girlfriend Chelsea Meissner is discussing going into his business with more recent ex Madison. Their chat turns to how much Madison despises Shep. He called her a white trash hairdresser, but she grew up at a country club. With the value placed on such superficial things, I’m shocked Madison and Shep aren’t besties! Both Chelsea and Madison believe Shep’s influence paid a part in Austen calling it quits with Madison.
On the day of the RV’s maiden voyage, I am thrilled to learn the boys have a designated driver. Craig gives Whitney Sudler-Smith a tour of their motel on wheels, and you can see Whitney trying to plan his escape before they ever leave the driveway. Austen arrives with his small supply of beer, and Shep arrives with a torn ACL thanks to a rogue mechanical bull incident. As they head down the interstate, Whitney recalls when he was the Bieber of punk rock. His tour bus was far better than this hunk of junk. The guys gossip about the rift between Kathryn and Danni. Austen respects Kathryn’s need for privacy, but Shep defends Danni’s blind support of Kathryn throughout their friendship.
Danni and Naomie Olindo go horseback riding with Recent College Grad who, after cheating death, wants to make every relationship count. After Eliza Limehouse’s behavior at Ms. Pat’s dinner party, Naomie is wary of the new girl, but she knows firsthand that everyone deserves a storyline. The girls are willing to give Eliza a chance, but we all know that women in their mid-thirties likely have little in common with a girl who can barely legally drink.
The ladies trot and bond, with Eliza taking the opportunity to share her near death experience. She wants to choose happiness and leave the drama behind. Naomie admits that she felt Eliza was overcompensating at the dinner party. Danni discusses the fallout regarding her fight with Kathryn, and Eliza can relate given her family’s history in society. She blames the
limehouse limelight for negatively affecting Kathryn.
The RV trip is going as planned with bodily odors and window malfunctions. Craig wonders about Madison’s text screenshots to Chelsea, and Shep pressures Austen to pursue some break-up sex with strangers. Austen tries to deflect, stating that he isn’t going to get into the downfall of his relationship until Whitney admits to sleeping with Kathryn.
Back in Charleston, Cameran is teary over packing up Palmer’s outgrown clothes. Talking to her husband Jason Wimberly, she probes for questions to ask the nannies she is going to interview. Cameran feels guilty for wanting to go back to work, but she needs her adult time. She asks the first prospect some serious inquiries, but Cameran really needs to know her stance on astrology. Also, is this lady a good driver?
Shep, Austen, Whitney, and Craig arrive at the campsite, and bless the poor souls who are sharing the space with them. Solo cups and firewood set the scene for their personal deliverance. Strong men build fires and debate metal bands. If there is an apocalypse, these bros will not survive. The driver wisely exits stage left as Shep and Craig attempt a canned corn feast. Craig and Shep are at each other’s throats over the grill, and Whitney proves to be a horrible travel mate.
Craig’s temper escalates, and his friends enjoy pushing his buttons to a level of awkward I don’t enjoy watching. Austen tries to mitigate the situation, but just like with his beer making, he’s failing. Craig’s anger results in a food fight. He is over the negativity, but Shep and Whitney haze him to return their vitriol. When Craig bitterly retreats to bed, Austen begs Whitney and Shep to make peace. He’s starting to realize that his friends may be better suited as enemies.
TELL US – WHAT DID YOU THINK OF LAST NIGHT’S EPISODE? WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON PATRICIA’S GUILTY PLEASURES?
[Photo Credit: Bravo]