Recaps

below-deck-recap

Last night’s Below Deck was all about frustration. Kate Chastain resurrects the Resting B*tch Face to combat her frustration over the shoddy work – and attitude – she’s perceiving from Sierra Storm and Emily Warburton-Adam. Meanwhile, Kelley Johnson does his best to quiet his ego as he adjusts to life with Nico Scholly’s new senior deckhand status. As opposed to Nico’s freshman deckhand behavior lately – which now includes blaming Kate for all of his self-inflicted problems aboard Valor! Lauren Burchnell is, of course, all too happy to blame Kate too. She’s #TeamNico, whether it makes sense or not. Sigh. I had such high hopes for Lauren early in the season. What happened to this girl in six short weeks?

We begin with Kate and Kelley bemoaning their separate fates. But Ben Robinson and Emily are celebrating theirs! After preserving Emily’s funeral bouquet for as long as humanly possible, Ben finally scored an adult sleepover ashore. From which he emerged giddier than ever. Kyle Dixon is also breathing a sigh of relief after his girlfriend Ashley took his sketchy Sierra news pretty well. Kyle better get it together for that patient girl because she is standing by his excuse-making arse even though he doesn’t deserve it. #TeamAshley

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Scheana

High school… these problems matter! These people are in high school like the original cast of 90210 were. Meaning the “kids” on Vanderpump Rules are 30 going on 13, and it’s ridiculous.

Last night, Katie Maloney, Bridezilla of West Hollywood (she may actually just be straight up Godzilla at this point because she does seem to think she’s God), demanded Scheana Marie never, ever have an opinion contrary to Katie’s, like, ever again, and if Scheana does like ever, ever, ever deign to think for herself, she will be dumped like room temperature white wine.

Katie is the one who needs to be bumped – by Tom 2 and everyone else. She and Stassi Schroeder deserve each other.

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Kenya

Don’t talk about Kandi Burruss‘ mama or try to take her food. Just in case you weren’t aware! On last night’s Real Housewives Of Atlanta, the ladies tried to come together for good, but first they had to be bad.

Crossing enemy territory and waving the white – or peach – flag of surrender, Phaedra Parks invites Kenya Moore to tea. Both wielding tongues like fruit knives, they exchanged barely-veiled barbs dipped in honey and stirred with hot milk to soothe the pain. But then Phaedra invited Kenya to be part of her efforts to send kids from Flint, Michigan, to summer camp through the Phaedra Phoundation.

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Sister Wives season premiere recap

Greetings, dear readers. I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving. TLC clearly wanted to prolong your celebration by giving you an extra hour of the premiere of Sister Wives for which you can be grateful. Twice the Kody Brown follicles, twice the teen wedding shenanigans! We’ve got double the Christine happy pills, Janelle frankness, and Meri passive aggression. Robyn was there as well. 🙂 Fix up a turkey sandwich with those amazing leftovers, and prepare to roll your eyes at the antics of the Brown family.

As the super-sized season begins, the Browns are ecstatic about Madison’s upcoming wedding which, in TV time, is two month away. Maddie asks Truely if she’ll be the flower girl. The wives joke about pulling off a traditional wedding given polygamist ceremonies are quiet and low key with minimal guests. Christine’s got jokes (they won’t be mothers-in-law, more like outlaws!), and everyone seems to be genuinely getting along on the velour sofa. Christine has clearly upped her meds given Mykelti’s news that she’s ready to marry her boyfriend of five months. She has to approach Kody before Tony asks for his daughter’s hand. She calls her husband, and Kody is prepared for the worst even though he’s very used to getting urgent texts and calls from his wives about something important. Christine regrets how her initial conversation went with Mykelti – she wasn’t excited or supportive.

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S33_Ep11_SG_053

Well I owe a few apologies.  Not only did this recap come nearly two days later than normal (darn you, Thanksgiving), but instead of turkey I was eating crow.   You see, in my Preview Article on Wednesday morning, I had sort of whined and moaned that usually a two-hour double-episode, tucked right before Thanksgiving, usually ends up being lame…almost a “fast-forward” through what might be a boring stretch or a predictable Tribal Council.  I had speculated which of these players would be the easy target for such an episode.  But holy wow, was I mistaken.  Wednesday’s episode of Survivor was one of the best back-to-back episodes in a long time, and featured what -to me – must be instantly considered a Top-5 All-Time Tribal Council.  Boy I hope nobody missed what went down on Wednesday, because it was a Survivor-strategist’s dream come true, instantly elevating this season into contention – should it maintain this level of intense gameplay – as one of the best Survivor seasons maybe ever (don’t worry, we’ll rank the season as a whole once the smoke clears after Finale next month).

The best part of this Recap coming two days later is it gave us all some extra time not only to digest our turkey dinners, but to digest the magnitude of what we just witnessed.  This is your second-to-last chance to turn back and stop reading, lest you be spoiled as to the events of Wednesday’s double-episode.

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Dance Moms season finale recap

Last night’s Dance Moms showcased the competition where Abby Lee Miller’s former elite team would be facing off against the minis, and, per the usual, ugliness and petty shenanigans ensued. Do we think she’s going to end up going to jail?

On the day of competition, the elite team squares off against the minis. Abby instructs the veteran moms to have their daughters write a list of why they hate her so much. Holly Frazier won’t stand to be spoken to in such a manner in front of the girls, and she ushers everyone into the venue. Jill Vertes uses Abby’s words against her, reminding her that everyone is replaceable. Abby is confident that her minis are better at their age and the elite team was back when they were six. The veteran moms question whether the mini moms are okay with Abby’s behavior and they are met with hemming and hawing from the newbies. Ashlee suggests that the women present a united front so Abby cannot treat their daughters badly. Before the competition, the elite girls are in good spirits and glad to be away from Abby and her meanness.

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Sierra-Storm-Confessional-Curly-Hair-Below-Deck

Below Deck sailed back into the choppy waters of Kyle Dixon‘s storyline last night, offering us a glimpse of his girlfriend, Ashley, when she came aboard Valor for a visit. (And got pitied by Sierra Storm.) Meanwhile, Kelley Johnson faces the wrath of Captain Lee Rosbach after botching a guest excursion – wrath that ultimately turns into a shakeup among the exterior crew’s ranks.

Kate Chastain also lives to regret setting Ben Robinson and Emily Warburton-Adam up when she realizes that their budding romance is interfering with work. But Ben and Emily are too smitten with each other to notice – or care! They’ve got gaudy bouquets of flowers to smell! They’ve got hashtags to perfect! #BemilyIsActuallyHappeningPeople #ImTotallySerious

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Tom and Jax

Vanderpump Rules is having some sort of quarter life crisis. While Stassi Schroeder is playing the adoring sycophant, Katie Maloney is attempting to reinvent herself as season 1 and 2 Stassi. It’s a piss-poor imitation though because Katie lacks the razor-sharp edge and sheer cunning wit required to pull off Stassi-ness, not to mention Katie lacks the conviction with which Stassi conducted herself as empress of the skirtsteaks. Also Katie doesn’t own a statement necklace which is like the scrunchie of SUR.

Katie is a mere “Fetch,” trying to force herself to happen as the leader of the SUR tribe, except she’s nothing but a sheep in wolf’s clothing. And she needs to give Stassi back her fur.

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