The ladies of Real Housewives of Atlanta are having serious family problems this year. Luckily for us they still manage to throw shade and keep up the witty commentary.
Phaedra Parks and Apollo are still having married people problems. Problems that come when one of said married persons chooses to possibly allegedly perhaps send illicit texts to a person whom they are not married to. Made even worse when the sext recipient is said wife's booticious enemy!
Phaedra and her entourage are headed to Alabama where she attends mortuary school and is studying for exams. Speaking of the dead, Phaedra leaves Apollo with dead silence since they are not speaking. In Phaedra's study group she talks all things Phunerals by Phaedra including that a good week for Willie Watkins has 15 funerals and she assists.
Phaedra is considerably more real this season; like she seems to be less of the contrived Miz Parks, Southern Belle-nonsense and more like, 'I'm about to bury my husband and forget to embalm his manbits!'
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White Car Douchebag Convention!
Back in ATL, Apollo is seeking guidance from his mentor Peter! Now if that isn't a case of the blind leading the blind, I don't know what is. Peter tells Apollo he handled things with Phaedra all wrong. Apollo should have told Phaedra he only wants her on his d–k plus he should buy her a present. D–k in a box?
Why do I imagine Peter sending Cynthia Bailey a card for Valentine's Day that says: "Of all the ladies that could ride my disco stick, you're the one I want to forever."
Cynthia should have been monitoring those two better – they need parental guidance. Unfortunately Cynthia has other children to watch! Her daughter Noelle has her first boyfriend.
Cynthia and NeNe Leakes go grocery shopping since they're both trying to eat healthy-ish. Like Lean Pockets healthy. NeNe is so A-List Hollywood she hasn't been inside a supermarket since before the time of self-checkout. Strutting through the automatic doors she tosses her
Firkin Birkin to the cart guy and wonders what section is reserved for the real celebs. Like maybe the gourmet foods?
Instead she spots Cynthia waving desperately in produce. Sunglasses on, NeNe hides her face with a reusable grocery bag. "I don't want the paps to know I'm here. Grab me somma them DiGornos, I'm slumming it this week for old times sake!" Cynthia glows at having fun time with her bestie: the famous NeNe!
They have some girl talk over the mood lighting of the meat cooler and Cynthia asks NeNe's advice on Noelle's boyfriend. NeNe would not allow it and says Cynthia is acting like a friend and not a mom by even entertaining the idea. Cynthia wants to trust her daughter though even though she thinks they are way too young.
Cynthia invites Noelle's boyfriend Arthur (pronounced by Cynthia as Aurthor) over with his mom so the families can meet. Peter plays the intimidating
dick dad. Then Cynthia and Arthur's mom set some ground rules for the couple: i.e. no alone time ever!
Also, needing some ground rules is Mama Joyce. Who seriously needs a psych eval! She is so crazy worked up over Kandi Burruss' engagement to Todd she even accused Kandi's life-long best friend (and assistant) Carmen of having an affair with Todd in Kandi's own house. Carmen advises Kandi to get married and let her mama get over it.
When Todd returns home from a business trip he is unhappy to learn Joyce has been spreading gossip accusing him of cheating and he demands Kandi call her mom right then to set up a dinner so they can start working through their issues. Todd is tired of feeling villainized; he is devoted to Kandi and has given up a lot for their relationship. He had to quit his job on RHOA, in fact since it was a conflict of interest!
When Mama Joyce comes to dinner, I swear she's either sipping on the communion wine or off her meds 'cause she reads Todd the riot act in the form of Marvin Gaye gone cuckoo.
I don't know if Kandi slipped some acid in the salad or what but Joyce flipped out. Obviously trying to take a class at Phaedra Parks' School For The Dead Relationship she barely spoke to Todd, ignored him for the dog, and then called him an opportunist who is using Kandi for the money and the big fancy house.
She said Carmon looks like the "lady of the house" and accused Todd of being untrustworthy around Carmon cause people are talking about it. She also wants to know where all the photos of Kandi's mama are? It's all photos of Todd and Kandi, but none of Mama Joyce who is "nowhere to be seen!"
Then Kandi's ring is worthless and she lowered herself for Todd by choosing a ring that is too cheap. Mama Joyce is all over Todd about his low-budget career, how he doesn't provide monetary wealth because love and stability are worthless, apparently. I do not think Todd needs to discuss or defend his finances with Kandi's mother. He has a good job even if he isn't a millionaire! #IAintSayinSheAGoldDigginMama
Mama Joyce starts questioning Todd about signing a prenup. Todd graciously refuses to discuss the situation and maintains his composure. Instead of a prenup Todd needs to sign a protective order against his MIL! "Ain't no mountain high enough to keep me off your ass," she hisses.
"Is this a work in progress?" Todd asks. "Pie's good," Mama Joyce retorts leveling her eyes at him and stabbing her fork into her plate. "We're bonding! BONDING!" I'm officially scared. Kandi did nothing to soothe the situation except go in the kitchen and fuss with some aluminum foil. I love Todd.
Porsha Stewart isn't ready to accept that she's single again. She doesn't want to move into her own place because her mom "treats her like a princess" which is exactly why she married Kordell – to be babied and adored!. Despite looking at a great condo she wants to stay at her mom's, eat Bonbons and watch BAPS on Netflix. She and Mama Joyce both want to be taken care of in the manner they are accustomed to!
Finally, let's end with some equally unpredictable krazy! Krayonce Moore has found a house. And she's alllll excited to be moving. Miss Lawrence comes over to watch her christen the home with a twerk. Kenya calls NeNe to tell her the good news and NeNe recommends a handyman. "Does he unclog pipes," Krayonce giggles. Where's Kenya's Nigerian Prince to unclog her pipes?
Then she starts twirl-a-twerking around the kitchen singing, "I'm not homeless… I'm not homeless…", which is so gonna be her next song! You know, maybe Krayonce should adopt Mama Joyce... she apparently needs a new family since Kandi ditched her for a new boyfriend.
[Photo Credits: BravoTV.com]
TELL US – IS MAMA JOYCE OUT OF LINE OR DOES SHE HAVE GOOD REASON TO SUSPECT TODD?