This week’s episode of The Real Housewives of Melbourne opens with Pettifleur Berenger shopping for a car for her birthday present. Not just any car – she’s in the showroom taking a Bentley for test drive. She’s hoping her boyfriend foots the $450K bill because she has worked so hard and came from essentially nothing. She wants to make the sure mirrors are in top working order and would like to customize floor mirrors so she can constantly check herself out and not veer off the side of a cliff while driving. And I was hoping to just get a massage for my birthday.
Back at Lydia Schiavello’s house, where she’s hanging out with Figaro (her dog) and her mom. They browse through Figaro’s suitcase full of dog clothes as they prep him for a walk. That poor pup. During their walk Lydia spills that Janet Roach is 56 years old and that she’s in a better place with her and is trying her best to move on from the past year. This was a pointless scene IMO.
Last night was the season 2 premiere of The Real Housewives of Melbourne. Unfortunately, we had to say goodbye to the doctor’s wife, Andrea Moss. Two new wives are added to the crew this season: Gamble Breaux and Pettifleur Berenger! Good to know the insanity of names like the Apples and Pilot Inspektors of the U.S. have made their mark on the Aussies. I have never heard of Gamble or Pettifleur as I’m having a baby in a few weeks and have scoured the web for names and haven’t seen these at all. Not.Even. Once. Okie!
Chyka Keebaugh, Lydia Schiavello and Jackie Gillies meet for lunch and oy vey, they are already starting with the references about Lydia’s sex life and her newly dropped weight. Chyka asks how much coffee she is drinking and gross, here we go! Lydia responds that she drinks 8 cups (that’s a crap load of coffee per day IMO) and her heart is pounding and she quickly quips that she likes to get pounded all day. The waiter stops by the table to take her drink order and she shares that she likes wet p****es…but only as the drink and.. just STOP already! Day one and I can’t handle the superfluous sexual remarks coming out of Lydia’s mouth. Barf.
Speaking to E! News about season two, Jackie shared, “If you’ve seen season one my friend, I certainly have not changed anything. I always keep it real, I’m always very straightforward. I could probably swear a little less. It sounds much nicer in another language, like I usually swear in, but when you swear in English it sounds a bit more, uh, bloody awful.”
We begin with Lydia Schiavello and Andrea Moss having coffee and I squirm watching these two in cahoots about hating on everyone. They’re not even mean girls, they’re just bored and don’t have anything else to do. Lydia gets on the horn and calls Janet to be like, “why they he’ll you going to Gina’s fundraiser??!!”. Janet, who’s had enough of this fighting, is all, “I’m over bagging Gina”. Lydia and Andrea can’t handle that answer. Nope. They continue to berate Janet into not going and then blame their phone crashing for having to end the convo. Good for Janet! She’s over it (who isn’t at this point??!!) and is going to Gina Liano’s event regardless of Lydia and Andrea’s stupid reasoning.