Recaps

Lisa Vanderpump

This season of Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills had everyone wondering: “Who’s The Most Manipulative Of Them All?” And you may ask yourself, is it really Lisa Vanderpump? And you may ask yourself, what about some of the others?

After an entire season speculating about how manipulative Lisa could possibly be, we decided to examine other drastic moments of manipulation littering the history of Reality TV.  

Below is Reality Tea’s list of some of our favorite examples of manipulation on reality TV!

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Ramona Singer confronts Luann

The ladies of Real Housewives Of New York are lucky where psychics are concerned. They generally get the nice sort who pass along good vibes and communications with loving husbands from the beyond. Unlike oh, say, Allison DuBois or that psychic popstar friend of Tamra’s who predicted Brooks was faking cancer! Anyway, last night Carole Radziwill hired a medium, who found her self mediating between Ramona Singer and Dorinda Medley‘s World War John.

“They needed that,” the woman remarked calmly as Ramona and Dorinda held each other and cried after their blow-up. This woman needs to be making more appearances on Bravo. 

However, we begin with psycho facialists. Sonja Morgan is getting human skin cells spread on her face, since placenta is too expensive to buy on the black market! Sonja needs to hook Yolanda up with Satoko! 

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Little Women: NY Recap

Last week, the season premiere of Little Women: NY went from zero to drama and tonight’s episode was no exception. Lila Call has bigger issues than her beef with roomie Jason Perez while the forever judge-y Dawn Lang and sister-in-law Jazmin Lang continue to butt heads. Jessica “Jess” Capri takes time off from helping her pregnant friend, Katie Snyder, to deal with her Dawn issues as well.

Jazmin is on the hunt for a roommate now that her husband, David Lang, is moving to Florida for work.  True to form, Dawn said “hell to the nah” about Jazmin moving in, so Jazmin decides to stop by Jessica’s apartment to see if she can crash there. Unfortunately for Jazmin, a pregnant Katie has already taken that slot. Katie mentions she knows David and Dawn from back in the day and Jazmin tells Katie how crappy of a sister-in-law she is. Jessica makes the obvious observation that Dawn is a hater.

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Matt and Briana recap

Did you watch this mess? Could you bring yourself to actually do it? Well, no matter! I am here to fearlessly take one for the team and recap this shiznit!

Lest you venture forth too quickly, I advise you to take a deep breath and center yourself. (Ohhhhhhmmmm) Because what went down on Little Women: LA Matt and Briana, Part 1, last night is not for the faint of heart – nor for the rational, emotionally balanced, mentally stable among us. Nay! It is for the delusional and the slow to learn, for those wretched souls who wander the planet screaming RIDE OR DIE in public urinals during the sunset of their lives. So, with that warning, let’s all climb in to this steaming garbage heap together, shall we?  

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Screen Shot 2016-05-11 at 12.06.34 AM

Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills Secrets Revealed was all about friendships, fun, swans, and family – you know, none of the stuff the actual season focused on.

At Villa Rosa the swans are primed for attack by the Most Wanted posters hung in the pond, and the mini horses are being tailed by Rumpy Pumpy who just can’t figure out what to do with these odd creatures, but Lisa Vanderpump knows that if she had to choose between Ken and the horses, Ken would be joining David Foster in Casa de Divorce. #LifeWithoutLyme

Just kidding! Ken is well-aware Lisa would never leave him – although he’s decided to pretend-adore mini horses just in case! After Ken brushes and grooms a mini horse, he trots over to Dr. Ourian’s office so Lisa can get her skin examined for melanoma. Or so Ken thinks… the real plan is to trick Ken into getting Botox!

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dance moms group 1

Um, are we watching someone unravel right in front of our eyes? The first three minutes of last night’s Dance Moms Reunion was akin to watching Britney Spears’ epic meltdown circa 2006, except there wasn’t any head-shaving…yet (at least). Abby Lee Miller arrives extremely late–and braless–as the mothers wait patiently on the stage with this year’s host, Jai Rodriquez. As a huge Queer Eye fan, I’m glad to see he’s still around! I notice that Phil Collins was wise enough not to get to close to this debacle! Abby stumbles on stage, hair half up in hot rollers, much she like starts her day at the studio. Abby complains about her bra, pulling it outside of her shirt to show the appalled audience, as Melissa Gisoni rushes to her rescue. Jai quickly cuts to a group routine which is already prepped and ready to go.

Jai gushes over the season, and Abby seems to have regained some sense of composure. He inquires about the Ziegler girls’ exit, and Abby accuses Melissa of lying to her, the producers, director, and Lifetime’s legal team. Melissa counters that they all knew, and she followed the proper channels. As Abby rolls her eyes, Jai questions what rumors Abby has heard. She goes on a rampage about Maddie judging So You Think You Can Dance, dismissing the competition show and its decisions. Melissa’s blood is boiling but she’s not allowed to speak on Maddie’s next move. Jill tries to calm her friend. Jessalyn interjects to remind Abby that she cried for hours when she heard about Maddie and MacKenzie’s impending departure. Abby argues that she’s beyond happy for Maddie, but she wanted to part of the united front when announcing their new opportunities. The other moms recognize that Melissa was following the advice of her lawyer, but they feel slighted that she always accused them of lying or believing gossip when they would question her about the rumors that turned out to be true. 

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Ben-Galley-Below-Deck-Mediterranean

All aboard! Last week’s debut of Below Deck Mediterranean introduced us to a brand new cast (with the exception of chef Ben Robinson), and set the stage for semi-rough waters ahead. Last seen, chief stew Hannah Ferrier was schlepping all over the stunning Greek isle of Paros searching in vain for a Pittsburgh Steelers game. No, that is not a Mad Libs sentence – that is the sad, sad truth. Why is she on this fool’s errand? Because the trashy yacht guests demand it! 

The question these charter guests may want to ask themselves is: selves, why have we traveled to the Greek Isles in the midst of football season? Especially if we’re swearing that we’ve “never missed a Steelers game” in our itty bitty lives? Alas, these questions aren’t the ones being asked. Instead, the guests turn their wrath on Hannah, who tells them they have no chance of finding a Steelers game on this island. Her last hope lies with Captain Mark Howard, who is still trying to get the game to stream on the ship. (This is literally what the guests/staff/captain are obsessed with? THEY ARE IN PARADISE!!! Pfffffffffftt…Steelers.)

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LeeAnne and Tiffany fight

Yay for assault by Bravo! On last night’s episode of Real Housewives Of Dallas it was emotional breakdowns galore, but at least there were diamonds. 

At Marie Reyes‘ cocktail party LeeAnne Locken is flinging champagne, name-calling, screaming in Stephanie Hollmans face. Then she stamps her feet all the way out the door. Cary Deuber, who is wearing a layer of champagne over her designer dress, has seen that behavior before – on her 2-year-old! 

While Stephanie bursts into tears, Tiffany Hendra chases LeeAnne out the door. Something tells me Tiffany is always running after LeeAnne to talk her down from the edge…. Tiffany needs a new co-dependence partner. Keith Suburban not dramatic enough for her? 

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