Last night on Real Housewives of Orange County the dramas were as real as the friendships were fake. And Shannon Beador is about to learn a nasty lesson in Housewives betrayal – right on top of learning one about heartbreak. Why is this exactly the plot of a Lifetime Movie? Oh goody!
So, let's just break this down; either Tamra Barney's new doctor is injecting her with crazy-hormones (and by that I mean more crazy than usual hormones) or girlfriend is having a nervous breakdown. Of course, that still doesn't excuse her rancid personality and wretched two-faced-ness. Do personalities spoil like milk?
Tamra is still mad at Heather Dubrow for having a life beyond her or RHOC – and for daring to promote another gym on TV besides CUT Fitness. I mean that horrible hoochie-hussy – she is like single-handedly destroying Tamra's business. As if Tamra's behavior on RHOC isn't at allllll responsible for destroying her reputation.
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Because Heather is confused about what exactly is going on with Tamra (toxic hairspray inhalation?) she seeks out the so-called Tamra authority, Vicki Gunvalson. VIcki isn't surprised by Tamra's behavior; this is a pattern for Miss T. She pushes anyone away when they get too close, she tries to sabotage perfectly good friendship because she can't live life without drama and attention. Although it's not allll Tamra's fault, Heather is a bit much to take as well – she's been making Tammie Cakes feel "less than".
In a shocking reversal of all things natural, Vicki then admits to feeling like Heather is slumming it by being their friends and it makes her feel insecure. She also apologizes to Heather for talking about her. HUH? Ummm… maybe menopause has done Vicki good – it's turned her into a more rational, more sane, less annoying person. WOO HOO?
Enough about Tamra's glaring need for therapy, let's move on to some other poor crazy gal and her problems: Shannon – you're up! Shannon's marriage has been icier than vodka on the rocks for quite a while. And ironically Shannon has been having an affair and drowning her sorrows in Mr. Vodka – he's so nurturing. David gets up at the crack of dawn and goes to bed at 8:30, so poor Shannon sits alone at her antiquated desktop (dial-up?!), hugging her vodka and sniffling at the inspiration quote boards on Pinterest.
The next morning Shannon receives an email from David saying he wants to move out. Man – dumped on reality TV – by email – that's like a new low. Like super low-low. Shannon cries through confessional, confusing Andy Cohen with her personal therapist. Something tells me David is already installing wireless while buying Oreos and Lays Potato Chips. Freedom is different things to different people – in David's case it's probably Diet Pepsi and an iPhone. Oh, and never having to fondle a crystal again.
Lizzie Rovsek is also having issues – she wants a third kid, but she also wants a husband who helps and a career. Her mom is in town helping her sister with her newborn and this has Lizzie thinking about what her life would be like as a mom of three. She's tired of diapers, but she's trying to look at the long-term plan. She's also tired of wiping Christian's butt through this whole parenting process. Lizzie's mommy moments are cute and a nice diversion from this show of middle-aged mean girls.
Which sadly – here comes Tamra again. Tamra is all sour-faced and cranky (which does not mix well with her 'Look, I'm young! Botox) as she heads off to her 5 am Good Day LA call to shoot with now deposed friend Heather. The two haven't spoken since Tamra pitched a fit at Shannon's Christmas party over Heather on-purpose hurting her feelings. Heather pre-games with Terry about how to treat Tamra; Terry privately seems worried that Tamra might do something Tamra-esque to sabotage Heather.
Because everyone is running late, the producers haven't primed Heather on what the segment entails, and no one is awake enough to deal with inter-personal dramas on only one espresso, so Heather doesn't see Tamra before the segment. And unfortunately it's a hot mess, with them both playing keep-away on set as they struggle to passive aggressively ignore each other in an awkward territorial dance. Meanwhile, Eddie does push-ups.
Afterwards, Tamra is freaking out about how 'frosty' Heather was. In fact, Tamra thinks Heather planned to ignore them pre-set to sabotage their appearance on purpose. Yes Tamra, EVERYTHING Heather does is to intentionally destroy you – she's the most evil woman in the world. Sorry Kris Jenner – you've been trumped.
Eddie is over it. Tamra, playing Benjamin Button, matures in reverse and insists on acting 12, but Eddie tells her not to read too much into and instead talk to Heather. Tamra can't let go of why Heather was so distant – I dunno perhaps it was your backstabbing, or trying to form an anti-Heather militia at Shannon's party?
Still Tamra gives Heather a call and they meet for drinks – speaking of frosty. Tamra complains about Heather, Heather apologizes for the Good Day LA mix-up. Tamra accuses Heather of lying about what guests she booked, Heather denies it. But here's the bottom line: if Heather is your friend, believe her and let it go. And BE GRATEFUL that she featured your gym at all. Really, I don't care about Tamra's nonsense and she owes Heather the apology – not the other way around.
Finally Tamra brings up the real reason she was upset – Heather talked to Eddie about Tamra's desire to have a baby – and Tamra is over-whelmed and depressed over her custody issues with Simon. She's essentially using Heather as an emotional scapegoat. Heather apologizes profusely and comforts Tamra. Big mistake Heather – huge. Believing Tamra was sincere and will be loyal will only come back to haunt you – she is no one's friend. No one's.
And just as Tamra is lecturing Heather for gossiping about her personal issues, she turns around and betrays Shannon by telling Heather all about Shannon's marital issues, like David announcing he wants a divorce via email. It's so friend-like to gossip about something someone shared with you in confidence – especially with someone who dislikes that person.
At that moment Heather should have realized what type of person Tamra is, but instead she toasted to restoring the status quo and no longer being in Tamra's line of unfriendly fire. Girl is a one woman irascible torrent of destruction called Whorricane – she will destroy you. And even if Heather has no shadiness in her past, Tamra will make something up.
Poor Shannon, having no idea she is the victim of a storyline ruse, visits Tamra where she cries about her marriage. Tamra pretends to counsel Shannon, emphasizing with her about how she was Shannon four years ago. Shannon is desperate to save her marriage, for her daughters, since both she and David came from broken homes. Shannon admits she needs to stop treating her husband like a nagging bitch, which is how she passive-aggressively lashes out to him not making time for her or their relationship. These two need a counselor – but that person is NOT Tamra.
The whole time Shannon was crying on Tamra's Pier One discount sofa, I was cringing for her knowing that only one scene before Tamra was snidely giggling about her problems as a way to get Heather back in her good graces.
Also, Briana and Ryan found out they're having a boy by putting a bunch of helium balloons in a box and doing a surprise gender reveal. Vicki was hoping for a girl because she wants to smother her with good fashion advice or something, but alas, this just means Briana will have a third kid. According to Vicki. Congratulations Briana and Ryan!
[Photo Credits: BravoTV]
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