I cannot get enough of the Robertson family, and I was so sad to learn that next week is the season finale! So this season of Teen Mom is going to continue indefinitely (or until one of the girls finishes college…so forever), but we only get roughly six weeks of Si, Jase, Willie, and Phil? Something is not right in the world of reality television.
Last night's Duck Dynasty begins as Godwin and Jase arrive at the warehouse (fun fact…Godwin used to be a bull rider. I love him 8 seconds more than I did before!), and they are surprised to see a Harley parked in Willie's spot. Whoever would violate Willie's sacred space? Jase knows that there are two thinks you never mess with when it comes to Willie…his food and his coveted parking place. Jase enters his younger brother's office to find Willie strumming an electric guitar. When did Willie start playing? And why is his beard now five shades darker than his hair? It's almost black. Willie reveals that he's been messing around with the strings on and off…since yesterday. Mid-life crisis, anyone? Jase informs Willie that someone has parked in his spot, but Willie isn't concerned. The Harley is his. It goes perfectly with the new Warrant t-shirt he bought on eBay. Jase can't help but poke fun at his brother, sharing that Willie can barely ride a bicycle, much less a Hog.
We receive requests on a daily basis asking us to cover more of your favorite reality TV shows with weekly recaps. We often have to respond, explaining "we'd love to, but we don't have enough time, budget, etc". For a long time now, many of our wonderful readers have offered (and begged – you know who you are!!) to write the recaps for us, just for fun because they love a certain show. We're truly blessed to have such amazing and loyal readers and have decided to give this a trial run! We may tweak things as we go, but as of right now, we are on the hunt for anyone who is interested in participating in our new Fancap test drive.
Below are a few of the shows we get requests for, but feel free to pitch us on any not listed, too!
RuPaul's Drag Race
Braxton Family Values
*Gypsy Sisters – tentatively spoken for
Keeping Up with the Kardashians
Bad Girls Club
*Rachel Zoe – spoken for this season
If you have a knack for writing and want a way to share your love of a favorite show, here's your chance! Send a sample recap (sample can be of any show) to firstname.lastname@example.org with "Fancap" in the subject line.
Be sure to include what reality show you're interested in covering (that we don't already do on a weekly basis). For example, please don't pitch us on shows we regularly cover already, like HW's, Shahs, Bachelorette, Teen Mom, etc.
On last night's Dance Moms,Abby Lee Miller highlighted the competition among her smallest dancers, pitting an over-the-top Asia against an injured (cough, cough) MacKenzie. Good times!
The girls and their moms pile into the studio for the pyramid reveal, and Abby is livid about the second place finish. Loooserrzzz! MacKenzie is in the bottom spot since she didn't dance due to her injury. Paige follows her for doing a disservice to our nation by not properly holding the flag during the group number. Perhaps there shouldn't have been a flag to mishandle in the first place, but what do I know? Kendall is next for her lack of focus, while Brooke rounds out the bottom rung. Chloe starts the middle level, followed by Nia. Holly couldn't be more proud. Asia is number two for winning her division, and Maddie finds herself back on top. She is, after all, America the Beautiful. What the…?
Abby questions where MacKenzie's air cast is. She's still injured, right? MacKenzie claims that she's able to dance, while Melissa urges her daughter to tell Abby what the doctor told her….if she feels 100%, she can participate. Abby wonders if MacKenzie returned to her doctor for this news, and Melissa explains that she didn't, but MacKenzie knows her own body well enough to know if she's okay to dance. Abby knows what's going on (someone doesn't like being replaced by Asia!), and she tells Melissa that the doctor originally said two weeks, so she's going to make MacKenzie sit out for two weeks. She doesn't want to trust an over-the-phone diagnosis.
Last night I had a nightmare; a giant wig was taking over, smothering me with it's synthetic polyester strands and reeking of olive oil and burnt hair. It emerged from a microwave waving a cigarette in my face. It's tendrils grabbing at me like Ursula from The Little Mermaid, smothering me and whispering 'Biiiiig Poooopa. Don't Be Taaaardy for Biiiig Pooooppppa!' I couldn't escape! It was horrible! It was so frightening. I woke up and realized it wasn't a nightmare. That really happened. And it was called the premiere of Don't Be Tardy: When Wigs Attack. Otherwise known as the Wigs-N-Cigs Variety Show!
So Kim Zolciak-Biermann invaded our screens again last night and the more things change the more they stay the same, eh. In the two-episode series premiere things open with Kim popping out Baby Kash. Yes, she was wearing a wig and stage make-up in the delivery room. No, she did not put down her phone even while crowning. And worst of all, Kroy Biermann was pigging out on fast food while she was having contractions. And that's how Kash emerged forth into the universe. Immediately before giving birth Kim starts directing her daughters to pick up a massive order of ravioli and frappuccinos. And cigarettes and wine.
On last night's episode of Real Housewives of Orange County we met new girl Lydia McLaughlin. Lydia's kinda like Rainbow Bright on acid, isn't she? She also sort of looks like a Bratz doll. She was bringing all my 1990's childhood cartoon flashbacks to life with her little squeakerton voice and her goofball expressions. Whatever – I fully expect her to go SheRah Princess of Power on these bitches before the season's over. Watch it blondies!
Things begin, oh where did they begin? With all the bad dye jobs and bad plastic surgery blurring together sometimes I lose track of where things even started. And speaking of plastic surgery things began with Vicki Gunvalson and Alexis Bellino. She and Vicki are BFF now since everyone hates their significant others and what better way is there to bond, I s'pose? I mean it worked for Alexis and Gretchen Rossi for two seasons, so Vicki picked up where Gretchen participated in a gang intervention. And girls who share plastic surgeons together, stay together!
Oh girls of Teen Mom 2, what are we going to do with you? Last night,Leah Messer Sims Calvert walked down the aisle for a second time in her short life, and Jenelle Evans caused a scene at Jace's third birthday party. Anyone want to chip in for a Mom-of-theYear trophy with me? Chelsea Houska celebrated her twenty-first birthday, and Kailyn Lowry got engaged to Javi and Jo let out a sigh of relief that she was now someone else's problem. Good times, right?
The episode starts with Leah cooking breakfast with her dad, and we learn that she hasn't seen him since she was thirteen. She tells him what a great provider Jeremy is, and he's happy to be back in his daughter's life. I wish he'd turn his NASCAR ballcap around so I could see who his favorite driver is. #rubbinisracin'
Chelsea is moving yet again (what is this…like the fourth time this season alone?), and she takes Aubree to her mom's after daycare. She's planning for her twenty-first birthday, and her mom offers to watch Aubree so she can celebrate. Aubree's birthday is not long after Chelsea's, and Chelsea's mom asks if A-D-A-M will be attending her party. Chelsea turns on the whine and says she doesn't want to talk about him under any circumstances. Her mom praises her maturity.
Back with Kieffer, Jenelle is stressed out because her roommate is moving out, and she's short on cash from her boyfriend's mooching ways because her Internet job isn't paying as much as she'd hoped. She heads to her mom's house to discuss Jace's upcoming third birthday. Wait, my bad…she really just wants to complain to Barbara about her roommate and collect her mail. She reveals to her mom that she's dropped out of school due to the stress from her legal troubles with Gary and her boob job…both good reasons. Jenelle can barely keep her eyes open as she tells her mom that Kieffer is moving in with her. Barbara tells her daughter that she's planned Jace's party for the following day at a local tumbling Jim. Jenelle is upset that she didn't get more time to invite her friends, but she warns her mom she will be bringing Kieffer.
I'll be honest, I didn't think there was any need for another hour of reunion footage for Love & Hip Hop after watching the first half last week. However, Mona Scott-Young proved me wrong (it's not the first time either!). Consequence and Professor Joe Budden reveal a hidden feud that causes Cons to totally sucker punch Joe. It's ridiculousness at it's finest. Rich Dollaz and Erica Mena continue to show the world just how dysfunctional their relationship is/was, and Yandy Smith opens up about Mendeecees Harris' arrest.
The evening begins with Mona introducing the cast, and Joe, Tahiry Jose, Yandy, Erica, and Rich are joining her on stage. Mona shows a clip of the ladies' dressed in their bootilicious finest, and it's T&A all over the place. Rich and Joe take a fan video question which wonders if the naked pictures of them on the Internet are, um, accurate. Joe claims his phone was stolen at a strip club, and, while it's his body, the pic was photoshopped. Rich says that his photo is true to form from the waist up, but someone downplayed his man bits. A bitter Erica disagrees…she snips that it's a true depiction of Rich's business.
Mona highlights Jen Bayer and Consequence's struggle with religion. Jen still wants her one day of tradition, but Cons isn't willing to compromise. Rashidah Ali, who is also Muslim, feels for the couple's situation. Mona questions Jen about her comments to Raqi Thunda about being white, and before she can explain, Raqi starts mouthing off to Cons. Rashidah tells Raqi that she's a disgrace to Islam, and the two women go at it. Rashidah takes off her shoes, and the scrapping begins. Joe is filming it all on his camera. Once they are separated and scolded by Mona, Raqi exits to compose herself.
Meanwhile, Harvin Eadon and Meyer Eadon are anxious to get She Blames Me up and running now that Virginia Kolb blocked access to their used and abused emergency fund. Horrors! Their allowance of $1,000 a week isn't cutting it. Meyer simply cannot bear the thought of living in such horrid conditions, adding, "It's pure torture."
Harvin and Meyer meet with Middleman to discuss the next step for She Blames Me. The sisters lose their minds a little when Middleman mentions a possible meeting with swimwear designer Ashley Paige. A swimsuit by Ashley costs roughly $1,000 a string, says Meyer, so after a year, Meyer and Harvin will each be able to afford a 52-string swim suit.