Recaps

Celebrity Big Brother

It’s day 7 on Celebrity Big Brother and we’re waking up to a night of regrets and headaches. Nicola McLean wonders if her husband will be annoyed, and when told she’ll have some explaining to do, she retorts that she gets a free pass due to his indiscretions anyway. Angie Best tells son Calum Best off for drinking so much and tells him his liver can’t deal with it. I really wish he would let this side of his character out more; the relationship with his mum is so cute.

And it is this that leads us on to the task of the day. Angie, who has been personal trainer to the likes of Priscilla Presley and Cher, is asked to choose the unhealthiest housemates and run a detox program with them. Her choices (victims) are James C, Coleen, Ray J, Brandon, and Calum. Housemates will not be able to smoke, drink alcohol, or eat unless Angie tells them they can. Obviously they’re thrilled. Helped by Angie saying Ray J has put notable weight on since being in the house.

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Lisa Rinna confronts Kim Richards

Last night’s Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills was all about mind games and the women who play them. I am becoming curiouser and curiouser about this Dorit Kemsley though, which coincidentally coincides with me getting less and less enamored with Eileen Davidson.

Things continue at Camille Grammer‘s Luncheon From Hell, which really wasn’t all that hellish after all. It kind of fizzled and popped, then went flat like day-old Perrier. What Dorit wanted to finish telling Eileen is that she feels constantly on the defense with these women. I feel like it’s true that Dorit is under laser-focus, but I also feel like Dorit is trying too hard, then imagines people are constantly scrutinizing her. Her affiliation with the sleaziness that is PK doesn’t help.

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Julie-Montagu-Plaid-Shirt-Sophie-Stanbury-Back-Kitchen-Ladies-Of-London

It’s time for the Ladies Of London to head to Scotland this week, as Caroline Stanbury hosts a trip – with NO house rules and (gasp!) a RENTED castle – for her friends and enemies before moving to Dubai. Julie Montagu, of course, feels preyed upon by Caroline’s digs about rules and such, but finds that her former ally, Sophie Stanbury, is not interested in gossiping with her anymore about Caroline. What’s a future Lady Of The Manor to do?! Cry in her kitchen. That’s what.

Testing her loyalty right off the bat, Julie has Sophie over for wine – and whining. She’s pissed about Caroline telling her she’s going to show her “how to have a good time” in Scotland, versus the crap time she had at Mapperton. Julie snarked back that she’ll try to not walk out of Caroline’s dinner. Touche! But then she sobs about Caroline picking on her again, and Sophie draws the line. She’s extracting herself from this mess, pronto, advising Julie to fix her sh*t with Caroline all by herself.

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Summer House premiere - Wirkus Twins

If Bravo tricked you into checking out Summer House by adroitly tucking it onto the end of Vanderpump Rules, then you are in luck because here is a recap.

If you haven’t yet been wooed by the idea of men-children in tight white chinos paired with pastel polo shirts, then I implore you to tune in OnDemand, if only to better appreciate this recap. Because taking a cue from any good Bravolebrity, everything is about Me! Me! Me! Even Summer House. Last night we got our first taste of Montauk living from a bunch of late-twenty/early-thirty something New Yorkers who spend their summers in a rented mansion partying, playing girls (and each other), and wearing pastels.

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Celebrity Big Brother recap

It’s nomination day in Celebrity Big Brother house. The housemates get to nominate for the first time and things are about to get real.

But before those fun and games, we open to Coleen Nolan, James Jordan, and Calum Best discussing the argument last night. Coleen explains that she was just trying to make Jamie O’Hara feel better and apologizes for upsetting him. Calum explains his point, that it was just another label he had wanted to escape from in the house, and that he understands now why it was all said. It was all very civilized and British, and everyone is happy and lovely again.

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Stassi in Montak

On last night’s Vanderpump Rules, we learned that Stassi Schroeder‘s problems with men run deep. Like down in the beautiful, briny sea deep. She’s also being strangled in turtleneck-form by her own ill-advised hubris.

Now, I must do a disclaimer with this recap: Do not expect my usual greatness of prose mixed with pearls of wisdom, as I have the worst cold I have ever had in my human existence. And I feel like garbage. Like what Tequila Katie (minus Tom 2) may smear on Scheana Marie‘s overly-contoured face.

Can we talk about Scheana? Ho-ly does that girl need a ‘stink face’ removal procedure. Didn’t anyone warn her that her face will freeze that way if she makes a poop face immediately after getting Botox? I mean, I get it – she has a hard-earned summer body to protect, but lighten up and eat a lil’ clam. I hear Kristen Doute loves them.

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Teen Mom 2 Recap - Kail Lowry

This week is a little bit of a cease fire on Teen Mom 2. Jenelle Evans and Nathan Griffith have resolved one issue in court (assault) and seem to be on their way to resolving custody of son Kaiser out of court (sort of). Meanwhile, Kailyn Lowry and Javi Marroquin don’t have much to say to one another. It’s obviously the beginning of the end for these two when it comes to playing out on TV but it is still unclear exactly when the marriage started to really go south. Maybe all will be revealed in the episodes to come.

As we join Kail, she’s trying to prepare the boys for Javi to come home while juggling college courses and cleaning up dog vomit. You would think after having two little boys, Kail would be better equipped to deal with some dog barf but she recoils from the situation with more fear than she did jumping out of that plane! But Kail has big things going on in her life to focus on. According to Dr. Drew (how involved is he is these poor girls’ lives?), Kail would be the first teen mom EVER to graduate from a four year college. Coupled with the fact that Kail’s mom never went to college, Kail is super motivated to finish school and while Javi might not be around, luckily Jo Rivera and Vee Torres are around to help pick up Isaac from school and cheer on Kail. It’s nice to see how well they are all getting along and creating their own modern family.

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pizza

Well the Celebrity Big Brother trailers are promising a good one tonight so we can only sit back and think of England….or America…wherever.

We open with the gratuitous scenes of Jasmine and Bianca working out.  Can’t miss an opportunity clearly.  And I don’t just mean for the cameraman, I’m sure the girls know exactly what they’re doing.  Especially when they ask a watching Jedward (one of them at least) and Jamie to help ‘spot’ them.  I presume they mean help, rather than eye-spy.  I smell ‘camera-time’.