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Oh good gracious!  Last night's Basketball Wives LA was a virtual assault on the senses.  Jackie Christie raps and flashes her boobs.  Brooke Bailey and Draya Michele are still caught up about the cover of a magazine that apparently doesn't even pay its models.  Malaysia Pargo invites the ladies on a charitable trip to New Orleans, so you know that's going to go over well.  Oh, and we finally find out the deets on the worst kept secret wedding of Gloria Govan.  It's a lot. 

Brooke and Bambi seem to have mended fences as Brooke invites her, Jackie, and Laura Govan over to see her new lingerie line Touche Moi.  She then basically strips down to share a prototype.  Brooke asks the ladies to start trying on things, which they do, so it's basically Bambi and Laura walking around in tank tops and red string bikini underwear.  Didn't they want to wash it first?  I will say, I am really liking Bambi…she seems to be one of the more level headed ladies this franchise has ever had, which is probably why she isn't a full fledged cast member in the credits.  Nostrils O'Neal doesn't like women who are smarter than she is!

Stop the presses!  Jackie is recording an album.  It doesn't matter that she's never sung or rapped or even been in a studio.  Today is a day of firsts for Jackie!  She has asked Bambi and her giant earrings to come by and give her some pointers.  Bambi is shocked to learn that she isn't absolutely horrible (she's not?) and she tells Jackie as much.  Jackie, as you can imagine, basks in the wonderful honesty of her new best friend. 

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This season on Shahs of SunsetReza Farahan faces a "gaylife crisis," Asa Soltan Rahmati redefines "financial crisis," Mercedes "MJ" Javid searches for a man, Golnesa "GG" Gharachedaghi fails to act like a big girl despite pursuing a big-girl job, Mike Shouhed finds "the one," and newcomer Lilly Ghalichi thinks they're all nuts.

Reza Farahan opens season two, gushing about the new girl in his life. She doesn't straighten her hair, she doesn't pluck her eyebrows, she's not hung up on designers clothes… she's GG Asa Soltan Rahmati. Hanging at Asa's reclaimed home, the two bond over floors, unkempt eyebrows, and one very special toilet. Reza spies the work of art, freaks, and says, "This bitch has, like, a $4,000 toilet. That toilet had a little midget in it that will lick your butt clean when you're done pooping." 

Asa is stressed about money. She has $500 in her bank account and needs to find a source of income in the next few days. This admission comes not even a minute after she boasts about tiling her floors in $30,000 worth of gold coins, which she probably washes with diamond water. Rich/not rich people are confusing. 

MJ Javid drives her mom and her Mom's bird off a cliff to the bird sitter's house. After hearing about Vida's upcoming month-long vacation (hence the bird sitter), MJ approaches the idea of a family vacation. Vida tells MJ that she'd rather put needles into her eyes than go on vacation with her. Lovely. To retaliate, MJ encourages her dog to terrorize her mom's bird. Personally, I would have pulled over, while purposely failing to signal, and dumped the mom and her stupid bird on the side of the road. 

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Oh, Sister Wives!  Thank you so much for introducing me to the Dargers.  TLC, what do you say about a Darger spin-off?  Kody Brown would be livid!

We started last night with Kody going over plans for each of the four homes.  How are these people affording these homes?  The wives, except Janelle, are all getting totally greedy with their need for extra bedrooms and wet bars and offices.  I am predicting this season doesn't end well for the Browns.

After squaring away the blueprints, the family can look forward to their family vacation with some polygamist friends…because that's normal!  The Dargers aren't the same faith as the Browns.  Instead they are "independent polygamists" which must be some kind of code for dude who wanted to marry more than one lady.  Joe Darger married two women, Alina and Vicki, on the same day, one of whom looked to be about fourteen at the time, and then ten years later married Val who is Vicki's twin sister.  Talk about sharing everything!  I'm more than a tad skeezed out because not only will they actually be SISTER wives, the kids will be sibling-cousin hybrids…and among the three of them, there are twenty-three children.  The double marriage was arranged by Joe's mom.  Lovely.

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So last night Real Housewives of Atlanta was filled with Wig People Problems. Oh, wigs were disappearing and telling tall tales and making excuses and dealing with dog poop and storming out and doing some math wrong and disappearing. There were wignanigans all over the place.

And luckily NeNe Leakes was on hand to provide riotous commentary on every last wigantic. And she finally got to use her Wig Be Gone (sold separately, includes S&H) – and poof! Kim Zolciak, her wig collection, and her stories that change as often as said wigs fled in the wake of a Housewives revolt. And we bid her adieu. Will we miss her? Sure. I mean, she is a snark lovers dream!

Other things happened last night, Kenya Moore's crazy got even MORE crazy as she turned her attentions towards another lady's man. Cynthia Bailey tried to pretend that going on vacation with all the ladies of the RHOA was her dream come true. Yeah, but instead of speaker phone invites (the classic!) we got sit down personalized invites. 

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Two weeks ago on Big Rich Texas, Leslie Birkland announced that she and Rip Mason were engaged. Bonnie Blossman secretly planned an engagement party for the couple; however, Leslie came to the party that she thought was a casual dinner sans her billionaire.

A mortified Leslie proceeded to distract her friends with massive amounts of alcohol and the promise of a trip to New Orleans. Despite no Rip, good times were had by all until Bonnie's husband Jason picked a fight with Leslie's son Tyler. And yet another episode ended with an embarrassed Leslie dragging one of her real/borrowed children to the car. 

Naturally, the women need new used clothes for their upcoming trip to New Orleans, so they go to Connie Dieb's shop. They're very excited about the trip… Bonnie wants to party on Bourbon Street and Connie and DeAynni practically salivate just thinking about the food. Since Connie always misses the disastrous parties – is she really always busy or purposely keeping away from the drama? – she asks for the lowdown on Leslie's engagement party. Bonnie tells Connie that Tyler disrespected Cindy Davis, Jason stood up for Cindy, Jason threatened to break Tyler's jaw, and Leslie acted crazy.
 
Connie is like, Well, that's nice…. off to New Orleans where us girls are gonna go wild! I get the impression that Connie couldn't care less about what she misses at these parties… her script simply dictates that she ask for a recap. 
 
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The countdown is officially on until the final Jersey Shore.  Last night's episode showered Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi with baby gifts at a party planned by Jenni "JWoww" Farley with the help of Deena Cortese, and Sammi "Sweetheart" GiancolaMike "The Situation" Sorrentino, Vinny Guadagnino, and DJ Pauly D Delvecchio were back in action as MVP with not much luck, and Ronnie Ortiz-Magro found comic relief in a gorilla costume. 

The meatballs decide to have a dressy dinner date since Jionni is too preoccupied with his softball game to come visit Snooki.  Rawn decides it's the perfect opportunity to put on a giant gorilla suit and scare the crap out of a napping Jenni.  The gang is heading to dinner (minus the meatballs), and Jenni shares her scare with SamMike wonders why Snooki can't just smile and have a good time with the roommates.  Rawn totally disapproves of Jionni putting softball before his pregnant fiance. 

Snooki and Deena are enjoying a chill meatball evening.  Snooki is glad that they can still have fun without being blackout drunk and getting arrested.  She asks Deena to accompany her to the baby store the following day after work.  Deena hems and haws about how she already promised Sam she'd go with her to the grocery store.  She can't let Snooki go shopping for the baby when they've already bought her everything for her surprise shower.  Great save there, Deena!  She manages to change the subject to not sleeping naked because she's terrified of bugs laying eggs in her Britney.  It's perfectly acceptable dinner conversation, right?

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Last night on Real Housewives of Miami we were exposed to the parental lineage of the Housewives clan. No not just Mama Elsa, but we met Fembot Fakenstein's in-laws and Joanna Krupa's mama. And Adriana de Moura hosted an anniversary party for the parents of the man she's been stringing along for years and will probably never marry until Bravo agrees to shell-out for the wedding and a spinoff. 

Things begin with Lea Black having a birthday party for her eleven-year-old son RJ. They've decided to host the party at the "new house" on Star Island which they are planning to gut renovate so it doesn't matter if the wild boys tear up the joint. And since this is how Housewives roll Lea decides to invite some of her fellow-Housewives, plus Elaine Lancaster, to cause some drama. 

Fembot shows up first, very early, and nervy beans but ready to rip on Lea's not-yet-redone home. Then Alexia Echevarria, Elaine, and Lisa Pliner (who whaddya wanna bet is auditioning for next season's cast). Immediately talk turns to Marysol Patton and the drama at Lisa's party last week. 

Lisa P is still Team Elaine and maintains that Marysol tried to convince her to hire someone else over Elaine, citing it would be free. Elaine/James is highly incensed and everyone bickers back and forth about Marysol's motives. Lisa perceived it as Marysol was attacking her. Alexia defended Marysol as being non-confrontational. It's so rare to see Housewives defend each other. #shocking

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Last night was the season finale of Couples Therapy and it seemed as if everyone was on a path to rebuilding relationships and moving past in-house dynamics. Everyone but Shaynik, aka Nik Richie and Shayne Lamas and Dourtney, aka Courtney Stodden and Doug Hutchison, that is!

Right from the get-go these two couples clashed with each other and expended just as much energy butting heads as they did dealing with their own marital issues. 

Last night Courtney's pimpmomager Krista Keller returned and the unorthodox mother-daughter duo sat down with Dr. Jenn to discuss their relationship and the handling of Courtney's premature sexual expression.

Krista, who previously insisted she adored Doug and was thrilled Courtney married him, continued to maintain that Courtney's provocative behavior wasn't influenced by her and is just a reflection of Courtney's natural desires. Dr. Jenn wasn't buying it and neither is anyone but the clearly besotted and duped Doug. 

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