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Below Deck Mediterranean Recap

Below Deck Mediterranean Kiko Lorran-2

Welcome back to another week of Below Deck Mediterranean: Docked Edition. That’s right yachties, we are still stuck on the dock. Which is basically every charter guest, captain and real yachtie’s worst nightmare.

This week, the crew’s third charter remains all tied up with nowhere to go. However, that doesn’t stop the charter season — or the drama — from creating waves aboard The Wellington. From Chef Kiko Lorran being tasked with a nearly insurmountable challenge to Hannah Ferrier and Bugsy Drake finally confronting their lingering tension from charter seasons past, the episode does a decent job of serving up the smoke and mirrors to distract us all from the fact that this boat’s not leaving the harbor. 

Below Deck Mediterranean Bugsy Drake Captain Sandy Yawn Malia White

What’s a crew to do when The Wellington has to stay docked for an entire charter? Looks like we’re about to find out on this week’s episode of Below Deck Mediterranean! In the closing moments of last week, Bugsy Drake brought a (literal) storm along for her return to Below Deck Med, and the torrential downpour isn’t letting up any time soon. Could this be a bad omen for the veteran second stew’s return?

But before we get ahead of ourselves, let’s handle some housekeeping, shall we? Did anyone clock that Pete Hunziker has officially been removed from the show’s opening credits? It’s worth nothing, considering the lead deckhand was brusquely fired from the show after posting a perversely racist image on social media. In the aftermath of his firing, Bravo and 51 Minds vowed to “minimize” the yachtie’s appearances throughout the remainder of the season. This seems like an obvious first step. However, we can still expect to see less of Pete as the charter season goes on. (Well, and Bravo’s editing catches up with his ouster).

Below Deck Mediterranean Kiko Lorran Hannah Ferrier

Wow, so much has happened in just one week in the Below Deck universe! Last week, Pete Hunziker was gearing up to be the lead deckhand we all love to hate because of his condescending, misogynistic attitude on board The Wellington. This week, Pete’s been terminated from Below Deck Mediterranean altogether because of a vilely racist social media post.

For the remainder of the season, Bravo and 51 Minds, the show’s production company, will be editing around Pete to remove him from as much footage as possible. Of course, there’s wasn’t enough turnaround time to re-edit this week’s episode, so it will be interesting to see when the lead deckhand starts disappearing from the charter season. However, for the time being, we’ll still include Pete in our recaps. That is, with the context that we’ll soon be seeing the last of him.

Below deck Mediterranean Hannah Ferrier

Wow. Lara Flumani has set a new record for the worst stews in the history of Below Deck Mediterranean. And that is a show that has no shortage of emotionally challenging stewardesses! It’s almost like the editors wanted to give Hannah Ferrier a redemption send-off so they hired a person who would definitely make Hannah look good, no matter what.

Lara and Hannah just can’t seem to find any common ground. I blame Lara who views the entire world as being made of extra sharp knives she has to walk over. I refuse to believe she was some sort of super stew, as she claimed on her CV.

Lara has decided that Hannah is not her boss because she doesn’t like to be bossed, whereas Hannah has decided that Lara definitely needs to be bossed. And sassed. Honey. While the guests are playing an after-dinner drinking game, Lara and Hannah are arguing while clearing the table. This all came about because Lara feels condescended to by Hannah requesting she do 3rd stew responsibilities because she has a bad attitude. So hat does Lara do but fight bad attitude with a bad attitude.

Below Deck Mediterranean Hannah Ferrier Malia White

Well Below Deck Mediterranean is back, but literally nothing changed. Hannah Ferrier is still obnoxious and a terrible chief stew, Captain Sandy Yawn is overbearing and phony. OK – changed my mind. One thing has changed: Malia White is here again but this time she is a bosun who has no time for the boys. Malia actually didn’t annoy me this episode. So that has also changed.

The crew is setting sail in Mallorca Spain aboard The Wellington, the biggest yacht they’ve ever had, which means we have a 4-person deck crew, two of whom are rejects from Jersey Shore.

Captain Sandy is on my last nerve before Hannah has even stepped onto the boat. She is practically choking on her own words when she claims to truly believe Hannah is a hard worker who wants to do a good job, which is why she hired her back. See, no, this is BS that absolutely no one believes. I hate when reality television so infringes upon actual credible reality – why can’t Sandy just say Bravo made me hire Hannah.

Captain Sandy Yawn Below Deck Meditattanean

Last night’s season finale of Below Deck Mediterranean was a tale of too little, too late backhanded compliments. I still think we need a reunion (and I’m super curious about the real reason that’s not happening, but unfortunately I’m not the one in charge over at Bravo) because one of the biggest questions I want answered is why Captain Sandy Yawn turned suddenly on Hannah Ferrier in the last gasps of the season.

Was it just an amalgamation of so many lazy moments that built up for Sandy? Was Sandy tired of feeling like Hannah wasn’t hearing her demands? Was Sandy influenced by Ben Robinson‘s opinion of Hannah?

But, seriously, why is Sandy – on the last day, of the last charter – upset that table is not set at 5am? Meanwhile the deck crew is just twiddling their thumbs. They put the slide up, they take the slide down, you do the jet ski pokey and you shake your whizz all around… Like what guest is going to wake up, and before they’ve had coffee, decide to take a brisk jet ski ride or slip down the slide?

Hannah Ferrier Below Deck Mediterranean

It’s the final charter of the charter season which means we’re almost at the end of the rope for Below Deck Mediterranean. The last charter is a bunch of financial guys from New Jersey or Cali or someplace that breeds tools like it does venereal disease and inflation.

The primary is actually named Randy Madrid. Which is a name no one actually has. It’s a stripper name.  Or what somebody changes their name to when escaping their criminal past or trailer park childhood. Basically, I expect Season 2 of Dirty John to be about someone named “Randy Mardid” who has 6 fake passports and a couple of baby mamas down in Idaho and Louisiana, and drives a mysterious Lamborghini to his computer job in the McDonald’s lobby. Which coincidentally is also where Colin Macy-O’Toole takes his dates.

Below Deck Mediterranean Recap: The White Gloves Are Off

Not a day goes by on Below Deck Mediterranean without kitchen issues, bad weather and Captain Sandy Yawn throwing a “Sandtrum” – aka, a Sandy tantrum – about something, then getting over it 2 seconds later to direct her wrath at someone else.

Sandy has 2 speeds: hugs and snugs – I love you like bananas, ice cream, and motor yacht docking –  or screams and yells. After a season of flying under the radar, Joao Franco and Hannah Ferrier both finally found themselves in Sandy’s crosshairs. Meanwhile, Travis Michalzik got all the love a Sandy can offer. You know it’s the end of the season when the chief stew and the bosun are in trouble!

High winds are rocking the Mediterranean as fall approaches, which is why it’s a bad idea to book your motor yacht vacation during discount season – especially if you’re prone to seasickness as guest Deana is. She’s literally crawling on the floor, moaning like her entrails are being ripped out. Hannah escorts her upstairs and gently rubs the inside of her wrists to help regain equilibrium. It’s not quite a taint, but Hannah jokes that she assumed her hand job days are over. Are they ever? Especially if one hopes to net a 65-year-old millionaire!