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The Hollywood Exes are struggling to bring back that feel-good feeling.

It’s the day after the public argument between Mayte Garcia and Jessica Canseco. Mayte called Jessica an elephant, or something, Jessica felt attacked, Jessica’s snide responses got to Mayte, and Mayte threw a wine glass out of anger. Nicole Murphy was left sitting alone, probably debating whether or not she’s paid enough to deal with this nonsense.

Andrea Kelly and Sheree Fletcher are now crying that they need some “serious retail therapy” after that “fiasco.” Funny, since those two are the ones responsible for the public showdown. Mayte had been avoiding Jessica since Palm Springs, because she was having issues dealing with Jessica’s flippant attitude surrounding her abortion, and then Andrea and Sheree encouraged Mayte to talk to Jessica. Mayte and Jessica needed to talk, eventually, but in private. Not in a loud restaurant fully stocked with wine glasses. Anyway, Andrea and Sheree need some time, now, to shop and gossip.

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Last week on Teen MomTyler Baltierra went to Butch’s arraignment, Catelynn Lowell went to April’s recovery meeting, Maci Bookout and Kyle King moved into their new house, Farrah Abraham struggled to take care of Sophia, and Amber Portwood fought with Gary Shirley.

Catelynn and Tyler Need Time

Catelynn and Tyler are supposedly preparing for college. The MTV timeline is confusing. Does the semester start, like, the next day? Hasn’t it been at least a week or two since Tyler pushed Catelynn to enroll because she was running out of time?  This will be Catelynn’s first semester and Tyler’s second semester. Catelynn wants to be an adoption counselor and Tyler wants to be a youth counselor. Blah, blah, blah. We’ve heard all of this before.

Like always, Catelynn is thinking too far ahead and not worrying about the right now. Catelynn hopes to someday work with their own adoption counselor Dawn. Catelynn call Dawn to tell her the good news. Dawn thinks it’s a great idea, but kindly reminds Catelynn she needs to start with school.

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Last night’s Dance Moms was the same old, same old.  The girls rise above while the moms act like mean teenagers.  A certain hoarse voiced dance instructor sinks to a new low.

It’s pyramid time yet again.  Abby Lee Miller is proud that the girls were the highest scorers, and she wants to keep this winning streak in tact.  Kendall is actually on the bottom of the pyramid…I guess she should be happy she’s even there.  Brooke is also on the bottom for not performing her number due to back spasms.  Abby wants to make sure that Brooke knows she’s not being penalized for being injured…she’s penalized for being scared.  Abby could see the pain in her face starting with the first rehearsal, and she’s upset that Brooke didn’t have the cajones to tell her she couldn’t dance before the actual competition.  Paige is also on the bottom for not coming to rehearsal…because she had a broken foot.  That makes sense.

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Ed Swiderski and Jaclyn Swartz celebrate Reid Rosenthal‘s Bachelor Pad boot. “On a scale of 1 to 10, I’m on cloud nine,” says Jaclyn. What does that even mean? It’s a good thing she’s so pretty.

Chris Harrison crashes the after party, bringing surveys for the exhausted and drunk Bachelor Pad players to fill out. Jaclyn thinks these surveys might have something to do with the next day’s challenge. Michael Stagliano is like, “Oh, man, I’ve seen this train wreck before.” My thoughts exactly! Where’s the popcorn?!

Kalon McMahon reads some of the questions – Who’s the ugliest? Who’s the smartest? Who’s the fattest? He says, “So, pretty much, every answer is either me or Erica Rose.”

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It is a rarity to watch an episode of Real Housewives of New York and have any idea what is going on. With the constant insertion of Pinot Singer‘s insanity, I often find myself staring at the TV, mouth agape, simply wondering what the eff?

I generally put Sonja Morgan in the category of ‘nice person under duress’… I’ve pondered whether or not she has Stockholm Syndrome. My pondering is over… the former Mrs. Morgan is now co-captain on the batshit crazy train and headed straight to the asylum. I only hope the drugs are as strong as the delusions.

So last night I’m pretty sure viewers were left with many questions, the most important of all being: How is Sonja friends with a supposed super high-end important NY society people and who the hell let Pinot invade a party with her bad behavior, gross wine, and twenty-years past cute cocktail attire? Only a crazy person would allow that to go on. Where is the Sonja that demanded Alex McCord, her hideous dress, and her equally hideous manners get out of her house? More on all of this later, but first let’s start with Carole Radziwill‘s Christmas dinner.

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Last night’s Love & Hip Hop Atlanta began where last week’s left off…with a butt whupping session from Joseline mid-therapy.  Once they get her under control, Mimi Faust admits that she lied about staying with Stevie J. just to see Joseline’s reaction.  Joseline going crazy with jealousy confirms Mimi’s suspicions that Stevie is still seeing Joseline…despite what he’s told her.  The therapist questions Mimi’s intentions, and she says she just wants Stevie to leave her alone.  After hearing all of Stevie’s lies, she’s now interested in Joseline’s side of the story.

Joseline is teary-eyed talking about her lonely childhood.  She admits that she didn’t know much about Mimi because Stevie only referred to her as his baby mama.  Had she known they were still together, Joseline never would have started things with Stevie.  Um, yes she would have–it was clearly in the script!

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Last night on Real Housewives of New Jersey, the ladies (and their omnipresent hardworking spouses) proved that when push comes to shove and contracts are on the line, they can get along like really, really well. In fact the only people not pasting on their happy faces were Caroline Manzo and husband Albert - who I was surprised to hear speak last night.

Things begin with a wake-up binge drink-a-thon amongst the men. The gang decides they are going surfing despite the freezing cold water and their inebriated state of mind. Everyone except Caroline and Al. They prefer whine to wine. Jacqueline Laurita is also sitting this one out because she feels too fat to wear a wetsuit. Didn’t she have this problem last vacation?

Never willing to spare anyone’s feelings both Teresa Giudice and separated at birth sister-in-law Melissa Gorga both strap on some of their more bodacious, sparkly, and revealing bathing suits. ‘LOOK! I’m not fat!’ they both practically shout. The guys are wiping out left and right when Teresa and Kathy Wakile decide to try out their surfboard skills. Melissa is staying ashore to “keep it sexy,” which apparently equals bedazzled. Very, very bedazzled. Like blindingly so.

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Last night’s Big Ang episode wasn’t as lighthearted as the show usually is.  There were no jacuzzi spills or drunken bus rides.  It was all about A.J.

Ang is beside herself that A.J. is at Riker’s Island for “allegedly” selling drugs.  Until he makes bail, she’s watching his allergy ridden dog Kilo.  His dog is named Kilo?  Again, “allegedly” selling drugs.  Perhaps A.J. is just a fan of measurement.  Poor Kilo is shedding, and itching, and blind.  Ang can’t wait for A.J. to come home and claim his dog.

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