Recaps

Briana-Renee-Greenshirt-Little-Women-LA

Were you guys as freaked out by the previews for this week’s Little Women: LA as I was? Briana Renee hinting around about being PREGNANT with He Who Shall Not Be Named’s baby!? I need a power nap before I even hit play on my DVR tonight. This is going to be traumatic/exhausting/cray-cray! 

Before we get to the more shocking moments, Lifetime throws us a bone in the form of Terra Jole, Tonya Banks, and Elena Gant frolicking in a field, flying kites. Weird, yet somehow…comforting? Terra and Tonya tell Elena about the Briana confrontation that happened at apple picking, and how Briana promised to “think about” reaching out to her parents. Not really a promise worth its weight in cubic zirconia, but it’s all Briana was willing to say. Elena confesses she didn’t come to the apple picking because Jasmine Sorge’s face was there, and she didn’t want to see it. Terra encourages Elena to sit down and mend fences with Jasmine, but Elena is all eye-rolls and long sighs on the subject. She’s not ready. Guess who is ready to rekindle the romance with ex-boo, Kerwin? Tonya! She’s looking for love wherever she can find it, apparently.     

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mob wives marissa karen carla

I wonder if the ladies of Mob Wives remember that warehouse round-table where the vowed to leave their anger behind and not speak poorly about each other. It doesn’t seem like it! Renee Graziano is hopeful that the women are moving forward, and she’s hosting the group (sans Prissy Marissy) at a baseball game. 

Renee, Carla Facciolo, and Karen Gravano argue about the protocol of placing one’s hand over one’s heart during the national anthem…and they are having this debate during the actual national anthem. As if their loud banter isn’t disrespectful enough, Karen swears up and down that your supposed to put your hand over your heart during the Star-Spangled Banner, not the national anthem. It takes her the entire song–and prodding from Renee–to realize the songs are one and the same. Patriotism at its finest. Big Ang is looking great despite her recent tests to determine the mass on her lungs, and all of the ladies agree that their beef is extremely petty in comparison to what she’s facing. Drita D’avanzo arrives with Brittany Fogarty who is understandably wary about facing this group of hens after their last encounter. She’s hoping she and Karen can move forward after last week’s tense chat, and she invites the ladies to come watch her watch in one of the many shows that she’ll be walking in for New York Fashion Week. Wait, what? 

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Lisa Rinna battles Yolanda

Hey – do you guys want to talk about Yolanda Foster‘s Lyme Disease?! NO?! Well, everyone else on Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills does. 

Before we get into the lemon-lyme mess of moushchen-houschen-doth-protestest-too-much, the ladies are still in San Diego recovering from the Erika Jayne treatment. As if the Erika Jayne gyration experience wasn’t enough, she gave them whiplash when she bold-faced lied the night before. Nevertheless the ladies are climbing aboard Erika’s golden tour bus for a trip to Kathryn Edwards‘ house. At Kathryn’s they may not have c-nty necklaces, or a plethora of naked male dancers, but they do have a fireplace of stones imported from Jerusalem!

Over brunch Eileen Davidson demands an answer to who told Yolanda that Bella and Anwar’s Lyme was discussed (and lied about the context). Finally Erika confesses. No one asks why she lied the night before, or to Yolanda. She claims she merely mentioned the discussion to Yo. The side-eye of Lisa Vanderpump does not believe her. 

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dance moms moms

If there’s one thing that Abby Lee Miller can consistently do, it’s bring the crazy to Dance Moms. Despite her legal woes, she managed to be a part of last night’s episode–although she appeared to be on the verge of a mental breakdown the entire time. However, I don’t think Abby’s as unhinged as she appears…I think it’s all ego. Also, Lifetime, I’m on to you adding nine extra minutes to the episodes this season. Not cool. 

Abby is sporting pajamas and rollers as the ALDC waits to practice. Jill has her nose so far up Abby’s bum in hopes of drawing her out of the insanity. “Your hair is going to look so great when you finally take out of those hot rollers,” and, “You don’t want to go out on the bottom…you need to show the world you’ve still got it!” Abby retorts that she wasn’t put on this earth for the Feds to make her look bad. She’s done working with the ALDC. Holly questions whether they should pursue an opportunity with Debbie Allen. They want to be supportive, but if she doesn’t want them there, they don’t have other options. As Abby melts down, she shuns Melissa and Jill who hope she’ll change her mind. Gia is equally stressed as she works with the girls on their group number. 

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Tom Schwartz Feels Sad

Last night on Vanderpump Rules an informal peace summit was finally staged, over shots, in, of all places, Lala Kent‘s apartment!

Stassi Schroeder is still milling around Los Angeles lost adrift the skeletons of the friendships she buried when Saint Patrick of the Mount Perfectionist Adultiness loved her. Now, knocked down to mere mortal status, Stassi is alone and friendless with only Kristen Doute (and Anonymous Stassi Schroeder Klone No 1. Kristina), to consume Pinot and laments with her. Luckily our trusty friend Lala will remedy allll that!

Over on the homefront – SUR – Jax Taylor is back at work after his shoplifting suspension but no one is glad to see him. Lisa Vanderpump isn’t finished with her tough love just yet! To really remind Jax of what a bad boy he’s been, she orders him to do *gasp* COMMUNITY SERVICE. She’s like a an uber-glamourous court circuit judge with a vendetta! Lisa remands Jax to gather all his unworn clothes to donate to charity. Plus, he has to force the Toms to do this with him.

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Kim Fields reacts to rumors

Last night on Real Housewives Of Atlanta the drama in Jamaica was stirred up into a tidal wave. And floating out in the center of it, with the lightning crashing down all around her, laughing in the face of a sea storm set to destroy Cynthia Bailey‘s ‘mercial, was Kenya Moore. Or should I call her, Kenyursula The Sea Witch!

The group is headed somewhere in Jamaica to meet Peter’s long-estranged family, but after learning Cynthia doesn’t consider her a BFF, Kenya skips the outing. Instead she goes to the spa with Matt. While relaxing in a bubble bath Kenya rambles on and on about how Cynthia never appreciated her love and support. Matt is like uhhhhh… I thought this was supposed to be sexytimes not aquatherapy? 

Cynthia is also upset because some “super awesome person” went to Kenya to reveal the classified information about Kenya not being Cynthia’s BFF. How old are we again? BFF-bickering? It’s like giving each other those broken heart friendship necklaces in grade school. 

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 Katie-Rost-Swinging-Real-Housewives-of-Potomac 

It’s time to drop the manners lessons and get a little bit more real with the Real Housewives of Potomac this week, and given Charrisse Jackson-Jordan’s confession about her crumbling marriage and Robyn Dixon’s financial dirt being dragged out into the light (courtesy of Google, no less!), it looks like that’s just what’s about to happen. 

We begin with Gizelle Bryant, who’s accompanying Karen Huger on her first flight lesson. Karen is interested in getting her pilot’s license, but Gizelle isn’t sure Karen’s – er – airbags will survive the altitude. While they wait for her plane to be prepped, the ladies dish about newcomer Ashley Darby. They weren’t fans of Ashley’s whiskey tasting, but Karen is a fan of Ashley – so far. Gizelle is reserving comment for now. 

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Emily & Bri

On last night’s Little Women: Atlanta, the twins decided Emily Fernandez couldn’t possibly be pregnant because she didn’t show everyone her peed on pregnancy test. 

Emily is still upset Lontel left her after finding out she was knocked up, so she decides to do something which makes her happy. That happy is horse back riding. Emily spent her childhood riding, but since moving to Atlanta to become a Cheek she’s left horses behind in Texas along with her daughter. Bri Barlup comes along for moral support. Emily explains that most little people can’t ride very well since they lack the leg span to grip the horses. 

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