I finally figured what Sonja Morgan and Aviva Drescher like about each other – they’re both totally and utterly delusional! And they reinforce each other’s delusions. Seriously – was there a psychiatrist waiting in the wings of the Real Housewives of New York reunion?
Kristen Taekman got new boobs. As an anniversary present. Is this like a thing now – getting new boobs for the reunion? Ladies – the suddenly ballooning mummeries does not distract us from the drama.
Of course, almost immediately Kristen and Aviva are at each other’s throats over all of their arguments this season; specifically the time Aviva told Kristen to “Shut the f–k up” in front of their kids. Aviva does not apologize. At all. In fact she denounces Kristen as a “rookie” (I see someone has been rehearsing their insults in the mirror again!) and dismisses the whole things perfectly fine and normal. I mean kids hear the f-word. No biggie. I mean it’s just a word.
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LuAnn de Lesseps redirects Aviva that no, it doesn’t quite work that way. Dropping f-bombs at the Park Ave Paint By Numbers Emporium over polkadot pottery doesn’t exactly fly in classy company – she wrote the book, she would know. But alas, I guess when your parents are Aviva and Harry, and your grandfather is George, what’s a little curse word? Long story short: Aviva does not apologize and has no f–ks to give. Short story short: Avicious is psycho. She spends so much time with doctors, yet no psychiatrists? All those meds and nothing to mood stabilize?! #PsychMedsByBravo
Also, having no apologies to give are Ramona Singer and Sonja! First of all, they both deny calling LuAnn “LuMann” as an insult. It’s just because she looks likes like a tall statuesque drag queen – and wears headdresses. Um. No. Then of course, Andy wonders about Ramona’s combative nature. Ramona explains that she gets mad quick and forgives quick, so she expects others to do the same – which, she admits, is an error in judgement. LuAnn looked shocked by this realistic admission. Perhaps Ramona shouldn’t have been so quick to forgive Mario…
Pinot throwing a glass at Kristen is rehashed. Apparently there was a lot of blood, but shockingly the cameras made it look better than it was. LuAnn, a former showgirl and a former nurse, explain that there was sizable gash but lips are “very vascular” and heal quickly. Well, lookee here – I learned something from RHONY!
Andy compares it to last season when George grabbed Ramona’s arm and she labeled it assault and he wonders if she considers throwing things at Kristen assault. Ramona states that it comes down to “intentions”. Bullshit! It comes down to Ramona refusing to take accountability. Although, George is still repugnant.
Of course, Pinot cannot apologize. Oh no – first she becomes highly incensed about the material of the glass and refuses to let people refer to it as a “wine glass”, because it was plastic. She keeps interrupting people to snap, “It was plastic, not glass!” Kristen clarifies it was a “hard plastic.” Let’s just call it a plastic wine drinking apparatus – does that work? Whatever the case, you still threw it at someone’s face.
Then Ramona insists because wine is wet and the lake was wet, it doesn’t count. When everyone reminds her that she then threw an oar at Kristen, Ramona deflects by stating that throwing things isn’t classy or ladylike, but she just reacted. She demonstrates by flinging a plastic drinking apparatus (presumably that she brought as a prop) across the stage. Doesn’t it negate her point to throw something else? Pinot logic! Ramona – you’ve been hanging out with Avicous too long – enough excuses, just apologize!
Heather Thomson‘s myriad of skills and accomplishments are revisited. And her fight with Kristen - they quite literally are so over it, neither care. Aviva pays Heather a backhanded compliment by stating she handled the irrational Kristen well. Heather does not take the bait – stating that Aviva is just trying to butter her up in preparation for when she attacks Carole Radziwill later. Heather can add one more thing she’s good at to the list: deflecting backhanded compliments!
Andy asks Ramona about the disgusting comments George made to her and Ramona is so repulsed she won’t even discuss it. Let’s keep it that way – in fact let’s never discuss nor mention George again. And among his many infractions is that Aviva is his daughter. And sadly, we must discuss her. Let’s get all the Aviva nonsense out of the way.
Aviva still insists her asthma was so severe she could not fly, or drink tap water, or visit places where the cowboys roam – but she can of course blow plenty of hot air or scream and shout for hours. Basically believes that whether she has asthma or not, she used it as an excuse to get out of cast trips. I mean no one wanted to go on Krsiten’s stupid trip to Montana, but they all went. They all sucked it up, literally, and went along to Geocache and glamp and eat dinner with cow dung. But Aviva, well she just sucked her inhaler.
Aviva defends herself by stating, again, that she has a doctor to the stars – who treats many illustrious patients including Sir Andy Cohen, esteemed emigres of Housewives. Andy confirms that yes, he does have asthma and yes, he travels to Montana. Take that Aviva!
And finally, the curious case of Sonja Tremont Morgan, of the hopeless, hapless, trailer park Tremonts is discussed. It would seem that Sonja cannot decipher between a business in her head and a business that actually exists. Sonja and LuAnn are no longer friends; Sonja calls Lu a bully and says she’s unsupportive. Lu accuses Sonja of being jealous and putting her down every chance she gets. And also that she has changed so much since her first season on the show and it’s all really gone to her head. That, I’d agree with!
Carole and LuAnn are upset Sonja was so desperate for a free facial she allowed the woman to perpetuate a rumor that she slept with Carole’s man and that Lu is a miniature Frenchie seeking slut. Maybe she can date Kanye!
Sonja touts off about her success, her fabulous sexytimes (Ramona hushes her about not on TV because her daughter is watching) and how she was a model at 14 who invested her money in stocks. Then she invested in real estate and flipped houses. But she’s a “Lifestyle Expert” not a real estate flipper. (“She’s flipping out!” quips LuAnn.) Now Sonja is a branding expert who gets paid tens of thousands of dollars to create brands. Like that toaster oven to nowhere? That was a hot invisible mess! Did it pay her tens of thousands of dollars?
When Kristen, Carole, Heather, and LuAnn call her scattered and in denial, Sonja slams Josh’s business and snaps that she’s never seen EBoost in stores. “Your husband works for P. Diddy, but P. Diddy is vacationing on my yacht!” Kristen stands up and sings that Sonja is “Deluuuuuusionaaaaal!” I certainly hope this isn’t the next HW song.
Sonja doesn’t have a yacht! She has a $7 Million Dollar bankruptcy judgement. And a house with no hot water. And Caburlesque! And Aviva telling her that her ideas are great! And she doesn’t have employees – she has free interns named Ketchup or Rasberry Jam or Peach Schnapps and their job is to keep her from stumbling down the street in ripped panties that she purchased in 1987 when she was dating the Shah of Iran and he was staying with her in her 5-star Belgravia Boutique Hotel called the Morganista. It was known for its Alpaca Down Beds and wine made from the rarest of Tibetan grapes harvested only on the moon. She also has Wal-mart mystics and Pellgrino tasters and cat dance teachers and hamburger acupuncturists.
Everyone just shakes their heads sadly as Sonja rants about the shirt line she’s producing and the table cloths her interns are currently weaving in the tower of her town home, and she rambles about the gorgeous home she’s sold in France (it was sold by a bankruptcy trustee) and living off her investments (the boob job she got in 2002?). And her newest venture is wine in a can – does she mean the wine she dumps in a diet coke can to hide the fact that she’s drinking wine, cause she stole that trick from Ramona anyway. And it was all so very sad.
The bottom line is this – I don’t know what Sonja is sipping, but it’s probably from the Pinot Singer collection (cause she gets it for free!).
TELL US – WHO IS MORE DELUSIONAL: SONJA OR AVIVA?
Photo Credit: Bravo TV