Recaps

Real Housewives of Dallas recap

Only on Real Housewives could a lake house turn out to be a palatial mansion, and a trip to the Four Seasons be all your worst high school nightmares. On last night’s Real Housewives of Dallas, the ladies traveled to Austin for a birthday weekend only to end up the subject of their own horror story – narrated by LeeAnne Locken, of course! Is LeeAnne the new Danielle Staub, or what?!

Since Cary Deuber, Stephanie Hollman, and LeeAnne all have similar birthdays, the weekend is supposed to be a three-way birthday bash to hopefully mend fences. Oh, it was a bash alright! 

Stephanie has apprehensions that Brandi Redmond blindly followed her Lord Jesus Juice when she invited LeeAnne and Tiffany Hendra to their lake house. Stephanie and Brandi’s husbands built the house together, so their families co-own it. I think Brandi and Stephanie are cute. I love their genuine friendship and that their families are so close. Also, Stephanie grows on me weekly – she’s far from ditzy, but instead is insightful and holds her words until she’s thought through what she wants to say.

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southern charm landon shep

Southern? Without a doubt. Charming? Eh, sometimes more than others with these guys! On last night’s Southern Charmthe drama continued to focus on Thomas Ravenel and Kathryn Dennis with a little bit of Maury Povich mixed in for good measure.  After we witnessed the birth of the couple’s son St. Julien Rembert Ravenel last week, T-Rav’s friends, including JD Madison and Whitney Sudler-Smith, encouraged the playboy to make sure he was, in fact, the father, and Craig Conover, Kathryn’s biggest cheerleader, jumped on the bandwagon. Of course, we had to wait until the witching hour to see it, but wowsers…and next week? Don’t get me started! 

The episode begins with Cameran Eubanks calling Shepard “Shep” Rose about their partnerShep listing, but he’s busy taste-testing gin drinks at his bar, the Palace Hotel. Also getting an early start on the day is Craig who drops in on his former boss, Extreme Akim Anastapoulo. Akim finds it laughable to learn that Craig is in the hotel business. Not only did he spend three years in law school, but Craig graduated three years ago and still hasn’t taken the bar. The lawyer/Eye for an Eye star wants to hit Craig over the head with his Bat of Justice. He wonders how Craig will explain such a gap in his legal resume to future employers. Craig swears he doesn’t want to waste his education, and Akim begrudgingly agrees to help him get on the right path after he passes the bar. Something tells me this will Akim’s final cameo. Next time Craig seeks advice, Akim will send Kato Kaelin…or Big Sugar Ray.

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Shahs of Sunset recap

Did you miss the Shahs of Sunset after a little Memorial Day Weekend break? We had a week to catch our breath and recover from the ambush wedding of Reza Farahan and Adam Neely and I’m not sure that was enough after watching last night’s drama. You know what they say, there’s no rest for the weary and that especially applies to reality TV fans.

We pick up right where we left off, in Palm Springs, with Reza and Adam driving off into the proverbial sunset, which was actually the darkness of night. The rest of the gang is left at the restaurant, looking glassy eyed and hungover already. Mike Shouhed is busy arguing on the phone with estranged wife, Jessica Parido. Mercedes “MJ” Javid, crooked weave and unmanageable in her drunkenness, uses that as an opportunity to snipe at Mike about his relationship. Boyfriend Tommy Feight and a surprisingly sober Golnesa “GG” Gharachedaghi play the voices of reason and shove her into an Escalade but they can’t shut off her slurring tirade.

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sister wives maddie

I’m going out on a limb here and betting that last night’s Sister Wives was longer than Robyn Brown’s actual labor. Baby Sister arrived last night, and Kody cites that Robyn is far more independent with this pregnancy than she was with Solomon. We are treated to highlights of Robyn’s frustrations with Kody over the last several weeks, and both agree that their emotional connection isn’t what it was with the last. Robyn has felt “off” the entire time, and she tends to listen to her intuition which worries Kody to no end. 

Baby Sister will be Kody’s eighteenth child. The family reminisces about firstborn Logan. He was born to Janelle after Kody had married his first three wives. Christine got pregnant not long after marrying Kody. Meri gave birth to Mariah a few short months after Christine gave birth to Aspyn. Madison came next, and Janelle had a difficult time producing enough milk. Maddie wasn’t gaining weight, so Meri stepped in to breast feed. As Kody’s brood got bigger, he felt more scrutiny from employers and customers. Many of Christine and Janelle’s pregnancies overlapped. While it’s a bit odd to think about, the family videos of the kids are adorable. 

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Luann and Bethenny

Last night’s Real Housewives Of New York left me feeling like Dorinda Medley! I watch this show! It’s supposed to be fun! None of you can “betave!” (And yes – I was swinging a vodka bottle as I ranted at the TV – ironically the TV, which can’t hear me, provided the same non-reaction as the Housewives who were physically standing right in front of Dorinda!)

Also, I’m just gonna say it – I’m tired of Bethenny Frankel. This is not HER show. That spinoff was CANCELLED. Time for Bethenny to recognize where she stands; maybe Bravo gives her special snowflake treatment, but she’s rolling in the same muck as all the other harridans she pretends to be above, and her despot tyrannical behavior is just annoying.

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Danny-Zuriekrat-Bobby-Giancola-Arguing-Tender-Below-Deck-Mediterranean

After last week’s poetry slam (party of one), lovesick Danny Zureikat is on strike 2 of 3 with Captain Mark Howard, not to mention everyone else. Not ready to “go be a Walmart greeter,” just yet as Captain Mark suggested, Danny figures he’ll stick around and try to screw up his life a little more! Thus begins another week of Below Deck Mediterranean, A Young Man’s Journey Toward A Restraining Order. But first! A possible beat down on the high seas, courtesy of deckhand Bobby Giancola? Yes, please!

Last seen, Tiffany Copeland was getting her drunken hookup on with Bryan Kattenburg. At the same time, Ben Robinson (who secretly likes Tiffany) was trying to squirm out of Hannah Ferrier’s cringe-inducing clutches. Just as Ben made his escape, he was faced with another conundrum when he walked into Bryan’s bunk only to witness the Tiffany/Bryan hookup in full swing! I don’t know about you, but I AM LOVING THIS! 

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Teen Mom 2 recap

Last night’s episode of Teen Mom 2 was relatively low-key. Aside from a standard shouting match between Jenelle Evans and Barbara Evans, there was no major conflict.

Leah Messer and Miranda Simms discuss Ali’s accusations that Miranda doesn’t help her and only pays attention to Remi, but they manage to keep it civilized. We don’t see Kailyn Lowry talk to Javi Marroquin at all, but she tells her friends and Jo Rivera that things are tough and it looks like she’s headed toward a divorce. Chelsea Houska and Cole DeBoer celebrate Pete the Pig’s first birthday while Aubree cheers Adam Lind on in a weight-lifting competition. Jenelle continues searching for answers to her medical problems and has a blow-up with Babs when she chooses spring break over an important event for Jace.

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RHOD-stephanie-hollman-cake

On last night’s Real Housewives Of Dallas Travis got to have his cake and eat it too. Meanwhile Brandi Redmond and Stephanie Hollman officially fell for the newly sweetened version of LeeAnne Locken. Was it aspartame, or real sugar?

Travis‘ birthday is the most important day of the year next to Jesus’ birthday. In fact, Travis is like the second son born in the miracle manger. At least according to Stephanie. (And Travis.) Therefore this warrants a lavish, over-the-top affair in which Stephanie proves that importance that is Travis’ ego, so she decides to throw a a Gatsby-themed party to celebrate the living incarnate of holiness on earth. With Stephanie in charge, Travis is practically pooping his pants that he may end up with a party at Bounce It Out! where Brandi and Stephanie slurp Jesus Juice through booze googles while dry humping the slide.