Lizzie Rovsek tried to have an elegant dinner party for her classy TV friends, except she didn’t have any classy TV friends to invite so she just stuck with her co-stars. Lizzie decorated her parent’s beach house with a beautiful table setting and hired fire dancers to perform. Her husband Christian made a lovely toast, the food looked delicious, and the drinks stiff. But it was the company… oh it’s that bad company that gets you in trouble every time!
Before we get to another one of Bravo’s dinner parties from hell, lets backtrack. A Few Days Before…
Last night on Ladies of London the women got a lesson in etiquette and then promptly forgot everything they learned. The divide between Caprice Bourret and Caroline Stanbury widened. And Noelle Reno continued to stir the pot. It’s what she does best.
We begin at Slades Farm, Annabelle Neilson’s home. She has checked herself out of the hospital and is recovering from her accident. Caroline arrives with gifts: DVD’s and a huge TV. Where was Caroline when I was sick? Annabelle is doing well, all things considered. She asks what’s going on, namely with the Caprice situation. Caroline tells her how Noelle and Marissa are planning a baby shower/going away party for Caprice. She’s still irked by it. Annabelle advises her to take the high road. Caroline doesn’t think she can, but Annabelle urges her to do it.
Last night it was V-Day for Mimi Faust and Nikko on Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta, and of course, by “V” I mean Vivid! The pair’s sex tape was released, and Mimi is beside herself as to how this will effect her daughter later in life. At least her acting is getting better!
Mimi takes Eva to Stevie J.’s so she can figure out her next move. Poor Eva doesn’t have much going for her in the parent department, but she sure is a cutie pie, and she’s good at remembering her lines! Mimi reiterates once again that she’ll be able to provide for her daughter’s future, and while it may not be the best way, it’s HER way. Stevie gives the same speech about how he’s being the best dad he can be while jumping with Eva on a jump castle. I guess jump castles trump child support…
Joseline Hernandez is channeling her energy into a boob-fueled shopping spree. She is still planning a getaway where she can whoop it up with K. Michelle. What happened to her new show? Joseline calls K. Michelle to complain about her marital woes, and K invites her to New York to forget her worries for a while. K. Michelle reminds her that New York would be a great place to make more connections for her music, but Joseline is more focused on meeting men for pleasure…not business. Don’t call it a crossover. It’s a girls’ weekend! Woo hoo!
It’s go time! In Game of Crowns’preview special, we were introduced to the cast of middle-aged, um, beauty queens who are in contention for this season’s Mrs. America pageant. Here’s the formula for this show: Toddlers and Tiaras, plus 40 years, minus any Trace of Youthful Innocence, plus Plastic Surgery = Game of Crowns! Let’s get started.
We open at Shelley Carbone’s Connecticut house, where she’s practicing saying the word, “prestigious” in the mirror while wearing a crown and sash. Fellow former competitor Vanassa Sebastian arrives, blinking and smiling as much as her frozen facial features allow. She reminds us that she is a certified nurse anesthetist and puts people to sleep for a living. Vanassa asks the viewers, “What other Mrs. America contestant can say that they pass gas for a living?” Groan.
On last night’s episode of Keeping up with the Kardashians we saw an emotional Khloe Kardashianreach her breaking point. From admitting to Lamar Odom’s affairs, packing up her home and facing hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of stolen jewelery, Khloe cracked under the pressure and gave in to some old vices.
Things kick off with Kourtney Kardashian and her half paralyzed face. Kourtney is distressed by her latest disaster with the dentist. Khloe however, is too busy snapping pics on her phone and threatening to use them at a later date. #Blackmail (see the video below)
We open with Melissa Gorgawatching the news of Teresa and Joe heading to court to plead guilty to a 41-count federal indictment for a staggering number of financial frauds. Melissa, proving she’s no more an actress than a pop star, pretends to be shocked and worried for Teresa. Melissa vows to be there for Teresa.
She calls her on the phone where Teresa is stirring a pot of colored water on the stove because the script read ‘pretend to cook ingredientzes’. Melissa expresses her concern and Teresa says they haven’t pled to anything yet, while Gia sits there with tears filling her eyes. I am really sad to see that reports were true and Teresa will indeed be filming how the legal situation affects her daughters.
Hey! Remember on last week’s Sister Wives when Kody got showered in waste at the RV park? Good times for sure! The Browns are on their way across country to meet a Christian polygamist family whose faith isn’t rooted in Mormon principles. This guy is living Kody’s dream. He once got his wife to bake for him and then complained while she was baking that she wasn’t available to cuddle. What will remedy that? Another wife! Who is this guy and how stupid are his wives?
Kody is sporting a fancier version of his usual denim button down. It’s got embroidery on it. Christine is a bit wary about driving across country to meet a family they don’t know. Janelle is happy to mingle with like-minded people. In the dark of night, the families meet, and Kody is beside himself trying to impress the cool Nathaniel Richard and his wives. From what I gather, he only has two wives. They admit to living a secret life, but the Richards share that there are a lot of plural families living in Missouri.
The Richards kids channel their best Sound of Music as they march their way through roll call. The families share a Passover meal where they celebrate (?) beasts and boils. Nathaniel is only thirty-three, and the Brown wives remember just how bright-eyed and idealistic Kody was at his age. From what I gather, the Richard family won’t be getting a spin-off any time soon. They aren’t hip even by Meri standards, and one of the wives is sporting a straight-up banana clip. Someone get this lady a scrunchie so we can at least bring her into the early 90s!
They’re called Mrs. Pageants. And they look like they’re going to be the perfect combo of women-of-a-certain-age shellacking themselves and each other into dresses and hairpieces, meaty husbands supporting (threatening?) them in the background, poor-man’s Vegas costumes, and a healthy sprinkling of good ole fashioned backstabbing. Game of Crowns is a hot mess, missus style.
We meet Vanassa Sebastianfirst, the alpha female of the group, a breast cancer survivor and Native American from the Passamaquoddy tribe. Vanassa is no pageant virgin, having competed and placed in a former Mrs. America pageant, and formerly won Mrs. Connecticut. Vanassa’s husband, Brian, co-owns Foxwood Resort & Casino (Where my uncle goes to play the dollar slots on the regular. My aunt does not approve. Foxwoods is spoken of in hushed tones in our family circle.).