I’m not saying that Real Housewives of New Jersey is recycling old storylines and creating manufactured drama, but I’m not NOT going to say that. I guess it’s the curse of all of the long-running franchises, but sheesh! Joe Gorga, spend time with your dad. It will appease your sister Teresa Giudice. And she’ll go easier on your wife Melissa Gorga. However, what will become of your wife’s storyline if this happens? Also, newbies, stop trying so hard to be relevant. The pot stirring, the Chanel obsession, the article writing! Jackie Goldschneider and Jennifer Aydin are overachievers in this department. I guess they learned from watching the likes of Dolores Catania and Danielle Staub (except for the writing part). Exhausted, party of one here!
Back from Bimini, the women are easing back into their daily Jersey routines which includes coffee for Margaret Josephs and lots of screaming kids for the others. Dolores is still harping on ex-husband and roommate Frank Catania for omitting his whole “I got disbarred” conversation from their narrative. Across town, Jackie is lunching with Melissa who is stressing over the party she’s throwing for her son Joey’s first communion. Haven’t the Gorgas learned to keep their drama out of the church, especially where Joey is concerned? Jackie questions the status of Melissa and Tre’s relationship. Then, Melissa shares they two reconciled in Bimini. Jackie reveals that she’s sought the counsel of Dolores, but she’s not yet willing to extend the olive branch. Melissa hopes that Jackie will make her life easier by being the bigger person. Obviously, she knows she can’t count on Teresa for that!
On last night’s Real Housewives of New JerseyDanielle Staub finally got her happily ever after…at least for a few months. The ladies wake up to the beauty of Bimini, and Teresa Giudice and brother Joe Gorga are finally getting along and bonding over some dumbbells. How appropriate! Margaret Josephs and husband Joe Benigno are also in tropical bliss. Melissa Gorga has foregone the weights for tanning oil to prep for Danielle’s bride squad photo shoot. Everyone is still reeling from Danielle’s comments about soon-to-be husband’s Marty Cafferty’s children. Margaret warns Joe to tread lightly if the guys take Marty out for some pre-ceremony bro shenanigans. Teresa calls Dolores Catania who isn’t the least bit sad she’s not included in nemesis Danielle’s big day. After hearing the previous evening’s dinner drama, she wonders if Danielle will even make it down the aisle.
Danielle is micromanaging her photo shoot, and I feel terrible for her beautiful daughters. The former housewife is disappointed that her tribe of bridesmaids isn’t constantly at her beck and call. Marge is concerned about being a girl that loves cheese in a group of skinny Minnies, and Danielle is peeved when Margaret refuses to take off her lacy pants. Thankfully she’s distracted by her desire to have a Baywatch strut photo and begins screaming out orders for that.
Last night we received a small reprieve from all the Gorga in-fighting on Real Housewives of New Jersey While Teresa Giudice still carries resentment for her sister-in-law Melissa Gorga, she has honed on Melissa’s volunteer mouthpiece Jackie Goldschneider. In case you didn’t hear her the first fifteen times she said it, Jackie isn’t scared of Tre. Teresa isn’t without her own henchmen thanks to loyal Dolores Catania and Danielle Staub, whose diva demands are finally making the show watchable, IMHO. Margaret Josephs “can’t even” with the bridezilla, which sucks for her since she’s the Matron of Honor. I am digging on Marge, Junior this season, for sure!
Margaret is hosting a brunch on her Studio 54 set in hopes of bringing back those positive vibes from last season…or two seasons ago…or five…wait, she just wants croissants. Melissa and Jackie are stewing over Tre’s ridiculous claims that wives should control their husbands about all things non-penitentiary related. Tensions are running high as Teresa arrives. Dolores has her friend’s back, but she’s hoping for a drama-free event as she’s really enjoying Melissa these days. The women joke about Danielle’s stripper fueled journey to monogamy, and Dolores cringes over being in the same room with her nemesis.
It felt like there were Real Housewives meetups happening all over the country this week. Or at least that’s what it seemed like when I scroll through my Instagram feed. Kandi Burruss supported Beverly Hills Housewife Erika Jayne at her Atlanta concert. Potomac Housewives Gizelle Bryant hung out with Real Housewives of Atlanta OG NeNe Leakes. Warning: they applied way too much airbrush to their IG photo. Cynthia Bailey left the ATL to hang out with Dorinda Medley in New York City.
Real Housewives of Dallas stars Stephanie Hollman and Brandi Redmond shared photos hanging with their kids. Meanwhile, their costar Cary Deuber shared a photo of her face all marked up and ready for a cosmetic procedure. Orange County Housewife Shannon Beadorfollowed her lead. Shannon posted a photo of herself getting some cosmetic enhancements. This is a social media trend that I just don’t understand.
Last night on Real Housewives of New Jersey, we were reminded of why Danielle Staub is basically the worst – and that she’s truly in her element while on stage with men gyrating all over her. Since that’s exactly what the ladies served up for her bachelorette party, we got to see the many faces of Danielle go from full on rage to frightening glee all within a 30 minute timeframe. Even though Margaret Josephs was the ambassador of Danielle’s dreams, all she had to show for it at the end of the episode was a huge party planning bill and a chewing out.
Margaret was also put in charge of buying penis straws and dildos for Danielle’s big night. So we find her in the store looking for the “classy” items Danielle would approve of. Ahh…’twill be a night to remember! They shall celebrate Danielle’s last night of freedom in style before her marriage to Marty Caffrey, which will last approximately 4 seconds before restraining orders and divorce papers are filed. But who’s counting?