Recaps

cbb final

So here it is, after many days, nights and even more arguments, the Celebrity Big Brother final.

A short recap to it, as the majority of the program was taken up with ejecting housemates, and their interviews. We see the finalists spend part of their final day with Popcorn and Recaps of their own, whilst they wait their fate.

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jedward

It’s Day 30 on Celebrity Big Brother – nearly there! – and Big Brother is up to his normal tricks of causing issues galore.

Jedward are in the bath together. One is covering the other’s “mid-section” in bubbles. Odd. Kim Woodburn is in the diary room, slating – guess who?! – yup, that’s it, Nicola McLean. And James Cosmo. And the “gang.” #deluded When Jedward saw their argument on screen the night before, they did look suitably awkward. Kim, saw nothing wrong. Scary.

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Celebrity Big Brother recap

It’s Day 29 in the Celebrity Big Brother house. The housemates are woken up by rock music from the 1980s – it feels like this series started around then, not just 29 days ago.

The day’s task is Rockstars and Roadies. ‘The Housemate Mayhem’ band – consisting of Jedward and Nicola McLean – get all the power as the rest of the housemates are roadies that have to do whatever the rockstars order.

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Celebrity Big Brother

It is Day 28 on Celebrity Big Brother, and we are bracing ourselves for another live eviction. The vote is for the winner, so the person with the least votes will be out, just before the final.

Calum Best is in the diary room venting about Jedward. Apparently, Edward tends to do the one liners, where John gets really angry and disrespectful. To be fair, that is the only way I can tell them apart; I have slightly more toleration to Edward – he can speak a couple of words more than his brother before my stomach goes. Only a couple mind you.

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Celebrity Big Brother recap

It’s Day 27 and Day 2 of Final Judgment in the Celebrity Big Brother house, and one of the nominated housemates will be leaving. We start the program with Kim Woodburn in the diary room talking about lust. Really? Far too early for that, and this show airs at 9 PM.

Jedward are in the bathroom singing the Going Commando song. Like you do when you’re teaching a child to pee in the potty. Personally, I can’t wait for the “we are leaving the house and vanishing into obscurity again” song. I’d actually pay for that one.

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Eden gets warned by LVP

Look Bravo, I’m tired of Kim Richards. I think I may have said this before, no? In fact, if I could get through an entire season or recap of Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills without saying her name it would be wonderful. I’m sure Kyle Richards feels likewise.

Instead I’d prefer an endless loop of Lisa Vanderpump, going all 20’s gangsterina waving that long cigarette around while she purred a warning to Eden Sassoon.*  Because the return of a cigarette while administering prophecy and warnings is the most classically amazing RHOBH thing ever… And this people is why LVP is my eternal favorite. Even if she is manipulating, she’s doing so with a style, glamour, and sophistication that is delightful.

LVP gives the people what they want, and the people want drama – the good kind! What people don’t want is more of Kim’s slurry excuses or Eden’s mish-mashed mumbo-jumbo. Instead put that shit in a smoothie with some of Lisa Rinna‘s Xanax!

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Ladies Of London Recap: Loose Lips Sink Friendships

It’s Caroline Stanbury’s final week in London before moving to Dubai, and last night she attempted to circle the wagons of her “real” friends – Sophie Stanbury and Adela King (what!? No Juliet Angus!?) by bonding, slumber party style. Alas, a peaceful departure is not in the cards for the Ladies Of London queen bee, as Caroline Fleming’s explosive Midsummer’s Eve party displayed. In other news, Juliet tries to create a storyline explores her Polish roots, Marissa Hermer continues to be smugly annoying, and Julie Montagu hangs on by the thinnest wisp of an emotional thread. Thus, all is normal!

With Cem and the children already in Dubai, Caroline S is holing up in the Westbury Hotel for her last week in London. Sophie joins her for a massage, telling Caroline that she’s relieved they’re back to being buds again. Caroline thinks that says a lot about her. Something tells me she isn’t all in with the rebirth of the Stanbury Sisters just yet.

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Lindsay Hubbard

On last night’s Summer House, roommates turned enemies, and Lauren Wirkus demonstrated how to lose a guy you don’t want in 10 days or less.

After learning of Carl Radke‘s “betrayal” in bringing a date to a wedding, then lying about it, Lauren has decided she must confront him to let him know A) she doesn’t care; and B) she does care that he lied; and C) she’s a super chill, rational, understanding, forgiving person who totally doesn’t want to marry Carl and have extremely tall babies. Carl got his karma, however, because he came down with tonsillitis at the wedding and is forced to endure an entire weekend in Montauk, including Lauren’s rambling lecture while sober.

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