Thanks to Karen for writing the recaps these past two weeks while I was on vacation! As my family and I enjoyed the sun and sea of the Caribbean, I tried to avoid the incessant forced fun that our resort staff was serving up. I’ll admit though, as I heard the strained shrieks from staff to “shake that booty!” by the pool bar, I wondered if Danny Zureikat was on the microphone? Because he would have been the MVP of that scene, FO SHO.
After catching up on these last weeks’ shows, it looks like Danny has been sent to his room without phone privileges. And he is running a fever. How…fitting. Meanwhile, it looks like Hannah Ferrier is clinging to any port in a storm – namely, Julia D’ Albert-Pusey’s castoff, the eternally goofy Bobby Giancola– after being summarily rejected byBen Robinson. I also gather that Bryan Kattenburg is still in First Place for Most Obnoxious Human (a close race, with this bunch!). So, for the motley crew of Below Deck Mediterranean, all is as it should be!
Other than the Bloody Vagina portions of the show, I loved last night’s Real Housewives Of New York. There was just the right mixture of drama and suspense, coupled with heart-felt friendship moments. WHAT WOULD RHONY DO WITHOUT DORINDA MEDLEY?! She is everyone’s friend in a meaningful way, never fake, and truly takes time to help these women without judgement. All Housewives shows need a Dorinda! In other happenings, Luann de Lesseps emancipated herself from trying to get into anyone’s good graces – she’s getting married and she don’t give a damn, so “F–k these bitches!” You heard it: Straight from the Countess’ mouth.
While Bethenny Frankel was preoccupied by bleeding about the groins, the other ladies were empowering their ovaries and realizing…screw this Bethenny Controlled Dictatorship – it’s mutiny time. Rise Up! They’ll go on their OWN trip. They’ll seize the sails and steer this ship in a new direction. The Countess went rogue and she don’t care about Carole RadziVille (said vaudville style).
In case you haven’t heard, not only is it hard to be famous, but it’s hard to be single. Remember guys, I’m using the term “famous” loosely. Either way, this is basically the long and the short of E!’s Famously Single and the show tries really hard to draw the correlation between being a D list celeb and that standing in the way of finding a healthy relationship.
In group therapy, Dr. Darcy Sterling thinks it’s time to talk about sex. Calum Best doesn’t seem to understand the difference between sex and a relationship and Willis McGahee says he doesn’t go into his relationships thinking he’s going to cheat, it just kind of happens. Aubrey O’Day, the enlightened being that she is, says she doesn’t have casual sex because it doesn’t do anything for her spirit. Brandi Glanville admits that she has a recycling bin of men that she can have sex with but it’s not casual, because she knows them. The group is shocked to learn that Pauly D has never made love, but really wants to and would like some tips. I have lots of tips when it comes to this dysfunctional bunch but I suppose that’s not the point of the recap.
When she finally catches up, Hannah expresses how upset she is that Chef Ben Robinson never sticks up for her. When everyone gets back to the ship, Hannah requests to speak with Ben outside and wants to define if they are work colleagues or friends. He dances around giving a specific answer and a tearful Hannah has nothing left to do but go to bed.
It may have originally been said by Alice Roosevelt Longworth, but last night, Andy Cohen was certainly channeling his inner Clairee Belcher who, in the best movie ever known to man (tied with Goonies, of course) cooed, “Well, you know what they say: if you don’t have anything nice to say about anybody, come sit by me!” That’s pretty much how it went down on the first hour of the Southern Charm reunion. Can I just say how thrilled I am that the crew finally got a proper reunion and wasn’t crammed into the WWHL clubhouse? Finally, right??
Before I get into the meat of the show, I’d like to make a few observations. I try not to share too much of my personal feelings (some of y’all may disagree with that statement, but I do try), but we all know a reunion is 30% footage and maybe 70% reaction, so I need a bit of filler. Y’all ready? People have commented before that I am too easy on the cast because I’m starstruck by people I could run into at Harris Teeter. You would be ninety percent correct.
Last night someone on Real Housewives Of Orange County was diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Of course that’s not surprising. At. All. But what is surprising is that Kelly Dodd claims it was her husband Michael, former COO of a massive company, who was the afflicted. Are we sure Kelly didn’t misread something? After all, she isVicki GunvlasonJr. – and we know how Vicki happens to misread medical documents!
Oh last night was a doozy. Everyone is on a yacht with Vicki fauxpologizing to Heather Dubrow about her presumed role in the Brooks assumed cancer scam. Obviously this conversation went on and on, but we got like 4 disjointed snippets of Vicktim pretending she has no idea why the women are angry with her after she admitted to seeing “red flags” but reacted by yelling, “Buy my cancer juice! Love my boyfriend! I Do! I DO! I DO! I DO! Oh wait – there’s no altar, but I do see a cross! I’m persecuted like Jesus! WOO HOO!”
Mercedes “MJ” Javid is still trying to process her (supposed) breakup with boyfriend, Tommy Feight, who I am actually starting to miss. There, I said it. Mike Shouhed is quickly losing hope that estranged wife, Jessica Parido, will make an appearance in Belize after an awkward invite from resident sh*t-stirrer,Reza Farahan. Finally, not to be out done in the “drama that doesn’t really need to be so dramatic” category, Golnesa “GG” Gharachedaghi went off on her last ally, Shervin Roohparvar, when he got tired of watching her pound drinks and smoke ciggs and simultaneously complain about rheumatoid arthritis treatments that may or may not be exaggerated.
“Nothing is off limits,” she said. “A two hour honest discussion,” she said. All I heard coming out of Erica Hill’s mouth at the beginning of last night’s Sister Wives tell-all was “TWOHOURSTWOHOURSTWOHOURS!!!” But, if we’re going to get some dirt on the Browns, I’m in for sure. The sit down starts with the easy stuff…Kody and Robyn’s new daughter Aria. Kody brags about how much the baby loves him, and Janelle and Christine get emotional seeing footage of the birth for the first time. The group discusses hospital births in the polygamist community, and Kody says he’s ready to grow up and stop having kids, although he realizes the decision is out of his hands. Robyn plays coy about whether she will have more children.
Erica highlights Robyn’s feisty behavior throughout her pregnancy, and Kody seems genuinely peeved that his other wives found her curtness towards him to be hilarious. The group jokes about the perks of the women overlapping with their pregnancies since it allowed Meri to help breast feed Maddie when Janelle didn’t produce enough milk. While that didn’t bond the pair back in the day, Meri and Janelle are now working on their relationship. When asked if they consider themselves to be friends Janelle quietly nods as Meri offers up an unconvincing, “I think so.” Janelle cites that Christine is the good common denominator that helped them get along. When Erica asks about individual relationships, Kody doesn’t understand the question. As he tries to talk over Christine, his giggly third wife patiently explains what Erica was asking. Erica already seems over Kody.