Below Deck Sailing Yacht Recap: Smexual Smension

On last night’s Below Deck Sailing Yacht Adam Glick and Jenna MacGillivrays relationship grew muuuuch closer while Paget Berry and Ciara Duggan drifted further apart. Seeing a baby on board must’ve made Paget fear the pressing threat of potential ginger babies all the more!

It’s midway through charter 3 and already the crew is falling apart. They’re at each other’s throats, either because like Adam and Jenna they’re trying to kiss it, or because the constant grind of ironing out whose responsibilities belong to whom is causing tensions. It seems that neither Paget nor Jenna are very effective at squashing these issues, namely becuase they seem distracted by personal situations. And then there is happy-go-lucky (but alone) Captain Glenn Shephard and his trusty first mate/engineer Byron Hissey to inject a much-needed dose of sarcasm into the ebb and flow of back-biting and bitching.

The charter guests have their one month old daughter Angelica on board with them, but the person doing the most crying is Parker McCown. Parker is irritating everyone (except Madison Stalker), doesn’t seem to understand that his bratty entitled attitude is the culprit. Parker literally acts 14. And honestly these charter guests were supremely chill and nice. Other than the craziness of bringing a newborn to a foreign country and then loading her onto a boat, that is!

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After their first dinner the guests head out for a late-night beach campfire. Seconds before they’re leaving Jenna informs Madison that she’ll be accompanying them. Madison, the girl who eagerly dubbed herself the energizer bunny whose never is too tired for another task, is suddenly regretting that and complaining about being too tired. The problem seems to be that Georgia Grobler can’t handle anything. Laundry is still a freaking mess, she takes forever to do cabins, and she gets snippy and bitchy when Jenna asks her to do her actual job. Of course Janna isn’t helping things by running to Adam to vent every time Georgia rolls her eyes, teenager-style.

Below Deck Sailing Yacht Madison

When Madison returns from the campfire at midnight, she is greeted by Georgia passing her a pile of guest laundry that still needs to be completed as she trots off to bed. It looked like everything else had been cleaned up, but Madison wound up staying up until 4:30 am (only so she could catch Parker as he was coming on his 4am shift), then still didn’t finish the guest laundry. Not that she should have!! Georiga wakes up and is furious to discover that she must finish her own tasks.

Jenna MacGillivray Georgia Grobler Below Deck Sailing Yacht

Trying to be more professional, or something, Jenna gives Georgia some praise and then promises that they’ll work together to find a solution for her time-management problems. That solution seems to be heaping more work onto Madison. Also Jenna apparently didn’t know that Georiga is still doling out laundry incorrectly so Paget winds up with somebody else’s underwear. Not that he minds having an excuse to come down to the laundry to flirt. Georiga teases that she assumed Paget’s waist size was larger because he’s so manly, and Paget turns the color of a scarlet letter.

Paget Berry Georgia Grobler Below Deck Sailing Yacht

Paget’s flirting is reminiscent of Masterpiece Theater set in 1920’s. He actually uses the word “sensual” to describe Georiga’s radio voice. Maybe some girls are into living their grandma’s romances, or maybe in an era of Tinder it’s nice to get some old style charm, which Paget possesses because he’s been trapped on a barge with Ciara since he was practically in diapers. Therefore he has no inkling that the world has progressed beyond radio dramas and hooped skirts. We have podcasts now, P! Needless to say Paget seems quite titillated by his little laundry-room vocal trysts with Georgia, and Georiga seems quite content to accept his affections. However chaste.

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Unfortunately Ciara is starting to notice that Paget’s attentions are elsewhere. He treats her like his workmate, and is bossing her around like she’s a regular-old second deckhand. Even worse Parker has also started giving Ciara directives, which puts her in a mansplaining sandwich. It’s all stale bread and moldy tomatoes. Basically no one wants to be squished between Parker, a petulant teenager and Paget, a doddering daddy-type.

First Parker has the nerve to come out on deck without his polo. A cardinal sin if every there is one on Below Deck. Worse than even not answering the radio! When Jenna redirects him he complains that he should only have to wear his uniform if the sails are up. Basically Parker doesn’t get that the uniforms are REQUIRED for the job. Paget is ruffled and furious as he insists Parker go change.

Over lunch Parker lectures Ciara for eating at the same time as him because Paget wanted one deckhand stationed at all times. Ciara resents being condescended to by her underling, and that Parker is relying messages from Paget instead of Paget doing so himself. The reality is that it’s Parker’s tone. Ciara abandons her lunch and stomps onto the deck while Parker casually resumes eating. As lowest man on the totem pole, shouldn’t Ciara get to eat before him? Then they bicker over washing the tender cushions.

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With guests waiting to be taken ashore for pre-dinner cocktails, Paget finds himself mediating an argument between Parker and Ciara about pecking order. Jenna has to literally demand they all shut up and focus on the priorities, ala the guests, who literally have an infant strapped into a car seat. Of course while all the arguing is going on, Ciara forgot to put the cushion covers back on so she must rush to do that, further delaying the guests departure. PARENTS NEED COCKTAILS, PEOPLE.

Parker McCown Below Deck Sailing Yacht

Just when Parker couldn’t get any petulant he sulks and has a tantrum when Jenna tells him he can’t drink the soda waters reserved for the guests. Jenna tries to explain that if Parker wants something he has to put it on the crew order sheet, but he whines that Adam gets to have them. Which means it’s time for Jenna to go mean mommy and tell Parker that his attitude is pissing people off. Parker needs a time out and to watch his backtalk before it his mouth gets washed out with soap — and DO NOT think that Jenna won’t do that!

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Once the guests are dressed for dinner Madison decides to take it upon herself to start turn-downs without informing Jenna, who finds out when she radios Madison for help with dinner service. She is not impressed. Madison is finding herself trapped between Georiga’s incompetence, where she is expected to pick up the slack, and Jenna’s abruptness, where Madison is expected to be always at the ready to complete a task.

We all knew that the Madison/Georgia sisterhood of the traveling grudge was going to start to fray, and fray it does over laundry. Georiga has the audacity to complain to Madison about not getting things done and being unreliable, which shows just how entitled (and perfect for Parker), Georgia is! To her credit Madion calls Georgia out for speaking to her so rudely, then gets over it immediately and starts doing Georgia’s work for her. Madison compares them to bros who fight and then make up and party seconds later. I have a feeling that one bro, who happened to be named Parker, will soon becoming between them though!

Adam Glick Below Deck Sailing Yacht

But for now they can still bond over their mutual hatred of Jenna. Georgia doesn’t trust Jenna because she dared to tell Adam that Georgia was upset with him. Madison is disgusted that Jenna is more focused on flirting with Adam than doing her job. Well, appeasing the chef is the chief stew’s most important role, is it not!? Food = love, and as Jenna notes she and Adam certainly have “smexual schmesnion”. Which doesn’t seem to be distracting Adam from doing his job! It also seems that Jenna gets a lot done, but Madison is grossed out watching her yacht-parents flirt in the galley as she has to stand by, sulkily waiting to take plates.

Captain Glenn got his own little taste of flirtation from the primary. She asks him to join them for dinner, but he’s more awkward than Paget. Way more. Geriatric love, y’all, is so super cute though. They seemed to have exchanged numbers, though, because as she departs the following morning they promise to keep in touch. Giving Glenn a reason to do so the guests left a hefty tip. They were great: low-key and appreciative, and really wanting to partake in all the things Corfu had to offer, not just sitting on the boat complaining about food and wanting non-stop cocktails. Next week will seemingly be the complete opposite!

Captain Glenn is proud of the crew, but recognizes that tensions are starting to arise. He compares being a captain to having 9 foster children he has to monitor, so at the tip meeting he reminds them all to keep their professional faces on when guests are present. Then it’s time to party! Unlike regular Below Deck when this group goes out they don’t get hammered, but basically have fun and keep the drinking to a minimum. Well, minus the hot tub incident!

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During dinner Georgia flirts with Paget in such an obvious way that Ciara notices, and pouts. She then refuses to engage when they go to a club afterwards. Paget spends the entire evening wistfully watching everyone have fun while trying to cajole Ciara, who just wants Paget all to herself. She resents that Paget wants to go out with a group instead of spending their precious free-time one-on-one. Ciara gets so frustrated she starts crying at the club, prompting Madison to come over to cheer her up by shoving Ciara’s sober and snotty face into her boobs. Bonding!

Ciara Duggan Below Deck Sailing Yacht

Ciara admits that growing up in a cult on a boat, surrounded by only her family, has made it difficult to connect with her peers, especially other women. She has no girl friends. Well, basically no one but Paget, and suddenly Paget is discovering this brave new world called other women!

Madison, meanwhile, is making no headway with Parker. She assumes he has no idea she likes him, despite her awkward attempts at flirting and dancing like Elaine from Seinfeld, but Parker does notice and is keeping her at a distance until he starts to feel some feels. According to Parker, “It takes Parker a long time to fall in love.”

As we all well know it does not take Adam a long time to fall in love! After spending the evening exploring smexual smension with Jenna (who has learned from her hot tub mistake not to get too drunk and horny ), they make it back to the boat and cuddle on the captain’s bench, watching the stars. Adam reveals that he likes Jenna a lot and is attracted to her. Obviously the feeling is mutual, and they start making out. It was cute, and normal. Then he walks her back to her cabin and goes his separate way. These two seem to sincerely like each other and have a legit connection. Am I crazy for thinking they may actually have a chance at a legit romance that survives after the yacht docks?

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Speaking of docks, the next morning Paget and Captain Glenn leave the boat on various errands and Ciara notices that the boat is literally crashing into the dock, scraping the prowl? stern? As Ciara frantically runs through the boat searching for anyone who could help, it seems that everyone has disappeared. Is this her worst nightmare, a horror movie come to life!? Has Paget absconded with Georiga to join a traveling minstrel group in Romania? Have they all fallen down a tunnel inside the washing machine and will reemerge at a distant island off the Adriatic coast? Where has everyone gone?!


[Photo Credits: Bravo]