Recaps

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Teen Mom 2 is trucking along and it’s a lot of the same old same old. Kailyn Lowry and ex Javi Marroquin were on good terms as of last episode, but we all knew that wouldn’t last long and low and behold, it hasn’t thanks to Javi requesting child support. Briana DeJesus is still feeling stressed and overwhelmed that baby daddy Luis isn’t stepping up to the plate and having an upcoming baby shower doesn’t change that. Leah Messer is seeing Ali’s specialist to get some answers on her recent breathing issues and Chelsea DeBoer is guiding Aubree through her last day of first grade. Finally, we have Jenelle Evans and the never ending drama between her and mother Barb about seeing Jace. It’s not quite as bad as last week’s blow up but clearly, there are plenty of leftover feelings in play.

Starting with Kail and Javi, Kail decides that since they are cool (for now), Javi can come over and spend some time with the boys. How nice of her! She is also relieved he’s coming over because she has a lot to do. While she starts to paint the baby’s room, Javi takes Isaac and Lincoln outside and helps Isaac learn to ride his bike. It’s going great and Javi has to ask Kail to come outside to see. She agrees but tells him to make it quick. Once she sees Isaac riding, she is super excited for him and Javi dutifully runs beside him in the street, making sure he’s safe from falling.

Kelly feuds With Meghan

On last night’s Real Houseiwves Of Orange County we were all shocked when Kelly Dodd flipped her gender-bending shit and called Meghan Edmonds a bad mom because of her shit-stirring. I mean, talk dirty to me indeed, right?!

This is frustrating because Kelly is in the right about Meghan’s behavior but, as always, Kelly’s delivery and her viciousness get the better of her!

The whole thing started off so promisingly – in a baby store. Amid queries about sleigh cribs or modern cages, Kelly joked with Meghan that perhaps she’s “a lesbo” after a drunken kiss with Shannon Beador. Kelly and Meghan guffaw like Kelly ‘s kiss with Shannon is so trendy and cool, instead of waving from the caboose on Katy Perry’s “I Kissed A Girl” train. More prescient is how quickly Kelly and Shannon moved from mortal enemies to K-I-S-S-ING. First comes hate, then comes love, then comes Meghan in the middle!

90 Day Fiance Recap: Couples Tell All, Part 2

Happy Labor Day! In honor of the long weekend, 90 Day Fiance has brought us another gruesome installment of the reunion from hell for us to feast upon. Hooray! Shaun Robinson is back with the gang to talk over people call them out about their intentions, and to stop Loren from taking over as host. Because that chick came to these couches with an agenda, as last week certainly revealed. Loren isn’t quite done berating Anfisa about her gold-digging ways, however, even taking the fight backstage to browbeat Jorge. Good thing Jorge is used to being browbeaten – not to mention, actually beaten (why hasn’t anyone called Anfisa out on that sh*t yet, by the way?!)

But first, Russ needs to go find his wife, who dramatically marched off stage last week after he blabbed that she’s not getting much work as a model these days. Instead of addressing the obvious (both of their total fakery), Russ and Paola play-act backstage, rehashing the lingerie argument for the thousandth time. After they exhaust themselves with reciting their very limited lines, they are whisked backstage with the rest of the group to take five. Because (cue the Friday The 13th music) it’s time for Danielle and Mohamed to face off ALONE. Even Walmart Tom can’t save them now.

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It’s the day Jeff Lewis and Gage Edward have been waiting for! Not to mention we diehard Flipping Out fans, who have traveled a long journey with Jeff and the gang since he was just a relatively nameless OCD dude on a little network called Bravo. Last night delivered – both metaphorically and literally – a turning point in Jeff and Gage’s lives: the birth of their daughter, Monroe. And if you haven’t seen this episode yet, I’d suggest at least taking a peek at the birthing scene. The look on Gage’s face as Monroe makes her entrance into the world is incredible, and the new fathers holding their baby for the first time is about as sweet as it gets.

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If you watched last week’s premiere of Vanderpump Rules Jax & Brittany Take Kentucky, you probably already have a good idea of what every episode is going to be about: humiliating City Boy Jax Taylor while simultaneously pressuring him to marry Southern Belle Brittany Cartwright. If this sort of combination falls flat for you, you’re definitely not alone. I’m not really sure where this mini-show is going, but like every other Vanderpump junkie, I’m along for the ride, even though I’m watching a show about two people who are rumored to have already broken up. What can I say, I live for a good reality TV are-they-aren’t-they-still-together-for-the-sake-of-PR love story!

We rejoin our couple at the Welcome Home Bonfire on Mamaw’s farm. Jax is desperately trying to get everyone off his tail about whether or not he’s going to make an honest woman out of Brittany, so he does what Jax does best: create a diversion through lying! He pulls Sherri and Mamaw aside to show them the ring he is having designed for Brittany and says it’s “in the works” then they will pop out some kids. Despite supposedly having watched Vanderpump Rules and knowing what kind of a lying opportunist Jax can be, Sherri is about clearly more gullible than a turkey being invited to Thanksgiving dinner because she falls for it hook, line, and sinker. 

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I am shedding a single Lisa Rinna blue bunny tear over this season of The Real Housewives Of New York coming to an end. Thank god we have Luann de Lesseps‘ one-on-one special with Andy Cohen coming up next week to extend our stay in crazytown just a while longer! Until then, let’s relive last night’s final installment of the 3-part reunion, in which Sonja Morgan and Tinsley Mortimer decide whether Tinsley needs a life coach, Bethenny Frankel and Ramona Singer face off for round 742 of “I AM HAPPY! I AM KIND!” and Dorinda Medley tries to recall all of the things she did while in a blackout this year.

The night starts out with lots of sex. Well, at least talking about it – which these ladies love to do. Tape rolls on the innuendos, accusations, and droll dinner conversation that uncovered more than we want to know about everyone’s sexcapades. Andy wonders if this is the most oversexed or undersexed group he’s ever seen? While some regret their words, like Tinsley, who admitted she went too far in discussing her sex life with ex-husband, Topper, Sonja doesn’t regret a thing. But does Sonja like the back door more than the front door? She opens any door! As long as it’s not Tinsley’s hat delivery guy on the other side of it.

Dance Moms Recap - All Choked Up

Last night’s Dance Moms introduced us to a force of crazy the likes of which the ALDC has never seen. Who knew there would be a mother who could make Abby Lee Miller appear sane? Y’all know who I’m talking about, right? Yo-yolanda was in rare form on the latest episode, and that’s saying a lot given her peers. It’s very difficult to out-crazy crazy with these women!

Poor Laurieann Gibson. She’s really got her work cut out for her! After last week’s fourth place finish and dueling mothers, she is finally getting her feet wet. Laurieanne assembles the group for her version of Abby’s pyramid, which she has revamped as the A-list. Brynn is on the bottom with Kendall, but Laurieanne builds them up with positive reinforcement.  Camryn, Maesie “the black sheep”, and Kalani make up the middle of the A, with the minis on the next tier. Nia Frazier tops the A-list, and man, I just adore her. She’s so humble.

Real Housewives of Dallas recap

It’s Halloween time on The Real Housewives of Dallas and things get more scary than usual. A woman walks around in the nude painted as a tiger, a one horned devil roams Dallas, and an old friendship is resurrected from the dead.

Stephanie Hollman plots revenge on her husband Travis Hollman since he spent $5 mill on a house she didn’t approve of. She recruits a party planner, creates a signature drink, and green lights a “chandelier graveyard” running between $15-20k. Casual. With a theme of bad romance, Stephanie teases a glamorous, scary, and dark affair at her big ol’ mansion. While Stephanie writes out a blank check for her party, Cary Deuber is home with her young daughter Zuri, cooking and baking. Mark Deuber is impossible – looking for his glass of wine that isn’t waiting for him. Surely a home cooked meal will make up for it? No. He makes it a point to acknowledge it’s a not a big dinner, but luckily he ate a late lunch. [Insert eye roll gif of Court Westcott listening to his wife Kameron Westcott.]