On this week’s episode of Don’t Be Tardy, it’s a beautiful morning for the Biermann Family! Kim Zolciak lets us know that she loves the sound of the FedEx delivery truck (aka Santa Claus) as they can only mean posh, luxurious gifts waiting for her to devour. After ripping through her usual order of Louis Vuitton bags and what not, she opens up some odd items that Kroy has ordered. Solar showers and female urinals among them and oh, crap! Kim forgot she promised Kroy Biermann she would go camping in exchange for her high-end shopping spree earlier that month.
She tries to bail on the trip when she finds Kroy in the basement getting organized and ready to go for a fun time in the wilderness. Kroy wants her to unplug for a bit and detach from her hectic life and enjoy the great outdoors for a few days. Kim is all, “Ugh!! Fine!”.
It makes me feel warm inside that despite all the cast changes, Real Housewives Of New Jersey hasn’t given up the sleaze factor. I’m not sure if they reached a new low last night or not, but whatever – it keeps us on our toes right?!
The big drama is that Victoria Gotti, mentoress in all things badly-behaving criminal husband to our beloved Teresa Giudice, showed up and oh boy did she have some secrets stashed under that Barbie weave. (Kim D collection, y’all! Actually Kim gets her weaves from the VG Collection – real hair, scalped by the finest Italian mobsters in all the land!)
It turns out that Victoria has known Rino, husband of one Teressssssssssssa Aprea for quite some time. It turns out Rino used to have a thing for Victoria. It turns out Rino has a thing for older ladies of a certain Mrs. Robinson persuasion. More on that later…
This is episode 6 of LeAnn and Eddie, which apparently means it’s time to cover some of our favorite reality television storylines! Can you guess which ones? If you guessed doggy therapy or fertility issues, you win! Let’s get started.
This episode opens with LeAnn Rimes expressing concern to Eddie Cibrian about their little dog, Precious. LeAnn thinks she’s been acting different and seems depressed. Eddie hasn’t noticed, but suggests taking Precious to vet. This just won’t do because LeAnn believes it appears to be a mental health issue. This kind of situation requires a dog therapist. Eddie questions what the little dog will have to say to the therapist. I regret never having children? I don’t know my dad? LeAnn tells him to quit making fun of her and puts in a call to the puppy shrink.
But first, condolences to Josh Flagg for the loss of his grandmother, Edith Flagg. I enjoyed watching their scenes together. They really seemed to like each other’s company and you could feel the love between them. She was a spitfire and will be missed. Now back to the show…
Josh Altman has returned still engaged to Heather Bilyeu. As much as Josh was opposed to the idea last season, she is now working for The Altman Brothers but from the ‘home’ office in order to keep a separation of family (Heather) and business (Matt). He had no choice but to bring her into the fold. Money is money, right? I’m no therapist, but it doesn’t take one to see the writing on the wall.
We start off with Sheree and Tameka at her house. Sheree is being very nice considering how Tameka has been treating her. Sheree brings up the jabs that Tameka has been throwing, and Tameka’s explanation for all of the jabs is that she says things before thinking because her brain moves so rapidly. Huh, say what. Okay, Bitter Einstein. So, let me get this straight. Tameka is basically saying, ‘I am correct in thinking those mean things about you. I probably shouldn’t say them, but you can’t fault me for that either because I only say them because my brain moves so much faster than everyone else’s, including yours.’ I think I got it, or maybe my brain doesn’t move that fast. *eye roll* Sheree offers to fix her up on a date. Tameka agrees as long as the guy’s pants aren’t sagging. Was that another jab? I’m trying to train my brain to keep up.
Atlanta Exes: Meet the New Ladies! This is the premiere episode of the spinoff of Hollywood Exes. This series introduces us to the exes of prominent men of Atlanta. So who are these newbies??? We have Monyetta Shaw, ex-fiancé to Ne-Yo, who is a singer, songwriter, and actor. Sheree Buchanan is the ex-wife of former pro-footballer Ray Buchanan. Torrei Hart is the ex-wife of Kevin Hart, comedienne and actor. Christina Johnson is the ex-wife of CeeLo Green, singer and coach on The Voice. And last but certainly not least,the former Mrs. Usher Raymond, Tameka Raymond. Usher is a very famous R&B singer. He has also tried his hand at acting, and coaching on the voice. He is also Justin Bieber’s mentor; I guess we can’t hold that against him. He has most recently called their marriage his “best mistake.”
We start at Tameka’s house that she once shared with Usher, and can I say that marrying well should be all the rage if it leads to houses like this. That house is the stuff of little girl and grown groupies’ dreams. Tameka gives us some background. She became Usher’s stylist in 2001. They married in 2007 after she divorced the husband she was cheating on. They went through a tumultuous divorce and a more recent custody battle which she lost. She has invited the women over for a packing party.
I know y’all have mentioned it before, but what say we pool our resources and donate to Lifetime so Dance Moms can get a new introduction sans the mother and former dancers who are embroiled in a legal battle with Abby Lee Miller. Is that too much to ask? Of course it is, just like it’s too much to ask for Abby to be kind to her students. After victory at a very suspect competition (were there any other dancers there?), Abby is hoping to find a replacement for Maddie in the event Sia wants her star student for every other music video she ever makes.
Not surprisingly, Abby brings in another new dancer to go head-to-head with Chloe. Jade will be dancing with the ALDC this week. Chloe is at the bottom of the pyramid for placing second in the solo division. We all know second is first loser. Nia follows for being the fourth in the top five. MacKenzie is third because her budding pop star status doesn’t give her an excuse to have poor posture. Maddie is second because, woohoo, she was in a Sia video that has allowed her to perform on Ellen and has been interviewed for Seventeen magazine! Kendall is on the top of the pyramid for winning the junior solo division.
Last night was the season finale of The Real Housewives Of Orange County and everyone was ready to move forward. I mean after verbally decimating each other again. Or if you ask Heather Dubrow “pugilistically” arguing! Yes, the highlight of the episode was when Mrs. Perfect Always Right used her vocab word incorrectly!
The ladies are back from Bali and one person truly embraced the spirit of reincarnation to shed all the dead weight (did the fish eat it?): Shannon Beador! She’s a whole new woman – she and David are even sleeping in the same bed. Despite her issues with Tamra and Heather, Shannon wants to move forward (catchphrase of the night) so she’s attending Vicki Gunvalson‘s party with positive energy and no hard feelings. If only… if only feelings were likewise.
Over at Tamra Barney‘s home for the grudge-holding, snarling biatches, she’s still spitting mad that she got called out. And ain’t nobody gonna escape her wrath! Tamra reveals that she took an earlier flight home to escape the girls and now she doesn’t want to go to Vicki’s party because Lizzie Rovsekis the devil in an ugly dress. In Tamra’s mind Lizzie is something from an R.L Stine’s Goosebumps novel (4th grade reading level!). She calls Heather, who is now totally team Tamra. Tamra has a million excuses for all the horrible things she has done and said – and how everyone else is worse; Tamra spins things more than my washing machine. But unlike my washer – the dirt isn’t coming out!