Is it true? Has the day really come? Can I finally stop talking about the Real Housewives of Atlanta reunion? I mean, how many hours of this three-ring circus have we been subjected to? What was last night hour 475? I chugged a 5 Hour Energy drink vodka soda and settled in for two hours of she-said/she-said-you're dumb-annnnd now here comes the husbands! Oh and the husbands, they sure showed up. Or at least Apollo Nida did. He was gunning for Kenya Moore's title as Queen of the Krazies!
Of all the things that happened last night it was the deafening silence of Kenya in the wake of Phaedra Parks' atomic bomb of verbal destruction. At some point, Kenya, realizing she had not a friend in the eaves, gave up. She just resorted to the silent game, but it was because she was trying not to cry.
Kenya can match any of these broads with her outlandishness, wild accusations, and sheer commitment to getting the job done. NeNe Leakes is easy – she's all loud buffoonery and nebulous threats. Kandi Burruss is just gonna say her bit – loudly – and then get teary eyed, but nobody hates Kandi enough to truly come for her. Cynthia Bailey perpetually wears an expression that says, 'Please don't kick me – I'm already down!" there's no satisfaction in gunning for her. And Porsha Stewart, well, she just gets louder and wilder and self-destructs on a comical level. But Phaedra… Phaedra does not shake.
Did the entire cast of Real Housewives of New York lose their minds (I mean, that's insinuating they had minds to begin with, but…) – someone must have spiked the pinot! Sonja Morgan is in hot water – and I don't mean in the spa hot tub. She's got a mess of financial issues that are literally drowning her. Because Ramona Singer has issues of her own, she's decided to ignore them and focus all of her animosity on taking care of Sonja. It doesn't bode well for Ramonja! Is Turtle Time dead? (Please say yes!).
Sonja has a pool day, so she and her intern hit up the local Whole Foods some refreshments and then hire a the DJ/Bar Tender. The guests? Sonja, Aviva Drescher, and Ramona. Yes – Sonja hired a DJ and bar tender for this. "If you don't feel decadent, you're doing something wrong!" Sonja explains. Something wrong like spending money on things like DJs when your iPod playlist will do just fine? Something like that decadence? #ThisIsWhyYoureBankrupt
On last night's 16 And Pregnant, seventeen-year-old Millina Kacmar and boyfriend Trevor dealt with trying to parent son Kayden and parent their own mothers who were at least as immature and needy as the infant, right?
Millina's mom is in jail for drugs and her father is flaky and broke (and in the past he was abusive), so she and her younger brother Moses live with their grandmother Nan. Millina is dating Trevor – and his pornstache – but has trouble trusting him because of her rocky childhood. As a result of her mom's issues Millina dropped out of school and fell into the rave scene including all the drugs, alcohol, hideous neon fashions, piercings, and all-nighters it had to offer. That's also where she met Trevor.
Millina realizes she has to give up the party scene for her son because she worries about turning into her mom and losing her son to Child Protective Services. She confides in her friend Haley that she freaks out about this daily.
We're still at Shannon's dinner party and tensions are running high. I blame Shannon and her non-organic vodka and her totally toxic marriage, despite the efforts of radiation detectors. Where's the detector that detects the bad vibes Shannon radiates?! She's got everyone gripping their knives for protection and wondering when the next onslaught is going to come. At least the food was good – everyone talks about the food – and the house.
Heather is most on edge of all. Fancy Pants doesn't like the new girl with her shi-shi-shi house giving her a run for her fancy pants money. To assert her crown Heather starts taking it out on the little people. She tells Vicki to hush (which finally, somebody did!) and stop interrupting while Shannon tells her Unhappily Married Support Group opener about how she was the girl who could never be alone and then she married David because well, he said hey!
I have to admit that I was oh-so-hoping that the Southern Charm reunion would actually be filmed in Charleston, and I had grand plans of stalking Andy Cohen. No such luck…the clubhouse it is! As the reunion begins, Andy introduces the crew. Cameran Eubanks looks gorgeous, and Craig Conover is rocking some serious red pants. Shep Rose looks three sheets to the wind already, but hey, isn't that why we love him?
Andy starts by asking Thomas Ravenel about new baby Kensington, and T-Rav says that she's brought so much joy to his life, he wishes he'd started a family sooner…like when he was Kathryn Dennis' age. His daughter would be out of college by now!
On last night's episode of Married To Medicine things got real as the ladies explored health, friendship, and marriage.
Things begin with Quad Webb-Lunceford doing some investigative research (aka shopping) for her puppy couture line. Is this real? I mean, is this something that's really happening or is it like a jokey storyline. Apparently not because Quad's eyes glow as she describes herself as "Louis Vuitton of dog couture."
Quad has visions of ostrich, and sequins, and leather – for dogs. And she also has visions of checks in the bank. She's savvy enough to recognize she needs Lisa Nicole Cloud as a business advisor or else she'll spend all her profits on herself. Quad believes in going big – and then going bigger, which means seriously styling her pooches as if they are Housewives. Cocktail dresses – check! Swarovski crystals – check! Botox – check! Jimmy Choos – not yet!
Last night was the second installment in the Real Housewives of Atlanta reunion. Andy Cohen started off by exonerating Bravo from liability by repeating like a broken record that they do not condone violence. Why? Because Porsha Stewart was sent home like a naughty schoolgirl. I wish someone would have actually sent Porsha back to school, but that's an entirely different story…
Remaining on the stage is hair-tug victim, Kenya Moore. She feels vindicated and not at all responsible for Porsha's outburst. She was just having a little fun with her props. She actually said she was just having a good time. Krayonce's definition of "fun" is just as crazy as the rest of her.
"We fight with our words, I am one of the best at it," Kenya boasted. So good you got beat? Literally. Kenya cites last season in Anguilla when she launched into a tizzy of shrieking 'Gone with the wind fabulous!' as evidence of her masterful UN diplomat-level discourse. Miss Twirl On This obviously forgot the part where NeNe Leakesliterally held her back during that altercation. Detail, smetails!
Last night was the second part of the Teen Mom 2reunion and MTV obviously wanted to save the best – best drama, that is – for last! Chelsea Houska and Jenelle Evans were on the hotseat. While Chelsea was applauded for turning her life around and finally getting over Adam Lind (we hope!), Jenelle continued to try and make us believe she had changed too. Yeah, we don't believe you. Actions speak louder than words. And so do boyfriend choices.
Dr. Drew tackles Chelsea first. Chelsea seems really uneasy and upset about something – probably being in close proximity with Adam. Or maybe her eyelashes were puncturing her brain they were so long and spiky. Isn't she a professional?
Dr. Drew talks about her current situation with Adam. Chelsea regrets that he is not the best dad he can be for Aubree. She has no relationship with Taylor because Adam was cheating on Taylor with Chelsea. And by cheating, she means booty calls! CHELSEA! Chelsea says it was "months" ago – but it was while Taylor was pregnant!