Recaps

sister wives

Welcome back, Sister Wives. I’d like to say I’ve missed Kody Brown and crew, and maybe I have…but not two hours worth. Not at all. However, I am grateful for that extra sixty minutes of Kody’s hair, Meri’s whining, and Robyn’s sobbin’, but geez, TLC, couldn’t you give us something to look forward to throughout the season? The super-sized season premiere begins with the family recapping Maddie’s serious relationship with Caleb, the family’s trip to Alaska, while Meri stays silent. She is too busy wondering how she’s going to spin this catfish story. Meri admits to having feelings for the man she thought she was speaking to online and over the phone who ended up being a woman who had targeted her on social media. She reveals how difficult it was to share the news with Kody and her sister wives, and the other women weigh in on Meri’s behavior during this time. 

Sporting a new haircut, Kody complains that Maddie is always moody when she’s apart from Caleb. The wives joke that he should be used to female emotions by now. Returning from a trip to visit Montana to visit Caleb, while scouting jobs and apartments, the family is gathered for a big dinner. With the wave of her hand, Maddie announces her engagement and Truely loses her cool. The date has been set, and corny Kody starts jonesing for a road trip with Caleb to search for venues in Wyoming. Janelle is concerned that they are less than a year out with minimal planning. 

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Real Housewives of New York recap

The standout moment from last night’s Real Housewives Of New York was that nearly every woman wore the exact same dress to Ramona Singer‘s birthday lunch. We’re no longer fighting for control of Ramona Blue, it is now Ramona Red!

Dorinda Medley meets Carole Radziwill for dumplings. Of course, the real reason for this feast is to discuss everything that went down in the Hamptons at Jules Wainstein‘s Joker’s Funhouse of Construction Deathtraps. Carole says it was an awkward vibe, but surprisingly admits that she and Bethenny Frankel behaved badly. 

Suddenly, careening through the door in a gold leather jacket, like The Flash (if he lingered a whisper of pissiness and perfume), is Jules. She plops down – I never even had time to notice if she ate or not because she talked so much and so fast about the terrible impression Bethenny’s abrasiveness has given her. 

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Little Women: NY recap

This season on Little Women: NY, we see that while some things have changed (new cast members and living situations), some things remain the same. Lila Call is still working on her sobriety after a bumpy first season and Dawn Lang remains as self-righteous as ever. On the season premiere, we get to see both of those issues play out in full force, thanks in part to Terra Jole from Little Women: LA making an very unwelcome appearance.

Lila’s life seems to be on track for now – she’s sober, happy, and has a new roommate. Turns out it’s none other than Jason Perez. He finally managed to cut the cord and move out of his parent’s house and has even been seeing someone special for a few months. Jason is so happy, he’s ready to celebrate with a Pajama Jam party, where his mystery love interest will be making an appearance. Lila acknowledges that living with a boy can be hard and she has to set some ground rules – no walking around naked, no leaving the toilet seat up, and Jason better make himself scarce when Lila has a gentleman caller. Apparently the walls are very thin. 

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Briana-Renee-Looking-Up-Reunion-2-Little-Women-LA

It’s time for part two of the Little Women: LA reunion! And I, for one, could not be happier about the choice of hosts for this big ole mess. Last week, Kevin Frazier ran this show like a BOSS, and tonight he’s taking things one step further by insisting that Matt Ericson sit down, put his big boy pants (as opposed to his Peter Pan Pants) on, and listen up as his disgusting texts to other women are read aloud in front of the entire cast. Let us take a moment of silence to thank the reality gods for putting Kevin Frazier in our lives. Amen. 

Okay, here we go! Part one of the season 4 reunion ended on a stage break, during which Christy McGinity asked Briana Renee if she “okay’d” the sexts the entire cast was about to hear? No, says Briana. But it doesn’t look like she has much control. And let’s face it: not having control over anything happening around her, to her, or near her seems to be Briana’s ultimate character flaw. Or at least she believes it to be. I’d argue that she has plenty of control over this mess she’s in, but chooses to hide her head in the sand instead. Suddenly, Matt takes issue with the texts too, claiming they’re “grotesque” and he doesn’t want to stick around to hear them repeated. Uh, wait up homie! We thought you went into some sort of fugue state and didn’t recall anything about what you wrote? #RememberTHAT? 

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Real Housewives of Beverly Hills reunion

The final part of the Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills reunion was all about owning the undefinable IT – what that “IT” is, we’re not sure. Lisa Vanderpump was owning no part in offending anyone, or the chicanery behind manipulating others into questioning Yolanda Foster‘s Lyme Disease. Other than Kyle Richards, the only person Lisa deemed worthy was Ken, who, despite pissing all the women off, made no appearance last night. Ken was too busy relaxing in the Villa Rosa gardens amid the splendor of mini horses and Pomeranians. Or, who knows, maybe he was doing gourmet Jello Shots with Mohamed and David! #LifeWithoutLyme

We begin with Lisa explaining why she didn’t open up about her past abuse when Eileen Davidson shared hers. Lisa didn’t feel comfortable sharing in front of Ken. Which seems to be a problem; since season 3 Ken has made a habit of attending events with Lisa, acting as a guard dog between her and the other women. It’s a bit silly, and, as Eileen tried to point out (in between Yolanda constantly interrupting), this wall Lisa has up – physically and metaphorically – prevents her from bonding and forming true friendships with the women.

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Dance Moms finale

It’s not an episode of Dance Moms if Abby Lee Miller doesn’t tap dance all over the feelings of her dancers, and it’s not the season finale if Lifetime doesn’t force an extra thirty minutes of the show on us. Last night was an emotional ride, with MacKenzie and Maddie Ziegler saying good-bye to their oldest friends and Melissa Gisoni peacing out on the ladies she has loved to hate for the last several years.

For the last week, Maddie wishes for good dances, fun times, and Abby keeping the yelling to a minimum. Keep wishing, kid! Jill hopes the mothers will remember to be on their best behavior, and Jill reminds the mini-moms that this isn’t the time to cause drama. So wise, that Jill.

After a poor showing at the last competition, Abby praises the minis for being her only winners, teasing them with the idea of head shots. Maddie makes the mistake of asking if she’s trying to replace the Zieglers, and Abby retorts that she’s not quitting just because Maddie’s a quitter. Maddie backs down, “It’s your team!” as Abby basically takes full credit for Maddie‘s success. Had she been dancing for anyone else, she’d still be living her boring, humdrum, middle class life. It’s awkward, and I feel both badly for Maddie that her teacher is being so hateful and glad that she’s getting the heck out of dodge.

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Below Deck Mediterranean recap

Sound the foghorns, for Below Deck has officially been franchised!

With Below Deck: Mediterranean, we’re treated to the stuff we’ve grown to love (crew hookups, obnoxious guests) in a new corner of the world – the Greek Isles! Besides the scenery’s obvious eye candy, Bravo has assembled a hot new international crew, including Captain Mark Howard, to navigate these waters. Returning fan favorite (or maybe I just speak on behalf of my own shameless crush!) Chef Ben Robinson is back to see how far he can take in on-board shenanigans without breaking too many hearts along the way.

Joining Captain Mark and Ben are new cast and crew mates Hannah Ferrier (Chief Stew), Julia D’Albert-Pusey (2nd Stew), Tiffany Copeland (3rd Stew), Bryan Kattenburg (1st Mate), Bobby Giancola, Danny Zurelkat, and Jen Riservato (Deckhands).

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Teen Mom 2 recap

The lawyers were the real winners on last night’s Teen Mom 2, racking up billable hours on never-ending custody issues.

Chelsea Houska meets with a child support referee to adjust Adam Lind’s child support, but he’s a no show. Nathan Griffith finally hires a lawyer to get custody of Kaiser, while Jenelle Evans’s lawyer tries to keep her out of jail. Leah Messer, Corey Simms, and most importantly, their twin girls, all have a victory in court. Kailyn Lowry has no need for a lawyer yet, as things seems to be going well with Javi Marroquin away.

Chelsea and three of her girlfriends make Cole DeBoer drive them to a wedding venue several hours away. Does Cole have friends? It seems odd to me that he would go on this trip unless he has nothing better to do. I’d rather stay home and babysit Chelsea’s mammoth dog and Pete-Pete. Before they head out, the girls and the hair monster living on Chelsea’s head push Mary’s car out of a snow drift.

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