Recaps

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On last night’s Ladies of London, Julie Montagu decides the to keep her friends close and her enemies closer by extending an olive branch – of sorts – to Caroline Stanbury. Which Juliet Angus is not too pleased about. While Julie’s busy HSP-ing her way through a sales pitch to potential investors for her JUB business, Marissa Hermer is hoping Annabelle Neilson can wave some of her magic fairy dust over her own new venture, Top Dog. Meanwhile, the real queen of all things fairy dust and clouds and rainbows, Baroness Caroline Fleming, is basking in the warm glow of her blossoming romantic relationship with a younger man who has a very, very big…heart.

We begin with Juliet heading over to Caroline S‘s Gift Library to do damage control. She confesses that she told Julie about Caroline telling her she was going to “wipe the floor” with her. And – oops! – now Annabelle knows too. Caroline is pissy about Juliet starting more idle gossip, and comments that Juliet is a cave person who bashes everything up with a club, then walks away. Caroline demands that Juliet fix all of this before her sister in law, Sophie Stanbury‘s, upcoming birthday. Juliet will of course strap on her best minion overalls to do Caroline’s bidding.  

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Manzo'd With Children - Albie & Chris With Pot

Last night on Manzo’d With Children Bravo’s bootleg version of Cheech & Chong traveled to Colorado for a “Cannabis Tour.” 

Businessman eccellenza Albie Manzo is marketing his grow-fast plant spray but business is “all about relationships.” Apparently spuriously calling pot growers from the phone in mommy’s craft room does not gain one customers. 

Therefore Albie heads to Colorado with No. 1 sidekick Christopher. If you, in your mind, were imagining escapades, prepare to be disappointed. There were neither debaucherous hi-jinks, actual drug use, or attractive men boys. 

Christopher envisioning that weed distributors are much like Tony Montana is bringing mace and a rape whistle. Albie tells Caroline not to worry: “If you ever want to see me get out of this house, this trip is my opportunity.” As Albie utters these ominous words, the beginning chords of The Beastie Boy’s ‘SABOTAGE’ starts playing in my head. Because… Newsflash! Caroline doesn’t ever want to see Albie leave her nest. Which is why he’s still eating off a monogrammed placemat and storing his sweaters in his childhood toy box. 

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dont be tardy kim

Is it just me, or does Kim Zolciak Biermann look more plastic with every episode of Don’t Be Tardy. Someone needs to give her a tutorial on that make-up highlighting situation too. I just can’t believe that she still stands firm that she hasn’t had work done. It’s baffling.

Kim is frustrated because the family has made no advances on Brielle’s graduation party. She wants a carnival theme, but Kroy reminds his wife that carnivals are just snow cone machines and dunking booths out in the middle of nowhere. Kim has gotten three quotes from party planners which are all in circling the six figure range, but Kroy has shut down the users. I never noticed that he swears as much (if not more) than Kim. 

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I feel like Sister Wives is glossing over just how much is involved in adopting children when there is a living parent who hasn’t terminated parental rights, but what do I know? Plus, who can be bothered with legal woes when there is a Pirate Festival complete with a cardboard boat race. Kody Brown and his kids are excited to partake, and the family has to take a class on how to build the boat, and Meri promises to be the biggest cheerleader…from a distance. The crew decides to split into two teams to build two boats. Janelle is leading one group and Kody, Robyn, and Christine are arguing over the other boat. Christine doesn’t understand why Robyn keeps arguing because Kody is going to do whatever he wants regardless. 

The Brown kids are excited about the race, but not the process leading up to it. Parents will be yelling, dad’s hair is getting more uncontrollable, and the kids are fighting for more attention. Kody keeps reminding his wives that he is always right, and he has wonderful grand plans that aren’t going to work out given their time constraint. Robyn responds that she’s nothing but a supportive wife, but she likes that Christine has her back with an aggressive Kody. He doesn’t want to lose, and Christine and Robyn are bonding over impersonating their pissy husband. Janelle comes down the cul-de-sac to check out the competition but she quickly retreats when she senses the vibe of Kody tag team fighting with Christine and Robyn. Over on Janelle’s team, the kids are the ones causing s ruckus. No one is enjoying bossy pants Gabe who clearly takes after his old man. I’m starting to think this fun family bonding experience is anything but…

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On this week’s Little Women: LA, it’s time for Elena Gant’s bachelorette party! Terra Jole and Tonya Banks are planning a Palm Springs getaway, but they have strict instructions that it can’t be tacky. So…why are Terra and Tonya planning it, then? After their day at the track, the group is on the outs with Briana Manson, who Tonya is particularly angry with for not showing up at day 3 of her video shoot. As for Terra, she is convinced that all of Briana’s issues (and her own issues with Briana) stem from her relationship with Matt

Elena has been checking in on Briana since their blowup at the race track, and is having Briana over for a poolside chat at her home. Elena wants to support Briana and wants her to be at her bachelorette party, no matter what the rest of the group thinks. Briana is hesitant to attend, though, considering she was booted out of the last event by mean-girl Terra. In the end, Elena promises to talk to the rest of the girls to ensure no one confronts Briana about Matt on the trip. Briana promises to give Elena an answer in the morning. 

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below deck lee

“I’ve got to be free, free to face the life that’s ahead of me; on board, I’m the captain, so climb aboard. We’ll search for tomorrow on every shore.” If you’re not a fan of Styx, I’m not sure we can be friends. However, I’ll cut you some slack if you’re enjoying this season of Below Deck as much as I am!

Tonight’s episode begins with the crew socializing on land, and Emile Kotze is overcome with the feelings for Raquel “Rocky” Dakota Bartlow. She’s flirting up a storm, but she’s playing the field with both Emile and new guy Dane who immediately pushes his co-worker’s buttons by making fun of a bracelet gifted to Emile by his sister. Rocky stays a few steps ahead of Emile. He missed his golden ticket on their drunken first (and only) date. Eddie Lucas retires to call his girlfriend while Rocky mixes up some whipped cream to coat Connie Arias’ naked body. Chef Leon Walker is amused, to say the least. In his cabin, Eddie is having the same fight with girlfriend Amy who cheated on him last charter season. Amy Johnson is confused by the whipped cream bikini situation, and when Eddie returns to the main deck, he can’t believe the mess. It’s not a frat party! Kate Chastain is playing the role of silent by-stander as Eddie deposits Connie’s underwear on the floor of her room. Kids these days…what are you going to do? 

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RHOC Recap- Brooks debuts medical records

On last night’s episode of “I’m Not A Doctor, But I Play One On TV,” Meghan King Edmonds continued to probe deep into Brooks Ayers. Summing up Real Housewives Of Orange County: Brooks may be lying about cancer, which makes it OK for Meghan to lie by impersonating a cancer patient and calling his doctors. Basically, the type of doctors these two need ain’t treating cancer, but psychosis!

Just to put this out there, since I’m NOT a doctor (nor do I pretend to be), I’ll reserve judgement on diagnosing Brooks. I’ll stick to what I am qualified to do: diagnosing the ladies of Real Housewives Of Orange County as crazy!

Brooks and Vicki Gunvalson finally visit a doctor. If you were expecting an oncologist – think again! Instead, accompanied by the bootleg copy of Yolanda “Lemons Cure” Foster earthing woman, they met with an eastern-meets-western physician to “rebuild” Brooks’s immune system. 

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Last night’s Ladies of London picked up right where we left off, with grown women in onesies arguing over who’s humping whose hubby. Juliet Angus just caught a unicorn version of Caroline Stanbury posing over Juliet’s husband, Gregor, in a compromising position. And she ain’t happy about it. As Caroline dismisses Juliet for taking umbrage over her “joke,” Caroline’s more than slightly tipsy sister in law, Sophie Stanbury, bends over Juliet to argue about men wanting “variety” and absolutely loving the occasional unicorn hump now and again! So, pfffffffft with ye olde Americans and your easily bruised egos! Caroline takes a more direct approach, flipping Juliet off before she walks away. Getting huffy in plush onesies is no small feat, but these ladies are managing to do just that. Which is hilarious.

After Juliet tells the group she and Gregor are going to bed, Sophie snarks, “You Americans have no idea how to party. I’m gonna go hang out with the Brits!” The drunken Caroline and Sophie, along with wannabe Brit, Marissa Hermer, head up to Caroline’s suite for an after party with their assigned husbands. Caroline doesn’t understand Juliet’s damage. Caroline Fleming coos in Caroline S’s ear that the person who starts the drama usually *is* the drama. The Baroness has spoken! And she has just encapsulated the behavior of every reality star that’s ever cried foul.

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