Comscore

Chandler Brooks

Rhylee Gerber

On last night’s Below Deck we got normal, nice charter guests in exchange for Rhylee Gerber, who is a few halibut short of a full net. (I have no idea how you catch halibut).

Rhylee is still freaking out about her drunken fight with Chandler Brooks which was about whether or not she’s allowed to scream at her boss the way a 15-year-old screams at her mother. In fact, Rhylee acts like an out of control teenager so we’re just gonna go with that metaphor. If you have teens or have just recently survived the parenting of adolescents, or in my mother’s case have never actually recovered even though your daughter is in her mid-thirties, then you know what I’m talking about. And I do believe Rhylee is in her 30’s, right? Or the sea, the sun, and the crazy is just not doing the things Bravo likes done to their skin (Botox). 

Kate Chastain - Below Deck Season 5

It’s so easy to get into watching Below Deck because there’s a new cast pretty much every season. Of course, Captain Lee Rosbach and Chief Stew Kate Chastain have stuck around, but other than that, it’s pretty much been a revolving door of crew members.

Not only do we have to “get to know” a bunch of new people this season, but we also going to see Captain Lee break down and cry according to some previews for the season. That is a lot to take in.

Chandler Brooks

Well that didn’t take long, did it? Before Below Deck‘s first charter even ended there’s already major drama between Chandler Brooks and lowest deckhand on the totem pole, Rhylee Gerber.

You could’ve spotted Ryhlee riding the crazy train from a mile away; tooting her horn and waving a flag that reads “SS ATTENTION WHORES.” It’s always the ones who go overboard trying to prove they’re normal that cause the most mess! Of course, Chandler isn’t doing himself any favors trying to run this boat like his name is Captain Lee Rosbach when he’s merely a bosun and his second in command Ross Inia is basically doing all the work.

Chandler’s little lips are so pinched they’re the tightest burrito Chipotle ever rolled and any Real Housewife worth her margarita salt would warn him about the wrinkles this will cause. As it stands Chandler and Rhylee are on two opposite ends of the reality TV spectrum and need to stop playing tug-a-war before it becomes an all-out war. Oh, wait… too late!

Below Deck Season 5 Premiere

Do my eyes deceive me? What of my ears?! Is it possible that Below Deck is filled with competent individuals who actually know what they’re doing in? Ahoy new maties, but I know y’all are not just professional yachties but professional drama-starters too.

After the devastation in the Caribbean Captain Lee Rosbach is anxious to explore the uncharted territory of Tahiti. Captain Lee fancies himself a regular-old Ponce de Leonce, explorer of a vast new world. Joining him to conquer the alcoholics of the high seas, is his intrepid first mate Kate “Champagne Is My Personal Jesus” Chastain.