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Vanderpump Rules certainly knows how to open with a bang! The season 3 premiere started off with Tom Sandoval‘s ex-girlfriend Kristen Doute accusing him of cheating on current girlfriend Ariana Madix with a mystery hookup in Miami

Tom 1 instantly denied the allegation, Ariana did as well, claiming that she knew all along this girl had hung out with Tom, and his co-stars Jax Taylor and Tom Schwartz during a promotional trip in Miami. And that nothing went on, despite Kristen’s attempts. Kristen and Tom 1 are still together and still seem happy! 

“I won’t name names, because that is not polite, but who are these weirdos talking to Scheana about Tom and I who don’t even know us?” Ariana wonders. “A conversation between Crazy #1 and Crazy #2 does not ‘hard proof’ make. ‘Texts to prove it’? I saw those texts months prior and I have more scandalous sounding conversations with my manager. ‘Selfies’? You mean one photo on a scooter at a gas station that was taken by Schwartz and sent to multiple people? Someone is using the ‘say something a bunch of times’ method of trying to make something true.”

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“If I’m not worried about it, its not something to worry about,” Ariana concludes. She also defends Scheana Marie Almost Famous for bringing the rumor to her in the first place. “Scheana has been one of the most loyal and incredible friends I have had in my life.”

Moving on Tom 1, thinks Kristen is diabolically, mentally unstable. “There are no text between me and this Miami girl that prove anything more than a social hangout in a group setting went down. The obvious reason is because absolutely NOTHING happened! Kristen is lying or at the very least reaching for something that doesn’t exist,” Tom explains.

I feel like we should just refer to this Mystery In Miami girl as “Tampon String.” Too crass?

“There was also NO selfie sent to this girl, only a pic that Schwartz took of me on a scooter as an excuse to stay away because Jax had invited these girls to hang out,” Tom 1 adds. “We kept our distance but didn’t want to make a big deal out it, especially because we had a feeling this girl was shady. Well it turns out we were right!”

“The fact that Kristen, and James [Kennedy] for that matter, are so interested in my personal life shows that they are not just ‘curious,’ as they put it, but full blown obsessed with trying to make me look like a jerk. After suffering the pain of Kristen hooking up with Jax (and lying about it repeatedly), I have done my best to move forward,” Tom 1 adds. “I have better things to do with my time than worry about Kristen and James and the crap they choose to immerse themselves in.” Better things to do, he explains, like be happy and have fun with Ariana, his “soulmate.”

As for Scheana’s involvement, Tom 1 defends her as well. “Scheana was obviously just upset and concerned for her best friend’s well being, which I completely understand. I feel like Scheana is beginning to realize that being friends with Kristen, who is actively out to sabotage Ariana and I every chance she gets, is not going to be easy.”

Scheana, however, doesn’t seem so sold on Tom 1‘s innocence. “Now that Kristen is giving me this information, I have an obligation to tell my best friend what I’ve been told. God forbid something happens with Tom and Ariana, I knew this and I didn’t tell her. So that’s awesome that Kristen is putting herself in their business because now I have to do the same thing.”

“I think Tom‘s the type of person where if he admits to one thing, that means he doesn’t have to admit to the other five,” Scheana accuses. So she still doesn’t believe him?

Tom 2 also weighed in on the drama plaguing his friend Tom 1 because he was kind of there, I mean if you don’t count unconscious. “In regards to these cheating rumors, I’ll be the first to extinguish. I was other-worldly drunk whilst down there, but I was with Sandoval the whole time. We were butt buddies. So it’s simply not possible.” 

“I was caught off guard with how much pleasure Kristen was taking in stirring up rumors about Tom cheating on Ariana,” Tom 2 reflects. “It’s like she was salivating over it. Not a good look. Especially for her boyfriend’s consideration. I do understand to an extent where it comes from, though. I worry Ariana will have to deal with passive-aggressive and sometimes not-so-passive guff from Kristen.”

And finally, Kristen insists she would never tell a lie! “My curiosity was first piqued because I was also mentioned in Miami girl’s (aka Annemarie’s) social media posts. At the time I was still very hurt that Tom had cheated and broken up with me. We were together for six years, you guys. It took me longer than it took him to get over it,” she writes. WAIT – SHE CHEATED ON HIM WHICH IS WHY HE F–KING DUMPED HER?!

“How could Ariana be so immune to the idea that Tom could be f—ing her over? Their relationship started based on a lie,” Kristen continues. “He cheated on me, so what makes her so sure he wouldn’t do it to her? In my experience, relationships like that will end the way that they started.”

I’m sorry, every time Kristen talks about being cheated on I just can’t help but laugh! Just me? I mean, Kristen’s entire existence is based on barely tenuous delusion working in her favor. #SeekHelp Lisa needs to get a 5150 hold and a conservatorship order STAT! 

Kristen still believes that Tom 1 did cheat on Ariana, and that Ariana is in denial. “The look on Scheana’s face throughout this entire episode says it all (but you can do your own investigating to make up your own mind). It’s actually sad to watch Ariana constantly defend Tom’s actions as if she were there in Miami,” Kristen adds. “The boys were there for a job. They didn’t NEED girls to accompany them anywhere. That photo of Tom ‘sleeping’ is fake. If anyone knows the difference between Tom sleeping and sleep posing, it’s me.”

Um… yeah, Kristen even if Tom 1 did cheat on Ariana, you still sound like a jealous, obsessed, psycho!

Finally, Lisa Vanderpump confirms what we know to be true! “The problem with Kristen is that if she’s not happy, she doesn’t want anyone else to be,” Lisa explains. “And she’s always the catalyst of the problem, and that’s the problem I have with her.” 

TELL US – WHAT SAY YOU ON THE ALLEGATION THAT TOM 1 CHEATED?! DOES KRISTEN HAVE A RIGHT TO BE INVOLVED?

[Photo Credit: Daniel Tanner/WENN.com]

 

 

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